“She was the absolute best dancer of all dancers ever,” I tell her emphatically.
Kadi nods quickly. “The bestest of the best.”
“The bestest,” I agree.
I look up and see Jace’s eyes filled with tears and notice that Summer has joined them. She’s smiling at us, but her emotions are easy to see as well.
So much love for this little girl. I am so grateful that if she had to lose her mother, she has such an amazing system of love and support to help her through it.
This. This is what I want to be for someone—someone that will be my child.
THREE WEEKS LATER, I see Summer as she’s heading out the door. Must be a work visit because she’s dressed conservative yet authoritative. I wonder who’s been with her. Jace isn’t home. As a matter of fact, I haven’t seen Summer here in a while. I wonder if she’s avoiding him… and why. I hope that guy didn’t screw this up.
“I’m so glad I caught you before I left,” she tells me.
“What’s up?”
“You and Ben have full approval to foster children.”
My heart leaps. “Seriously?”
She laughs, but she looks distracted. “Seriously. It’ll be all official after we’ve dotted all the I’s and crossed the T’s which will take more time. I’m sorry about that. ” She looks at her watch. “We’ll talk tonight. I’m running late.”
“Are you okay?” I ask. She seems more than distracted. She seems nervous, almost anxious and fidgety. That is definitely not Summer when it comes to her job.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. I just have three surprise home visits today. I’m worried for the children in the last home.”
I just nod. Really, I don’t know what to say to that.
She blows out a breath and composes herself. “Okay. Whew. Time to get a move on.”
“Be careful out there, Summer. If you need anything, you know who to call,” I remind her. We have so much security that if you breathe wrong they’re asking if you’re okay. Okay, I’m exaggerating—a little.
“Tonight!” she calls over her shoulder as she closes the door behind her.
Now I’m worried.
THE HOUSE IS TOTAL CHAOS when I walk in after class. I look at Ben.
“What’s going on?
Jace is pacing, running his fingers through his hair the way all these men seem to when they’re frustrated or worried.
Ben turns to me. “It’s Summer.”
“Oh God!”
“Summer’s alone?” Jace questions.
Cage shrugs. “That, I wasn’t privy to. Sorry.”
“I don’t even have her address. How am I supposed to—”
Cage cuts Jace off when he holds up a slip of paper.
Jace takes it. “Thanks. I keep saying that to you lately. I really don’t know how I can ever repay you.”
Cage stares him down.
“Yeah, yeah. I know. We won’t talk about this again,” Jace chuckles when I’d be hiding behind Ben. That stare can be scary sometimes.
“You owe me nothing,” Cage tells Jace. “It’s what we do.”
Family.
“Go,” Kennedy tells Jace.
“You don’t need the car?” Jace questions.
“Nah, I have a couple things to talk over with bossman.” Kennedy nods. “See you back at the house.”
“And don’t worry about Kadi. She’s going to spend the night with us. Sera insists,” Cage tells me as Jace heads out the door. He stops to ask, “Are you sure?”
“You want to call and ask Sera?” he asks with a small smirk.
“Hell no. I’m good. Then, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. If you need me—”
“I’ve got your number. Stop being a pussy and stalling and go see how she’s doing,” Cage tells Jace
I snicker. Cage calling Jace out is awesome.
“Give her our love, Jace,” I call behind him.
He waves a hand. “Will do.” With that, he’s gone.
CHAPTER FOUR
Nicole
SUMMER’S INJURIES HAVE HER off work for about three weeks. When she felt up to it, we took a trip to Joan’s to meet Maria and Antonio. The introduction was easy. It’s everything after that that’s difficult.
Ben and Antonio are playing with matchbox cars, seeing who can get theirs to race the farthest across the floor. I’m playing tea party with Maria. She’s so beautiful with her big dark eyes, dark hair, and button nose. Her laugh is infectious. I guess I thought she’d be more apprehensive with me. Then again there’s a good three feet between us at the tea table.
