“No …” I mumbled. “I don’t think it’s an earthquake.”
All of a sudden, a huge black scaly head the size of a bus swung around at us and roared!
“Grrraaaooowww!”
“Gorgatron!” yelled Zeek.
“What?” I shouted. “You know this guy?”
“Gorgatron! The prehistoric dino-lizard they made for Gorgatron Park! It’s hungry. And we’re on its back!”
Zeek was right. We were on its back. And it did look hungry.
Suddenly, Gorgatron bent over to see what was for lunch. It looked right in Zeek’s camera.
“Extreme close-up!” Zeek screamed.
Then the dinosaur made a strange noise.
“Kerr-kerrr-kerrr—”
“No!” yelled Zeek. “Not that! It’s going to—to—”
“—Phlooooo!”
It sneezed all over us.
“Grossssss!” we both screamed, as the force blew us down the dino’s back in a river of goop.
Gorgatron rose up on its hind legs. We tumbled to the ground.
“Oh, man,” Zeek moaned. “Of all the futuristic attack weapons, we had to choose flashlights!”
I looked over at him. “Yeah, right,” I yelled. “Like we’re really going to fight him!”
“Grrraaaoooooowww!”
Gorgatron stretched up about fifty feet in the air. He began to chase us.
Wump-wump-wump! The ground thundered beneath the huge weight.
Zeek and I raced back into the jungle. I could hear leaves and trees crashing right behind us. The beast was hot on our tails.
“Hurry!” I shouted. “I read that dinos could run really fast!”
Wump-wump-wump!
“Yeah?” yelled Zeek. “And did you get to the part that tells how to escape from one?”
We dashed back into the clearing again.
“Over there!” Zeek pointed to the old broken-down house. “Let’s move it—fast!”
“No way,” I yelled. “I mean that house is all falling down and dark inside and really creepy and I think maybe it’s been used for every haunted house movie since time began and—”
“Grrrraaaaaooooooowwwww!”
“But hey, with a little paint—”
FIVE
We flashed across the clearing, flew up the steps, and dived through the front door of the old house.
The door wasn’t open, but like I said—the place was old.
We collapsed in the living room of the number-one haunted house in America.
“I have a bad feeling about this,” I said.
Zeek nodded. “But at least we don’t have ugly monster killer dino-bots chasing us.”
He had a point. I went over to the window. Gorgatron was thumping back into the jungle. “Even he’s afraid of this place,” I said.
In the dim light I could see that the walls were dark and stained. There were cobwebs all over everything. There were wobbly-looking stairs going up to the next floor. And the room had a really bad smell.
“Hey,” said Zeek, looking around from behind his video camera. “They made Nutzoid here.”
I turned to Zeek. “Of course they made Nutzoid here! And Bobby Hammerhands. And Cold Sweat. And Oozeface. And—”
“Arrrgh.”
“What?” I said.
“I didn’t say anything,” said Zeek.
“Yes, you did. You said ‘Arrrgh.’”
Zeek looked at me. “That wasn’t me. I wouldn’t say that, honest. Why would I say that?”
“Arrrgh.”
I looked at him closely, trying to see his mouth move. “You’re trying to scare me, aren’t you, Zeek. We’re in a haunted house and you’re trying to scare me. Pretty soon you’ll be saying things like—”
“Mum … mum … mum …” Zeek stuttered.
“No, not ‘mum-mum-mum’,” I said. “Scary things. Things like ‘IIIEEE!’ or—”
“Mum … mum … mum …” he said again. He obviously wasn’t listening to me. And he wasn’t looking at me either. He was looking over my shoulder. His eyes were going kind of buggy.
“Arrrgh!”
“What is that noise?” I said. I finally looked around. A man was thumping down the stairs. An old man. Very old. He was very dusty. And he was wrapped from head to foot in—well—toilet paper!
“ARRRGH!” he groaned.
“Oh, a mummy,” I said. “Zeek, it’s a—”
“IIIEEE!”
