Tono stares at me thoughtfully for several moments before answering. “I’m anticipating a four-hour session.”
I can’t believe I’m about to experience four hours of intense connection with the famous Kinbaku Master.
“I’ll return then.”
Captain cradles my face in his hands, kissing my forehead tenderly. “Enjoy Nosaka’s gift.”
He nods to Tono before striding toward the door to let himself out.
The antsy feeling intensifies when I find myself alone with the bondage Master.
Suddenly, I find myself unsure what to say or how to act around him. It’s as if all my submissive training has gone out the window, so I just stand there awkwardly.
Rather than stating a command, Tono studies me.
The prolonged silence is unsettling, and I wonder if I have failed to follow some unspoken protocol.
Rather than continuing to stand there looking foolish, I ask, “Would you like me to kneel, Tono?”
“No,” he answers in a smooth voice, easing my fears of having disappointed him. “I would like you to sit at the table.”
While I walk to the table, Tono heads to his kitchen and puts a teapot on the stove to boil. I settle on the floor next to the low-lying table, charmed by his traditional Japanese furniture.
I watch as he makes tea, telling my nerves to quiet down.
When it’s done, he carries the teapot over to the table, along with two cups. Before sitting down, he opens up the sliding glass door to let a gentle breeze of night air flow into the house.
Tono sits across from me and gracefully pours the pale green liquid into one cup, sliding it over to me before pouring another for himself.
He remains silent as he looks at me, bringing the cup to his lips to take a sip.
I follow his example, but blow on the steaming liquid before taking my first taste. The green tea has a naturally sweet flavor to it, and I smile. “This is very good.”
He only nods, his gaze unfaltering and intense.
Normally, Tono is not so mysterious, and I wonder at the change.
It isn’t until we’ve finished the tea that he finally speaks again. “You seem unsettled, Miss Cox.”
I’m actually relieved to talk about it. “I am, but I can’t for the life of me explain why.”
The Japanese Master looks deeply into my eyes as if searching for the answer I am unable to voice. “I will start with a simple binding, then we’ll progress from there.”
“That sounds wonderful, Tono.”
“Good. Tonight, because of this unique arrangement, I will address you as Amai.”
I like the way it sounds and ask, “What does it mean?”
“Sweet—like your name.”
I blush, touched by the perfect sub name he has given me.
Tono stands up and commands, “Undress completely before you kneel on the mat.” He nods toward the jute mat in the center of the room.
I stand up gracefully as I have been taught, but my hands tremble as I take off my clothes. I have been naked in front of him before, but now I feel unexplainably silly and shy.
His eyes never leave me as I undress and take my place on the mat.
Tono walks over to the sound system and turns on soothing flute music before settling down behind me with a length of jute in his hand. He sets it on the mat, but rather than wrap his arms around me as he has done before, Tono glides his hands just centimeters above my skin, never touching me as he explores my body.
Even without skin-to-skin contact, I swear I can feel the warmth of Tono’s gentle caress. He lets out a low groan as one hand hovers over the center of my chest. I involuntarily shiver, my entire being focused on that point.
“Heartbreak,” he whispers in my ear.
It’s as if that simple word has unlocked a floodgate of emotion inside me. From deep within, a rush of sadness washes over me and I begin sobbing.
Tono’s strong arms wrap me in a tight embrace, and he murmurs words of comfort as he begins to rock back and forth.
I cannot stop the loud, desperate cry of mourning that escapes from the depths of my soul.
Tono tightens his hold, helping to carry me through the grief. When I finally stop crying, I collapse against his arms, the tears still flowing unchecked down my cheeks.
“Who is it you mourn for?” he asks.
I close my eyes. Ethan’s face is as clear to me as if he were standing beside me. “Someone I loved very much.”
“A tragic separation,” he states.
I only nod, unable to speak, the lump in my throat too big and painful.
“You are bound to that moment.”
“Yes…” I whisper.
“Why?”
I shake my head, the sobs starting up again as I relive that moment when Ethan pushed me out of the way of the oncoming truck. As I was thrown to safety, I had no idea his life was ending.
The pain becomes too great and I struggle against Tono’s tight embrace, but he continues to hold me, murmuring for me to be still.
I quiet down as he rocks back and forth, but my emotions are raw and too painful to bear. “Why have you done this to me?” I cry.
He chuckles softly. “This was not what I had planned, but it’s what your heart needs.”
“I wanted to spend time in your rope, not this,” I whimper.
“But your soul will not allow it—this pain needs to be set free.”
I shake my head, not liking this unwanted turn of events.
“I feel your resistance, but I ask you to trust me, Amai.”
The last thing I want is to face the guilt I feel over Ethan’s death. In protest, I struggle again to break away from his grasp.
However, Tono’s grip is like iron, and I’m finally forced to stop fighting, too tired to resist.
“This blackness you carry…what is it?”
“Ethan died because of me.” The burden of that truth crushes my soul.
“How?” Tono gently prods.
I can barely speak the words out loud, my guilt is so great and heavy. “He died saving me.”
