My stomach used to flutter whenever I read Cody’s name on the caller I.D. but now I feel nothing. I really don’t want to talk to my current boyfriend. He’d call me some absurd pet name and ask where I was. So I let voicemail grab it.
I hear the text jingle a few minutes later as I am carefully placing my book back on its shelf.
Where is ur sxy ass???? U better get here b4 any more chicks hit on me.
Ugh. I think his ego can keep him company for a while. Still, I let him know who’s in charge of this relationship.
Another rule that’s off the record: stay in control of all the boys you let kiss you. That way they don’t end up in your pants unless you want them there.
I’m sick. Thx so much 4 ur concern.
There’s no response, but I don’t care. It won’t be the first boyfriend who found someone new before breaking it off with me. I do not put out. Though, I don’t care if they tell people I do. Helps with the rep without me actually having to do that part with guys who’ve been with who knows who. Score!
I kinda feel bad for the girl who ends up in his arms tonight. Cody is a totally status thing. I use him and he uses me. We both know it, and neither of us really cares. It’s been about three weeks, so we’ve pretty much hit our limit anyway. He is a good kisser though. I’ll give him that one.
I look at the closed curtains, thinking of another boy with amazing kissing abilities, but I shove the thought from my mind before I lose it completely to blissed out Zak happyland.
“Hey, I thought you were going out tonight?” My younger sister waltzes in and plops on my bed. Her dark brown hair has been curled into corkscrews, and she’s covered in pounds of makeup. She’s wearing a blue shirtdress with a thick belt around her middle, making what little bosom she has look bigger. She’s only fourteen, but in this outfit, and that hair, she could pass for my age. I raise my eyebrows at her.
“And you thought you’d tag along?”
“Mom and Dad won’t know, and I’ll leave you alone. I promise.”
I shake my head. “I’m not going. So you can’t either.”
“Why not?”
“There’s gonna be alcohol, Sierra.”
She gives me a look that says “You’re the biggest hypocrite.” She’s totally right so I play the tattletale card.
“And because I’ll tell Mom and Dad you went out while they were gone.”
She stands and smiles. “You know, if you’re going to start tossing around threats, I’d be a little more worried about what I’d tell them about you.”
I give her my best impression of Gollum on crack. “Fine, go out. See if they even let you in without me.”
She tosses her hair over her shoulder and narrows her eyes. “Fine. I will.” She storms out of my room, and my gut tells me to go after her, but my pride blocks my exit.
I sit and catch my breath before I finally get out into the hallway.
“Sierra, wait!” I call down the stairs. Hopefully I’ve caught her in time. Letting my fourteen-year-old sister go to an all-night alcohol fountain party wouldn’t exactly make me a responsible older sister, even though I never really fit into that category. Still seems wrong to at least not try to get her to stay.
“Sierra!” I get to the bottom of the staircase, and she comes out from the formal living room scaring the crap out of me.
“Someone’s here to see you,” she says bitterly as she pushes me to the side to get upstairs. Instead of socking her in the butt, like I want to, I kink my neck to see around the wall. What the hell is Cody doing here? His back is turned to me, and he’s holding something in his hand. I duck back upstairs to change into my sexy pajamas. No way is he seeing me in these old baggy ones.
I grab the black silk shorts and cami and slip them on. I let my fake deep red hair down—you know, Jean Grey— so it cascades down my back, and I quickly run my fingers through it. I don’t worry about makeup, just slab some gloss on my lips. After all, I am ‘sick’. But girls like me have to look good at their worst.
I throw a light blanket over my shoulders and walk back to Cody. He still has his back to the entryway.
Okay Geek Zoe, it’s been fun, but Cody can’t know you exist.
I take another deep breath and get ready for my act. “What are you doing here?” I ask, letting my phony anger soak into my voice.
He turns around, and his eyes widen at my ensemble.
See? There’s nothing wrong with me. It’s Zak who has a problem.
“Uh…” he stutters as he clears his head. “I thought maybe since you were too sick to go out, we’d stay in.” He holds up a movie, which I’m surprised to see is a total chick flick. Gross. But popular Zoe likes that crap.
“Do you feel guilty about something?” I’ve been through this stuff before. He’s totally trying to make up for something he did that he shouldn’t have done.
