Dave ducked under her arms to feel her stomach.
“Oh, so you came over to check up on your future son, hunh?” she asked as he rubbed her rounded belly.
“That’s right. I came to see if you’re eating right and taking care of my boy.”
“Well, you would know if you stayed for a while,” Patti hinted.
Dave ignored it. He figured he was spending a lot of time with her as it was. He still had to work five days a week. You see that? he thought to himself. I can’t satisfy her. As soon as I move back in, she’s gon’ want me to do something else.
“Yeah, dad, and he gon’ look just like you,” Tracy commented about the baby.
“Nope, he gon’ look like your mother,” Dave refuted, taking a seat at the kitchen table.
“Why? Ain’t he gon’ be a boy?” Tracy asked him.
“Yeah, but mommy does more, so he’s gonna look more like her.”
Tracy didn’t understand his logic, so she changed the subject. “Daddy, why do boys hate girls?”
“Boys don’t hate girls, they just don’t like hangin’ around them too long,” Dave told her. As soon as the words left his lips, he regretted saying it.
Patti gave him an evil eye from the stove and remained silent. He’s gonna say some more shit like that and I’m gonna kick his ass right out of this house. I don’t give a damn if he is paying the bills, she told herself.
“Well, why do you have to give boys stuff for them to like you?” Tracy asked her father.
Dave eyed her sternly. “Give them what?”
“Candy and stuff,” Tracy answered. She surely wasn’t going to tell her father about a kiss.
“Oh, well, that’s because some boys are greedy.”
Every comment Dave said added fuel to Patti’s fire.
“Tell me about it,” she mumbled. “They just expect to get everything that they want.”
“Well, some women can be greedy, too,” Dave responded. “And a lot of times they don’t know what the hell they want until it’s gone.”
Patti dropped what she was doing. “Don’t try that shit with me, Dave. You know damn well I didn’t want you to leave.”
Dave stood up and began heading for the front door. “I guess this is that pregnancy thing.”
“No, it’s not a pregnancy thing. It’s a common sense thing, Dave,” Patti snapped, following her husband into the living room. Tracy could hear her mother’s voice cracking as she spoke.
“Don’t leave, dad,” Tracy pleaded to her father.
Dave exhaled and took a seat on the couch. He then opened his arms wide so Tracy could climb onto his lap.
Patti decided to calm herself. Even though she was angry at him, she still wanted Dave to stay for dinner. She headed back to the kitchen without another word.
Dave stayed and ate dinner with them and decided to spend the night.
Tracy felt like she owned the place on her next school day. The school had her name on it, and she had personally hired all of the teachers and the principal. She had gone after the most desirable boy in the fifth grade and “got him.”
Tracy’s friends followed her around still, begging for her to tell them something. Aaron ate lunch with Tracy at her table and even stopped playing football when she called him. Everyone knew that Tracy had won him over after that. But no one knew how, unless Aaron had told them. Tracy didn’t want people to think that she was nasty, so she decided to keep the kiss to herself. And she definitely wasn’t kissing Aaron again. He just didn’t know it yet. Tracy had decided that kisses were too much. I don’t want to get pregnant, she thought to herself.
Aaron approached her after school, wearing a tight, dirty baseball cap. His wild hair fluffed outside of the edges. And his clothes were ragged from playing football. Even his jacket was ripped.
Tracy wore a pink jogging suit, white running shoes and a colorful coat. She felt embarrassed by Aaron’s appearance. She didn’t feel like having him walk her home, looking so “bummy.” She also noticed a rip on the side of his pants. Yuck.
“Do you want me to walk you home?” he asked her.
“I don’t care,” she said. Tracy didn’t have the courage to treat Aaron like she did Tommy. But she wished that she did.
“Okay then,” Aaron told her.
Tracy hoped that they could start some kind of an argument so she could get rid of him. Arguments always seemed to get rid of someone. But it was no use. Aaron was becoming a Tommy, and Tracy no longer wanted him around.
