She followed him into the large bathing suite where he opened the taps to run a bath in the huge tub. Knowing she delighted in such things, he turned to her and found her standing, still clothed.
“I’ll be out shortly.”
“This has gone on long enough. What the seven hells is wrong? Is it me? You’re disgusted by what my father has done and you think I’m capable of that?”
She gasped and took a step back, nearly falling. He reached out quick to grab her.
“No! I would never think that. You’re good. Honorable and strong. You’ll do right by these people.”
Relief swept through him enough to loosen the tension in his muscles as he began to unbutton her shirt, though she tried to move away.
“If you don’t tell me, how can I fix it? Hold still.”
She slapped at his hands. “I can handle it myself. I don’t need your pity.”
“Now you’re making me mad. Pity? Is that what you think this is? Are you so selfish you can’t understand I had to take care of a million things today? After I watched my mother die? You can’t give me some time to do something else but be with you?”
She went ramrod stiff and he regretted the words, but it was too late; they hung in the air between them, pushing them apart.
“Get out.”
“Not until we talk.”
“You’ve said enough. Now get out or I will.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I’m concerned about you.”
“Get out!” She screamed it so loud it echoed from the marble and Julian burst into the room.
“What’s wrong?”
“Get out. Get out. Get out!” She shoved at them both and slammed the door, locking it.
“What did you do?” Julian asked him, looking back to the door.
“I don’t know. Well, that’s not entirely true. I hurt her feelings. Fuck. Fuck. I am so tired I can’t see straight.”
He could hear her crying on the other side of the door. Even so, he was relieved when she got into the tub.
“This isn’t over, baby. I’m going to get you some clean clothes and then we’re all going to sit down and eat and talk this out.”
“Fuck off!”
Julian sighed. “We’re all tired and strung out today, baby.” He pulled Vincenz close and hugged him. “We’ll talk this over and work it through and all of us will sleep awhile. She’s seen a lot today. I know you have too.” He brushed a kiss over Vincenz’s lips.
A knock at the door signaled the arrival of the food. An elderly woman he remembered from the kitchens long, long ago was with the man who brought the cart in. “Miss Hannah mentioned how much you loved these cakes. I remembered that from when you was a wee boy.”
She had? He smiled at the sight of the cakes, and the idea Hannah had made mention of it. “Thank you. I do indeed have a weakness for them. I remember you. Vina, right?” He took both her hands and she blushed.
“Yes, that’s right. So glad to have you home and, if you’ll permit my boldness, to have a man like you in charge. Your mother will be mourned, but your arrival will be rejoiced. We raised the mourning flags earlier. Miss Hannah reminded one of the stewards about it and he got to it right away.”
His agitation washed away, replaced by tenderness that even a world away from home, she took care of him.
“Thank you.”
“There’s tea. Drink it because I made it special for you. It’ll quiet your nerves some. Make sure to get some protein into Miss Hannah. She ran herself ragged today.”
“She did? What did she do, Vina?”
“Oh, well, she came into the kitchens to find cloths to clean up. Poor bird was covered in blood.” He needed to remember his people … gods, yes, his people … were far more matter-of-fact about death than many in the Federation were. “And when she got in there she set it all to rights. Made sure we sent you up food and snacks to keep you going all day. Made sure that one”—she motioned to Julian—“also kept his strength up with food and drink. She dealt with the mourning flags and the preparation of your mother’s body and things. Took care of that secret hidey-hole of your father’s too. Oh, and next time you walk down the hall of heroes, you should note your portrait is up again. Your mother had one secreted away; I told Miss Hannah where it was. She’s a good girl. Loves you.”
He sighed. No wonder she’d looked so fatigued. “Thank you for saying so. Did you see anything today that could have upset her somehow?”
Vina frowned. “No, sir. She made friends. Tended to a burn one of the cooks had. Was on her little comm for hours on end when she wasn’t running around. Is she unwell? Can I help?”
Of course Hannah had already become someone the staff took to.
“No, thank you, Vina. I appreciate your coming up. It’s good to see you here.”
They set up the meal and left quietly.
Hannah couldn’t avoid it a moment longer. She’d been in the tub so long she’d gone pruny and the water had gone cold. Even taking her time drying her hair could only go on so long. She had no clean clothes to change into and Vincenz was right outside.
Her anger at him had long since burned off and all that remained was her guilt. Her guilt and shame over her failure to save Esta. She’d never forget the entreaty in his eyes as he’d begged her to save his mother. And the desolation when she couldn’t.
Her hands shook as she remembered the way he’d shoved her hands back when he’d slung himself over Esta’s body as he shook with sobs.
After she’d transmitted the data back to Ravena, she’d gone up to the labs to be sure the decontamination process was being handled correctly. She’d been successful at destroying all the live virus, but she wanted to be sure the entire place was sterilized and everything that came and went was clean.
And then she’d tried to go. Had tried all day, but no one could be spared. She would have walked but the gates had been locked down. The portal had been closed to traffic once Vincenz had taken over.
So she’d gone to the kitchen to clean up most of the blood and Vina had taken to her immediately, plying her with some soup along with the clean blouse and the apron to go over her skirts.