Oh well, time for a new boyfriend anyway.
His eyes lower to the floor, and I take in a deep breath and wait for it. The inevitable “I cheated on you” or “I found someone else.”
“I’m sorry about that text. I didn’t mean to make you upset. I was only kidding, really.”
I stare at him, not able to erase the shock from my face. “Huh?”
“I know you haven’t had the best luck when it came to your ex’s. I was being stupid. Forgive me?” He tosses me a puppy dog face.
Now I’m really thrown and I’m not sure how to respond. So I just mumble incoherencies.
“Um…I guess… sure… uh-huh…”
“So,” he says furrowing his brow and crossing over to me, “we’re cool?”
I give him a nod, but then remember I have a part to play. I fold my arms across my waist and gaze up into his handsome face. His dark hair has been tousled across his forehead and frames his deep brown eyes perfectly. He’s getting five o’clock shadow on his cheeks and chin. Yeah… definitely a status thing with him.
“Don’t treat me like that. I deserve better.” I don’t really mean that. In fact, right now I deserve a lot worse.
“I promise it won’t happen again.”
He takes me into his arms, but I keep mine folded, not responding to his hug. I do let out a fake sigh of defeat and say into his chest, “Okay.”
He pulls back and tilts my face to slap a kiss on me. As usual, I remove myself from the embrace—metaphorically—and think about more pleasant company. Maybe Obi-Wan, but not like old fart Obi-Wan. Heck, I’d take Neville Longbottom before I made-out with an old guy, even if he did have The Force. Though, Neville’s gotten pretty hot over the years. Guess we all have to go through the awkward phase. Except Zak. He’s always been hot. Graphing calculator and all.
Right when I’m about to imagine another awesome kissing candidate, a different kind of urgency pushes from behind Cody’s lips, and I’m snapped back into reality. I pull away, afraid of what he’s thinking.
“I’m sick, remember,” I say wiping my soggy lips with the tips of my fingers. Gag.
“I don’t care,” he says as he tries to pull me in again. I put my hands on his chest and push back, leaning my head away from his face.
“I do.” I use my stern and controlling voice, but it’s not fake this time. He better keep those pervy lips away from me.
He looks like he wants to argue, but he lets go. I almost let out the huge sigh of relief I’d been holding in my chest, but I catch it before I do. I mean, for all he knows, I’m a girl who lets just about anyone between her legs. He entwines his fingers with mine and mumbles, “So… do you want me to go?”
“Yeah. I don’t want you to catch it.”
“You don’t sound sick.” His voice is barely audible.
“Well, I am.”
He pauses a moment and looks behind me, into the hallway. I crane my neck to see what he’s looking at, but I’m forced back into an awkward embrace, his mouth trying to swallow me whole.
I can’t move. His fingers latch onto my upper back and yank some of my ha
ir. What the hell is he doing? I start clawing at his body, trying to break free from his strong arms.
“Holy shit, Cody!” I shout the second I get his face away from me. “What the hell was that?”
“Come on, Zoe.” His hands continue to dig into my back. I wish I would’ve kept the baggy pajamas on because I’m sure he’s drawing blood.
“Get. Off. Me.” I’m wiggling around, hoping he’ll let me go, but his grip tightens.
He smiles. Not one that’s sexy or anything, but a very nasty and uber creepy grin. If my legs weren’t trapped, I’d knee him right in the balls. “Every guy you’ve been with only dated you to get in your pants.” His grip tightens again, and I try to keep my face as far away from his as I can. “You know it. I know it. You can’t be mad at me for doing exactly what you were doing.”
“Which is what?” I spit. He really needs to let go before I go batshit crazy on him. This is getting really scary.
“Dating each other till we got something out of it.”
My eyes fill up, and the tears almost spill over. He’s right. Which sucks. I’m so stupid. I should have expected at least one of the boys I dated to be upset about not getting some, so upset they’d take it into their own hands.
“I want you to leave me alone.”
“I helped you out. How many people get jealous whenever I touch you?” He reaches up and brushes my hair from my face. I’m tempted to bite his finger off. “How many clubs have you gotten into because I know someone?” His lips are near inches away from mine, his hand now locked around my jaw so I can’t move. “I think since I’ve done my part, it’s only fair you do yours.”
