“I don’t know,” Luke answered honestly. “I don’t think Molly would ever do that to me.”
“Fallon isn’t like that. She has her own issues she deals with on a daily basis. I think it has more to do with trying not to make myself look like less of a man.”
“Do you both feel like half a man from what happened to you?”
Luke let Nash talk first. “Yes, I couldn’t say it any better. I’m weakened from not being whole, and I don’t know how to deal with that feeling.”
“I was violated, in the worst way possible as a grown ass man. I don’t know how to tell that to Molly without feeling like I don’t deserve her.”
Dr. Drake took in their words as they walked along the trail. He spent a few good moments in silence.
He stopped walking and made both of them look him in the eyes. “I want you to really listen to what I’m about to say.” Luke and Nash nodded. Dr. Drake shook both their hands and said, “Thank you for your service. Thank you for protecting this country, for putting your fellow Americans first, and for sacrificing your bodies for the good of the American people.”
The thank you and handshake Luke received from Dr. Drake was nothing new to him. He very often received the same kind of thank you from random strangers. He never truly thought about the words until just now.
“Thank you,” Luke and Nash said.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Dr. Drake’s face was completely sincere as he spoke. “I’m saying thank you for conducting one of the most selfless acts an American can do. You two are not lesser men for what happened. No, you are stronger men because of what you lost. Nash, you lost a limb, but you lost a limb while protecting us back home. Luke, you were abused mentally and physically for years while on a mission to protect your country. You’re heroes…”
“No,” Nash shook his head. “I’m not a hero. A hero is a person who saves another.”
“Not true,” Dr. Drake cut in. “A hero is someone who shows self-sacrifice in the face of danger. You both are very much heroes, no matter how you look at it. You shouldn’t be ashamed of what happened to you; you should be proud of the courage and heroism you put forth.”
Hero. Was he really a hero? The word settled in as they walked back to the apartment. Their session today was heavy, so Dr. Drake kept it short. Even though it was short, it was packed full of a lot to think about. Luke only hoped Nash was taking in the doctor’s words like he was.
Chapter 14
**Connor**
“I know you can’t see a foot in front of you, but there he is, Leonard. There’s daddy playing baseball. Wave and say hi!”
Austin threatened Connor’s life today about bringing Leonard by the ball park. It was family day, and Austin insisted on Connor coming by with the boy. Normally, family day consisted of players’ kids who could actually hold their heads up, and the random player who brought his dog because he thought it was funny.
The family members who attended played games on the field and participated in face painting and other typical carnival type games, the kids in particular. The players helped run the activities and the wives took pictures.
Connor felt incredibly out of place.
Austin was participating in a whiffle ball game with the kids and his teammates. It was about to wrap up, thankfully, since Connor had been out in the sun with Leonard for longer than he wished. They were both sweating, wishing there was some air conditioning they could avail themselves of.
“That’s the ball game!” Deek called out, as a kid from Austin’s team crossed home plate. The team on the field groaned as Austin’s team cheered. Pretty sure they called themselves the Smelly Socks, courtesy of one of the pitchers’ kids.
“Yay, Daddy won,” Connor said to Leonard, who was passed out in his car seat.
Wisely, Connor had attached a battery operated fan to the handle, so at least Leonard was staying partially cool in the hot Florida sun.
“There’s my boy,” Austin called out, jogging up to Connor and Leonard. Austin patted Connor on the shoulder. “I’m glad you brought him.”
“He’s already been telling me how he’s going to remember this day for the rest of his life.”
“Don’t be a jack ass. I wanted to show him off to the guys.”
Austin reached to pull Leonard out of the car seat, when Connor stopped him. “What do you think you’re doing? He’s sleeping.”
“Yeah, so? He’ll still sleep when I hold him.”
“You really think you can unbuckle him and not wake him up?”
“I’m a professional,” Austin stated.
“A professional moron, yes. You’re not taking him out of the car seat. It took me an hour just to get him to calm down from being put in his car seat.”
“What am I supposed to do? Hold up the car seat to all the guys? What if they want to hold him? Do I just hand them the car seat?”
Connor nodded. “Pretty much, yes.”
“That is ridic-”
“Hi, Austin, is this your little guy?” The on-field correspondent, Amy Wallace, asked as she walked up with a camera crew.
Austin’s chest puffed out and he beamed with pride. “This is my boy, Leonard.”
Amy was wearing a navy pencil skirt, white shirt, and had on a decent pair of heels. She was pretty good looking, nothing like Lucy, but still pretty. She bent down at the knees and squatted next to the car seat to get a better look.
“He’s adorable. I didn’t know you were adopting.” Amy stood up and stuck her hand out to Connor. “Hi, I’m Amy. You must be Connor, Austin’s significant other.”
“Excuse me?” Connor asked, wanting to clear his ears out.
“I’m not much of a gossip magazine type of girl, but I can’t help but love your story. I know you’re not quite out in the open yet, but the fact that you decided to come down here and raise your adopted baby together is so amazing. I’ve always wanted a gay friend.”
“Gay?” Austin shouted. “I’m not gay.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Amy asked, confused.
