“In her room.”
“And your brother’s asleep?”
“Yup.”
He nodded his head. “Good. That little guy’s been trying to stay up too late.”
Tracy was tempted to ask her father a few questions on his perspective on love, marriage and relationships. Yet she was unsure if she wanted to draw attention to herself. She was still hesitant about his views on dating. Naw, I’ll save that discussion for later, she thought to herself. Maybe I’ll ask Carl a few more questions first.
Friday afternoon, Tracy decided to wear a Kente outfit that Patti had bought for her at the Black Family Reunion Day celebration. Tracy had always thought that it was cute, but she never thought she would actually wear it anytime soon, especially not to school. Nevertheless, she felt that it was safe to wear it on her date with Carl.
She got out her brown sandals and some wooden earrings, waiting for Carl to pick her up, her first date since Charles.
Carl arrived on time, rang the bell and introduced himself to Patti and Jason. He was very respectful to Patti, and she was proud to have a college boy dating her growing daughter. She couldn’t wait for Dave to meet him. Tracy had finally decided to move in the right direction.
“Well, are you going in or what?” Carl asked after the date. They sat outside of her house in his dark green Chevy Nova.
Tracy refused to leave the car. “Yeah, but only if you promise me something first,” she said, smiling from the passenger’s seat.
“And what’s that?”
“Promise me you’ll do it, first.”
“No, you’re gonna tell me what it is, first.”
Tracy frowned. “Dag, you must don’t trust me at all. Do you?”
“It’s not about trust, Tracy. I just don’t make blind promises.”
“I only wanted you to come over tomorrow to meet my father. Dag. You act like I was gonna ask you to kill yourself.”
Carl smiled and said, “Oh, I’m sorry.”
“What did you think I wanted you to do?” she quizzed.
“I don’t know, pretty. You could’ve said anything.”
Tracy grinned at him. “You a trip.”
Carl grinned back at her and said, “Yes, I know this. So what time do you want me to come over?”
“I’ll call you in the morning and let you know. Sometimes my father works late, and sometimes he doesn’t.”
“Is he a doctor?”
“Nope, but you were close. He’s a pharmacist.”
Carl raised his brow and nodded. “Good profession. All right then. Let me walk you to the door,” he suggested, expecting Tracy to hop out of the car. She looked him in the eyes and turned away with a giggle instead. She was wondering if he had been thinking about her sexually like she had been thinking about him.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
When was the last time you had sex with a girl? she felt like asking him. “Nothin’,” she told him instead.
“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow because I have to get back to the dorms and get some serious Z’s,” Carl said, pressed about ending their date.
Tracy looked at his car clock. “At eleven o’clock, you’re going to bed, on a Friday night?” she asked, doubtingly.
“Yup, because I have to get up early tomorrow morning.”
“Why?”
“I’m on the football team. Remember? We have a game tomorrow.”
“Oh,” Tracy responded, feeling stupid about her suspicions. “I’m sorry,” she apologized to him.
Carl responded with a chuckle, “You know, you’re something else. No, it’s not another girl.”
Tracy thought to herself and said, “Carl?”
“What?”
“When was the last girlfriend you had?”
“In April.”
“And what happened?”
“It was a long-distance relationship, and she decided that she had other things to do, and I had other things to do as well, so we parted. We’re still friends though. But I’m with someone now,” he commented.
Tracy was shocked, thinking that he was coming clean to her about his girlfriend. “And who is this?” she asked, about to be enraged.
“Umm, some girl named Tracy,” Carl told her.
Tracy exhaled, smiled at him and slapped his arm.
“What’s that for?” he asked with a smirk.
“Don’t worry about it,” she told him. She was embarrassed by her jealousy. “All right then, since you’re ready to get rid of me.”
Carl leaped out of the car, sprinted to the passenger side, opened the door and carried her out and up to her steps. He then lowered her to her feet with his hulking arms.
Tracy was speechless. Carl waved at her as he hopped back into his Nova. Tracy didn’t enter until he was out of sight.
