“Hmm?”
I shifted, and he moved so I could roll over — when I saw his smile, I couldn’t stop my own. “Nothin’.”
He climbed up my body and lay on top of me. “Have any plans this weekend?” He brushed my crazy hair out of my face.
“No, why?”
“Come sailing with me.”
I blinked, not knowing what to say. “What will I tell West?”
“The truth. Tell him you have a date.”
I gave him a flat look. “Cooper.”
He gave me one right back. “Maggie.”
“Doesn’t that break the rules?”
He shrugged and traced my bottom lip with his index finger. “You said you wanted to see New York. Well, I can show you New York in a way you can’t see anywhere else. We can sail up the coast to the Hamptons, spend the night, and sail back on Sunday.”
Butterflies flitted around in my stomach, those traitorous bastards. “Sounds like something couples would do.”
“Listen, we only have one week left. Can we just say fuck the rules for thirty-six hours?” He kissed the bottom lip his finger had just been on. “Plus, just think of all the rope I have on that boat. And I know a lot of knots.”
I laughed. “God, Cooper.”
He smiled back at me, contented. “Call it whatever you want. I just thought you might like to sail. Would it make you feel better if I promise to keep conversation and clothing to a minimum?”
“Maybe a little.”
“Consider it done.” His smile softened, and his eyes locked on mine, voice a little lower as he cupped my cheek. “Say yes.”
My resolve was about as sturdy as a bridge made out of Pixy Stix. The rules. Fucking rules. Could I agree to thirty-six hours, rule-free? That wasn’t even two full days, and he was right. It was almost over, and what better way to spend our last weekend but together?
I didn’t know how I could refuse with him looking at me like that, with his fingers against my skin and my pulse fluttering. It was a terrible idea. The worst. I should definitely say no.
“All right.”
God damn that smile of his. “Meet me at the dock at nine. Pack a swimsuit and a dress for dinner.”
“And purple panties?”
“Underwear is entirely up to you.”
I laughed.
“Stay the night, Maggie.”
His voice commanded me — his eyes held me still. My smile slipped as I looked up at him, hypnotized out of nowhere. I wanted to say yes, so badly. But I’d already given too much.
I blinked and took a breath, dragging my smile back out. “The rules are in place as long as we’re on Manhattan soil. Plus, I’ve got to get my rest for our big weekend. I should pack now if I’ve got to meet you all the way on the south side by nine.”
He sighed. “I’ll let you have that, but only because I get you all to myself for the weekend.” His lips met mine in a smoldering kiss.
I could barely open my eyes when he broke away, and I thought real hard about staying. Real, real hard. When I finally peeled my eyelids open, I smiled up at him. “It’s late. I should get going.”
He brushed his lips against mine once more. “All right.”
Cooper rolled off of me, and I grabbed my clothes, heading to the bathroom to get cleaned up and dressed before I changed my mind.
When I came out, he was waiting for me with a smile, took my hand as we walked to his door.
“Bobby’s downstairs waiting for you.”
“Thank you.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You’re not going to fight me on it?”
“Would it do any good?”
“No.”
I smiled. “Exactly.”
He smiled back. “Want me to send him to get you in the morning?”
“Nah, I’ll take the subway.”
“I’ll text you the address.” His hand slipped into the crook of my neck, and he kissed me once more, reverently. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mags.”
“‘Night, Cooper.”
I stepped into the elevator feeling giddy as I leaned against the rail, my eyes still on him until he disappeared behind the elevator doors.
My mind skipped around, daydreaming about sailing to the beach house. But every second brought with it a little bit of doubt and confusion.
The getaway was a date. A weekend long romantic sailing to the Hamptons date where I’d be alone with Cooper for thirty-six hours. Nowhere to run. No getting away from him. The thought excited me just as much as it freaked me out. Which was to say, a lot.
I looked back over the last week, not sure how I’d gotten to the point where the rules had been called off, even just temporarily. Reading in the park had been a bad idea. Truth or Dare had been even worse. Coney Island just proved that I was a raging dumbass for convincing myself we were only banging. And now, a weekend getaway.
It was impossible to pretend that whatever was happening between us was nothing. It was all too clear that we were more than nothing.
I was in much deeper than I thought.
The elevator doors opened, and I nodded at the doorman as I headed to the back entrance. Bobby was waiting for me and opened the car door for me to climb in.
“Thank you, Bobby.”
“No problem, Maggie.”
He closed my door and walked around the car to climb into the driver’s seat. My thoughts didn’t stop spinning as we made our way up 5th and to the traverse through the park.
I watched the trees out of the window, trying to think my way out of it. I could still back out. Just text him and tell him no. He might be hurt, but what would I risk if I went with him?
Maybe he wouldn’t care at all. Maybe it was just a game to him, and he just liked to push my buttons, get his way.
But I knew as soon as I thought it that it was a lie. And that thought scared me worse than anything.
Bobby stopped a block away from the apartment, and I thanked him before slipping out and walking home. I trudged up the stairs and unlocked the door to find Lily and Rose at the kitchen table.
“Hey.” I tried to smile and apparently wasn’t very convincing. “What are you doing here, Lily?”