I’m sitting next to her when Joan brings in some cookies, setting a special plate at the tea party table. We each take a cookie. Maria takes a bite first. There’s a crumb on the side of her mouth, so I take my linen napkin and lean forward to wipe it off.
She does more than flinch. Her entire body recoils and she lets out a keening wail. She falls off her chair and begins crawling backward away from everyone and into a corner. She begins rocking, her knees locked to her chest and her arms tight around her knees. Her eyes are wide, more than frightened—petrified.
Joan hears and comes into the room.
“I was just going to wipe a crumb,” I tell Joan helplessly. I’m panicking inside, wondering how I could have done things differently. “I should have told her before I reached out. Such a stupid mistake.”
Joan walks over to me. “Relax, Nicole. You were having fun. It’s not stupid. I don’t think either of you expected this reaction.”
“What do I do?”
I look over to Ben whose eyes are filled with worry but continues to play with Antonio, keeping him distracted.
Joan touches my shoulder. “Approach her—slowly. Sit about four feet away, legs crossed, and your hands under your butt. This way she’ll feel safe. It’d take time for you to get out of that position, time she’d use to run. Then you engage her in conversation. Reassure her.”
I nod and do as she tells me. I look into Maria’s wide unseeing eyes and I want to cry for this poor baby. I hope some big guy named Bubba makes him his bitch in prison.
“Maria,” I say softly.
I repeat her name calmly, softly multiple times until she blinks and looks at me.
I smile at her. “Well, there you are. You disappeared for a few minutes.”
She’s still closed off but she’s looking at me now. The wailing has stopped as has the rocking.
“I only meant to wipe a crumb from the side of your mouth,” I inform her.
She quickly swipes her hand across her mouth then wraps that arm back around her knees.
“I’m sorry, Maria.”
She looks up at me warily, confused. I doubt anyone’s ever apologized to her for anything. Another thing I plan to fix.
“I’m sorry. I should have let you know I was going to remove the crumb,” I say.
Her brows furrow.
“I wouldn’t ever hurt you, sweetheart. I promise you. Never, ever will you be hurt like that again.”
She stares at me and I remain silent, letting her process what I’ve just said.
Antonio comes walking over, Ben following behind. Ben sits exactly as I am and Antonio sits by Maria.
He cocks his head to the side. “You promise? Mommy always told us you can’t break a promise.”
“We promise. Both of us,” Ben insists. Maria looks at him, inspecting. If she sees what I see, she sees kind eyes. Kind eyes that belong to a man who would never raise a hand to a child.
Antonio looks at Maria. He nudges her with his shoulder and she looks at him in question. He leans in and cups a hand by her ear then whispers something. When he leans back, Maria nods then looks at us.
“Mommy said you need to pinky swear,” Maria whispers. Antonio nods his agreement.
“Okay,” I reply.
Ben and I slowly pull our right hands out from under our butts. I want nothing more to shake it out to get the blood flowing and eliminate the pins and needles
feeling, but I don’t. I rest my elbow on my knee and hold up my pinkie, taking care not to make a fist of any kind. Ben follows suit.
Then we wait. And wait. And wait.
Antonio takes a deep breath and slowly crawls over to us. He wraps his tiny pinkie finger around Ben’s large one and tears fill my eyes. Just that was a huge feat for him, but it was one step closer to trust. He wraps his pinkie around mine and I smile and give him a wink. He smiles back and tries to wink but keeps blinking instead.
“How do you do that?” he asks, blinking like a baby bird.
“One day I’ll teach you.” I gently squeeze his pinkie. “Promise.”
He nods then looks back and Maria. She swallows—hard, so hard you can see it happen. I can see her body shaking and I wish I could wrap her up in my arms and show her what love really feels like. I’m sure her mother gave it to her, but her father’s beatings likely made her forget.