Patti asked, “So how was the movie?” She sat on the couch watching late-night videos and eating ice cream.
“It was all right.”
“Well, what’s up with you and Carl?”
“Aw, mom, you only asking about him because he’s in college,” she answered with a smile.
“So what? This is a big step up for you.”
Tracy giggled at her mother’s forwardness. “You a trip, mom.”
“And what’s that boy’s name that’s always around here fighting? You know, the real cute dark boy?” Patti asked.
Tracy frowned. “Ill, mom, you talkin’ ’bout Victor.”
“Yeah, well I seen that boy with three girls inside of a Burger King. And they paid for his food.”
Tracy sucked her teeth. “Mom, girls always buying him stuff.”
“Unh hunh, just like you did for poor Charles,” Patti alluded.
Tracy snapped, “Poor Charles? That boy runnin’ around here with every girl he can get his hands on now.”
“Well, that’s what you get for toying with him. I heard you tell your girlfriend that he was your ‘little slave.’ ”
Tracy squealed, embarrassed, “Uuuw, mom, what ’chew doin’ listening to my phone conversations?”
“Aw, go on somewhere, girl. I was passing by your room and just happened to catch that.”
“Yeah, I bet. And you probably caught other things I said, too.”
“Mmm, hmm, I did,” her mother told her with a nod. “Like when you told Carmen to slow down with being ‘Ms. Hot-Panties.’ ”
Tracy was shocked and ashamed. She howled, “That’s it, mom! I’m gonna make sure I watch where you are before I talk on the phone again.” Giggling, Tracy ran up the steps to get away.
Patti followed her up the steps. She had been in much better spirits since her husband had returned home, bringing his good loving with him when he wasn’t tired. And Patti had a few things that she wanted to square away with her daughter about her sex life. It was about that time for a mother and daughter talk.
“Tracy, are you having sex yet?” Patti walked into her daughter’s room and asked.
Tracy gasped for air, with her eyes ballooning. “Oh my God, mom.”
Patti grinned, imagining how embarrassed Tracy felt. But it was time for their sex talk whether Tracy liked it or not. “Well?” Patti asked her. “I should have done this with you a long time ago. I guess I was too preoccupied with worrying about your father.”
“Well, we can wait a couple more years, ’cause I’m not ready yet,” Tracy tried to tell her mother.
“I don’t think so,” Patti snapped. “Now answer the question, Tracy. Have you been doing something or not?”
Tracy forced herself to lie, and it was a lot easier since she hadn’t had sex in almost a year. “No, mom.”
Patti glared at her and ignored her answer. “Have you been protecting yourself.”
I can’t believe this, Tracy was thinking, frantically. “No, mom I haven’t—”
“NO!” Patti repeated, cutting off her daughter’s explanation.
“I haven’t been doing anything,” Tracy insisted nervously.
&
nbsp; Patti continued to stare at her. “Mmm, hmm. I know you have. And I can’t stop you, but I’m telling you now, a whole lot of responsibility comes with sex, and we get girls down at the abortion clinic all the time, talking about ‘I don’t know how I got pregnant.’ ”
Tracy could not help laughing at her mother’s imitation of a teenager. Patti had reached the over-thirty mark.
“Oh, don’t laugh, because it’s not funny, Tracy,” she told her daughter. “Now if you’re gonna start dealing with college boys and what have you, then I definitely have to have this talk with you.”
Tracy thought about asking her mother how she would feel if she lost her virginity to Carl, but she declined. Naw, that would be crazy, she told herself.
“Now you’re telling me that you’re not doing anything, right?” Patti asked her again.
“Yes,” Tracy lied, ready to crack at any minute.
Patti nodded. “All right, so if you end up pregnant or running around here with some kind of a disease, then I guess it’ll be a mistake, like a million other girls.”
Tracy didn’t answer, and as soon as her mother had left the room, she began to breathe freely again.
Patti stuck her head back inside the door and startled Tracy.
