Fallon: It’s only fair.
Nash: Fake or real?
Fallon: Do they look fake?
Nash: They are kind of big for your body.
Fallon: That’s because they’re fake. Although, I did ask the doctor to make one bigger than the other because I still wanted them to be somewhat “real.”
Nash: Seriously?
Fallon: I think it’s time you say good night to your friends if you’re going to believe a load of crap like that. Come on, Nash. You’re better than that. These boobies are all real. Remember: grew them myself.
Nash: How could I forget?
He paused for a second and then typed again.
Nash: Thank you for today. I really had a good time. I’m sorry I ended it on a bad note.
Fallon: No biggie. I’m glad I was able to hang out with you today. I had a great time, despite your squeamish attitude toward leeches.
Nash: Can we just touch upon that for a second? Don’t you think it was a little psycho killer-ish of you to talk sweet to them and then impale them with a fish hook?
Fallon: I don’t believe so. It seemed like the natural thing to do. It’s best to pump up your bait before latching them. I’ve had proven results with it.
Nash: Is that why we caught nothing today?
Fallon: It works when there are fish in the pond. We’ll go fishing again. I’ll show you. Talk sweet to your bait and you’re bound to have fish for your date.
Nash: Please tell me you don’t have that slogan on some wooden plaque hanging over your fireplace.
Fallon: And if I did…
Nash: Not sure if we can be friends.
Fallon: Is that what you call this banter? Friendship? Not sure if friends stare at friend’s boobies. Don’t deny it, I caught you several times today.
Nash: I’m a guy; it’s what we do. Get used to it.
Fallon: Fair enough.
Nash bit his lip as he tried to figure out what to say. He wanted to see her again, but how did he say that? Did he ask her out? He didn’t want to scare her away. Although, she seemed to not scare easily.
Nash: So, when do I get to see you again?
Nash held his breath as he pushed send. If only his friends could see him now, he would look like a giant pussy holding a Teen Beat, gushing over the newest boyband heart throb. Yup, he lost his man card the minute Fallon dropped in his life. Not to mention, he hadn’t had sex since he met her. What the fuck was that about?
Fallon: And here I thought you were trying to invent a repellant to keep me away.
Nash: Don’t think I’m still not mad about you taking my two hundred dollars. You owe me.
Fallon: What do I owe you?
Nash put his big boy pants on and spoke the truth.
Nash: A date. The Braves are going to be playing in a few weeks; come to a game with me. I might know someone who knows someone. Or maybe we can do something a little sooner.
Fallon: That doesn’t sound shady. I’m not much of a baseball fan, but I do enjoy a good tight ass in a pair of skin tight pants, especially when they’re bending over.
Nash: Yeah, there won’t be any staring at asses. It’s not allowed.
Fallon: Try and stop me.
Nash: Guess I will have to go shirtless.
Fallon: Don’t do that. People don’t need to see your sand dollar nipples…that will just be embarrassing for you, and frankly, embarrassing for me.
Nash: Do you have a comeback for everything?
Fallon: Yes.
Nash shook his head and laughed. Instead of texting back, he called her. Her phone rang twice before she picked it up.
“This is starting to become stalker-ish,” her voice was light with humor.
“Figured you wouldn’t be as quick on your feet if you were on the phone. I need a verbal commitment for this date.”
“Wouldn’t something in writing stand better in a court of law?”
“I was wrong. You’re just as fucking witty on the phone.”
“I don’t know why you ever doubted me.”
“Me either.” Nash rubbed his forehead, hating that she hadn’t said yes to his proposition yet. “So…baseball and maybe something sooner?”
“You’re really worried I’m going to say no, aren’t you?”
“Maybe a little. I don’t have the best track record where you’re concerned.”
“Well, you can stop crapping your little panties. Of course I’ll go to a game with you…and do something sooner,” she chuckled. “As long as you buy me a giant foam finger.”
“What do you want to use that for?”
“Oh, I think you know…Mr. Butt Plug.”
Nash laughed out loud and shook his head. “You’re so fucking twisted.”
“True and I like the sound of your laugh. It’s all deep and sexy like.”
“Is that right?” Nash asked, happy with the compliment.
“Yeah, don’t let it go to your head.”
“Can’t help that, sweetheart. You can’t excite a boy like that.”
“Ew, are you referring to your dick?”
Nash turned on his side and put the call on speaker phone. “You know, it greatly concerns me that you use the word “ew” when you refer to my dick.”
“Oh, no, did I damage your precious self-esteem?”
“I am a sensitive one…”
“Get over it,” she laughed and then yawned. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed. Thanks for the call. I’ll talk to you later, Nash.”
“Alright. Good night, Fallon. Thanks again.”
“No need to thank me. Nighty night.”
She hung up the phone and Nash immediately felt empty. He would have talked to her all night…even if it was about nothing in particular.