Before dumping him, Tracy got Aaron to teach her to play catch, and Tommy was angry. She then got Aaron to tell her girlfriends that he always liked her, and Tommy was furious. Aaron and Tommy had patched their friendship up the last time she came between them, but it was different once Aaron admitted to liking her. Tommy felt betrayed.
Tommy waited for Aaron after school and attacked him, but Aaron managed to duck his punches. They squared off, standing face to face, fists to fists on the sidewalk, as the other students watched with Tracy. Aaron still proved to be faster and got the most punches in. Tommy’s nose was bloody and his lip was cut before someone broke it up.
Tracy walked home alone, because Aaron decided to parade with his friends about his victory. She felt better off without him. She liked to brag about him more than she liked being with him.
“MERCEDES! I GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU!” Tracy shouted, running to catch her next-door neighbor, who was heading up the block ahead of her. Mercedes waited for her and decided to go into Tracy’s house to hear her little story.
“My boyfriend beat this boy up for me today,” Tracy bragged.
“He did? Why?” Mercedes asked, intrigued.
“Because Tommy was jealous.”
Mercedes frowned at her news. “Well, you better watch out, because after boys do that, they start acting like they own you.”
Tracy looked confused. “They do?”
“Yup. I had a lot of boys fight over me,” Mercedes told her, “and then they always get a big head.”
Mercedes left big impressions on Tracy’s mind. She gave Tracy things to think about. What if Aaron did change? He had already decided to go home with his friends instead of with her. Tracy decided to watch out for him. If Aaron did or said anything that she didn’t like, that would just as well confirm it. He had a big head.
Tracy didn’t see him as she walked through the halls at school. She didn’t look at Aaron when he did arrive. He didn’t say anything when he saw her either.
The bell rang for recess, and Tracy headed to her bench with her friends. Aaron played football with his. Tracy didn’t bother to call him anymore. But after school, Aaron was waiting for her.
“You want me to walk you home?”
Tracy had an attitude. “Do you want to?” she responded sourly.
Aaron said, “It’s up to you, ’cause I don’t really care.”
Tracy tossed her head. “Well, if you don’t care, then go your own way then.”
“What?”
“I said, no, since you don’t care no more.”
“Well, I ain’t wanna walk you home no way, girl,” Aaron huffed at her.
“Fine. Leave me alone then,” Tracy shot back.
“Aw, you stupid anyway.”
“I’m not stupid, boy.”
Aaron bit his bottom lip and balled his fists. “Say somethin’ else, girl, and I’ll punch you in your mouth!”
Tracy shut her mouth. She knew that Aaron would do it. He had hit lots of girls.
“I ain’t like you anyway,” he told her before walking off in the opposite direction.
“Yup, you was right, Mercedes. Aaron didn’t say nothin’ to me all day. And then he gon’ try to walk me home,” Tracy explained.
“So what did you say to him?” Mercedes asked her.
“I told him no.”
“Well, don’t worry about him. There’s other fish in the sea.”
“I’m not. This boy named Patrick likes me anyway,” Tr
acy said.
“Yup, Tracy, I’m gon’ be moving soon,” Mercedes announced to her.
“Why-e-e?” Tracy squealed with large eyes.
“ ’Cause I’m tired of living with them,” Mercedes answered sharply. Tracy listened as Mercedes went on: “All my life my father made me kiss up to him. I couldn’t even go to parties and movies and stuff.” Mercedes paused and said, “Yup, girl, I wish I had a father like yours.”
“But my father don’t live with us no more.”
“Well, at least you can do what you want then.”
Mercedes had everything planned. She knew she would be leaving. She had already packed up most of her things. Her mother and sister didn’t bother her anymore, since she was so anti-social. Mercedes told them months ago that she was leaving. And she meant it.
Beth tried to convince her daughter to stay, but it was a waste of time. Mercedes wanted to be on her own. And as long as she found a job and helped to pay the rent at her aunt’s apartment, Mary was willing to let her stay. “I never liked your evil-ass father either,” her Aunt Mary had told her.