Her brow dropped, worried. “I just got home from the theater, was about to head over to West’s. You okay?”
I made a face and took a seat, my eyes darting to Rose. “Mr. M is getting serious.”
Lily sighed. “Shit.”
Rose’s brow quirked. “That’s a bad thing?”
I leaned on the table, trying to be vague. “It just complicates a situation that’s already sticky.”
Rose shrugged. “What’s so sticky about it? Do you like him?”
“I’m not ready to like anyone.”
“You seem like you’re fine,” she said.
“I feel like I’m fine, but I don’t trust myself.”
“Then just use him until the time’s up and walk away.”
I shook my head, frustrated. “There is no walking away, Rose.”
“What do you mean?”
Lily watched me with her arms folded across her chest, and Rose’s eyes bounced between us.
“What’s the story?” Rose asked, edging on impatient.
Lily sighed again. “Just tell her, Maggie.”
I chewed on my lip.
“Tell me what? What the hell is going on?”
I took a deep breath. “Mr. M is …”
Rose leaned forward. I couldn’t even say it.
Lily blurted, “Cooper. She’s banging Cooper.”
Rose’s eyes bugged, her mouth hanging open. “No fucking way.”
I nodded, feeling guilty. “Since my wedding night.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Maggie.” Rose blinked.
Lily shook her head. “You’ve got to figure out a better way to break that to people, Mags. No one is ever prepared for Cooper wedding night fuckery.”
I dropped my face into my palms. “I know. Please, don’t judge me.”
Ros
e put up a hand in surrender. “I’m not one to judge people for who they sleep with or when. I’m just shocked. What about Astrid?”
Lily answered for me. “It’s a sham, Cooper and Astrid.”
Rose ran her fingers through her bangs. “What the fuck.”
“What happened?” Lily asked me.
“He wants to take me sailing this weekend, to the Hamptons.”
Lily sighed again and fiddled with the placemat in front of her. “Oh, man. That’s a dream date, Maggie.”
“I don’t know. I mean he’s pushed past every boundary I’ve defined.”
“Sounds like Cooper, all right,” Rose said.
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Do you want to go?” she asked, brows up.
“Of course I want to go. But it’s a horrible idea.”
“Why?” she asked simply.
“Because I don’t want to date Cooper. I don’t want to have feelings for him.”
“I feel like it may be too late for that.”
“I feel like maybe you’re right.” I felt panicky. “I should end it. I should end it now before it goes any further.” The thought of cutting it off made me feel sick. “It’s gone on long enough. One more week isn’t going to help anyone at this point.”
“Is that really what you want?” Rose asked.
I couldn’t stop shaking my head. “I don’t know what I want. The timing is so bad.”
“Is it though?”
I paused. “The wedding was only three months ago.”
“But what does that have to do with anything?” Rose said it like all the answers were a straight line, simple and easy.
I stammered. “I … well, I don’t know. I don’t feel like it’s responsible to jump into something yet, especially not with Cooper. This was supposed to just be for fun, no feelings. I thought it would be easy to keep it casual with him while I figure myself out. But the problem is that I haven’t figured anything out. I feel like I’m split in two. Before New York and After New York. Maggie with Jimmy and Maggie without Jimmy. Like the old me is a mirage. I don’t even know her anymore, but I don’t know the new me either.” My nose burned, and I sniffed to stave off the tears. “I’m a mess, see? A tangled-up mess. I cannot get involved with Cooper any deeper than I already am.”
Rose looked straight through me. “But what if he’s good for you?”
I looked at her like she’d sprouted an extra head.
“Hear me out.” She leaned forward. “Cooper wouldn’t be asking you on a weekend trip if he was only interested in a booty call. It’s too intimate. And if Cooper cares about you like that, then this is huge for him. What if he could be what you needed? What if he could give you all the things Jimmy couldn’t?”
“Maybe I could consider it if we were a year from now. It’s too soon.”
“Well, we’re not a year from now. We’re exactly where we are. Look, if you’re really not ready, then you’re not ready. But you want to be with him, and he makes you feel good, right?”
“Yes,” I answered quietly.
“Then I think the answer is much easier than you want to believe.” She sat back in her chair and brought her knee up. “I say go. Go and pretend like nothing before this weekend ever happened. Pretend just for the course of the trip, and if there’s something more to it, then you’ll know. If there’s not, then walk away.” She sighed. “There’s no set mourning period when you break up with someone. It takes however long it takes. Maybe moving here just sped up the process, and you’re more okay than you realize. Maybe you never really loved Jimmy at all. Maybe old Maggie and new Maggie are the same person. Maybe if you walk away from Cooper now, you miss an opportunity that you won’t have again.”
My eyes rested on a spot on the table. “Is it wrong to put Cooper through this if I end up walking away?”
“Do you think he’d miss the chance to find out?”
I thought about it for a moment before answering honestly. “No.”
She hung her arm on her knee, looking satisfied. “Then there it is. Just go. See what happens.”
I turned to Lily. “Do you think it’s possible that I’m whole enough to get into something so soon? What if I’m just rebounding?”