That’s when she’d decided to be sure the mourning flags went up, remembering how they’d done for her grandmother’s death. It was while she was overseeing the removal of Esta’s body that Esta’s personal maid had come to Hannah to show her the cache well hidden in the passage behind Esta’s rooms. The very same they’d arrived through. Just a few steps more and she’d found the portrait of Vincenz.
It had taken up time, kept her busy enough not to think. Julian had seen her for a few scant minutes in the late afternoon. He’d taken a walk with her over the west-facing ramparts. He’d been distracted, but she held his hand, loving the contact, loving that he’d come to her, seeking her out even for those stolen moments.
The lock turned over and Vincenz stood at the door. “My patience is exhausted.” He handed her a pile of clothes. “Put these on. There’s a meal waiting along with Julian and me.”
She stood, still, until he sighed and left her alone to change.
Julian came in just as she finished. “Why you got your mad on, beautiful Hannah?” He took her hand and kissed her fingertips before wrapping it around his arm and steering her out of the room and toward Vincenz.
“I’m not mad. Not anymore. I deserved what was said.”
Vincenz cocked his head, looking her over. “I don’t like this Hannah. My Hannah would have told me to fuck off, like you did earlier.”
Julian sat her down between them and Vincenz handed her a glass of mulled wine. It warmed her insides, gave her something to do with her hands. “Eat too. We saved you some meat and bread. And then you’ll tell us both why you won’t even look me in the eyes.”
“How can I?” She put the wine down. “How can I when I know you must hate me and I don’t think I could take it to see it in your eyes?”
He took her chin to tip it so he c
ould see her face. “Do you see hate in my eyes? Hate of the most precious thing in the world to me? What are you thinking? How can you say that?”
“I didn’t save her.” The tears she thought she’d run out of came back with a fury. “You needed me and I failed you. I tried. I did. But it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t good enough when you needed the best, and she’s dead and it’s my fault.”
He sat back, shock on his features. “I’m at a loss.”
Julian smoothed a hand over her hair, moved closer so that his entire side brushed up against hers.
“The only person at fault for my mother’s death was Ciro Fardelle. He’s dead. She made him pay for it. Don’t you think I know how hard you tried to save her? Do you think my love for you is so thin I’d blame you for something you couldn’t control? Do you believe I’d send you away, that I’d want to send you away because you weren’t able to save a woman who was already dead by the time we arrived?”
He brushed the pad of his thumb over her bottom lip.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know anything. I …” It really only highlighted how messed up she was and she hated it.
“Stop. Stop it right now. I love you, Hannah. You fill all those empty spaces I had before you. You and Julian have become my home when I was sure I’d never have one again. What a pair we make, no? Me worried you’d both think less of me because of what Ciro had done. You worried I’d think less of you for not being superhuman. But in reality, we’re a lot alike. Footholds in both worlds, both filled with positives and negatives. Thank the gods for Julian to balance us out, eh?”
Julian snorted, hugging them both. “Balance is indeed what we bring to the others. You soothe my anger, make me understand there is more to bring me joy in my future. I worry Vincenz will have no place for us now that he’s here.”
Hannah looked back and forth between them. “Me as well.”
Vincenz groaned. “And me. I worry you two will reject this place and go back to your lives in the Federation. Live without me. It’s one of the main reasons I hesitated to say yes. You can be a doctor here, Hannah. I mean, I understand that the Imperium has brought you pain and has taken the people you love. The people Julian loved. The people I loved too. I’ll need men here I can trust in my inner circle, Julian. You’re good with people on top of being an excellent soldier. I’d be risking Ellis’s wrath for snatching you away from Phantom Corps, but I’d like you to be here. With me. Both of you.”
Hannah’s heart, which had been so heavy, lightened as she threw her arms around both of them. “Only if you’re sure. Once I accept you’re stuck with me. I’m not likely to ever be easy to live with. I may slam doors in your face and say very bad words when you annoy me.”
She blushed. “I’m going to be irrational and demanding. We’re going to get into spats and sometimes I will be wrong. I may actually admit it when I am but don’t count on it.”
Vincenz barked a laugh. “I’ve noticed these things. And yet, where would I be without you? Hm? The Hannah shaped spot in our lives would be empty and cold instead of warm and willing?”
Vincenz kissed her forehead and tipped her chin up. This time she met his gaze and saw what she’d been afraid she was only imagining before. Acceptance and love. Shadows, yes. Pain and loss, yes. But love.
Julian laughed, kissing them both. “I’ll accept that very fine offer. Hannah, you and Vincenz are something wholly unexpected and I’d never let that go.” He looked to Vincenz. “And you? The idea of serving with you, of helping you fill the role you were born to? To work with you at your side to build the Imperium into something better and stronger? That’s something I want very much.”
“Looks like we’re stuck with you, Hannah.” Vincenz grinned and she nodded, accepting it once and for all. “I’m your lid.”
Julian paused and then dipped to kiss her bottom lip. “How’s that?”
“Arch told me his wife was his lid. I’m your lid.” She shrugged and Julian looked to Vincenz, who appeared as puzzled as he felt.