“I’m not gay! I’ll show you my penis right now.” Austin started to unbuckle his pants.
Connor pinched the bridge of his nose and asked, “How does showing her your penis prove you’re not gay?”
Austin’s hands stilled at his zipper as he thought about Connor’s question. “Um, to show that it’s not all glittery and shit.”
“Do you think gay men’s’ dicks glitter?”
“Maybe,” Austin cringed.
“They don’t,” Connor answered, exhausted. He turned to Amy and addressed the crazy. “Austin is Leonard’s father. He conceived him with my fiancé, Lucy, before we were together. Lucy…” Connor took a deep breath. “Lucy died during childbirth. We decided to raise the baby together, since we were both playing a role in his life before we lost Lucy.”
Amy covered her mouth in shock. “Oh, my gosh, I had no clue. I feel like such a boob for thinking you two were a couple. The magazines made it so believable.”
“What magazines?” Austin was outraged, ready to cause a stir. “I’ll burn them all to the ground.”
“Please don’t quote him on anything he’s said since you’ve been over here.”
“Don’t worry,” Amy said, placing her hand on Connor’s arm. “We’re only reporting good things about the Braves, you know, since I work for the Braves. I would kind of lose my job if I shed a bad light on one of our star players.”
“Damn right.” Austin buckled his pants and rested his hands on his hips. “Can I take him out of the car seat yet?”
“No. Just leave him in there for now.”
“How am I supposed to show him off?”
“I don’t know,” Connor threw his hands up in the air and looked around. “Have people form a line and charge them five dollars to see the prodigal son.”
As if an idea bulb just went off in Austin’s head, a wicked grin spread across his face. “You know, that’s not that bad of an idea.”
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“Christ…”
“Umm, I’ll come back when Leonard’s awake,” Amy said, walking backwards. “Nice meeting you, Connor.”
Connor just waved as he tried to handle the twelve year-old boy in front of him. “Can you just go drink some PowerAde or something while he rests?”
“I saw the way you looked at her. You like Amy.”
“What?” Connor thought his mind was going to explode.
“Dude, you eye fucked her. It was so obvious.”
“How was me having a plain conversation with a woman I just met, obvious?”
Austin rocked the car seat with his foot as he spoke. “It wasn’t the conversation you had, it was your body language. You want her. Want me to set it up?”
“You’re kidding, right? Austin, I’m still trying to cope with the fact that I won’t be marrying Lucy. I don’t need to even think about anyone else right now.”
Austin held up his hands in defense. “Fine, but I think there’s something there.”
“I can’t stand you right now,” Connor answered honestly.
“Feeling’s mutual, my brother.” Austin scanned the field and then said, “So, what are we going to do about these magazines?”
“Well, we can either just lay low, or give them a show. I say we make out outside of the apartment,” Connor was clearly joking, but Austin didn’t pick up on it.
“I knew it!” he shouted and pointed at Connor. “I knew you liked me!” Austin kicked the air in excitement and accidently hit the car seat on his way down, waking up Leonard to an ear piercing cry.
“Great job, moron,” Connor complimented, grabbing Leonard and trying to comfort him.
“At least he’s awake now,” Austin said sheepishly.
Giving him a thumbs up, Connor replied, “Yeah, score.”
**Nash**
The shaking of Nash’s knee caused the coffee table to rattle as he waited for Fallon to ring his doorbell. He was nervous to see her because the last time he saw her in person, he was an ass, but since then they’d spent almost every night texting or talking on the phone. There were a few nights when they weren’t able to connect because she had prior engagements, those were the nights that Nash felt the loneliest.
His last session with Dr. Drake really made him think about his circumstances. He was taking the easy way out by giving up and living off his disability checks, never amounting to anything. Well, starting yesterday, that changed. Nash applied for a job down at the local Veteran’s Association for a Senior Leadership position. He would be working with other amputees, and he thought it would not only be therapeutic for the recent amputees, but it would be therapeutic for him as well. He was excited to talk to Dr. Drake about his decision; Nash knew he would approve.
A knock at the door let Nash know Fallon had finally arrived. He stood up on shaky legs and straightened out his black jeans. He wore Converse with them and a white V-neck shirt, which showed off some of his tattoos. He got a haircut yesterday, so it was buzzed short, and he actually put on some cologne he purchased yesterday. He felt like a bit of a tool getting all dressed up, but he wanted to impress Fallon.
He took one big, deep breath and then opened the door. On the other side, Fallon stood with her hands fidgeting together. She was wearing a purple sundress with navy blue Vans. Her hair was down and curled under at the tips, her lips glossed in pink, and her eyes brushed with mascara. She was gorgeous.
“You look beautiful,” Nash complimented, wanting to pull her into his arms and kiss her frantically. He loved the fact that she felt comfortable enough around him to wear clothes she wanted to wear…that she didn’t have to cover up her body.
“Thank you,” she said shyly in a not-so-Fallon way. “You look very handsome yourself. Your hair is short.” She reached up and touched it quickly before returning back to her spot on his doormat.
He rubbed his head and asked, “Do you hate it?”
