“What?” I asked. “It’s a brother thing.” It wasn’t. Or maybe it was. I kind of liked our new relationship, one where neither of us would break into a rash when we admitted we were head-over-heels, goofy in love with our women.
“Speaking of… Let’s go talk about brotherhood, Carson.” Hayden gave Andi a quick smooch and then stood, hinting with his eyes that I do the same. I thought about pretending to misunderstand him and leaning over to kiss Andi too. But that would’ve freaked out everyone at the table and, considering the potential for conflict Lane and I had been experiencing lately, I decided the joke wasn’t worth making. So I kissed my girlfriend—not his—and followed him away from the table.
As soon as the bar was between us and the table, he turned his back on the group and whispered, “Is it all set up on your end?”
Was it all set up on my end? Since when were we in an old spy film?
“Be careful. Any one of them might be able to read lips,” I whispered back, holding my hand directly in front of my mouth and laughing. “Don’t worry, bro. I did exactly what I was supposed to do, in exactly the way you demanded I do it.”
“It’s important, Carson.”
“Shit, Hay. I know it’s important. And I’m not being sarcastic. Well, only partially sarcastic. But it’s all taken care of. Your whole house is now smarter than both of us combined.”
“That’s not saying much,” he mumbled. “Did you bring video like I asked?”
“You mean ordered? Yes, sir, I did.” I pulled out my phone, found the video clips Sean had sent, and handed the phone to him. He quietly watched the walk-through of the house, and I nodded along with Sean's narration as if I knew how any of that shit worked. On video, Sean explained everything he’d added—solar panels, lights, temperature, music, security, sprinklers, kitchen appliances, showers, and door locks that could be controlled by an app, the remote, or vocal recognition. Basically, every automated bell and whistle a techno-freak like Andi could ever dream of.
I had to give it to my brother—he knew his woman well. She’d techno-freak out as soon as she saw it.
“Hayden? Just thinking out loud here—"
"Do you ever think silently?" he shot back.
"Never. Why keep all of my wisdom from the rest of the world?” I quickly added, “That was rhetorical.”
“Too bad.”
“Anyway, here’s my concern: The remote symbolizes a man’s last shred of control in a relationship. Handing it over to your woman leaves you completely powerless. Is that really what you want, brother? To be powerless?
“Plus, have you considered the possibility she’ll love playing with the new gadgets so much, she might forget you’re even there?”
“Sure. I’ve also considered the fact that, if the toilet seat automatically lowers and the refrigerator reminds me to pick up milk on the way home, we’ll have less to fight about as a married couple.”
Wow. “I take it back—you’re almost as smart as your house.”
“She’ll like it, right?”
Hayden was decisive and stubborn as hell. Every decision was made and stuck to. The end. I’d never seen him second guess himself like this. Not to mention he’d never needed my assurance before. I kind of liked it.
“She’ll love it, bro. She’ll get all gushy and blushy about it.” I slapped him on the back. “Honestly, I don’t get why you have to buy her a present at all. Isn’t handing over our eternity enough for women nowadays? In the olden days, we menfolk got all the gifts—pigs and goats and shit for the home front, right?”
“Like a dowry?” he asked, looking at me skeptically. “Yep, men sure had it good back then. Pigs and goats…and disease, an average lifespan of thirty-five years, no showers, and no birth control. The last one wouldn’t matter, of course, because you couldn’t sleep with your bride until after you were married and even then, she’d probably been taught it was her wifely duty to just lie there and take it. So that must’ve been lots of fun.”
“Hmm…I take back every criticism I've ever made about the modern-day world.”
“Great. I’m glad I know you’re so dowry driven. So now, if you ever propose to Laney, I’ll be sure to let her know you’ve always wanted a baby pig that fits in your purse.”
“No need. She’s already got a pig”—I slapped myself in the chest—“right here.”
"I'm so happy for you both.” He didn’t look happy. He looked like he wondered if Lane would ever marry so far beneath her. “Speaking of you being happy, have you seen our mother yet?"
"Damn it, she’s here? I was hoping her plane would go down." I glanced around the bar, still hoping. "When did she get here?"
"Two days ago, but she's been touring the island, trying to stay out of the way."
"Sounds like Renee." Always staying out of the way unless she wanted something from you.
Maybe that wasn’t fair. Maybe, now that she was trying to get her shit together, was avoiding men who would hit her, and hadn’t married someone in two whole years, I should have given her more credit. Thing was, I’d played along with her bullshit, pretended to be the dutiful son, and had covered the bruises left by my father and every other man she loved, ever since she’d taught me how to lie. So, no matter how sorry she was or how much I wanted to forgive her, I figured she still had about nineteen more years of crap to make up for.
But this weekend wasn’t about me or Renee. It was about Hayden, Andi, love, and skinny dipping.
I focused on the last one to make me smile. “Where’s Clare? I thought she’d be at the entrance to the bar, checking boxes next to our names and telling us where to sit, what to drink, and when we were allowed to take a sip.”
