He stops just three feet away from me, but I still can’t look at him.
“I’ve never thought about a family before,” he says quietly. “I never thought I’d end up in a situation where that was even possible. But you and I… Elle, we could have a family. Ever since you came back, and the thought dawned on me that it was possible, it’s been eating me alive.”
Emotion rips from my throat. Big, fat tears well into my eyes, not waiting more than a second before spilling out onto my cheeks.
“Every time I look at your stomach, it’s killing me that the baby inside of you isn’t mine. What I said to Killian is true. I never considered myself much of a family man.” He steps forward another step. And I feel his eyes on my stomach. “But seeing you like this, Elle? I’m falling more and more in love with you every day. But every day you’re just drifting farther away from me. You’re fracturing, dropping pieces of yourself to the ground as you walk away.”
A sob rips from my throat, and instantly he’s there, wrapping his arms around me. But I jerk away, turning my back to him and darting across the room. I sink against the wall next to the fireplace, sliding down to the floor.
I hug my knees tight to my chest, which isn’t easy with my stomach. I dip my forehead to my knees and just sob.
I hear Lexington kneel beside me, but he doesn’t touch me, and for that I’m grateful.
“You need to really think about what you want from this baby, Elle,” Lexington says, and emotion cracks his voice when he says the word want. “I know you don’t want to think about it. But it’s slowly killing you, pushing it all aside. You have to embrace the hard, ugly shit you’ve been dealt. And then you can start to make your way back to the surface.”
Another hard sob rips from my chest. I feel like I’m breaking. Fracturing into a million pieces. Scattered across the floor and stomped on by a thousand elephants.
I’m utterly broken.
And with the words spoken in the last few minutes, I finally have to face and embrace that.
My body trembles and another gut wrenching cry forces out a stream of tears.
I reach out one hand, groping for a lifeline.
Lexington grabs hold of it, and holds on for dear life as I drown in the storm.
“I can’t keep this baby,” I whisper in the pre-dawn darkness.
I lie on my side, my back turned to the room. My bed is soft and warm underneath me. The moon is just barely visible through the window, just a tiny sliver, nearly a new moon.
A warm body lies behind me, curled to my exact shape, but not touching me.
“There’s a part of me that loves it,” I say as a few more tears well in my eyes, “that acknowledges half of it is mine. But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at it after it is born and not think about the evil look in Charles eyes when he said what he was going to do to me. To not be back in a prison cell, waiting for the day when this child’s father planned to kill me.”
Lexington shifts behind me, propping himself up on an elbow, listening intently.
“I know that Ian will find Charles eventually and will kill him,” I continue. “I know Charles won’t ever hurt me again. That he will never have sway over this baby. But I just don’t think I can be the kind of mother I should after it was conceived this way.”
“No one can blame you for that,” Lexington says quietly. I feel his warm breath on the back of my neck. The heat coming off of his body, enveloping me in his comfort.
“It will need someone to raise it right. With unconditional love and with a kind, guiding hand.” I place my own hand on my stomach, feeling a soft kick. “I think I’m going to ask Julie and Nial to raise this baby.”
“Why them?” Lexington asks, his brows furrowing.
“Because I know that Julie will give it all of the love and attention it deserves,” I say. “She will be the ultimate mom. She’s constantly taking care of everyone. And Nial, because he was always Alivia’s voice of reason. Because he knows how to rule a House with fairness and justice, almost more than Alivia does. This child will someday rule our region. It will need a good teacher.”
“It’s a girl,” Lexington whispers through the dark.
“You called the doctor’s office?” I ask, alarmed. I roll back toward him slightly, glaring through the dark.
I feel him shake his head. “No, I just feel it. It’s a girl.”
A smile pulls on my lips and my hands come back to my stomach. Something warms in my heart and I can tell, he’s right.
For the first time in months, I feel calm inside. I feel peace.
