Dylan was still shaking off the stars when I turned to her. "I didn't know, Rebecca. I promise I had no idea. If I had . . ." My words choked off, and I spun back with my fist ready to pound Dylan.
Rebecca grabbed my arm and swung me toward her. "I know." Tears dripped over her chin. "You've always been a friend, Joshua." She sobbed. "I've loved you since I could remember knowing what being in love was. You were always there. You kept me from getting swallowed into that ugly darkness that followed me around like a rain cloud." She grabbed my face between her hands and kissed me.
"That's right. There it is. The kiss of betrayal. Just like the kiss that broke Emily's heart," Dylan sneered from behind his hand.
Rebecca stood as still as a statue as she looked at him. "What are you talking about?"
"Mindy's text." Dylan grabbed a dish towel from the bar and wiped his bloody nose. It was definitely not the same nose he had ten minutes ago.
"Shut the fuck up, Dylan." I shook my head slightly. "You're heading to fucking jail."
"What text?" Rebecca placed her hand against the bar to steady herself as if she already knew the answer.
"The one Mindy sent Emily just before the crash. Just before Emily died," Dylan sneered. "It was on her phone. You know Mindy. She was always more enemy than friend to Em. She texted Emily all about the kiss at the party. The time showed that it was the last thing Emily saw before she died."
Rebecca looked to the one person who knew for sure. Her green eyes were glazed with tears as she turned to me, her lips quivering in despair. "Joshua?" she asked weakly, as if she had to use all her energy to say it.
I stared back at her, unable to speak. I was suddenly no longer standing in real time. Everything was moving slowly, and I was stupidly trying to find a way to erase the last few minutes. The color of anger that had risen in Rebecca's face washed away. She swayed and I reached for her, but she dashed through the bar to the back door.
I raced after her. "Rebel, please don't. Emily knew you loved her."
She pushed out into the alley where her car was parked. I had to keep myself from touching her.
"Rebecca, just stay. I'll get my keys and drive you to my house. I don't want you to drive like this."
She opened her car door and used it as a barrier between us. "I don't blame you for anything, Joshua."
"Rebecca, stop. What are you going to do about Dylan?" Just thinking about what he'd done made me want to puke.
She shook her head. "No, this is my problem. Not yours." She slid into her car.
I watched helplessly as she drove off.
I walked back into the bar. Dylan was leaning against the counter holding a bag of ice against his face.
He lowered it. "She's full of shit. I never touched her."
I headed across the floor and threw my fist into his already broken nose. He doubled over and struggled to regain his balance.
I stood in front of him with my arms out. "Take a shot. It'll give me a reason to hit you again."
Blood trickled over the bag of ice, and his eyes were starting to blacken.
"Hit me, you fucker." I shoved him hard against the bar. "Come on, asshole. If you're so innocent, take your best shot. Or maybe you're not fighting back because you know you deserve it."
He pressed the ice to his face again and stared at me through swollen eyes.
I stuck my finger in his face. "Find that business card so we can sell this place. You and I are no longer partners." I walked to the back, grabbed my keys off the hook and slammed out the back door. I needed to leave before I fucking killed him.
Chapter 33
Rebecca
I had been balled up on the bed for so long when I went to unfurl my limbs, I could barely feel my arms and legs. My head was empty and dizzy from crying, and I was so dehydrated, it felt like I'd been hiking across the desert with no canteen.
I shuffled to the kitchen for a glass of water. I was supposed to feel better. I'd finally let loose of something that had been festering inside of me for years, but I felt more lost than ever. I'd been sitting in my little apartment feeling heartbroken and sick and then it occurred to me that Dylan had ruined my life not once, but twice. He'd sent that picture for no reason other than to break up my relationship with Joshua.