She sighed. “Silly. Every person has their fit with someone else. Every pot has a lid. I’m your lid. Both of you.”
Which made Julian pretty damned happy. “Yes. Yes, that’s it exactly.”
Someone knocked on the outer door and Julian knew their moment of peace had passed. The real world had intruded again. They had a big job to do.
Chapter 29
Nearly a week later, Roman Lyons signed the last of the papers before him and then turned to Vincenz, who did the same.
“A peace has been declared between the Federated Universes and the Imperium. House Lyons and House Cuomo has now been witnessed and entered into the record.”
Hannah watched Vincenz in his fancy uniform. The crest not of Fardelle but of Cuomo, the first to hold the Imperium. They’d decided it would be better that way. To embrace symbols of a better time and eschew those of repression and war. Julian stood to his left as Ellis stood to Roman Lyons’s right.
They’d only arrived at the Waystation that morning. She’d been debriefed about the virus, with Piper at her side, holding her hand as Julian and Vincenz had gone into the final negotiations for the peace accord.
After a great deal of hand shaking, a beautiful blonde pushed her way through the crowd to approach. Carina Haws, Vincenz’s sister.
“You’re Hannah! I’m so pleased to meet you at last.” Carina pulled her into a hug. “I hear you tended to my mother at the end. I wanted you to know that comforts me a great deal. That she passed from her life with Vincenz there, and you easing her pain … well, I’m thankful for it.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t save her.” That still weighed on her heart. Though she knew Vincenz did not blame her. Though she knew by the time they’d reached Esta it was far too late, it still hurt.
“I’m sorry you couldn’t save her either, but it was our father who bears the responsibility. Thank you, by the way, for supporting my brother in his choice to lead the Imperium.”
“Dear gods, what are you telling her about me?” Vincenz approached and put an arm around her shoulder. Julian joined on the other side, doing the same.
“Did you tell your sister we asked Hannah to marry us?” Multiple marriage was legal in the Imperium, though until then it had been used for multiple wives. Vincenz had been open about his relationship with both Hannah and Julian, which had surprised and pleased Julian deeply.
He had gone to Vincenz two evenings before after a long negotiation session and had said he wanted them all to be together officially. Vincenz had pulled out two rings, one that had belonged to his great grandfather and one that had belonged to his YaYa and had confessed he’d wanted the same.
Hannah went stiff and then she spun, looking up at both of them. “What?”
“Hannah, Vin and I have decided you should marry us. We have the papers. Funny how fast that happens when you’re the big boss.” Julian winked at Vincenz. “So what do you say? If we don’t tie you to us really quickly, you’re sure to get snatched up by one of your seeming millions of fans.”
Carina laughed, clearly delighted. Hannah’s eyes were wide, filled with excitement and a lot of happiness. Julian allowed that last bit of fear to fall away.
“All right then. But I still get to use the bath first before you two each day.” She’d healed a great deal since they’d first brought her home, but occasionally she had panic attacks. The big bathtub was her place of refuge after a hectic day and he certainly had no complaints about his woman being naked and wet when he came home to her.
“That was suspiciously easy.” Vincenz looked her over.
“I’ll tell you a secret.” Hannah leaned in toward them both. “I’m suspiciously easy where you’re involved.”
“Of course we’ll have to go through all the Fardelle and Cuomo closets.” Carina stepped in between them, linking her arm with Hannah. “My grandmother had something of a collection. It’s probably down in the far north wing. I’m sure I won’t know how to act walking aroun
d in the palace when I don’t have to hide my every emotion. Daniel and I will be coming in a few days. We can look then.”
Carina steered Hannah off toward some of the others, chattering a mile a minute. Andrei approached and shook Vincenz’s hand. “Congratulations on the agreement. For what it’s worth, you’ll do a good job running things over there. Time for change.”
“Time for lots of changes. We’re taking it slow. But there will be a truth and reconciliation committee set up. Trials for those who don’t wish to participate. We can’t arrest everyone in the ’Verses for what they’ve done. But the men and women most responsible will have to stand up before the people and atone. We’ve got committees working on enhancing civil and human rights. It’ll take years, but each step forward is a victory.”
“By the time our sons are ready to lead, we’ll have made a mark on the world for the better.” Julian meant every word. He was proud of Vincenz, proud of his mind and his heart, of his limitless energy when it came to his people. Proud to call himself a member of the family and mean it.
He and Vin watched her as she floated around the room, shaking hands, leaning in to listen as people spoke. Her shy smile was a gift and he remembered back to the first time he’d realized there was a woman beneath all that pain. When he’d seen to the heart of her and had been captivated.
He wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Author’s Note
I mostly have this tracklist on shuffle as I work:
“Blackbird,” The Beatles
“On Your Own,” Blur
“Intimidated by Silence,” Cars & Trains
“I’m Every Woman,” Chaka Khan
“Beautiful,” Christina Aguilera
“Police on My Back,” The Clash
“The Game Has Changed,” Daft Punk
“Heroes,” David Bowie
“A Pain That I’m Used To,” Depeche Mode
“Walking In My Shoes,” Depeche Mode