My lips form obscenities around his as he mashes them against me. I’m wiggling like crazy, trying with every bit of strength I have to get away from him. I think I got in a good hit somewhere, but he’s not letting go.
He bites down on my bottom lip, causing a yelp of pain to escape my mouth. I keep quiet after that, and he moves his kisses to my cheeks, my neck, my chest, while I still try to get out of his grasp.
Is this really happening? What is he going to do to me? How far will this go? I try to detach myself—again metaphorically—but it’s impossible. No one has ever attacked me like this before, and tears start to leak out the corners of my eyes.
One of his hands clasps my butt cheek as he moves me upstairs. My stomach plummets as I hope against all hope Sierra stays in her room. She can not see this. I don’t want her to see this.
We get to the top of the landing, and I hear a doorknob turn, but it’s not from Sierra’s room. It’s the front door, which is in plain view from where Cody has me pinned. Cody hears it too and he shoots upright, letting go of me long enough so I can fix my top before someone walks in.
“Hello?”
I’m too relieved to be confused about Zak standing in the doorway. I jog down the stairs, coming within inches of his body, but stop myself from hugging him. My arms drop, and I pretend I was going to scratch my head, looking like an idiot. His puzzled face would be comical if it weren’t for the tense atmosphere. I take a small step away as Cody descends the staircase. I search deep inside my voice box for a cheery tone and blink away the water from my eyes. “Hey, uh… my dad’ll be home in a minute and he can get you that book you wanted. I’m not sure where he put it. You can sit over there if you wanna wait.”
I’m so glad Zak knows when to act stupid and when to play along. “Thanks, Zoe.” He goes into the living room and sits down, not taking his eyes off me and my now very ex-boyfriend. No way will that guy ever get near me again. Cody looks like he got attacked by fire ants with how red he is. He clears his throat and looks at me.
“I better get back to the party. You coming?”
“No.” Hell no. I don’t look him in the eyes, because now they scare the crap out of me. “I’m sick remember.”
“Your loss.” He shrugs out the front door, and I almost break into tears right there in the entryway. But Zak’s presence shuts me off from losing it.
“Are you all right?” he asks getting off the couch and stepping closer to me. I quickly try to erase the pain and horror from my face, putting my calm mask on.
“Yeah. I’m not feeling well, like I told Cody. So, I’m going to go upstairs and sleep it off.”
“Zoe, don’t pretend like I don’t know what just happened.”
I feel all the color drain from my body. So much for looking calm. “What do you mean?”
Zak bores his eyes into mine. I fold my arms again and stare back. He’s not going to get me to admit to anything. I’m not even sure what happened. It’s like my mind can’t catch up with the reality of it all.
“Well, next time I see him attack you like that, I’m calling the cops.”
A hard lump drops in my tummy, and I gaze out the window behind him, to the perfect view of his kitchen. I know how that kiss—or attack—felt from here, but how did it look from there?
“It’s nothing to worry about,” I lie. “Really, it’s always like that.” Now I give him a fake smile, trying to push back my embarrassment and fear.
“If that’s the case, I’m calling the cops right now.”
“Wait,” I say coming up short on excuses. I don’t know why I care so much, or why I’m giving Zak the attitude, especially since he just saved me from something I never would’ve thought… I mean, Cody could’ve… ugh, I can’t think about it anymore. I’m getting more and more panicked, and I want up in my room, under my blankets so I can curl up with Wolverine and not think about what just happened. And even though Zak did something for me I can’t even think of how to repay him for, I find myself trying to keep up my fake persona. “Don’t call the cops. I… uh… we got in a fight, and he wanted to make up. And… uh, I wasn’t exactly done being mad at him, you know?” Great now I sound like a rambling fool.
Zak studies my face. His eyes search mine for any deception, but since what I said isn’t completely untrue, he lets it go.
“Okay. Sorry I barged in. I thought it was a problem.”
“No, there’s no problem.” I try to smile. “Promise.”
He studies my face once again before going out the door. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding my breath until the hot air escapes my nose. I jog upstairs, slam my bedroom door and put on my baggy pajamas before curling up under my sheets and crying myself to sleep.
END OF SAMPLE
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
About the Author
Acknowledgements
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