I imagine the look of terror that must have been on Ethan’s face as the truck barreled straight into him. I cry out to Ethan, “I’m so sorry I killed you.”
I’m inconsolable now, sobbing so violently I can barely breathe, trapped in that moment with no way to change it. Tono continues to rock me, his chin resting against my shoulder. He offers no words, only his protective embrace.
It feels as if the pain has no end, but my body can’t handle the continuous onslaught and I eventually fall into an almost subspace-like trance.
In that state, I see the scene play out again. Ethan stares at the truck heading straight for him, but he does not have a look of terror. He’s not looking at the truck at all. Ethan is looking at me with a look of relief.
For the briefest moment, I feel his presence as if it is as real as Tono’s is now. As he fades, his smile is the last thing I see.
Although my tears still fall, the warmth of his smile stays with me and I feel the truth in my heart. It would have been the same had I been the one to die and he the one to live. It didn’t matter who lived, as long as one of us did.
Ethan did not face his death with fear. He faced it with hope.
I take in a deep breath, filling my lungs.
I stare outside at Tono’s beautiful garden while I’m filled with peace, finally able to accept the gift Ethan has given me.
I live so we both can live on.
Holding onto the guilt has only tarnished the enormity and sanctity of his gift.
Thank you, Ethan.
I’m completely spent and am weak and exhausted after such an emotional release.
Tono lifts me up and carries me to the bedroom, laying me on his bed. He then lies beside me, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me close.
I feel like I’m floating on a cloud of well-being.
“Tono…”
“Yes, Amai?”
&
nbsp; “This was the last thing I wanted, but I’m grateful to you.” I turn my head and gaze into his kind eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t serve you tonight.”
“You did exactly as I asked.”
“You’ve changed me, Tono.”
“I only acted as a catalyst.”
“Please…how can I repay you?” I beg in earnest.
He brushes my cheek with his finger. “I am fully satisfied with tonight, and your Master is coming.”
“No…” I say in disbelief. “It hasn’t been that long,”
The doorbell rings, announcing that I’m wrong, and I look at Tono sheepishly.
“Dress while I speak with your Master,” he commands with a smile.
My movements are sluggish as I redress, but my heart it filled with joy as I listen to the two men speaking.
I understand now why Captain says he lives for his men.
That is my duty to Ethan.
I come out of Tono’s bedroom and see Captain staring at me with a look of…acceptance.
I’m sure he believes something else has occurred tonight, but he has no idea—and I can’t wait to tell him!
The Mission
Captain
After leaving Candy with Nosaka, I’m struck by the same feeling she expressed having earlier. There is something different about tonight’s pairing. Her excitement leads me to believe he is the one—and I am fine with that.
Nosaka is not only a good man, but his gentle personality is exactly what I know Candy needs. As an experienced Dom, he will challenge her with the demands of his jute bondage, and I know she will grow under his care.
Rather than a desperate feeling of loss, I have a sense of fate. It’s as if this was meant to be.
I look at Echo, who is sitting in my seat. “Over,” I command.
She instantly jumps into Candy’s seat, looking at me expectantly.
It seems fate has orchestrated all of this all and I am grateful.
I drive to Gallant’s, wanting to share my thoughts with him. He doubted my wisdom, and I will enjoy proving him wrong.
I put Echo on a leash, planning to leave her outside, as I have never seen an animal in Gallant’s house. Ena answers the door and immediately bows her head to me before smiling at the dog.
“I was told you saved a life.”
I look down at Echo and smirk. “It’s mutual.”
“I’m sorry to tell you this, Captain Walker, but my husband is seriously allergic to dog hair. I can’t let her inside.”
“Not an issue.” I hold up the leash in my hand. “Echo’s perfectly content to sit under a tree.”
The two girls pop around the corner and squeal in unison. “A dog!”
I immediately hold out my hand, telling them to stop. “You need to approach Echo slowly. She doesn’t know you yet.”
I noticed Echo’s tail in down as I introduce her to each child. Within a few seconds, however, her tail is up and wagging as she licks the youngest.
“Is it okay if they play with her in the backyard?” Ena asks.
I look down at the two giggling girls getting a tongue bath. “I think Echo would prefer it.”
After setting her free in the backyard, I enter the house and wash my hands at the kitchen sink.
Gallant walks up behind me. “A dog?”
“A companion.”
He looks at me with interest. “Is there any particular reason you need a companion?”
“There appears to be,” I answer smugly. “As you know, I took your advice, and it turns out I was right.”
“Ah…who is the chosen Dom, then?”
“Nothing official yet, but I have a strong feeling that Nosaka will win the day.”
“How does Candy feel about that?”
“There was something different about her when I dropped her off. I had the same feeling as well, which leads me to believe that after tonight, she’ll have a Master who will be able to support her through the years.”
Gallant looks at me questioningly. “How do you feel?”
“I feel fine, like this was meant to be. That’s why I’m so certain.”
“And you will be able to let her go?”
“Absolutely. Hell, that’s what I’ve been working toward this entire time.”
