She paused to shake her head and seemed to ponder. “I don’t know what or how I was able to think that fast, but it was do or die. I wasn’t as naïve as my teens thought I was. I knew all about them smoking weed and had even done my homework on how long it’d be in her system. Since everyone knew Maggie didn’t drive, and I also knew of the two she’d be the one to do weed the least, I identified Maggie as Madeline. It was my only hope. With two dead, even if as you said you were sure she hadn’t used that day, I just couldn’t take the chance that the judge would see it that way. So everyone needed to think the driver had died. Whatever was in Maggie’s system wouldn’t matter.”
She explained how she also couldn’t take the chance of telling anyone—including me. “Her waking to no memory of her past, while tragic, I considered it a blessing, a sign that I’d done the right thing. I knew my biggest challenge would be getting her to agree to leave Huntsville—leave you. I knew there’d be no way in hell I’d convince her to, and if you weren’t willing or able to leave with us, she’d be willing to risk her secret getting out. As discreet as you two were when you were sneaking around, I knew it’d be just a matter of time before the townsfolk got word that Nico was now in love with Maggie. It’d raise too many brows and questions.”
Madeline chimed in to explain about the birthmark. “Mama said it was an afterthought. Since she hadn’t anticipated me waking up with no memory, it wasn’t until she was getting ready to make her move and get me out of Huntsville that she thought of it.”
“I figured I should plant the seed early on,” Loretta said, shaking her head. “And then maybe someday when the moment was right, I could bring up the possibility of her having it removed. It was the only thing that I still considered a possible giveaway. For years, I lived with the fear that she might run into one of you or someone who’d remember Madeline was the one with the birthmark. So when she came home one day and mentioned her doctor had suggested having it looked at, it was like a sign again. You have no idea how many times I’d been tempted to just tell her the truth, especially after she started with all those damn triggers. I prayed for Jesus to send me a sign of what I should do. So when she opted to have it removed just to be safe, even though all tests showed it to be benign, I took that as a sign. The day she came home and told me about running into you at the cemetery . . .” To my surprise, she stopped to laugh. “Good Lord, I thought I might pass out. I was just about ready to fess up already as I read the business card you’d given her when we were interrupted by a knock on the door.”
Apparently, there’d been some break-ins in the neighborhood around the time, and the cops came to their door to ask if they’d seen anything suspicious right at that moment. Loretta once again took the distraction as a sign to hold on to the card and pretend it’d somehow been lost.
“It’s why I didn’t call you right away,” Madeline explained. “I had to hunt you down online to find your shop.”
“I thought if I just told her a little about you and your brothers—the town terrors who I’d managed to convince her were never her type—that she’d let it go.” She smiled, shaking her head as she glanced down at our entwined fingers, sighing in feigned defeat. “I should’ve known better.”
Even through all the questions and fear that I might wake up any minute, my mind was still on cloud nine. “Why didn’t you tell me about Maggie’s love of cooking?” Madeline asked.
Loretta shook her head, reminding Madeline even the homeless wouldn’t eat her cooking. Despite the heaviness of the conversation, we all laughed at that; though I stopped when Madeline nudged me. Loretta explained more about how it would’ve raised too many questions had she pushed Madeline to cook and tried to squash her natural desire to paint. So there were some things she didn’t bother with.
Up until that point, I’d been too numb with the shock of it all to speak much, but another confusing detail came to me suddenly and I had to ask.”Why Connecticut?”
“Yeah, Mama.” Madeline nodded in interest. “They said the last they heard we’d moved to Connecticut. What’s in Connecticut?”
Loretta explained how she’d been desperate for any job out of Huntsville and had applied anywhere there was an opening for an accounting position. “It was the first callback I’d gotten at the time. I told our landlord we were moving there, but the job fell through.”
There was more talk about the storage space Loretta had kept a lot of their things in, a place where Madeline had been going for weeks without her mother’s knowledge, digging for clues.
