“That’s supposed to impress me?” he shouts. Gavin shakes his head, his crossed arms dropping to his sides. One hand goes into his pocket.
“I didn’t say it made sense to normal-functioning people. But to someone like him it makes perfect sense. He resents you for living the life you live. He’s the victim in his mind, of you rejecting his love and affection even though he’ll never admit that’s what he wants.”
“You just said he’s in the closet, Mitch. Hell, I’m…I was in the closet until tonight!”
“That’s the source of his sudden anger towards me.” I shift from foot to foot, uncomfortable having a conversation with Gavin about a man refusing to acknowledge his sexuality. Irony. It kills me.
I sigh, dragging a hand through my hair. “He’s angry at himself for having sexual or romantic feelings for a man, which is why the letters are increasingly twisted. The love and hate are tied together.”
Gavin’s mouth twists until it looks like he bit a lemon. “Hmph. Seems to be a lot of that going around,” he murmurs as he turns his back to me.
Being the chicken-shit that I am, I ignore his comment. I can’t have that discussion now. Too much is going on that I need to take care of.
“I’m going to call the police. Are you up for answering their questions?” I palm my phone, waiting for an answer.
Gavin is quiet for so long, I begin to think he’s not going to respond.
“I don’t see that I have a choice,” he whispers. “I’ll be down when they get here.” He heads for the stairs and disappears.
Exhausted, I slump into a kitchen chair, leaning over the table with my head in my hands.
Way to go, Mitch. You really know how to fuck things up.
***
“Mitch?”
A gentle touch on my shoulder wakes me up. I turn over to see Gavin, wearing only a bright red pair of boxer briefs standing next to the bed.
“Gavin? Is something wrong?” I sit up, about to throw the covers off when I realize I’d be exposing significant morning wood. Morning wood that is slowly turning into a genuine hard-on thanks to the perfect, golden torso, complete with a faint blonde treasure trail and pierced nipples, right at my eye-level.
“Someone’s at the door,” he whispers. “I didn’t know if I should answer it.”
I glance up at his face. Gavin is frightened. Truly frightened. I suppose I would be too if I had a stalker leaving dead animals in my bed.
What am I talking about? I have a stalker! One that destroyed my home. But I’m the one who fixes things. I’m supposed to keep Gavin safe.
My hard-on vanishes when I see Gavin’s fear. Hell, I can practically taste it. It’s radiating off of him in waves.
I jump out of bed and pull on a loose pair of sweats. Inside, my heart skips a beat when I notice Gavin sneak a peek at my crotch as I get dressed. I throw on a shirt and thrust a pair of shorts and a shirt at Gavin.
“Put these on. Hurry,” I urge.
For once, he does as I ask without a barrage of questions or complaints. While he dresses, I grab my Glock off the nightstand and double-check the clip. The sight of him wearing my clothes shouldn’t turn me on, but dammit, it does.
“Come with me,” I whisper. Loud pounding comes from the front door, accompanied by the chimes of the fancy doorbell.
Gavin jumps and grabs at the hem of my shirt. Without thinking, I reach back for his hand, clasping it in mine like I did last night at my townhouse. We creep down the stairs to the door.
Letting go of his hand, I hold a finger up to my mouth. Parting the curtain with the Glock so I can see the front step, I peek outside.
“Son of a bitch.” I move to unlock the door.
“What are you doing?” Gavin asks, wide-eyed.
“It’s just Marcus.” When his expression doesn’t change, I continue. “The bodyguard?”
“Oh. I forgot.” Gavin’s posture goes from frightened to defensive in the blink of an eye. It’s as if I watched an invisible wall slam down between us.
Confused, I turn back to the door and open it for our guest.
“Hale,” a deep, rumbling voice chastises. “I thought I was going to grow old and die out here waiting for you.”
“Marcus!” I grin, holding out a hand. After we shake, I step aside. “This is the client, Gavin Walker.”
“Mr. Walker,” Marcus says, nodding at Gavin. “Marcus Jacoby, your fill-in protection.” They shake hands while I close the door.