“Dag, mom!” her daughter exclaimed.
“I just wanted to let you know that as soon as you’re ready to talk to me about sex, I’m here for you.”
Tracy nodded, begging for her mother to stop pressing her about it. “Okay,” she said, “I’ll let you know.”
Once her mother left her room again, Tracy thought, God! Wait ’til I tell everybody about this!
Tracy, Patti, and Jason sat and ate dinner with Carl that Saturday evening after waiting on Dave. He called late and said that he had to fill in and that he wouldn’t be home anytime soon.
“Oh, well,” Patti piped. “Better luck next time. But I’ll make sure and tell him how respectful you are, Carl. Okay?” Patti promised.
“As long as you let him know she’s in good hands,” Carl responded with a confident smile. He was eager to meet Tracy’s father.
Tracy was a bit disappointed, but there was nothing she could do about her father’s work schedule.
“Ay, Tracy, I hear you goin’ out with a college guy now,” Carmen said, joining Tracy at lunchtime.
“What, are you cutting from class or somethin’?” Tracy asked. She and Carmen had different lunch periods.
“Yeah, but fuck classes. So what’s up wit’ you and this college boy?”
Jantel continued to eat her lunch, minding her own business. She was still not fond of Carmen.
“Oh, girl, you much late, ’cause we been goin’ together for three weeks now,” Tracy answered.
“Oh, so y’all had sex by now, hunh? Was it good, girl?”
Tracy shook her head, letting Carmen know. “No, our relationship is not based on that. We started off as friends, and now we respect each other more. We don’t need to have sex.”
Jantel, with her mouth full of turkey and cheese on wheat bread, looked at Tracy and smiled. She could not believe her ears after how eager Tracy had been to explore sex in junior high.
Carmen laughed at her. “Check you out. What, you think you moved up now, hunh?”
Tracy responded sharply, “Yup, and I ain’t coming back down either.”
Carmen wanted to say something about the wooden earrings Tracy was wearing. But she let it slide. Carmen didn’t comment on Tracy’s new hairstyle either. She was trying to wear her hair like Lisa’s, in twisted, baby dreadlocks.
Carmen broke it down and said, “It don’t make no difference that he’s in college. He’s still a guy. And through all of that dumb stuff, all he really want, right now, is some ass, like all the rest of ’em.”
“Well, you wouldn’t know, Carmen, because all the boys who meet you already know they’re gonna get what they want. They don’t even have to like you.”
“Well, I got a boyfriend, too, now,” Carmen responded smugly.
“So, he only gon’ drop you after he gets some.”
Carmen smiled slyly, as if she knew something that Tracy did not. “Well, just to let you know, girlfriend, I already gave him some, and he’s been with me since then. And you know what, that was four months ago.”
Carmen walked off with the proud stroll of a model.
Jantel turned to face Tracy and laughed. “That’s a shame,” she commented. “I think she’s actually proud of that.”
“She is,” Tracy agreed. Yet she realized that her relationships had not lasted much longer than Carmen’s had.
It was nearly Thanksgiving, and Carl had finally met Tracy’s father. Tracy feared having sex with Carl after her conversation with Carmen. At the same time, she was curious to know if he would leave her once they did anything.
Heading back to Cheyney’s campus after a Saturday afternoon movie, Tracy expected Carl to try her for the first time. But after only talking, while up in his neat room for an hour, Tracy began to worry about “the chick on the side” theory that Mercedes had hipped her to a while ago. “Sometimes, when a guy wants to save his main squeeze, he’ll have a chick or two on the side that he’ll mess with until he gets you. And sometimes they keep them chicks on the side just in case you start holding out on them. So always watch out for them guys that act like they got iron balls and shit, like they don’t need none, because it’s all a big game.” Therefore, Tracy feared that Carl was seeing someone when she left. But no matter how close they got, Tracy avoided bringing up the subject of sex.