A half bottle of wine had convinced me that after all this time I needed to confront Dylan for what he’d done. It was his turn to suffer. I'd gone through the scene and my words over and over again, but not once during those hours of mentally visualizing the scene had Dylan come back at me with something so hurtful it almost made what he'd done seem unimportant. There had been a text. The text that explained why Michelle had so quickly decided she no longer wanted Dad and me in the house. And it seemed everyone knew about it but me. I suppose I should have been thankful that at least they spared me that agony. It seemed Joshua knew too. He knew but he never said anything to me. He wouldn't.
I sipped down the water. My throat felt achy from so much crying. Just a week ago I was flitting around my apartment, whistling and thinking dreamy thoughts about Joshua. Now I felt so drained of happiness, I was sure I'd never feel it again. My life had been a roller coaster of ups and downs. The first major ride downhill was my own mom leaving. I'd always known she wasn't all that thrilled to be a mother, and I knew that my parents fought far too often. But it was hard to understand just how easily she could walk out on Dad and me. Then we'd both found a new family and things seemed wonderful. But that ended with Dylan, and it seemed my roller coaster car started taking a lot more dips than climbs. But knowing that Emily had died thinking I betrayed her by kissing Joshua, that was just too hard to absorb. And I had betrayed her. I betrayed her because along with the dark secret I kept inside, there had always been another secret. I had been in love with Joshua almost from the start. It had begun as just a teenage crush. For the longest time, I was sure I'd outgrow it and some other boy would sweep me off my feet. But it never happened. There had been other boys, but none of them were Joshua. None of them even came close. That secret I kept close to my heart, never to be revealed to anyone. I was going to take it to my grave. But all it took was too much beer and a scary incident with Gregory, an incident that surfaced all the horror of my encounters with Dylan, and I threw myself right into Joshua's arms. There was no way to stop myself. I knew his arms were the only ones that could ease my fears and my pain. He was the only person I ever trusted.
My phone buzzed, and I glanced absently at the screen. It was the bank letting me know I was overdrawn. On top of everything else, I'd lost my job. Soon I'd be standing on the sidewalk with my sofa bed.
I picked up the phone.
"Becca? Is everything all right?"
I sniffled once and then took a deep breath. I didn't want to alarm him. "Dad? I know it's late there, but I just had to call."
"Sweetheart, you sound upset. What's wrong?"
"First, I'm sorry I broke up your marriage to Michelle." My voice trembled, but I was too drained of tears to shed any more. "I know it was my fault."
He paused so long I looked at the phone to see if we were still connected.
"Rebecca, the breakup had nothing to do with you. It was the terrible tragedy. It changed Michelle. Can't blame her. We all changed. Emily's loss was just too much for all of us to deal with."
"Dad? Can I come home? I mean, home to you."
"Becca, sweetheart, of course. I can't wait for you to get here. I need so much help. Did you get the video I emailed? Of the baby goats?"
"I'll look right now. Dad, just hearing your voice is making me feel better." I walked over to my computer and wiggled the mouse. I opened the short clip of two squeaky adorable baby goats drinking from a bottle. "So, now you're also a goat farmer?"
"They help keep the weeds down in the vineyard. These two babies need a mom, so be ready to take over for me."
"They are adorable." I sighed. "If I must, then I guess I'm up to the task. Dad, I hate to sound like the biggest loser in the worl
d, but I need a plane ticket. I sort of lost my job."
"Finally told off the old witch, huh?"
"In a big way."
"Good. She deserved it. I'll go online and get you a ticket right now."
"Thanks. Oh, and Dad—there's something I need to tell you. I'll wait until I see you in person. It's something important. I don't want to talk about it over the phone."
"Rebecca?" The concern coming through the phone was almost palpable.
"Not now, Dad. I don't have the strength to talk about it right now. I'll see you soon. Love you."
"Love you too. I'll let you know about the flight times. Bye, sweetheart."
I dropped the phone on the desk and watched the goat video a few more times for no other reason except they provided a few seconds of pure pleasure. A knock on the door made me jump.