He set his phone on the nightstand and exhaled loudly. His eyes started to feel a little heavy and he realized his heart felt a little lighter. Maybe he was starting to finally loosen up. Maybe Fallon was the breath of fresh air he needed in his life.
Hell, if someone told him that when he first met her at the grocery store, he would have told them to go fuck themselves. The world works in mysterious ways…that was for damn sure.
**Connor**
“Will you take that thing off?” Connor asked Austin, who was wearing the ridiculous nursing boob he bought. “The kid is asleep. There is no need for you to have that on.”
Austin glanced down at the fake breast and caressed it. “Kind of hot, don’t you think? Do you get turned on watching me use it?”
“Are you hearing yourself talk?”
“I am. It’s a valid question.”
“There is no validity to that question at all. First of all, you’re a dude…”
“Your point?” Austin smirked.
Ignoring him, Connor continued. “You’re a guy, you don’t know how to actually work that damn thing, and it’s a fake breast. There is nothing attractive about that combination.”
Like the creeper he was, Austin stood up and started slowly moving his hands up his waist to the plastic boob while swiveling his hips. “You’re telling me you don’t find this attractive?”
“Not the least bit.” Connor shook his head.
“Well, damn, how am I supposed to pick women up then?”
“Not with a human udder attached to your chest. Are you fucking losing it? And what happened to that girl who works for Jane? Weren’t you two an item?”
“More like fuck buddies,” Austin took off the boob and set it on the coffee table, making a loud sound. Both of them stilled, worrying the sound would wake up Leonard. They barely breathed as they waited to see if he was going to lose it.
Luckily, Leonard wasn’t disturbed.
“If you woke him up with the plastic palace, I was going to throat punch you.”
Austin settled on the couch, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. “If I woke him up, I would have donkey kicked my own balls.”
“I would have liked to see that,” Connor joked.
 
; Pacifiers, burp clothes, and wipes scattered the living room, along with a swing and multiple bottles that they were not good at washing. Austin was extremely wasteful and just kept buying new ones. He had an automatic shipment from Amazon.
“We’re going to have to start washing bottles,” Connor pointed out.
“We need a maid. Look at this shit hole.” Austin sniffed the couch and cringed. “It smells like throw up in here. I thought you cleaned his regurgitation the other day.”
“You said you did.”
“Does that seem like something I would say?” Austin gave Connor an incredulous look.
“I guess not. So, basically we’re disgusting. Lucy would be so thrilled.” Connor’s heart ached at the mention of her name.
He thought of her often; every time he looked at Leonard, he saw Lucy. The only reason Connor wasn’t balled up on his bed, wasting his life away with thoughts of Lucy was because Leonard kept him occupied. But, at night, when he wasn’t having to clean a diaper or do a feeding, Lucy dominated his mind.
The urge to talk about her consumed him every day. He wanted to express his feelings to Austin, but having a conversation with Austin was like having a conversation with a teenage girl. If he wasn’t talking about himself, then he was taking selfies and posting them on Instagram.
The thought of talking to Luke about his feelings crossed his mind, but Luke had enough to deal with. He didn’t need to bear the weight of Connor’s problems as well. Connor wasn’t even sure how his brother was doing, that’s how out of it he was.
“Do you think of her often?” Austin asked. The seriousness in his voice surprised Connor, so he took the moment to indulge in the rarity of it.
“Every fucking day.”
“I do too.” Austin looked straight ahead at the wall across from him, not looking over at Connor. “She would have loved being a mom. I know she was scared at times, but she would have really enjoyed Leonard.”
“She would have been the most beautiful mom. I still can’t believe she’s gone.”
“Yeah, it doesn’t seem real. I’m just waiting for her to walk through the door one day, ready to bust our asses for doing everything wrong.”
Connor chuckled. “She would for sure rip you a new asshole for wearing that stupid contraption.”
“Breast fed children are more immune to sickness and pollens,” Austin defended.
“Because of breast milk, you dipshit, not because it came out of a lifelike nipple.”
“Whatever…he likes it.” Austin shrugged and slouched on the couch. “Are you going to bring him to a game soon? I want to hold him at a press conference like that basketball player. His daughter is so sassy. I bet you he gets good ass.”
“Are you talking about Stephen Curry? Dude, he’s married and a Christian.”
“So, God lovers get ass too.”
“I suppose they do,” Connor rolled his eyes. “I’ll bring Leonard by when we’re back in Atlanta. He still has to get his shots before we take him into crowds.”
“Okay, but I want him to be able to watch the games.”
“You realize he can barely see a few inches in front of him, right?”
“What?” Austin sat up. “Does he need glasses?”
Connor pinched the bridge of his nose. How could one person be so stupid? “No, he’s a baby. They haven’t fully developed their eyesight yet. Plus, if he did go to one of your games, he would have no recollection of what was going on.”
“He would remember.”