“Why don’t you two get acquainted while I clean up and get dressed?”
Gavin stares at me, dozens of unanswered questions in those wounded blue eyes. “I’ll make coffee,” he offers.
“Show me the way,” Marcus responds.
I swear, as Gavin walks away, he looks… hurt.
I’m going crazy. Kissing Gavin, thinking about him all the time… it’s causing me to slip up and make mistakes. That’s why I need a few days away—to refocus on the reason I’m here—catching a criminal, not to dip my dick in my employer’s inkwell.
As I strip my clothes and hop in the shower, my dick disagrees, jutting out from my groin, tall and proud.
Motherfucker!
Chapter 6
Gavin
That fucking coward!
My grip on a mug of black coffee tightens when Mitch comes into the kitchen to announce that he’s leaving.
“I’ll be in touch, Marcus.” Mitch shakes hands again with my new babysitter, slapping him on the back.
I roll my eyes. Stupid het greetings. God forbid they hug. It might make them gay.
“No worries, Hale. I got your boy covered.”
My gaze flicks over to Mitch just in time to see his expression tighten and his skin to flush red when Marcus refers to me as ‘his boy’. Mitch gives him a weak smile. I notice he has a duffle bag slung over his shoulder and frown. Obviously, he has no plans to talk to me alone before tucking tail and running.
“Right. Anyway, you’ve got my number. I’ll be in the area, following leads and getting my house cleaned up. So, if you need anything…”
Mitch glances at me and I see it. Under the false bravado, under the stupid T-shirt that has psychology spelled backwards across the front, under the brawn and the brains and the (yes, I keep checking) very hot body, lies a confused, insecure man. He’s nervous, fidgeting with his keys, shifting from one foot to the other and chewing on that damn lip.
Christ, he can’t even look me in the eye he’s so unsettled.
Unfortunately, I don’t have it in me to care how he feels at this moment. He’s avoiding what happened between us by avoiding me, and that pisses me off to no end.
“We’ll be fine. We don’t need you,” I snap. Then, like the diva I’m not, I slam down my mug and leave the room.
By the time the front door closes and I hear Mitch’s car pull out of the drive, I’m in the backyard by the glistening swimming pool, fuming. Annoyed, I pull up Ellie’s contact on my phone and hit dial. She answers immediately.
“Gavin! What happened last night? I was going to ring you up if I didn’t hear from you.”
I drop into the nearest chair and sigh. Rubbing my eyes with my free hand, I tell Ellie about my evening. Everything from Mitch declaring us boyfriends, to the incident in the bathroom, to the destruction at his townhouse—it all comes pouring out of me, unfiltered.
“Oh my god, Gav! You could have been seriously injured! What if that monster was still there?” Ellie’s voice raises an octave.
She skips right over the part where Mitch attacked my mouth and goes for the danger. Grinning at her concern, I talk her off the ledge. “I’m fine, El. The guy was gone. And besides, I had Mitch with me.”
“Hmmmm,” she hums into the phone.
“Hmmmm, what?” I lie back on the lounge, close my eyes, and enjoy the few minutes I’m allowed outside.
“Nothing. It’s nothing, Gav. Just…you should hear the way you say his name. You fancy him,” she giggles.
?
??I do not! I hate him!” I insist. “He’s a total prick. I mean, look what he did,” I rant. “He fucking went and left me here with some guy I don’t know for who the hell knows how long!”
Ellie doesn’t say a word.
“Ellie!” I complain, “I don’t like him!” Great, now I sound like a whiney teenage girl.
“All right, Gavin. You don’t like him. Whatever. You want to get lunch?” Her change in subject throws me off.
“Lunch? What’s Adam up to today?”
Ellie’s husband, Adam, is our lead singer.
“He has some all day photo shoot. He’s already left. C’mon Gav, I’m bored. We haven’t gotten together in ages. The nanny is here for a few hours and I want to get out.”
“Laying it on thick, aren’t we? Fine,” I huff, pretending I’m put out. “I guess I can spare you an hour or two out of my grand plans of doing nothing all day.”