Wham! The door banged and Zeek disappeared down a hall. I heard him slam a door and start piling up stuff on the other side of it.
I looked down the hall. I looked at the guy coming down the stairs. I wasn’t getting it.
“Wait a minute,” I said to the old guy. “You’re dressed up, right? I mean, it’s Halloween and you’re dressed up. Right? RIGHT?”
“Arrrgh!” was all he said. Then he slowly stretched out one of his creepy arms. He thumped across the room toward me. He was leaving little clouds of dust with every step.
I tried to be nice, but when he stretched out his other creepy arm toward me, I had to be rude.
Wham! I blasted from the room into the hall.
“Arrrgh!” said the mummy. And he started down the hall after me.
I got to the room where Zeek was hiding. I banged on the door. “Zeek! It’s me! Let me in!”
“How do I know it’s you?” Zeek yelled through the door. “How do I know you’re not a mummy who just sounds like you!”
“Because mummies can only say ‘Arrrgh!’ Now open up or I’ll—”
“Arrrgh!”
The mummy was getting closer. I was trapped against the door. Those ugly arms were stretched out toward me.
“Zeeeeeekie!” I screamed. “The dead guy!”
Suddenly, the door flew open, and I tumbled into the room with Zeek. He slammed the door behind me and pushed chairs and tables and other stuff back in front of it.
I was safe.
“Whew!” I gasped. “That was close.”
“Too close,” said Zeek. Then he looked at my jacket. “So he got you, huh?”
“Who?”
“Him. Out there. The mummy.”
“No way!” I said. “He didn’t get me. I wouldn’t let that old bag of bones get me. No way.”
“Oh yeah?” Zeek blew on my shoulder and a puff of white mummy dust floated up.
SIX
I gulped. And pushed another chair in front of the door. Then I turned around and saw Zeek video taping me.
“Come on, pal,” I said. “No more fooling around. We’ve got to get out of here.”
Zeek nodded and stuffed the video camera in his backpack. “Good call, Noodle. What’s the plan?”
I looked around. “First, I need a minute to figure out what’s going on. Then I’ll think up a plan.”
I sat down on an old couch. Dust flew up. “I mean, it’s like we’re in some really bad Halloween movie, you know? And everybody is trying to kill us. But why?”
Zeek just shook his head. “Because they know we’re Danger Guys and we love this kind of stuff?”
I smiled. “That would be cool. But, I don’t think so.” I looked at the white spot on my shoulder. “Nope, this is a little too real.”
The sky rumbled outside. The storm was going to be a long one. Then, I thought of something. “Hmmm,” I said. “No way. It couldn’t be. It’s just too—nutty.”
Zeek came over and slumped down next to me. Dust flew up again. “All right, Noodle. You got me. Let’s hear it.”
“Well,” I said. “It’s crazy, but the tour guide said that all the special effects and creatures were run by a big central computer, right?”
“Yeah. The Big Brain. So?”
“So,” I said, “what if that lightning storm we had zapped the Brain? And it starts making these creatures go crazy. They’re all robots, remember? And the Brain controls them.”
Zeek was quiet for a second. “You mean like a short circuit in the computer? There
sure was a lot of lightning.”
“Exactly. Electrical storms do pretty strange things. Remember the storm in Evil Experiment? The wacko doctor puts the dead guy out in the lightning and—zap—he’s alive! And he’s dangerous, too, just like—”
Suddenly Zeek stood up. “But that means—oh no! My parents! My sister! What if some crazy robot monster attacks the castle? We’re Danger Guys. But them, they’re just regular people!”
I looked at Zeek. He was scared.
So was I.
Then I smelled it. I grabbed Zeek’s arm.
He sniffed too. “Cooking. Someone is cooking in this house. Maybe they can help us!”
There was a door on the far side of the room. My stomach told me that was the way. I opened the door slowly. We looked into—a kitchen.
It was different from the other rooms in the house. It was cleaner. Brighter. It almost looked like a normal room.