“You were right,” I say. “I wasn’t dealing. And it was slowly killing me inside. Thank you.”
“So I wasn’t just being a complete asshole?” he asks, his words rustling the hair along the back of my neck.
“Maybe a little,” I respond in a little laugh. “But I think I needed a little kick in the pants.” I roll to my side, facing him. Through the dark, I faintly make out the shape of his face, just inches from mine, his blue eyes bright in the night. “And thank you for giving me a little hope for the future.”
I scoot a little closer, closing the gap between our bodies. I reach out, placing my hand flat against his chest, feeling his heart beating. I place my other hand on my own chest, feeling for mine.
Neither of us says any words for a few minutes, and slowly, our hearts sync to the same rhythm.
“I love you, Lexington,” I breathe. “I might not be normal today, or tomorrow. But I promise I’m going to do better.”
“I know you will,” he says as he leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead. “You’re one of the bravest, strongest people I know.”
I scoot forward, nestling myself into his body, cocooning myself in his embrace. And finally, I know I’m going to be okay.
I sit in the living room of the House of Martials, legs crossed on the chair, just watching.
Po-Sun is on the computer and his cell phone at the same time, talking quickly in what I assume is Korean. He’s the one who takes care of the financials for the House, and from what I can tell, he’s taking the money the House of Conrath is granting them, and doubling it quickly. He’s quite the businessman.
Eva is busy in the kitchen, her messy and unwashed hair tied back with traces of flour in it. But even though she’s occupied with the food, she has a stake sticking out of her back pocket.
Julie is rushing around the house, arranging and rearranging pillows, dusting everything in sight.
Robert is nowhere to be seen. I think he must be upstairs in his room.
Duncan and Aleah stand at the window, watching. Waiting.
Darkness is falling outside, and we all wait inside in great anticipation.
Lexington steps back in the room, hanging up the phone. “That was Ian. He said he spoke with Killian just last night. As far as Killian knows, Ian is still looking for Charles and plans to bring him in for trial.”
“They’re looking too far away,” Aleah says, crossing her arms over her chest. “I bet you Charles is never more than five miles away from Elle. He’s going to want to keep an eye on her whenever possible.”
“I think you’re underestimating how much of a coward Charles can be,” Lexington says as he sits on the floor beside me, his shoulder resting against my leg. “Think about when he and his sister were attacked in Silent Bend. Instead of turning and fighting to avenge her right there, he just up and ran. He knows what we and the House of Conrath are capable of. He isn’t dumb.”
“I think you’re wrong,” she counters, looking back out the window.
“Doesn’t matter,” Duncan says as he tucks his hands into his front pockets. “He’ll be dead soon, either way.”
All of them have so much confidence that Ian’s team will find and kill Charles. But suddenly a little spark of doubt flares in the back of my mind. My brother has been looking for him for five weeks now. The clock is ticking. What if he doesn’t find him? What if it takes longer than this p
regnancy lasts?
I tilt my chin up, my jaw tightening.
Then I’ll just have to kill Charles myself.
“There he is,” Duncan pipes up. He and Aleah suddenly step away from the window. Aleah stands in anticipation in the middle of the room and Duncan darts to answer the door as the rest of the House gathers.
“Thank you,” Killian’s voice cuts through the house like a cold knife.
The two of them step back inside and every eye immediately locks on the king’s Hunter, waiting, filled with anticipation.
“This is certainly an interesting change of power,” he says, looking at each and every member. Aleah and Duncan. Julia, Eva. Robert. Newcomers Casey, Valentina, and Po-Sun. And finally, Lexington and me. “You said you had a proposition for me to present to the King. Speak your piece.”
Duncan clears his throat and takes half a step forward. “Well, you’re fully aware that there’s been some chaos in this region in the past year or so. We know that Charles Allaway hasn’t been doing his job for some time now and it’s not just an annoyance to the King. It puts all of us in danger. We all could be exposed, and the masses could turn against us.”