I got up, walked to the door and looked through the peephole. It was Joshua. His face was drawn with grief. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
His pale gaze held mine as his throat moved with a deep swallow.
Before he could find his words, mine fell right from my mouth. "You lied. She did hate me. She knew about the kiss."
"No, she blamed me for that. She didn't hate you. She loved you."
I took hold of his hand and stared down at it. "You've always worked hard to protect me, Josh."
"I sure as hell failed at that. I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me? I would have helped you."
I shook my head and took hold of his hand. I couldn't talk about it anymore. I pulled him inside. He went to open his mouth again, but I pressed my fingers against his lips.
I shook my head again. "No words. Everything is in the past now. There's only one thing I need right now. These arms. The only arms I've ever needed." I led him to the bed, and we sat against the cushions. I crawled onto his lap, and he wrapped his arms around me.
Chapter 34
Joshua
The shower steam had seeped beneath the bathroom door, and the familiar smell of Rebecca's shampoo followed it. I'd held her in my lap until we both dozed off into a long nap. The entire time she was in my arms, all I could do was think about how scared she must have been as a young girl in a new house with a new family and a predatory stepbrother. There were times, when she didn't realize I was watching her, when I saw a sort of unexplained sadness drift over her pretty face, but I'd always just passed it off as teenage angst. I guess I'd been too damn wound up in my own shit to notice that she was going through something horrible.
The shower turned off, and I waited for Rebecca to come out. She hadn't wanted to talk about anything. I couldn't blame her. But it seemed there was a lot to say, a lot to untangle. The bathroom door opened and she came around the corner with her wet hair combed back off her face. Her green eyes were still slightly puffy from all the tears. She was wearing the infamous Iron Maiden t-shirt and nothing else. The worn fabric clung to her still moist skin outlining her breasts and nipples.
She knelt on the bed and brought her lips right up to mine. "Joshua," she said softly. It was all I needed to hear.
I took her in my arms and rolled her down on the mattress. My mouth clamped down over hers as my hands pushed the shirt up to expose her breasts. She pushed up my shirt, and I pulled it off and slid my shorts off next.
I lowered myself down over her so that every inch of our naked skin could touch. She mewled softly as my bare chest rubbed against her taut nipples. I placed my hand against her face and gazed down at her as I pushed my cock inside of her.
Her head pushed back into the pillow as she took in all of me.
"Fuck, baby," I growled against her lips. "You were made for me."
"No," she whispered, "You were made for me."
I scooped her ass up with my hand and held her so that I could penetrate her deeply. I swept into her, making sure to rub against her pussy, bringing heat and friction to her clit. While I held her ass, I slipped a finger into the tight hole. She moaned in appreciation, and I pushed it a little deeper.
She squeezed her legs around me as I penetrated her everywhere. She responded by clamping her pussy tightly, so tightly she brought me close to the edge.
She dropped her hands from me and clutched at the sheets as I dug into her. Her body blushed with pink heat and her thighs trembled as she came. Her pussy pulsed around my cock and milked me to orgasm.
I rested down on my elbows and held her face in my hands as I kissed her lightly on the lips. "I love you, Rebel. Always have. Always will. Just thought I should put that out there."
She stared up at me with a look that I could easily read.
"You're going to live on the vineyard," I said, not as a question.
She didn't answer. I rolled off of her.
She turned to face me. "I have no job, no money. I'm sorry." She picked up a strand of my hair and curled it around her finger. "You should come with me."
I huffed a short laugh. "Right." I turned on my back and she climbed on top of me.
She smoothed her hands over my chest. "I'm serious. My dad needs a pair of strong arms to help out. And so do I." She trailed her fingers along my arms. "And only these will do."
"Shit, Rebel, I've got the business and the house and Portugal is a long ways away."
She rested down on top of me, folded her hands across my chest and rested her chin on them. "Just thought you might consider it. Besides, if you don't, you'll never see this t-shirt again."