“Believe me, I’m sure she would be if she wasn’t already too busy screaming at the hotel staff about something.” Hayden shrugged and rolled his eyes. “She was so unhappy about our wedding, she never really got into it. This is her chance to plan the hell out of one, and after everything she’s gone through, I think she deserves it. As long as she doesn’t anger the staff too much…”
“Oh please.” I laughed. “I bet you a hundred bucks you’ve already apologized and tipped them all enough to deal with anything Clare throws at them—literally and figuratively.”
His brow lifted and he suddenly looked like he’d gotten too much sun. “You won’t tell her, will you?”
“Tell someone how damn nice my brother is? Definitely not. I already wonder if Lane is with me just to get close to my perfect older brother.”
I couldn’t exactly judge Hayden and Clare’s very mature and amicable post-relationship relationship and his decision to invite his ex-wife to his wedding. Especially because if—when—Lane and I ever tied the noose—I mean, knot—she’d want Hillary there.
Unfortunately, Hillary and I had gotten together once, way before I met Lane, but there was nothing mature or amicable about our relationship. Thankfully, our better halves had moved past it. Primarily because we were in much better places now than we’d been then.
All of us were. Huh. I wouldn’t think that was too common. Actually, until I’d met Lane and Hayden had met Andi, I wouldn’t have thought that was even possible.
12
Carson
Every single person I knew was happier and hopier than they’d been a couple years ago. Well, I’m sure someone was miserable now. Someone was always miserable. It usually didn’t take more than a quick glance to see who was crap at hiding their true feelings.
Ironically, when I looked back at the table, the first person I saw was Anna. See? Someone was always miserable, whether self-induced or not. My wicked stepsister was leaning back in the teak chair, one long, tanned leg crossed over the other as if she were meant to own the world. Hell, maybe she was.
Of course, she had a lot of twelve-step programs to go through before that had a chance of happening.
Across the table, Andi and Emilia were laughing about something Rob had said. Andi’s other friend, Sara, was looking out
at the water, pushing her thoughts out to sea, maybe.
Obviously, I saved the best for last. When Lane caught me looking, her smile appeared, but it hadn’t been there a second before.
“Is everything alright with Laney?” Hayden must have seen the same thing I did. “It seems like something’s bothering her.”
I could’ve just given the jet lag excuse, but I knew he wouldn’t buy it. At least not as the only reason. “We had a minor hiccup before we left San Francisco. Nothing terrible, but it’s lingering.”
“Make sure you fix it before the ceremony. If Andi thinks there’s something wrong, she might worry about it. I don’t want anything to ruin this for her.”
“Promise.” I put up my right hand and pantomimed putting my left on a bible. “We’ll be fine. I think we just need some one-on-one time. The less fun kind.”
“I told you not to blow this, Carson. In fact, I believe my exact words were, ‘Move fast, before Laney realizes what a screw-up you are.’”
“Wow, with big-bro advice like that, I’m not sure why I ever fantasize about strangling you.”
“I thought I was the only one who did that.” He smacked me on the back. “I only want the best for you, Carson. And Laney is definitely best for you. But sometimes I worry your self-destructive half will take over and ruin the one good thing you have.”
Me, too. “Heredity is tough to overcome, you know?” Sometimes, I can almost feel those genes pushing against my rational, sane mind, making me want to pick a fight I knew how to win. So far, with the exception of the other night, I’d been able to control it. But it was still in me, looking for a chance to take over and bring down everything good Lane and I had built.
“You’re stronger than you know, little brother. So is Laney. One thing Andi has taught me is that life is meant to be lived, not endured. And when you find the person you’re supposed to be with, the strength of both of you combined can overcome any personal defects either of you possess. Lucky for you, you’re a Bennett, which means those defects are blatantly obvious to everyone. So the trick is finding someone who’s brave enough to point them out to you.”
I nodded, in total agreement. A lifetime of living one way, believing you were incapable of love, and then finding out you were completely wrong, wasn’t easy. In the past year, I’d had to unlearn everything I’d ever been taught.
“Can I ask you something?” I said, just as he turned to go back to the table.
“Sure. Unless it’s about my sex life…or yours.” At least he was smiling as he said it.
“So… I’m thinking of…um…” I took a deep breath. Shit, if I couldn’t say it to my brother, how was I ever supposed to say it to Lane? “So Lane and I have been together for a while. And, in her family and some others evidently, marriage isn’t always tragic. And, you know, you’re getting married…”
“Yes, Carson, I know.” He watched my discomfort for another minute or so. “You’re finally going to ask Laney to marry you.”
I kind of grunted, which was all I could do to admit it.
“Hallelujah,” he said, his smile huge. “When and how can I help?”
“Um…I don’t know and you can’t…I don’t think.”
“Just to be clear though, we are talking about marriage, right?”
I took another, deeper breath before nodding, as if a head bob was a lifelong commitment in and of itself.
He walked me a little farther down the bar, held onto my shoulders, and looked into my eyes. “Little brother, you do understand you’re going to have to say it out loud, don’t you? I suppose you could do it in a note, but I think most women prefer to know their prospective life partners are able to speak to them without going into anaphylactic shock.”