She crawls slowly then stops next to her brother. She lets out a shuddering breath. Maria reaches for me first, her sweet little finger curving around mine. I smile softly at her and she lets out a breath of relief.
Then she looks at Ben who somehow managed to make himself look smaller. He gives Maria a soft look, the one that lured me to him in the beginning. She very slowly approaches him, his large frame dwarfing hers. She holds her breath as she twists her pinkie around his.
Ben smiles at her and whispers, “I promise.”
As if she can’t help it, all the air she’s been holding comes out in one rushed exhale.
“I really, really promise,” he reassures her and it works because she becomes totally unaware of the fact that their pinkies are still hooked.
Joan walks over. “What do you think Antonio and Maria? When all the grown up boring stuff is finished, would you like to go live with Ben and Nicole? Their house is very big and there are tons of people living there.”
I grin. “Including Summer and Kadi.”
“Kadi!” Maria cheers.
“You will have separate rooms and Jace and Summer will take care of Kadi in theirs, but you’ll be in the same house,” Joan explains.
“Can I bring my dinosaurs and cars?” Antonio asks.
“Darling, you can bring anything you want,” Joan tells him. “We’d like to make this your forever home. What do you think about that?”
“They pinkie promised to not hurt us,” Maria whispers.
“Oh, well,” Joan begins. “Then things are perfect because Ben and Nicole take their pinkie promises very seriously.”
“For real?” Antonio asks.
“For real-real,” Joan answers.
Maria and Antonio look at each other, not saying a word but yet saying so much. Then they take each other’s hand and look at us.
Antonio nods. “Okay.”
“Do you have tea party there?” Maria asks me softly.
“I’ll make sure we have the best tea party ever,” I tell her, trying so hard not to cry. She looks less sad than when we got here. Thank the heavens for that.
Maria yawns.
“Looks like nap time,” Joan announces. “Thank you for coming. I know Maria and Antonio had a fun time with you today.”
Both Maria and Antonio nod.
“We had fun with you today, too,” Ben and I say at the same time, then chuckle at each other.
“Have a good nap,” I tell them.
Maria stands up and rubs her eyes, then turns to follow Joan out of the room. She stops and turns around to look at us.
“Will you come back tomorrow?” she asks.
I nod. I can’t speak. This is up to Ben.
“You bet we will, sweetheart. We’ll be here.” He holds up his pinkie and she gives him what I like to think is a small smile. It’s barely there, but I can see it.
Joan and the children leave the room. Ben and I stand up and he immediately engulfs me in his arms and I let the tears fall.
“Shhh, shhh,” he coos. “This was good, babe. So good.”
I nod in agreement against his chest. I look up at him. “Very good.”
We wait by the front door for Joan, when she approaches she’s grinning from ear-to-ear. “Today was huge. They’ve given you a little bit of trust today. They’re still leery, but you managed to put a tiny fissure in their wall. They’re still young enough to get past this without the abuse changing them. I can already see how good you are for them.”
“Thank you, Joan. For everything you’ve done so far—and not just for us,” Ben replies.
“We’ll see you tomorrow?” I question.
“Absolutely.”
We open the door and are just about to step onto the porch when Joan stops us.
“You gave them something today and I think they gave you the same gift.”
“Which one?” I ask. Those children give me so many gifts just by being in my life.
“Hope. None of you had much when you arrived today, but all of you have a lot more now.”
I nod. “Hope.”
We get to the SUV and Ben hugs me close. “You were the first one to give me hope, Nicole—back when you fell in love with me. I didn’t think anyone could love a man like me. Now you’re helping to give me even more.”
“You gave me hope when I thought I was going to die, Ben. You refused to let me give up. I think we give that to one another and now it’s time to share it with our children,” I tell him.
He nods, eyes glistening. “Our children.”
As Ben drives us home, I think about how horrible I felt that day walking out of school. Hopeless and sad because I couldn’t have children of my own. Now I know that’s not true at all and Ben was right. They don’t have to have our DNA to be our children. They just have to let us love them, and I think we’ve made progress in doing just that.