But the most amazing part was that there was a woman in the room. She looked normal, too. Like a regular person. Like a regular mom.
“I think we lucked out, pal,” I whispered to Zeek. “She must work here. She can help us!”
We stepped into the kitchen. Zeek gave me a quick thumbs-up and nodded.
“Excuse me, ma’am,” I said. “We need help. Really strange things have been happening to us and my friend’s parents are in danger and—”
The woman looked over and smiled at us.
“Come in, boys,” she said. “I’ll call the police right away. But first, sit down and have something to eat. Waffles okay?”
I looked at Zeek. “I must have died and gone to heaven. She said waffles!”
I smiled big.
Waffles are my absolute favorite food.
Zeek could probably see the hunger in my eyes. “Two bites,” he said. “Then the police.”
“Of course,” the woman said. She seemed nice.
Zeek and I sat down at the table.
The woman turned on a radio and hummed to the music. She stepped over to the counter, picked up two plates, and set them on the table.
Dun-dun-dunnn! The music on the radio suddenly changed. It got creepy.
And so did the lady’s face. Her mouth twisted all up. Then her eyes blinked and rolled backward.
“Noodle! She’s one of them! RUN!”
We jumped for the door.
Wham! Too late. “Dad” was there.
“Hunnneee!” he groaned as he stood in the doorway. “I’mmm home!”
Oh, sure. Just your ordinary, everyday Dad.
Only this one had a flat head, a huge scar, and little silver electrodes sticking out of his neck.
“Get them, Frank!” the lady snapped.
“We’re out of here!” I shouted.
Before dear old Dad could stretch out his huge arms for us, we were blurring through the kitchen and up the stairs.
“Bathroom!” Zeek yelled.
“We don’t have time,” I shouted.
“No—the bathroom window! It’s open!”
Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Flathead Dad was storming up the stairs.
We shot into the bathroom. But when we tried to climb out the window, it wasn’t. A window, I mean. It was just painted on the wall.
“Yikes!” yelled Zeek. “Up the stairs!”
We flew up three more flights of old-creaking-loose-falling-down stairs.
“Oh, man, Zeek,” I huffed. “This is not happening!”
“You can say that all you want, Nood. But it keeps on happening!”
When we got to the top floor, I ran in the first room I could find. I pulled Zeek in behind me, and locked the door.
Big mistake.
“Grrrrrr!”
“Noodle?” Zeek said. “That’s your stomach, right? You saw the waffles, you didn’t eat them, and now your stomach is growling, right?”
“Um … sorry, Zeek.”
“Grrrrrr-rrrrrrr!”
We looked over to the bed. Someone was waking up. He didn’t look too happy. He also didn’t look too human. He was all hairy, like a—
“Werewolf!”
The werewolf bolted up, sprang in front of Zeek, and threw him toward the window. Crash!
“Nooooooooodle!”
I froze in shock as I saw Zeek break through the window and go tumbling out.
All the way to the ground.
Four floors below.
SEVEN
“You creep!” I screamed. “You killed my best friend!”
I jumped on the bed, bounced up and kicked the hairy jerk with both feet.
The wolfman slumped over. But the force of the kick knocked me off the bed. I hit a chair, flipped over, and flew out the window, too.
Whoa! I grabbed the windowsill and hung on. But my grip was no good.
I couldn’t hold on.
My fingers slipped off the edge.
“Ahhhhh!” I fell straight down.
A second later, something grabbed me.
“Don’t worry, Noodle. I’ve got you!”
It was Zeek!
I looked down. There was nothing but air below us. “You’ve got me?” I said. “But who’s got you?”
Vooom!
We fell like rocks.
Boing!
We bounced back up again.
“It’s a stunt trampoline, Nood! So when the heroes fall out of windows, they don’t get hurt!”
Boing!
“I can’t believe it!” I cried. “Does this mean that Danger Guys are indestructible?”
“Well, so far, anyway!” Zeek said, giving me a smile. Then he pointed down. “A couple more jumps, and we’re out. Look!”