The conversation moved onto something Loretta was now more concerned about. “I guess it’s safe to say you’re completely done with Ryan, even a friendship.”
“Yes, she is,” I responded, squeezing Madeline’s hand and not wanting to even think about the fact that she lived with the douche bag. “Completely done.”
“Good.” Loretta turned to Madeline without a flinch. “He doesn’t know anything about Nico, does he?”
“No,” Madeline said, squeezing my hand back. “I did tell him I’d reconnected with someone from my past, but never mentioned Nico to him before. He thinks Nolan and I might have a thing.”
“Why is that?” I turned to her, remembering my brother had mentioned staying in touch with her.
“The day he put his hands on me we were at a bar. A biker bar. One of the guys there with tattoos and whatnot made some small talk with me, and next thing I knew, that idiot Ryan was accusing me of flirting. It was why he put his hand on me the way he did.” She shook her head. “Anyway, not sure if Nolan told you about what he did today on Facebook.”
My chuckle along with my brothers was all the answer she needed. Madeline rolled her eyes but went on. “Well, when Ryan saw Nolan’s profile picture today and the photo of me on a motorcycle, he assumed it was the same guy from the bar.”
Instantly, Loretta was all over it. “Even better. Let him keep thinking that.”
Within minutes, she had the whole sordid story—a story we’d be telling anyone that might ask from then on. Loretta was adamant about making sure we all got our story straight. We hadn’t even gotten that far yet, but already I knew I wasn’t going back to Radcliffe without Madeline, so I wasn’t too concerned about anyone there questioning our past and putting two and two together. I didn’t even stay in touch with anyone from Huntsville.
I’d begun to zone in and out of the conversation because all my head kept asking was, Is this really happening?
I knew it’d be a very long time, if ever, before my heart would trust that I wouldn’t be waking up from this dream come true. Then Loretta added one more thing to her spiel that pulled me out of my daydreaming. “. . . you need to just cut all ties with Ryan ASAP.”
“Oh, I’ll make sure of that,” I assured her.
My brothers laughed at my out-of-nowhere declaration, but her mother went on with everything we needed to be mindful about. For over seven years, she’d been covering her tracks, and now with us together again, it was going to get even trickier.
“So, you’re gonna keep pretending to be Maggie?” I asked because it hadn’t even dawned on me that she might have to.
“On paper, yes, I have to.”
“Yes, guys,” Loretta added very seriously. “This can’t leave this room. Madeline and I would be in a world of trouble if the truth ever got out.”
“This is just . . .” Quino said, standing up and shaking his head. “I still can’t believe this.” He turned to us just as my lips brushed Madeline’s neck and pointed. “You can’t make this shit up. I mean seven years he thinks she’s dead, and less than an hour after being together again, you’re all over each other. Not that I’d expect anything less, but fuck!”
“I was with her this weekend, ass.” I smiled against Madeline’s neck where I was already nibbling again. “I knew something was up even then. I just couldn’t figure it out.”
“Yeah, he pretty much called it.” At least Xavier had my back. “He said, if it hadn’t
been for the missing birthmark, he’d swear it was Maddie. Thought maybe Maggie had just evolved over the years—grew out of her shy demeanor.”
That had Madeline laughing, and Jesus Christ, hearing that laugh once again was heaven. “It’s what Mama told me to try and explain why the hell I wasn’t the least bit shy anymore.”
We all got a good laugh out of that, including Loretta. She shook her head and said there was nothing she could do about that. “Madeline’s fierce personality would not be squelched, no matter how much I reminded her she was supposed to be the reserved one.”
It was at this point that my brothers said they had to get started on the drive home. My mind had just begun to race about what I’d be doing next because leaving her side just wasn’t happening—when Madeline leaned in and spoke softly. “I’ve already paid for my room tonight.”