"Sounds vaguely like rock t-shirt blackmail." I reached up and pushed her hair behind her ears. "I know you don't want to talk about it but what about Dylan?"
She scooted off of me and sat on the bed next to me. I took hold of her hand. The topic had drained some of the color from her face.
"There's nothing to do. Michelle has no one left but Dylan. And I just can't go back to that time and relive things. It was only three times. Then I grew up enough to figure out ways to avoid ever being alone with him. And I booby trapped my room with a big cinderblock so he couldn't open the door without making a lot of noise."
"I was always so damn busy protecting you from the boys around the neighborhood, I never realized what was happening inside the house. I'll never forgive myself for that."
"No, you can't blame yourself. Shit, Josh, there were times when I thought you were the only person keeping me from falling apart. I could be in the worst mood and then I'd see you and I'd think you were like this magical piece of my world, the piece where nothing bad could happen."
I sat up against the cushions. "I should have paid better attention to you. And if it's true that Emily knew, then everything I have stored in my head and my heart about her is tainted."
"No, don't say that. Emily was young and scared. I'm sure it was impossible for her to think anything bad about her brother. Don't ever let this change your opinion of her. She was so crazy about you. Always. Even when she complained about tattered rock and roll t-shirts she was still nuts about you."
Rebecca looked so weary and upset from everything, I couldn't stop myself from pulling her onto my lap. "You're right. I'm just having such a hard time absorbing all this. And shit, the biggest ball breaker of all is that I actually grew closer with Dylan. Started a fucking business with him. What a clueless idiot I've been."
"How could you have known? Dylan was a popular guy in town. People always admired him. His mom had him up on a damn pedestal, and she even knew something wasn't quite right with him."
"A pedestal. Just like the one my dad had set my mom upon. And she so didn't deserve to be there." I stroked her back. "I went back to talk to Dylan, I messed him up good." I showed her my swollen knuckles. "Almost messed up the lousy ass surgery the doctor did on my fingers too. I told Dylan he would either have to buy me out or we needed to sell the place because the partnership was over. He was nursing his broken nose with ice packs and aspirin. He couldn't even look at me. He knew he deserved it. The fact that he didn't even try to fight back or clobber me, which he could have easily done,
assured me of that. I told him he needed to find someone, a psychologist or someone to talk to. He just nodded. All I know is, I don't even want to be in the same fucking room with him."
"I really unleashed a shit storm." Rebecca rested her head against my shoulder.
"No, you opened my eyes, Rebel. And now you're leaving me, and you're taking my heart with you."
"That's all right. I'm leaving mine here with you to take its place." She lifted her head and looked at me. "And I'll keep yours safe until you come to your senses and realize you can't live without me."
Chapter 35
Rebecca
I'd dreaded the day as much as I'd looked forward to it. I was desperate to see my dad and the vineyard. But I was in total despair about leaving Joshua behind. He was gripping the wheel extra tight, and there was the tiniest flicker of movement in his cheek. It was that little muscle that twitched whenever he was upset.
I had spent the last few days at his house, even lending a hand to help him paint the kitchen. It had been a blissful few days. In between, I'd worked up the courage to talk to Michelle. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done. But Joshua had convinced me that if Michelle knew, she might keep better track of Dylan. Hopefully she'd keep him going to the doctor he'd started seeing. Michelle had been cold at first, but as I told her the terrible secret, she crumbled into tears and we held each other for a long time.
But there was still one person I needed to say good-bye to. "Hey, do you mind turning off here? I just need to make a quick stop before we hit the freeway."
Joshua looked confused at first, but it didn't take him long to figure out where we were headed.
Clusters of flowers dotted the verdant green hills of the cemetery as we drove inside. The towering stone mortuary looked down at us through stained glass windows as Joshua's car rolled past at the ten mile speed limit. A funeral must have been about to start because the shallow marble steps in front of the mortuary were covered in slow moving people wearing dark clothes and even darker sunglasses.