About twenty feet away was a regular backyard. And across the yard was the castle.
“Let’s hop!” I shouted.
We bounced a couple more times, somersaulted, and landed in the backyard.
“Um … Noodle?” said Zeek, dusting himself off. “This isn’t your ordinary backyard.”
I looked around. It was pretty gloomy for a backyard. All twisted trees and statues of angels.
“Oh, great,” I said. “A graveyard. And just when I thought we were—”
“Boneheads!” Zeek screamed.
“Well,” I huffed. “I wouldn’t say that!”
“Not us. Them!” Zeek pointed behind me. There, pouring up from one of the graves, like clowns from a taxi, were skeletons!
Dozens of skeletons! And each one carried a long jagged sword.
We jumped behind a skinny tree.
“Uh-oh,” Zeek whispered. “These guys are no good. Remember Boneheads vs. Elm City? They got mad and wanted people to dress like them.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t look good in just bones,” I said, trying to make myself skinnier than the tree.
Suddenly, the skeletons turned. They spotted us. They got into line and began marching toward us. They raised their swords.
“Zeekie,” I whispered. “I don’t think this looks too—”
Kraaack! A bolt of lightning flashed suddenly through the sky.
Instantly, the skeletons stopped. The whole army of them turned completely around on their bony heels. They began to march away.
“But …” I started to say.
Then Zeek grabbed my arm. He pointed to where the skeleton army was going.
I watched them march across the yard.
“The castle! Noodle! My folks are in there!”
EIGHT
“Step on it!” Zeek shouted as we ran. “Pretend you’re in The Black Knight!”
I watched as the last of the Boneheads trooped into the castle. The huge drawbridge was closing up in front of us.
We had only one chance to make it. Speed was the thing. And Zeek’s folks were in danger.
So I took a running start, stretched out my arms, and jumped. Up.
It worked. We grabbed the top of the drawbridge, and it pulled us all the way up to the top of the castle wall.
A second later, I was standing next to Zeek on
a walkway overlooking the castle courtyard.
Clack! Clack!
Below us, the Boneheads were marching in.
“Noodle, they’re searching for the tour group. We’ve got to get down there, and fast!”
I nodded and pointed to an opening in the wall. “This way looks good.” We scrambled over to the doorway and ran down some steps.
Big mistake.
Because when we leaped down to the floor, it wasn’t there. The floor, I mean.
It fell away while we were in midair. Just like every trap door in every castle movie I’ve ever seen.
“No!” I yelled.
Umph! Umph! We dropped about twenty feet and crumpled in a pile.
“Noodle?” Zeek groaned. “I think you found us a dungeon!”
It sure looked like a dungeon. Small room. No doors or windows. Chains on the walls. Yeah, it was a dungeon all right.
“This looks kind of like the torture chamber in Zorando’s Revenge,” said Zeek.
“No,” I said. “It’s more like the one in Zorando’s End. But I hope it’s not that one because that’s the one where the walls—”
Clank-clank-clank.
A loud noise filled the room. It sounded like chains and rocks grinding together.
I looked at Zeek. Then I looked behind Zeek. “Um … do you notice anything strange?”
“You mean, like the walls are getting closer?”
“Yeah, and do you know what that means?”
“Zorando’s End?”
“Right. It means we’re in—in—”
“The Squishing Room!”
“HELLLLLLLLLLLLP”
Our yells echoed through the castle.
No one answered.
In a flash we were up against the walls, pushing hard. Zeek’s muscles bulged. I helped, too.
No good. We just slid back across the floor. The walls kept coming.
Slowly, but surely, we’d be crushed to death.
“This is it,” said Zeek. “We’re doomed.
I had to admit it didn’t look good for us. The hole in the ceiling was way too far away. No one heard our cries for help.
“And the worst part is,” Zeek said, “we won’t be able to save my parents or the other people on the tour. The Boneheads are probably closing in on them right now.”
The walls slid closer. We slumped to the floor.