V
I was about to comment on this queer story when Merton said:
"Pardon me, I must first tell you all; then you will kindly say whatyou think of this amazing performance.
"The little colonel, who had the leanness and redness of a boiledshrimp, now took up the talk, and this other idiot said: 'My friendthe baron will, no doubt, postpone the pleasure of meeting monsieur;and now, as monsieur is no longer indisposed to satisfy our principal,and, as we understand it, declines to explain or apologize,--in fact,admits, by his inclination to meet our friend, what he seemed todeny,--may we have the honor to know when monsieur's seconds will waiton us? Here is my card.'
"The little man was posing beautifully. I laid his card on the tableand said, 'Be so good, gentlemen, as to understand that I have notretracted my statement, but that if the count insists, as you do, thatI lie,--that, at least, is decent cause for a quarrel,--he can haveit.'
"The little man replied that the count could not do otherwise.
"'Very good,' said I.--No, don't interrupt this charming story, Mr.Greville; let me go on. There is more of it and better.
"My colonel then said, 'We shall expect to hear from you--and, by theway, I understand from monsieur's card that he is an American.'
"I said, 'Yes; captain Second Infantry.'
"'Ah, a soldier--really! In the army of the Confederation, I presume.We shall be enchanted to meet monsieur's friends.'
"'What!' I said; 'does monsieur the colonel wish to insult me? I am ofthe North.'
"'A thousand pardons!'
"'No matter. You will hear from me shortly, or as soon as I am ableto find gentlemen who will be my seconds.' This seemed to suit themuntil I remarked that, to save time, being the challenged party, Imight as well say that my friends would insist on the rifle at thirtypaces.
"'But monsieur, that is unusual, barbarous!' said the little man.
"'Indeed!' said I. 'Then suppose we say revolvers at twelve paces orless. I have no prejudices.' It seems that the baron had, for he saidmy new proposition was also unheard of, uncivilized.
"Upon this I stood up and said: 'Gentlemen, you have insisted onmanufacturing for me a quarrel with a man I never saw, and havesuggested--indeed, said--that I, a soldier, am afraid and have lied toyou. I accepted the situation thus forced on me, and in place of thewretched little knitting-needles with which you fight child duels inFrance, I propose to take it seriously.'
"I saw the little man--the colonel--was beginning to fidget. As Istopped he said, 'Pardon me; I have not the honor fully tocomprehend.'
"'Indeed?' said I. 'So far I have hesitated to ascribe to gentlemen,to a soldier, any motive for your difficulty in accepting weaponswhich involve peril, and I thought that I had at last done so. I donot see how I can make myself more clear.'
"'Sir,' said my little man, 'do I understand--'
"I was at the end of the sweetest temper west of the Mississippi. Ibroke into English and said: 'You may understand what you damnplease.'
"You see, Mr. Greville, it was getting to be fatiguing--these twoimprobable Frenchmen. I suppose the small man took my English as somerecondite insult, for he drew himself up, clicked his heels together,and said, 'I shall have the honor to send to monsieur those who willask him, for me,--for me, personally,--to translate his words, and, Itrust, to withdraw the offensive statement which, no doubt, they aremeant to convey.'
"I replied that I had no more to say, except that I should instruct myfriends to abide by the weapons I had mentioned. On this he lost histemper and exclaimed that it was murder. I said that was my desire;that they were hard to please; and that bowie-knives exhausted thelist of weapons I should accept.
"The colonel said further that, as I seemed to be ignorant of thecustoms of civilized countries, it appeared proper to let me know thatthe seconds were left to settle these preliminaries, and he supposedthat I was making a jest of a grave situation.
"When I replied that he was as lacking in courtesy as the baron, thelittle man became polite and regretted that the prior claim of of histwo friends would, he feared, deprive him of the pleasure of exactingthat satisfaction which he still hoped circumstances would eventuallyafford him. He was queerly precise and too absurd for belief.
"I replied lightly that I should be sorry if any accident were todeprive him of the happiness of meeting me, but that I had thepleasant hope of being at his service after I had shot the count andthe baron. I began to enjoy this unique situation.
"The colonel said I was most amiable--but really, my dear Mr.Greville, it is past my power to do justice to this scene. They werelike the Count Considines and the Irish gentlemen in Lever's novels."
"And was that all?" I asked.
"No, not quite. After the colonel ceased to criticize my views of theduel, he again informed me that his own friends would call upon me towithdraw my injurious language. Then these two peacemakers departed.Now what do you think of my comedy?"
I had listened in amazement to this arrangement--three duels as thesequel of my adventure! As Merton ended, he burst into a roar oflaughter.
"Now," he said, "what will they do?--rifle, revolver, or bowie? ByGeorge, I am like D'Artagnan--my second day in Paris and three duelson my hands! Isn't it jolly?"
That was by no means my opinion. "Mr. Merton," I said, "I came hereabout this very matter."
"Indeed! How can that be? Pray go on--and did any man ever hear ofsuch a mix-up? Where do you come in?"
"I will tell you. Last night in the dark, by mishap, I gave thisinfernal count your card instead of my own."
"The deuce you did! Great Scott, what fun!"