After the chat with Carmen, sex with Carl was a waiting game that had turned into a psychological nightmare. Tracy was beginning to despise Carmen for it. Carl always seemed to be in a hurry to get back to his dorm, and Tracy was starting to believe that he was running back to catch a girl at a specific time.
Tracy called to make sure that he was home that night. “Hello . . . It’s me,” she answered.
“Yeah, how did you like the movie? I forgot to ask you,” he asked her.
“It was all right,” Tracy said, wanting to get to the point of her call. “What are you doin’?”
“Homework.”
“Oh, so I guess you want me to hang up now, hunh?” she assumed.
“I didn’t tell you to,” he said to her.
What the hell is he doing homework on a Saturday night for? she asked herself. “Well, won’t I disturb you while you doin’ your homework?” she ranted.
Carl raised his brow and stopped writing. Something was definitely wrong with how Tracy was acting. “Hold on now, Tracy, what is the problem here? You act as if someone told you a rumor about me or something.”
“Ain’t nobody tell me nothin’. And how did you get that idea? You feel guilty about something?”
“Aw, that’s it!” he snapped. “You think I’m cheating on you already, and I’m tired of having to prove things to you all the time, so the hell with it!” he shouted, hanging up on Tracy’s ear.
Tracy held the phone, deciding not to call him back. She called Lisa, finding out that Carl was generally faithful. It was a mistake, showing how insecure she was. Tracy was still a growing teenager.
“So Jantel is really doing well in track, hunh?” Patti asked. She watched Tracy as she put on her winter coat. Tracy then grabbed her bag of clothing and personals. It was Friday night and she was staying over Jantel’s house and planning on getting up bright and early to attend another of Jantel’s cross-country track meets.
“Yeah. Colleges are looking at her for scholarships already,” Tracy informed her mother.
Patti was excited for her. “See that? Now don’t you wish you had stuck it out in track? You could’ve had colleges coming to see you.”
Tracy laughed at the idea. “I’m not fast, mom. If I was, then maybe I would have stuck it out. But Jantel is one of the fastest girls in the city.”
“Well, cross-country isn’t sprinting,” Patti said, confused.
“I know, b
ut she runs all year round.”
Patti nodded. “Yeah, I guess that’s good for conditioning.”
No, she’s just afraid of boys, so she runs track all the time to havean excuse to stay busy, Tracy thought to herself with a grin.
“Well, have fun,” her mother told her as she headed out the door.
Jantel lived across Wayne Avenue, four blocks away. Tracy insisted that she could walk instead of being driven, and she arrived at Jantel’s in less than a half-hour.
“Ay, girl,” Jantel greeted her friend at her door after looking through the peephole. Tracy followed her in and then up to Jantel’s room to plot. They closed the door to speak in private.
Jantel whispered, “So what if your mom calls here?”
“She’s not gon’ call here. My mom ain’t even like that.”
“Okay then, ’cause I hope she don’t find out.”
“Stop worryin’ about it.”
“What would she do to you?” Jantel asked with a smile.
“Kick my ass,” Tracy said, giggling nervously.
“Well, when you leavin’?”
“Like nine o’clock. And then I’ll be back over here before we leave for the track meet.”
“Okay then, girl, but you have to be back over here by seven-thirty in the morning.”
Tracy snapped, “You told me five times already, Jantel. I know already. God!”
“I’m just trying to make sure, because if you’re not here at seven-thirty, you’re getting left.” Jantel then shook her head and grinned. “I still think you crazy though.”
Tracy, with her bags in hand, had her college friends pick her up on Chelten Avenue, claiming that she would be ordering a cheese steak sandwich by the time they would arrive. “So I’ll just eat it there and wait for y’all,” she told them. It was all right with them. They got Tracy to order them cheese steaks as well. They then headed for another Cheyney State campus party that Carl’s group happened to be doing. The football team had off that weekend.
Tracy pushed her way through the crowds as soon as they had arrived. Lisa, Joanne and Kiwana were privileged to get in for free since Carl and his friends were DJing, and that included free entrance for Tracy.