I admire Duncan and his courage. He’s always so quiet, so reserved and the one who watches. But here he is, taking charge, being speaker for a brand new House.
“We’re proposing that you let us instate a temporary House until the King decides what to do about the situation. We’ll keep things maintained once you’ve finished your work here. We’ll make sure things are turned back to order. But to do all this, we need the King’s backing.”
This is a temporary Band-Aid. At some point, when Ian kills Charles, we’re going to have to tell Cyrus that Charles did, in fact, have an heir. But until then, until it is absolutely necessary, no one wants him coming and getting involved.
“You’re asking the King to financially support a House that will be ruled by the descendants of those who betrayed him?” Killian asks. And suddenly he lunges forward and grabs Valentina by the throat. A tiny gasp rips from between her lips before her supply of oxygen is cut off. “You want him to look past their treachery and support them taking over a Royal’s job?” He pulls her toward him, until he’s nose to nose with her, looking deep in her eyes as if he can see to her very core, to her DNA that proves her a non-Royal.
Everyone is on the edges of their toes, ready to leap forward and rip him limb from limb if he harms her.
“We’re asking for temporary permission to carry on the King’s wishes for secrecy,” Duncan pipes up, throwing a hand in front of Aleah when she looks ready to dart forward. “All we’re doing is trying to help.”
Killian smiles a cruel smile, and suddenly shoves Valentina away. She stumbles back into Julie and Robert’s arms, coughing and holding a hand up to her red throat.
“Whose idea was this?” he asks, looking around the room.
No one responds right away, because no one knows what he’s thinking.
“Mine,” I pipe up, sitting straight in my chair. Lexington’s grip around my ankle tightens. The idea has evolved from my original vision, but it was indeed my idea to mimic what Jasmine Voltera once did in Silent Bend.
Killian steps forward, his eyes fixed on me. “And what do you care for the affairs of vampires? Why are you even involved?”
I lean forward slightly. “I’ve been raised in this world from day one. My brother is the one doing the hunting, and I carry a future Born in my womb. Of course I care.”
A smile curls on his lips, and I can’t tell if he’s impressed by me, or if he’s imagining drinking my blood.
Finally he backs up one step, folding his hands behind his back. He looks up, taking in the others who surround me once again. “I will present this entertaining proposition to the King. On one condition.”
“Condition?” Aleah asks in annoyance. “We’re only trying to help you, and you’ll accept that with conditions?”
“Do you really want to go around, testing a member of the Court?” Killian says as his eyes slide over to her. “Clearly you’ve never met one of us before, nor taken a trip to Roter Himmel. Careful, your true ignorance is showing, and you’re doing little to convince me you can do this job.”
Aleah shuts her mouth, though the darkness in her eyes doesn’t let up.
“The condition is that you each bring me a Bitten, dead or alive, it doesn’t matter.” The smile grows on Killian’s face. “Prove to me you have the guts and strength to do this job.”
“But Ian and your team have taken almost all of them out by now,” Duncan says. “How are we supposed to hunt down seven more?”
“You’ll bring me nine more,” Killian says as his eyes brighten with red. “They may not be officially connected to this ‘House.’” He indicates Lexington and I. “But if they want any say, they count for weight.”
He turns and walks toward the door. Just before exiting, he turns back. “You have one week.”
He steps outside, and closes the door behind him.
“You brought in another?” Lexington says as he steps aside, letting Ian in. My brother has a spray of blood all up his front side, a cut on the left side of his jaw.
“That’s five,” Ian nods. I go to the kitchen and wet a rag. Ian follows me in and takes the rag, wiping it over his entire face.
“And there’s the two that Eva and Valentina brought him,” Lexington starts counting off. “We still need two more and there’s only two days left.”
“How’s Michael?” I ask when my heart rate spikes.
I miss him. Like, really bad.