“No, I think you look hot.” She smiled shyly and Nash’s heart fluttered.
Without warning, he grabbed her hand and pulled her into his chest for a hug. Her arms wrapped around his waist and his chin rested on her head so he could smell her hair.
“It’s good to see you,” Nash admitted.
She pulled away and pinched his chin with her finger and thumb while his hands were on her hips. “You act like you missed little old me.”
“If I admitted that, you would never let me live it down.”
“You got that right.” She adjusted her strappy purse and asked, “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.” Nash grabbed his keys off his side table and a plastic bag of food.
“What’s that?”
“Too many questions,” Nash told her, locking his arm over her shoulder and escorting her out to his truck, which he’d packed earlier for their date.
“You would be a truck man.”
“I’m going to take that as a compliment.”
The truck was pretty high, thanks to his douche twenty year-old self at the time, so he helped Fallon inside, avoiding his gaze from her short dress. He was going to be a gentleman, he kept telling himself that.
Nash pulled out onto the road and tuned the radio to country music. “Who’s your favorite country singer?” They spoke about country music one night, one of the other things they had in common; they didn’t dive too deep into the conversation because it was late and Fallon was yawning every two seconds.
“Good question. It’s a hard choice because I’m such a nineties country kind of girl.”
“Classic era,” Nash agreed.
“Hmm, if I had to pick, I would have to say, hands down, Alan Jackson. I would marry him if he asked me.”
“What?” Nash asked in surprise. “You would choose Alan over Garth Brooks?”
“I told you it was a tough decision,” Fallon said, regret in her voice. “I just love Alan Jackson so much. He helped me through some of my rough times growing up. If he was dangling off a cliff with Garth Brooks, I would save Alan.”
“What if it was me and Alan hanging off a cliff?”
Fallon took her sweet ass time answering his question, weighing her choices with her hands.
“Wow, I see where I stand,” Nash joked.
“I didn’t pick Alan just yet.”
“Not yet,” Nash said with faux hurt in his voice and a hand to his heart.
She pulled his hand off his chest and linked their hands together. Nash couldn’t help the smile that took up residence on his face. “You’ll survive.”
“If I grew a mullet and a mustache, would your answer change?”
Laughter came from Fallon, a heavenly sound to Nash. “It just might, it just might.”
Their conversation fluctuated from favorite female country singer to owning a pair of boots to first time ever square dancing. Fallon didn’t believe Nash when he told her he used to be an amazing two-stepper. Future promises were made to show off such dance moves. Conversation with Fallon was easy for Nash, it flowed, there was never an awkward silence and their hands never drifted apart.
About to arrive at their destination, Nash lowered the music and said, “Are you ready for our date?”
“Are we almost there?” Fallon looked out the window, waiting to see any kind of sign of where they might be.
“We are. Have you ever been to the Starlight Drive-In Theatre?”
Fallon’s eyes lit up at the mention of the theatre. “No! But I’ve always wanted to go to a drive-in. Oh, this is so exciting!” She bounced in her seat, not caring to mask her excitement.
“That’s not the best part.”
“It’s not?”
Shaking his head, Nash said, “Nope.” They pulled into the drive-in, just as Fallon saw the movie that would be showing.
“Planes, Trains and Automobiles is playing?”
“Yup, thought it would be fitting for us to watch.”
They were parked, waiting in line to get in when Fallon squeezed his hand and pulle
d his head down to her with her other hand. She rested her forehead on his, her eyes searching his. Nash’s heartbeat was moving a mile a minute being so intimately close to her.
“Thank you,” she whispered, rubbing her thumb across his cheek.
He wanted to kiss her; the urge was overwhelming. He wanted to pull her onto his lap and run his lips all over her neck, her collarbones, her chest, and then back up to her heart-shaped mouth. His fingers tingled with need, his breathing was erratic, and his mind was racing, almost dizzy. Should he kiss her?
Before he could decide, she pulled away and looked out the window, pure joy radiating off of her.
Getting ahold of his racing heart, Nash took a few moments to find his breath before he spoke again. He didn’t want his voice to sound all choppy.
He paid the entrance fee and found a spot somewhat in the front so they had a good view. He backed into their parking spot, since he’d packed blankets and pillows to sit in the bed of his truck. Grabbing his plastic bag of food, he led her out of the truck and set up their seating area, placing pillows on the bottom first, followed by blankets.
Once again, he helped her up on the bed, and without showing the hitch in his step, he lifted himself up and climbed to the back with her, where they rested against the back of the cab. Adjusting the pillows, they made themselves comfortable, resting side by side. Nash could have brought chairs to sit in, but he thought of the snuggling opportunity he would have with Fallon and vetoed that option.
“Do I get to find out what’s in the bag now?”
“So impatient,” he smiled at her and brought the bag to his lap.
He pulled out two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that he’d made, a bag of Doritos, and some waters.
“Did you make us peanut butter and jelly?” There was a laugh threatening to escape her lips, Nash could tell, and honestly, he wasn’t insulted at all.
“I did. It’s the one thing I know I can get right. No doubt in my mind, best sandwich you will have. And, don’t worry, I have some peanut M&M’s for later.”