“I talk to her all the time. Just not about…”
“Marriage. Say it.”
“Marriage.” I threw up my hands. “See? I can say it.”
“Impressive. Now, let’s try something harder.” He spoke slowly. “Will you marry me?”
I stared at him for a sec. “Oh, man. This is awkward.” I should let him off easy. “I like you. I really do. But see… Well, for starters, we’re brothers. And even though the same-sex marriage thing was figured out, I don’t think the brother thing will ever be legal. Second, you’re already getting married so, again, not legal. At least not in California. But the third and most important thing is I’m in love with someone else.”
“It’s probably for the best.” Feigning disappointment, Hayden shook his head at me while calling the bartender over to us. “I understand alcohol is a good way to get over life’s greatest disappointments. Want one?”
He knew me well enough not to wait for an answer, ordering two bottles of Hinano and three bottles of Champagne to be sent over to the table. All while I pondered how to explain my anxiety over the word. As soon as the bartender put the beer in front of me, I slammed it back, the cold liquid forcing its way past the tightness of my throat and landing happily in my gut.
“Marriage can be a good thing, right?” I set the half-empty bottle down and signaled for another.
“Of course. Marriage is a promise. A commitment. Telling the world you intend to stay with this person for the rest of your life, carry them when they need to be carried and accept their help when you need to be carried.”
“Romantic, bro.”
As soon as he turned to face me straight on and put his hand on my shoulder, I knew I was in for some tough brotherly love. Unfortunately I couldn’t think of an excuse to leave before it started. Plus I didn’t have my second beer yet.
“Here’s what you need to ask yourself, little brother. Number one: Do you love Laney?”
Truthfully? No. People could fall out of love, and I’d never fall out of whatever this was. So love was too weak a word for what I felt for her.
“Number two: Can you imagine your life without her?”
Yes. But it would be miserable and pointless and not one I’d want to live.
“Number three: Do you want to grow old with her?”
Yes and no. I hoped we’d have years and years and years together. But if it were up to me, she’d live forever, be there for our kids and grandkids and everyone she came in contact with. Whether I was there or not.
“Those are bullshit questions, bro.” I emptied my first beer and handed it to the bartender just as he set down the new one. “A teenager could figure out which answer you wanted.”
His smile was slow to form. “Thankfully, you’re not a teenager anymore, Carson. You’re a man.” He cocked his head. “Most of the time. And, while anyone can answer the questions, only a man can decide if he’s answering them truthfully. Only a man can decide to become the person he needs to be so that the woman he loves will never doubt his answers.”
My drink stopped halfway to my mouth, my mind stuck somewhere between “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” and “I should probably be sober when I admit how right you are.”
Fuck it, admitting it would be easier if I were drunk. Said, slurred—what was the difference? But you should never drink alone. So, when Hay started to walk back to the group, I ordered a round of shots for everyone, an extra for me, and a pink slushy drink with an umbrella in it for Hayden.
13
Carson
One thing I’d always been good at was knowing how to leave a party right before the fight broke out, especially this one. Hint: My mother arrived.
Renee walked into the bar as if it were hers, as if the entire island was created at her bidding. I stood there silently and watched her welcome the group to her island like she was Mr. Roarke from a bad remake of Fantasy Island.
Smiles, everyone! Smiles! And air-kisses all around!
Yep. Time to leave. Hayden hurried back to the table. I took it a little slower so I…didn’t spill my beer. Right.
When my unexcited steps brought me back to the table, I accepted Renee’s brief and fairly cold hug. Didn’t even have to put down my drinks. I mean,
yes, she and I had a moment of understanding a while ago, and yes, she was trying to be more human, but she still had a long way to go.
When she took someone else’s seat right next to Andi, I leaned closer to my brother and whispered, “The longer I’m around her, the more likely you’ll have to find a new best man, one who hasn’t been arrested. So can Lane and I be excused, please?”
He sighed, nodded solemnly, and went to take the seat on his fiancée’s other side.
I grabbed Lane. “Sorry, everyone. We won’t be able to do dinner because we need to go…somewhere else. But we’ll definitely see you all later.”
Lane looked at me with disappointed understanding. As soon as we were out of earshot, she asked, “Are you going to be able to make it through an entire weekend?”
“As long as I pace myself. And by pace, I mean lots of sex breaks and time on the beach. Or a combination of the two.”
“How about we start with the beach and see what happens?”
I could handle that. The sun wouldn’t set for another couple of hours. Plenty of time to get her horny and not enough time for her to get so sunburnt she wouldn’t let me touch her.
* * *
The resort’s private beach was a little less secluded than I would have liked, but it was practically empty. Mostly because the resort was so exclusive, we’d just left a quarter of the guests in the bar talking.
Only one other group was enjoying the sun, a family of three. Mom and Dad seemed to have had lots and lots of practice ignoring each other. High quality apathy over there. And their kid? Yeah, I recognized the look on his face. Puberty had just grabbed him by the balls, and all he wanted to do was go home and be neglected there, like normal. At least he’d have his computer, online porn, and a door he could lock there. I’d worn that look a lot growing up.