Ellie laughs. “You’re so generous.”
We make plans to meet at one at Rockdale’s, a little seafood shack near my house in Huntington Beach and hang up.
I lie on the lounge for a while, enjoying the cool breeze and the trickling of the waterfall that splashes into the pool. Of course, my thoughts immediately turn to Mitch. I picture his dark, wavy hair curling up behind his ears. Those intense grey eyes that can’t seem to stop finding excuses to look at my mouth. His warm hand clasped around mine as if he’s somehow staking a claim.
Shit. I begin to grow hard.
Jerking off while Marcus watches from the other side of the patio doesn’t exactly sound like a great time. Instead, I groan, ignore my throbbing dick, and head inside to get ready for my lunch date.
***
“You look dreadful, Gav.” Ellie pulls me into a hug, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“Thanks, El. Love you too.” I squeeze her tight, letting her warmth seep into my frigid disposition.
“You know what I mean,” she says when she lets go.
Rockdale’s is first come first serve. We find an open table on the patio overlooking the ocean.
“Is this too bright for you?” I tease. “That delicate British skin of yours burns so easily.”
“Hey, you’re half British as well,” she counters.
“Yeah, well, I guess that’s one good thing about my dad. I got his tan skin.” I frown at the thought.
“How are things with your dad?” Ellie reaches across the table to put her hand over mine.
“Same as always, El. I don’t have a dad.”
I’m glad to be wearing sunglasses. Otherwise Ellie would be able to see that it still hurts. Ten years since my dad suspected I was gay. Ten years since he beat me and ridiculed me on a daily basis until I couldn’t take it anymore and tried to kill myself. Ten years since I’ve had any kind of relationship with my dad that doesn’t involve him telling me what a disappointment I am.
“That’s so sad, Gav. I miss my dad so much. I just don’t see how he can toss you aside. I’d give anything to have my dad back.”
A drunk driver killed Ellie’s dad about a year after my incident. Believe me, I understand why she thinks it’s unfathomable. But then, she didn’t know my dad.
I twist my mouth into a scowl. “Yeah, well…my dad’s a bastard, El. Even my mom figured that out.”
“She’s still in London, then?”
The server takes our order and promises to be right back with out drinks.
“Still in London, yes. After…” I shift in my chair. Ellie is one of the few people who know I tried to kill myself but I still don’t like discussing it. “After the incident,” I glance at Ellie and see her nod, urging me to continue. “She brought Hawke and me to London where I met you and the guys. Mom never came back to the U.S. and hasn’t been here since.”
Ellie’s mouth falls open. “Not once? Not even to visit you?”
I shrug, pretending it doesn’t hurt that my own mother won’t make an effort to see her only child. “I go there a lot with the band. You know that. So I guess she figures that’s enough.”
Ellie gives me a sad look. At that exact moment, our drinks arrive. I’ve never been more grateful for something alcoholic. I order another one before I even take my first sip.
Ellie gives me the mommy glare that makes you feel as if you deserve a time out.
“What? I’m having a bad day,” I huff, justifying my actions. Lifting the glass, I down about half of the fruity rum cocktail.
“You didn’t drive, did you?” she scolds. Ellie is like a pit bull when it comes to drinking and driving.
I laugh. “Heck no! I have my babysitter with me.” I use the glass to point towards Marcus, who is sitting on a nearby barstool, scanning the patio for potential dangers.
“Oh, I forgot about all that.” Ellie winces. “I’m so sorry, Gav.”
I shrug it off. “I know you did, El. It’s okay.”
“It’s bloody well not okay!” She straightens up, leaning over the table. “It’s not okay to threaten you and frighten you and make you afraid to live your life!”
Other patrons are tilting their heads in our direction as Ellie rants. I catch my name being whispered. Now I’ve been spotted and after ‘coming out’ last night, what a joke, I’m sure I’ve been the talk of the town. Especially here in Huntington Beach, which has a thriving gay community.
“Shhhhh, El. People are staring.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” she scowls. “I bloody hate this part. The whole lack of privacy.” She waves her hands around in frustration.