"Yes, I did." I went on to relate my encounter with the lady, and themanner in which Count le Moyne had behaved.
"What an adventure! I am so sorry I was not in your place. What a finemystery! But what will you do? Was she his wife? I have had manyadventures, but nothing to compare with this. I envy you. And you weresure she was not his wife?"
"No, she was not his wife; and as to what I shall do, it is simple. Ishall go to the count and explain the card and my mistake. I meant toanticipate the visit to you of Count le Moyne's seconds. I am sorry tohave been late."
"Sorry! Not I. It is immense!"
"The count will call me out. There will be the usual farce of a swordduel. I am in fair practice. This will relieve you so far as concernsthe count, and nobody else will fight you with the weapons you offer."
"Won't they, indeed? I have been insulted. Do you suppose I can sitquiet under it? No, Mr. Greville. You, I hope, may make yourselfunpleasant to this count, but I shall settle with him and the others,too. Did I happen to mention that I told them I did not fight withknitting-needles?"
"You did."
"They seemed annoyed."
"Probably," said I. Although the whole affair appeared to me comical,it had, too, its possible tragedy.
"Well," I continued, "I shall find the count, and set right the matterof the cards. After that we may better see our way. These matters arenever hurried over here. Dine with me to-night at my rooms atseven-thirty; and meanwhile, as for the baron--"
"Oh, the baron--you should see him. I came near to calling him Porthosto his face. I wish I had."
"And the small man, the colonel--"
"Oh, yes--shade of Dumas! He may pass for Aramis."
I laughed. "By the way," I added, "he is one of the best blades inFrance."
"Is he? However he comes in third. But can he shoot? If I accept thesword,--and it may come to that,--I am pretty sure to be left withsomething to remember. If we use rifles, I assure you they willremember me still longer or not at all." There was savage menace inhis blue eyes as he spoke. "But is it not ridiculous?"
I said it was.
"And now about this count who is interested in the anonymous lady. Isuppose he may pass for Athos. That makes it complete. Have some rye.Smuggled it. Said it was medicine. The customs fellow tried it neat,and said I had poisoned him."
I declined th
e wine of my country, and answered him that Athos, as Ihad learned, was a man of high character who had lately joined theForeign Office, a keen imperialist, happily married and rich.
"Then certainly it cannot be the wife."
"No, I think I said so; I am thankful to be able to say that it isnot. But what part the woman has in this muddle is past mycomprehension."
"Stop a little," said my D'Artagnan. "You are having a good deal oftrouble to keep this short-legged Emperor from getting John Bull andthe rest to bully us into peace."
"Yes, there has been trouble brewing all summer." I could not imaginewhat the man was after.
"Well, the woman seemed pleased when she learned that you were anAmerican. You said so, and also that the count charged you with beingin that affair. He slipped up a bit there. He seemed to believe you tobe engaged in something of which he did not want to talk freely."
"Yes, that is true."
The blue eyes held mine for a moment, and then he inquired, "Wasshe--" and he paused.
"My dear captain, she is an American and a lady."
"I ask her pardon. A lady? You are sure she is a lady?"
"Yes."
"Then it is a matter of--let me think--not jealousy? Hardly. We mayleave that out."
"Certainly."
"Don't you catch on, Mr. Greville?"
"No, I must say I do not."
"Well, consider it coolly. Exclude love, jealousy, any gross fraud,and what is left? What can be left?"
"I do not know."
"How about politics," he smiled. "How does that strike you?"
The moment he let fall this key-word, "Politics," I began to suspectthat he was right. The woman had exhibited relief when I had said Iwas an American. We lived in a maze of spies of nearly every class oflife, rarely using the post-office, trusting no one. With our ownsecret agents I had little to do. The first secretary or the ministersaw them, and we were not badly served either in England or France;but all this did not do more than enable me to see my D'Artagnan'snotion as possibly a reasonable guess.
After a moment's thought I said: "You may be right; but even if youare, the matter remains a problem which we are very unlikely ever tosolve. But how can a handsome young American woman be so deeplyconcerned in some political affair as to account for this amazingconduct of a secretary not yet a week old in the work of the imperialForeign Office."
Merton smiled. "We exhaust personal motives--what else is left?Politics! She may know something which it seems to be desirable sheshould not know. We must find her."
The more I considered his theory, the more I inclined to doubt it. Atall events as things stood it was none of our business--and after amoment's reflection I said:
"We have quite enough on our hands without the woman. I shall see thecount to-day, and then we may be in a better position to know whatfurther should be done."
"Done?" laughed the captain. "I shall give all three fools what iscalled satisfaction. I don't take much stock in them. I hate Aramis.It's the woman interests me the most."
"The woman? I assure you, I am out of that."
"Oh, no, no! We must find her. She is in trouble."
I laughed. "Can we find her?"
"We must. I like her looks."
"But you never saw her."
"No. But the most beautiful woman is always the one I never saw."
He was delightful, my D'Artagnan, with his amused acceptance of threeduels, and now his interest in an unknown woman. But I held fast to myopinion, and after some further talk I went away to make my belatedexplanation to Count le Moyne.