“Okay,” Connor stated sarcastically.
“I need to get him a Braves shirt.”
“Oh, I forgot,” Connor said, getting up quietly and walking to his bedroom. One day when Lucy and Connor were out shopping, she picked up something for Austin and was going to give it to him when the baby was born. Connor had been so wrapped up in taking care of Leonard, he forgot he packed the present for Austin.
Retrieving it, he brought it back to the living room and tossed it on Austin’s lap. It was wrapped in blue paper and had a little card attached to it.
“What’s this?” Austin asked. He peeked at the card and read it out loud. “A son has to match his father. Love Lucy.”
Austin’s face was stricken, unsure of how to react. Connor could tell he was nervous and uncomfortable in a sentimental moment like this, especially around Connor.
“Open it,” Connor nodded at the package.
Carefully, Austin opened the present and pulled out a little jersey with double zeros on the back. It didn’t have Austin’s last name on it, but it was a button-up Braves shirt, the home jersey.
“Lucy got this for me?”
“We both did,” Connor answered honestly.
Austin cleared his throat and looked at the tiny garment. “And after what a dick I was to you guys. Why did she get this?”
Connor leaned forward on his thighs and looked Austin in the eyes. “You were always going to be Leonard’s father, no matter how much of an ass you were. We wanted to make sure you knew that.”
“Shit.” Austin squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his fingers to them.
There was no way he was going to cry. Connor wasn’t ready for that kind of reaction. He wouldn’t know how to console him.
“You okay?” Connor asked, feeling nervous.
“Yeah, it’s just dusty in here.” Austin took the collar of his shirt and wiped his eyes with it. Connor’s throat choked up, but he refused to show emotion, because Lord knows Austin wouldn’t let Connor live it down, even though he was crying himself.
“Yup, dusty.”
Austin held the baby jersey in front of him and shook his head in disbelief. “I miss her, man. I miss her smile, her wit, her friendship. I wish I was better to her at the end. If I could go back and change things, I would have shown her how much I appreciated her, how much her friendship meant to me.”
Sometimes Connor was so exhausted with the empty feeling he wore every day that he forgot that even though Austin was right about being an ass, he was still very much affected by Lucy’s death. Lucy was the love of Connor’s life, but she was also Austin’s close friend for many years. They only drifted apart the last year because of what happened between them. If he was in Austin’s position, he would most likely feel the same way, regret for not telling the person in your life how much you love them.
“She knew, man. It might have been hard at the end, but she knew how much you cared. If you didn’t care, you would have never shown up for the appointments. I just wish we didn’t hate each other so much.” Connor paused for a second and ran his hands through his hair. “Do you think if we didn’t fight as much…maybe she wouldn’t have died?”
Austin leaned back on the couch and rested the jersey across his chest. “I’ve thought of the same thing. Did we stress her out so much that we caused her death? I doubt it, but it’s hard as fuck to try to convince yourself otherwise.”
“I agree. I try to tell myself that it’s not the case, but I can’t help but feel guilty.” Connor choked up. “I would have done anything to keep her on this earth, even if that meant sucking up every hatred bone in my body for you.”
“Hatred? Damn man, that’s a strong word.”
Connor gave Austin a knowing look. “Come on, you hated me.”
“True story,” Austin laughed.
They sat in the living room in silence; Leonard’s breathing filling the room. Their lives had completely changed in the last few weeks. They’d lost Lucy: Connor’s love and Austin’s friend. They gained a tiny bundle, whom which they had unconditional love for. They found themselves sharing an apartment like a couple of bros in college, and they were sharing stories about Leonard’s latest shit-capades. No longer were they at each other’s throats, trying to bring down one another; instead, they were trying to survive on a daily basis and do the best they could for Leonard. Their partnership was unconventional, but they were both in it for the right reasons, and that was all that mattered.
**Molly** br />
“Hi,” Molly said in an irritated voice as she flopped down next to Jane and Albert at a restaurant table they were able to secure in the back.
“You seem happy,” Albert replied sarcastically. He polished his silverware with his napkin, looking posh as ever in his gingham pink button up.
Grabbing the napkin in front of her, Molly placed it on her lap and then took a sip of her drink. “Luke fucked me again today.”
“Oh, you poor soul. What a hardship. Your hot and extremely muscular boyfriend fucked you again. What, did you only have three orgasms this time?” Albert clearly wasn’t feeling bad at all from the tone in his voice.
“You don’t get it,” Molly spoke to Jane and Albert, Jane just listening. “We don’t talk. He doesn’t want to tell me about his feelings or what happened. I’m starting to think Dr. Drake was right. We are all about the sex. We don’t have a strong personal connection.”
“You know that’s not true.” Albert placed his hand on Molly’s, becoming more serious. “You and Luke have known each other for a long time. You might have a strong sexual attraction, but you still know everything about each other. You’re connected on an emotional level as well.”