“He’s fine,” Ian says, turning to the fridge and pulling out a blood bag. He doesn’t even hesitate when he bites into it. Once upon a time he hated himself. He would have rather stayed dead when Jasmine Voltera drove a sword through him. But being a vampire is just a part of who he is now. “Took a lot of convincing to get him to go join Kai and stay out of Killian’s path. Never met a Bitten who was as vicious as he is. Pretty sure you’re right, he does hate Charles more than I do. Can’t wait to see what he’s going to do to him when we finally find him.”
“Ian,” I scold, mortified that he seems to be enjoying the thought.
“What?” he says with a shrug. “Not gonna pretend I don’t want the man to meet a gruesome end.”
I shake my head at him. “What about Kai? Has anyone heard from him recently?”
Lexington shakes his head. “It’s been a few weeks now. He’s got to be pretty deep into hiding. Last I heard, Henry was sending him shipments of the cure from different locations around the world. He’s being watched pretty close, so he’s lying low, as well.”
“I wish I could see him,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m really worried about him. Until he finally takes that cure himself, he’s in danger.”
“But he can’t take that cure and still help those like him,” Lexington counters.
“I know,” I breathe. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
“He knows how to take care of himself,” Lexington says as he pulls me to him and presses his lips to my forehead. “I’ll be back in the morning when you wake up, okay?”
I look up into his blue eyes and pull myself into his chest. “You be careful out there.”
He stares back down at me, and I see all the emotions there. The concern. The fight. The love. “Promise,” he whispers before leaning down and pressing his lips to mine. A little sigh rushes from my lips. With every one of his kisses, I feel a little more peace settle into my soul.
He takes a step away from me, glancing at my brother once, as if waiting for the threats, but he only gets a glare. He grabs the bag of supplies by the door, and slips outside.
“As much as I want to rip his throat out every time he does that,” Ian says as he begins wiping the blood from his skin again, “he’s good for you.”
“He is,” I say, still watching the door Lexington just walked through. “I didn’t think I’d ever need anyone else.??
?
“Out of all the members at the House of Conrath, I probably would have picked him last that you’d end up with, if I had to pick someone,” Ian says with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, we’re pretty much polar opposites in most ways,” I say with a smile as I finally turn and walk to the island and sit. “I think that’s why it works.”
He sets the rag down next to the sink and stands at the island with his hands braced on the granite countertop. “You seem better this week.”
I nod. “I think I am. Lexington kind of finally forced me to confront all the pent up emotions I had about everything. It was pretty brutal, but it was everything I needed to hear.”
Emotions roll through his eyes. Anger, resentment, relief, acceptance. He walks around the island and sits next to me. But he faces me and his eyes settle onto my stomach. Tentatively, he reaches a hand out, resting it on my belly.
“I still can’t really believe you’re pregnant,” he says. “I think because I’ve seen you so little in the past five years that you just kind of got stuck at eighteen years old in my head. But you’re this woman, and you’re certainly old enough to be having a kid now. But, it’s just…”
“All twisted,” I fill in for him.
“Yeah, that’s most of it,” he says, his eyes rising up to mine, but just for a brief moment before they fall back down to my stomach again. “You’re going to be a mom soon. And I’m eight years older than you, but…” He takes a deep breath, lines creasing between his brows. “But I’m never going to get to be a dad. As much as I love Alivia, as hard and forever as I’m going to get to love her, this isn’t possible for us.”
My heart instantly breaks for my brother. I place a hand over his, holding it to my stomach. I had no idea he wanted children. He never seemed the type.
“I might be giving birth in a few months,” I say quietly. “But I’m not going to be a mother to this baby.” Ian’s eyes rise up to meet mine. “I’ve decided to ask Julie and Nial to raise it.”
My brother always has something to say, some opinion on what’s right and wrong. But I only see emotions flash through his eyes, and he doesn’t have any words. He isn’t sure what to think of my decision.