“I think you won’t know until you try. I also think if Cooper really cares about you, he’ll understand if you’re not ready.”
I didn’t respond, just considered it all. On paper, it looked ridiculous, me and Cooper. But in my heart, I knew it wasn’t as crazy as it seemed. “I’ve been talking myself out of Cooper for weeks, and now I’m trying to talk myself into him.”
Rose smirked. “I don’t think you need all that much convincing.”
I took a deep breath. “Go and pretend like nothing else happened. Just forget about everything else for thirty-six hours.” I shook my head. “I’ve been living in denial for long enough that I’m pretty sure ignoring my problems for a couple more days will be a piece of cake.”
Lily laughed.
“Leave the decisions for when you get back. Lily and I will be here on Sunday if you need to trip out. We’re excellent ledge talkers.”
“We’ll have bourbon, too,” Lily added.
I chuckled, feeling nervous and excited. “All right. I’m gonna do it.”
“Yeah, you are.” Rose said with a nod and a smile.
“I should pack and try to sleep.”
Lily sighed. “I’m so jealous you’re going sailing. It’s going to be amazing, Maggie.”
I smiled, my heart fluttering in my rib cage. “I hope so.”
FLY
Maggie
THE MORNING WAS BRIGHT AND golden, and my heart was full of promise and nerves as I walked down the dock with my duffle bag on my shoulder.
Fourth dock down, second slip on the left, the gate attendant had told me, and I counted them. I spotted Midnight Caller as she bobbed in the water, and a small but very loud part of my brain made its final plea to talk me out of the whole thing. I could walk away. It was the last chance.
But I took a breath and kept going, ready to leave life behind for a moment. Ready for what the weekend held in store.
The ship was a deep navy, the wooden deck stretching around the cabin to the bow. My eyes followed the ropes up the mast, and butterflies took off in my stomach, imagining what it would look like when the sails were raised. I stopped when I reached the boat, scanning the deck for Cooper. I found him kneeling in the cockpit — white shorts and deck shoes, navy sweater with white stripes, sleeves pushed up his forearms. My eyes lingered on his hands as he ran a rope through his fingers, that that little voice that had been so loud a moment before shut up mid-sentence.
I shifted and hung a hand on my hip, smiling. “Well, hello there, sailor.”
He looked up, and that crooked smile of his lit up his face as he stood and extended a hand. I took it to steady myself as I stepped into the boat, and he pulled me into him the second my feet hit the deck.
“Morning,” he said, his lips inches from mine.
“Morning,” I breathed.
“Are you ready for this?”
Anxiety blew through my chest, flipping my heart around. “I think so.”
He gave me a kiss and took my bag. “Then let me show you around so we can get going.”
My cheeks flushed, and I looked over the deck again. “This is so amazing, Cooper.”
“Glad you approve.” He took my hand, and we stepped into the space where the wheel and benches were. “This is the cockpit, where we’ll be most of the day. Come on down and I’ll show you the cabin.”
We climbed below deck, and I glanced around, taking everything in. The space was all dark wood, granite counters, dark leather seats. Art hung on the walls, and the table was littered with sea charts and compasses. It looked comfortable, livable, rich.
Cooper waved a hand across the room, smiling. “Welcome aboard.”
I shook my head, amazed. “I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t
this. You could actually live on this boat.”
He smiled and walked through the main room. “So this is the galley,” he said as he gestured to the fancy, stainless steel kitchen, “and back here are the extra bedrooms.” I followed him down a narrow hallway, and he opened another door. “Here’s the head, and back here is the master bedroom.”
The room was almost entirely bed, but there were nightstands and lamps, a small walk-in closet, and a standing shower with sleek tile and a glass door. He set my bag down on the bed.
“Are we sleeping here tonight?” I asked hopefully.
“No, we’ll stay at the Hampton house tonight.”
My face fell, and he chuckled.
“Don’t worry. You’ll be much more comfortable there.”
I was still looking around in awe. “How do you not just sail away in this?”
“Well, I can’t sail her overnight without at least one other person. You can’t go on autopilot for any long period of time, definitely not long enough to sleep.”
My eyes widened a little. “Am I going to be enough help for you? I’ve never sailed before.”
He grabbed my hand, and I followed him out. “You’ll be plenty of help, if you’re interested. And if not, I can sail her by myself.” He smiled at me over his shoulder.
“How often do you take her out?” I asked as we entered the main room again.
He stopped next to the table and laid his hands on the surface. “A lot more in the summer when everyone is free. I have crew on staff too, for when I want to go on longer trips.” I followed the line of his body — his strong shoulders, the curves of the muscles in his arms and forearms. A book was open in front of him, a map with complex sets of lines, numbers, and markings that I didn’t understand. “These are sea charts, like a key map for the ocean.”
I took a seat and pored over them. “They’re really beautiful. But I have no idea what any of this means. What’s this big compass?”
“That’s the magnetic field for the area.”
“Why on earth would you need to know the magnetic fields?”
“Because the compass doesn’t always point true north. These charts help you navigate the local waters if you’re using a magnetic compass.”