I’m going to hold it tight. Hope, and when Antonio and Maria are ready, I’m going to hold them tight too, as fiercely as I hold Ben.
My family.
THE END.
There’ll be more Ben and Nicole in the upcoming books to keep you up to date on the progress of their family.
I hope 2018 is your best year yet!
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BALLAD/A VERY ROCKSTAR HOLIDAY PLAYLIST
SPOTIFY
Don’t Stand So Close To Me – The Police
Poison – Rita Ora
Can’t Feel My Face – The Weeknd
The Otherside – Red Sun Rising
Failure – Breaking Benjamin
Footsteps – Pop Evil
Set Me On Fire – Flyleaf
I Will Not Bow – Breaking Benjamin
Lips of an Angel – Hinder
Acid Rain – Avenged Sevenfold
If You Could Only See – Tonic
All or Nothing – Theory of a Deadman
You Call Me A Bitch Like It’s A Bad Thing – Halestorm
Heaven Knows – The Pretty Reckless
Run – Collective Soul
Angels Fall – Breaking Benjamin
Don’t Take The Girl – Tim McGraw
Bother – Stone Sour
Lie To Me – 12 Stones
Lit Up – Buckcherry
Dead In The Water – Pop Evil
Darker Side of Me – The Veer Union
Do Her Wrong – Atom Smash
Save me – Burn Halo
These Are The Days – The Exies
Tired of You – The Exies
Wasting My Time – Default
It Only Hurts – Default
These Walls – Trapt
Maybe – Sick Puppies
&
nbsp; Alive – Adelitas Way
Want To Want Me – Jason Derulo
Talking Body – Tove Lo
Jealous – Nick Jonas
Until The End – Breaking Benjamin
Rise Above This – Seether
By the Way – Theory of a Deadman
Dear Agony – Breaking Benjamin
Heaven [Little by Little] – Theory of a Deadman
Jessie’s Girl – Rick Springfield
True Colors – Cyndi Lauper
Bed of Roses – Bon Jovi
You Don’t Belong – Daughtry
What I Meant To Say – Daughtry
Cool – Gwen Stefani
Let The Sparks Fly – Thousand Foot Krutch
She Hates Me – Puddle of Mudd
Love-Hate-Sex-Pain – Godsmack
Broken – Lifehouse
Deal With The Devil – Pop Evil
Use Me – Hinder
A Beautiful Lie – Thirty Seconds To Mars
The Kill – Thirty Seconds To Mars
Hard To Handle – The Black Crowes
Jealous Again – The Black Crowes
Whatever It Takes – Lifehouse
Better Than Me - Hinder
OTHER AVAILABLE TITLES
THE ROCKSTAR SERIES
Falling Down (Rockstar Book 1)
Blush (Rockstar Book 2)
A Very Xander Christmas (Rockstar Book 2.5)
Amplify (Rockstar Book 3)
Interlude (Rockstar Book 4)
Ballad (Rockstar Book 5)
Lullabye (Rockstar Book 6)
A Very Xander Christmas 2 (Rockstar Book 6.5)
Kadence (Rockstar Book 7)
A Very Xander Christmas 3 (Rockstar Book 8)
Duet (Rockstar Book 8.5)
Xander: Book 1, The Beginning (Rockstar Book 9)
A Very Rockstar Holiday Season (Rockstar Book 10)
Rockstar Box Set 1 (Rockstar Books 1 - 3)
Rockstar Box Set (Rockstar Books 4 - 6.5)
THE WAY SERIES
The Way Back To Me (The Way Book 1)
The Way With You (The Way Book 2)
FORBIDDEN FANTASIES
Unzipped (Short Story 1)
ANTHOLOGIES
Alphas & Fairytales: A New Year’s Eve Anthology
WHERE TO FIND ANNE