“Me too,” I agree, although I’ve lived in the spotlight for nearly a decade with the band. Ellie and Adam only reunited a year ago so this is all fairly new to her.
Our food arrives and we manage to move on to lighter topics, the new album, Ellie and Adam’s daughter, Sadie, who at nearly one is the love of Adam’s life, and Hawke’s latest adventures.
We finish up and pay the bill. As the server leaves, I notice Marcus getting up and stalking over, his face a mask of determination.
“El,” I caution, grabbing her wrist to keep her in her seat. “Wait.”
She follows my line of sight. Marcus is hustling to intercept a young man who is headed for our table. Marcus reaches out to stop him right as he arrives in front of me.
“Sir, I need you to step back,” he commands in a low, menacing voice.
“I just want to thank Gavin,” the kid says, his voice filled with nerves.
“Not today.” Marcus wedges himself between the kid and our table.
The boy’s eyes find mine and I get it. I see something familiar in his expression. I see me ten years ago.
I stand up. “Let him through, Marcus.”
“I strongly caution you—”
“I know. It’s okay. I want to talk to him.”
“Gav,” Ellie hisses, worried for me, as usual.
“It’s fine, El.” I turn to meet the boy’s stare. “What’s your name?”
Grumbling, Marcus steps aside but doesn’t leave. He plants himself next to the table, crossing his beefy arms over his enormous chest.
“I’m Cory.” The boy ducks his head. Crimson streaks run up his neck and cheeks. He’s adorable.
“Hi Cory. I’m Gavin.” I hold out my hand. Cory’s dark eyes widen, then his lips part, revealing a brilliant white smile and matching dimples on his cheeks.
I shake his hand, grinning back.
“I just wanted to say thanks, for…” Cory shrugs, shoving his hands in the pockets of his tiny, denim cut-off shorts. “You know, for last night. For being brave.”
“I’m not brave, Cory. I just don’t want to live a lie anymore.”
“Well, I think you’re brave. My boyfriend and I talked about you all night.” His eyes widen and his cheeks color again.
“You have a boyfriend?” I smile at the way the kid’s expression gets all dreamy when he nods. “He’s a lucky guy, Cory.”
Cory grins again, giving me another glimpse of his perfect smile.
He’s a cute kid, dark hair, lean body, with big brown puppy dog eyes. He’s a little small for my taste but I’ve never been much into twinks.
“Thanks Gavin.” He turns to leave.
“Hey Cory!” I call out, not caring about the twenty sets of eyes that are focused on us. He looks over his shoulder. “Thank you.”
Cory smiles and continues on his way.
Well, hell. Maybe something good came out of this shitstorm after all.
Mitch
I pull up to my townhouse and stop on the street. A Huntington Park squad car sits in my driveway next to a plain, dark blue sedan. There’s yellow crime tape across the front door, which is standing wide open. I see a uniformed officer inside, talking to someone inside the house.
I sigh. My neighborhood is on the rough side of town. Across the street are older homes, built in the fifties. Bars bolted onto all of the windows. We’re no strangers to police activity around here, but many of the residents nearby don’t trust law so much as break it.
Time to see what’s going on. I climb the front stairs instead of going through the garage like I normally do. Greeting the officer, I show him my I.D. and explain who I am and what I used to do for a living.
“Go ahead in. Detective Vallejo is lead. He’s in the kitchen.”
I nod at the officer and pick my way through the debris. An imposing man in slacks and a blazer is standing near the sink, talking to a gloved technician.
Before I can speak, my phone buzzes. Sasha. Shit, she probably saw me with Gavin on the news last night. I already ignored calls from both my mom and CeCe. All of them have nothing better to do than dig around in my life.
The detective’s deep voice interrupts my internal grumbling. “Good, Salter. Bag it up and take it back to the lab with everything else.” The technician picks up a piece of glass, depositing it in a Ziploc bag.
“Mitch Hale!” Detective Vallejo crosses the room to shake my hand. “Long time, eh?”