Mercedes had plenty of boyfriends, but she never stayed with anyone for more than four months. One guy she dated for two weeks. She dumped him after she found that he was boring. Mercedes had no time for boring guys. She was only attracted to the free-spirited type, the kind of guys who did whatever they wanted to do.
Going to Catholic school had restricted Mercedes from wearing the glamorous clothing that public school girls wore. She never was into Catholicism anyway. Most of the black students that she knew only went to Catholic school because their parents liked the discipline. It had nothing to do with religion. Mercedes figured that with a job and enrollment in public school, she would be on her way to becoming a well-dressed star while obeying her own rules.
“Hey, dad, I’m goin’ to that Prince concert Saturday,” she told her father, anticipating rejection.
Keith sat in his La-Z-Boy chair, watching television. “You don’t know how to ask no better than that?”
Mercedes stood near the television, opposite him. “Well, can I go to the concert Saturday night?”
“No. You’ve been to enough places this month.”
“Oh, so it’s a limit on what I can do, hunh?”
“Girl, I’m about tired of your damn mouth.”
Beth walked in from the kitchen and listened.
“Well, I’m tired of you always telling me what I can’t do.”
Beth said, “He’s only trying to protect you, honey.”
Raheema listened from the top of the stairs.
“I know one thing. She got about one more time to talk back to me,” Keith said to Beth.
“Yeah, right, you always sayin’ that,” Mercedes retorted.
Keith jumped up from the chair to grab her.
Mercedes backed away from him. “This is it, dad. I’m leaving. And if you try to stop me, I’ll kill you!” she warned venomously.
Keith stopped and looked at her as if she had lost her mind. “Girl, you ain’t gon’ kill a damn thing,” he said, stalking her.
Mercedes screamed as she backed around the dining-room table, “Mom, I’m telling you! Get him away from me!”
“All right then, girl. If you wanna leave so bad, then get the HELL OUT!” Keith shouted at her.
Mercedes ran through the living room, rushed up the steps and flew past her little sister.
Raheema watched in shocked silence.
Mercedes ran into her room and grabbed her suitcases.
Keith asked, “What the hell is wrong with that girl?”
“She’s just hard-headed, that’s all,” Beth answered.
“She been runnin’ ’round wit’ them damn boys, puttin’ that shit in her head,” Keith responded. “Well, she can take her ass outta here. See if I give a damn.”
“She don’t mean what she says, baby,” Beth said, rubbing Keith’s back.
“Aw, Beth, you probably been lettin’ her get away with shit while I been working.”
Beth went back to the kitchen, realizing that arguing with Keith was useless. Like father, like daughter, she thought to herself.
Keith hollered at Raheema, “Get your ass in your room and do your homework! I break my ass every day for that damn girl and she gon’ act like a fool,” he ranted, sitting back down in his chair and facing the television. “Matter of fact, she ain’t going no-damn-where,” he decided.
Keith headed up the stairs to Mercedes’ room. Raheema heard him coming and jumped back to her homework.
Keith beat on Mercedes’ locked door.
“Leave me alone! I HATE YOU!” she yelled.
“Open this damn door. I know what you need. You need a good ASS-KICKIN’! That’s what you need.”
Mercedes broke down into wild tears. “Just let me live my life! LEAVE ME ALONE! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”
Keith stared at her locked door, perturbed, and walked away. He went downstairs and back to the kitchen with Beth. “What did I do to that girl to deserve all this?” he asked his wife, who busied herself cooking dinner.
Beth said, “I guess she needs some time to herself. She just need to be free.”
“Free? What ’chew mean, free? She ain’t no damn slave around here!”
Beth didn’t answer him. It sure seems like it sometimes, she told herself.
Keith said, “I’ve been letting that girl get away with murder lately. I should have kept the strap on her hot ass.”
“Well, maybe that’s why she acts like that now,” Beth responded nervously.
Keith stared at her for a second. “Okay, now I’m the bad guy, hunh?” He walked back upstairs to his bedroom and slammed the door.