Just as my heart sped up, Loretta turned to us. “Christ, Madeline.” She sighed heavily. “If you’re taking him there, because God knows I can’t stop you and maybe it’s better if his bike isn’t parked outside my house all night, go straight there. And please be discreet. That poor guy is still sulking somewhere, I’m sure. Remember. This may’ve been happening to you for a long time, but this ending for you and Ryan, on a day he’s been so delusional celebrating your engagement, came out of the blue for him. Have some consideration for the idiot’s feelings before you go riding all over town with Nico. Don’t call any unnecessary attention to yourselves.”
That evil little smile Nolan talked about made an appearance, and my heart doubled over. “Yes, ma’am.”
Her mother informed her she wouldn’t be going to work tomorrow. There were too many things she still had to sort out. But she warned that she’d likely have a hard time getting any sleep. If she had to take a sleeping aid, she’d probably sleep in, so she asked we not arrive too early the next morning.
“We won’t be getting much sleep tonight either,” I said, smiling softly. To my surprise, Loretta whacked my arm, but I could see the defeated little twitch of her lip.”We have a lot of talking to do, Ms. Hellman.”
Loretta eyed me suspiciously but then sighed. “Forget the sleeping aids. I need a stiff drink.”
Madeline hugged her mom and their body language said the same thing. It’s finally over. As if Loretta, too, had been living under unimaginable stress all these years, wondering when not if the straw would break the camel’s back and it all would come tumbling out. She’d said it herself; she knew there was nothing she could do to keep us apart.
I watched them, inhaling deeply, my insides filling with pride and emotion. This was really happening. I had my peanut back, and it was all because of her tenacity. Had she not been so bound and determined even after all these years, she may never have caught what she hadn’t even known she was chasing. Just like me all this time, her gut kept telling her there was something missing and she needed to get to it.
She explained to me as we drove to her hotel room how she’d gotten the room so she wouldn’t have to face her mom just yet. She’d told Loretta she was working so she wouldn’t be home when her mom got home from her weekend trip.
“I just needed a little more time,” she went on as we arrived and got off my bike. “I wanted a chance to dig through those totes I found in our storage garage. I couldn’t understand why there were videos and photos of us she’d hidden. I kept trying to decipher why she’d let me look through all those endless photos and videos but not these. Then I saw it.” She smiled big, her eyes drowning in tears again. “These photos were all clearly labeled. And in the videos, it was also clear who was who. Not like all the ones she’d obviously chosen carefully to show me. The ones she could point at and say this is you and this is Maddie and I’d never know.”
I peered at her, still not quite understanding how that proved anything. Then she pointed at her neck. “I didn’t know that I wasn’t supposed to be the one with the birthmark. So all the photos where she could just point at the twin with it and say, “See that’s you, Maggie, and this is Madeline,” were safe. But for the ones clearly marked with names, like our senior pictures, it was clear as day who was really born with it, and she would’ve had a lot of explaining to do.” She shrugged with a weak smile. “I guess she did.”
Pulling her to me as we reached the door to her room, I hugged and squeezed her tight. “God, please don’t let this be a cruel dream.”
“I know. I keep thinking the same thing.” She glanced up at me. “If it is, I’ll refuse to wake up.”
“Me too.”
We walked slowly to her room, not sure what to expect. Madeline had always proven to be so unpredictable. While more tears were to be anticipated, I didn’t expect to see the hurt in her eyes as soon as I turned to her.
“I killed them,” she whispered shamefully as her face scrunched up.
“No, you didn’t,” I said firmly because it was the truth damn it, and I wouldn’t let her drown in guilt. “You weren’t smoking that day, if that’s what you’re thinking. I know for a fact you weren’t.”