He presses his lips together before saying, “I’ve got to hand it to you, Captain. If she chooses Ren Nosaka, not only will you be proven right, but you’ll also prove that Candy was wrong.”
I frown. “No, she wasn’t wrong to love me. She simply could do better.”
Gallant nods, saying nothing.
“Why do I get the impression you’re holding something back?”
“Not at all. I’m just surprised.” Gallant looks out at the girls petting Echo. “So, you’ll replace Candy with the dog?”
“Of course not,” I huff. “I’ll move on, but I hope to stay in contact with Candy and Nosaka, so I can see their children grow up.”
Gallant gives me an odd look.
“What? Do you think it’s strange I hope to remain a small part of her life?”
“No…”
“Spit it out, Gallant.”
He shakes his head. “I can’t.”
“What? Why are you holding back on me?”
“I can’t say. It’s a privacy issue.”
“I cannot begin to guess what you’re hinting at, but I assume it has to do with Candy.”
“I suggest you talk to her. Be open about what your thoughts are concerning the future.”
“Is something wrong?”
“Not wrong, but I can’t say anything about it.”
I’m very unsatisfied with our conversation, but Gallant is right to protect Candy’s privacy. I can’t fault him for that, no matter how much it frustrates me.
Changing the topic, I tell him in a smug voice, “You will be owing me after this.”
He smiles. “Yes, I know. Something tells me you won’t go easy on me.”
I shake my head with a slow smile.
The backdoor slides open and Gallant’s oldest cries out, “Daddy, can we get a dog?”
I can’t help but laugh.
Ena enters the kitchen and corrects her daughter before Gallant can answer. “You know your father is allergic. It’s unkind to ask.”
The youngest enters, adding her two cents. “But, Daddy, dogs are so cute!”
Ena shoos them both outside and has a private discussion with the girls that neither of us can hear.
“I guess it’s time to invest in some pet goldfish,” I joke.
He sighs, looking at his daughters’ sad faces as Ena continues to talk to them. “We already have fish…”
“I hear snakes make great pets.”
He gives me an unamused smile.
We retire to his study to talk until my appointed time to fetch Candy.
“Are you still feeling at peace?” Gallant asks.
“Even more so.”
He slaps me on the back. “Then I hope the best for you both.”
As I lift Echo into the car, Gallant calls out, “Make sure to speak with Candy.”
I raise my hand to let him know I’ve heard, but I suspect it won’t be necessary after tonight.
I ring the doorbell, but it takes a few minutes for Nosaka to answer it. He invites me in and tells me that Candy is readying herself.
When I ask how the evening went, he answers, “I think it’s best if she tells you herself.”
I wonder what that means until she emerges from Tono’s bedroom with a look of joy on her face.
So, I was right…
Tono looks to Candy with tenderness. “We had an unexpected evening, one I’m honored to have shared with your submissive.”
I look at Candy, and she is positively beaming. I’m grateful she isn’t trying to hide how she feels about Nosaka. It would have disappointed me if she had.
As we make our way to the car, Candy grabs my hand excitedly. “Oh, Captain, this was the most incredible night of my l
ife! Everything has changed. Tono changed me.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” I answer, genuinely pleased to see her so happy.
“At first, I was so mad at Tono for forcing me, but then…” she trails off, looking back at the door.
The hairs rise on the back of my neck and I spit out, “He forced you?” I start walking back to the door, ready to teach Nosaka to respect my woman.
Candy pulls my arm, laughing. “No, no! It was wonderful. He was wonderful.”
Now, I suddenly hate the man. “Explain yourself, and quickly.”
Candy wraps her small arms around me in a hug. “I love how protective you are.”
I pull away from her. “Answer me, Candy.”
“We didn’t scene tonight. Not even one knot.”
I suddenly have visions of them spending hours having vanilla sex and, for some reason, that infuriates me. “Clarify what you mean.”
Candy grins. “I have been waiting to see that look on your face this entire time.”
I frown, barking, “What face?”
“This is the first time I’ve seen you look jealous, and it melts my heart.”
I know Candy is not a cruel person but, right now, she is being anything but kind so I glare at her.
Candy laughs gently. “Captain, I spent the last four hours crying. Tono helped me face my guilt over Ethan.”
Now she has my attention. “What did he do?”
“I’m not sure, really. But all the angst I was feeling today bubbled up and erupted before we even began. What was supposed to be an evening of bondage became my night of freedom.”
Her eyes sparkle with an inner light I have never seen before.
“I’m happy for you, pet. However, I don’t understand.”
She bursts into a huge grin. “All the guilt I’ve carried since Ethan’s death…it was pointless. Ethan…” Tears come to her eyes. “He died to save us—him and me.” She wraps her arm around me again. “All this time, I didn’t understand what you meant when you said you were living for your men, but I get it now. Your life means that they live on.”
I can tell by the way she’s talking she is light-years ahead of me. I’m mired in the guilt of their deaths, and I still can’t see a way through it. However…I’m grateful Nosaka was able to give her that gift.