Mercedes ran out with her luggage. Raheema listened to her make several trips, deciding to come out of her room. Mercedes’ things were piled at the front door in no time.
Raheema came down to talk to her. “Please, Mercedes, don’t leave me here,” she squealed with tears in her eyes.
Mercedes hugged her and backed away. “I’m sorry, girl, but I gotta get out of here . . . You wanna come with me?” Mercedes asked her sister.
Raheema shook her head. “No. You’re just gonna get in trouble.”
Mercedes looked down at her little sister and felt sorry for her. She felt sorry for herself. She felt sorry for her mother. They could have had a beautiful home. But Keith had to ruin it for all of them.“It’s not gonna get any better around here, girl. I wish you luck,” Mercedes told Raheema. She then paced to the kitchen to see her mother.
Beth said, “I’ve called a cab and your aunt, to tell her that you’re on your way.”
Beth hugged her older daughter with no hard feelings. She was happy Mercedes had the courage to step away.
Mercedes hugged her mother and began to cry. “I’m sorry, mom,” she choked, “but I gotta get out of here.”
Beth had nothing to say. All she could think of was, “Be careful.”
Mercedes nodded and began to lug her things outside. A yellow cab arrived at the sidewalk as Beth and Raheema watched from the door. Mercedes was off to live a life on her own.
Raheema wiped her tears and hugged her mother. She didn’t want her sister to leave. She wished they could all remain a big happy family. Mercedes only cared about herself. What did she know about anything? She was only fifteen. But Mercedes thought she knew it all.
chasing boyfriends
Having a little brother was supposed to bring diversity to her life, but unfortunately a newborn baby in the house brought Tracy nothing but agony.
Jason cried all night during his first year with them, and Tracy was forced to assist her mother in changing him, feeding him, watching him and keeping him busy, which had severely reduced her free time.
Twelve and going on thirteen, Tracy was about to enter her last year of junior high school. She had been watching Jason on weekends during the school year because her father’s work shift had changed. He had been worki
ng nights and on weekends with plenty of overtime.
Patti pissed a bitch about her husband’s new work schedule, but Dave still had to pay the bills. “If his ass would move back in, he could save four hundred dollars from that damn apartment of his,” she hissed to her daughter. Dave seemed to love working, but Patti thought of it as another convenient excuse for him to remain absent from the family.
It was aggravating for Tracy to have to keep an eye on Jason while her friends went out to the mall and to the movies. She started to argue with her mother as if they were married. And once summertime rolled around, Tracy was sick of watching Jason. He shouldn’t be my responsibility anyway! I’m not his mother! she snapped to herself.
“Mom, he can just sit here and watch TV by himself.”
“I told you to watch him while I clean up this house.”
“But I gotta get ready to go with my girlfriends.”
“I don’t care, girl!”
“God! I’m tired of this!” Tracy huffed, as she sat and watched Saturday morning cartoons with her brother.
Patti had gotten Dave to lug the television set from the basement into the living room, so she could have something to keep Jason busy. She was not in the basement much, and neither was Tracy, so there was no sense in leaving the television set there.
Jason, named after Patti’s late father, was two and a half years old and talking. He had Dave’s dark brown skin and his mother’s dark, almond-shaped eyes, a precious sight to see. But once he had gotten restless from watching cartoons, he jumped off of the living-room couch and ran back into the kitchen.
“TRA-CY! Get in here and get him!”
Tracy, Raheema and three other friends caught the H bus on Greene Street and went to the Cheltenham Mall. They were all anticipating going to high school in a year, and most of them were interested in boys.
Raheema, the only Catholic school student, didn’t know as many people as Tracy and the other girls. Catholic schools were smaller than most public schools.
Once they had arrived at the mall, the five girls ran in and out of the arcade looking for cute boys to talk to them. Many of the boys knew Tracy from school, so she was no big deal to them, but Raheema was a new pretty face. She got more attention than the other girls. All of the boys wanted to talk to her.