I reminded her quickly about our understanding: how she never drank or smoked unless I was there to look after her and how that day I’d been the last to speak to her and she sounded perfectly sober. How she’d always kept the pipe and weed in a hidden compartment in her car, and it’s why her mother saw it that day. Leaning my forehead against hers, I went on. “They died in a tragic accident,” I reiterated with as much conviction as I could. “Just because you were driving doesn’t mean you were to blame, baby. And I’m sure, just because you didn’t remember the details, you suffered enough with survivor’s guilt over the last seven years. God knows I’ve beaten myself over not being there with you that day. We would’ve gone in my dad’s van, and the accident likely wouldn’t have been as tragic if at all. We’ve suffered enough, Madeline. You and me both. Let’s not do this now. We should be rejoicing. We’ve grieved long enough.”
I kissed her softly. I could feel the tension release from her tightened muscles. She sighed against my lips when I was done kissing her. “I am happy,” she insisted, sounding a little less broken up now. “I really am. This yearning to remember my past—you—has gnawed away at me forever. It was just such a shock to hear why Mama had to cover it up.”
“You’d smoked earlier that week. It’s why there was some in your system. You always took a few more hits than Maggie ever did, and that’s why they found less in her system. But it’s not even like you were this crazed pothead.”
The moment we were inside her room, I closed the door and pinned her to the back of it, kissing her frantically. Magically, the past seven years seemed to wash away, and we were one again. This was really happening. Madeline was back in my life again, and neither of us was ever letting go.
Just as easily as I always had, I picked her up and walked her to the bed where I laid her down gently then lay down beside her after taking off my jacket. Her hands were on my jeans zipper immediately, and I stopped and watched in awe as the reality of this really sunk in. “You never did like me even half-dressed when we made love.” I tilted my head with a smirk. “Unless, of course, it was necessary because we were being sneaky.”
“You took me in the cave from behind, didn’t you?” She gazed at me with that playful smile as she continued to work my zipper down.
My breath caught as I felt my eyes widen and smiled. “You loved it that way. It was your idea.”
“I had a visual this weekend, when you took me there. I just couldn’t see who was doing it to me.” That flattened my smile right out and she went on quickly. “I mean, since I was supposed to be Maggie, I wasn’t sure if it was Nolan I was visualizing doing that to me. It’s why I was so confused when you said it was our special place. It’s when I really began to suspect I wasn’t Maggie.”
I ran my fingers through my Madeline’s hair, fisting it, and kissed her hard—as possessively as I’d only ever felt with her. When I pulled away, I stared at her. “Jesus, just hearing you say you w
eren’t sure if it was Nolan you were visualizing doing that to you makes me wanna spank your fucking ass.”
To my surprise she laughed that same wholehearted laugh I’d been in love with since day one. “You knew what I meant.”
“Yeah, and this situation is weird as shit, but those kinds of words should never come out of your mouth.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I’ve never even liked to think about you with someone else, much less hear you talk about it.” I opened my eyes, staring into hers as my insides heated all over again just like when I’d seen Ryan’s hands on her tonight. “It’s why the only thing I’m gonna ask about that asshole Ryan is has he ever hit you?”
“No,” she said adamantly. “Never.”
“But today he had his hands on you, and you said he attacked—”
She explained about him being mad over Nolan’s Facebook post. “The only other time he’s ever done anything remotely close to what he did tonight, was the other time he was drunk and seething with jealousy.”
“You may not remember, but you’re preaching to the choir, babe.” I swallowed hard, searching in her eyes because I wanted her to get this straight. “No one knows better than I do what it’s like to be jealous as fuck. And I don’t even have to be drunk for the thought of you with someone else to make me go nuts It’s still no excuse to ever put my hands on you like that.” I stopped to stare at her for a moment, as my eyes narrowed. “Why’d you accept the ring in the first place. You said this weekend you’d cut him off.”
“I didn’t say that. You did.” She ran her hand through my hair. “But it was the first time I’d seen him since I broke up with him.” She explained a little more about that but then added something more. “I do remember you being jealous, though,” she said, looking up at me all whimsically. “Whose bike did I get on that had you seeing red?”
Feeling my brows shoot up in reaction, I searched her eyes some more. There was only one time when this happened, and I made sure it never did again. “You remember that?”