Rand nodded in understanding and when he spoke, his voice was soft, compassionate. “A day.”
“A day?” I repeated, shaking my head. How could I have been out of it for a whole day? And furthermore, what was going through Sinjin’s mind? He must be worried sick because as far as he was concerned, I’d basically vanished. I swallowed down the worry that suddenly plagued me and tried to think of a way back. “I’ve been asleep all this time?”
Mathilda nodded. “You had to overcome the magical block, child,” she said.
“What is a magical block?” I demanded, feeling as if the weight of the world was now descending on my shoulders. I didn’t know what any of this meant, nor what to make of it.
“Your sickness was of magical origins, Jolie,” Rand explained, taking my hand and rubbing it as if that could help ease my frazzled nerves.
“Whose magic?”
“Well, we aren’t exactly sure, just yet,” he admitted. “All we know is that you had a magical block in place that made you very sick. We were able to remove it; but in order for you to regain your strength, you need your rest.”
At the thought that they expected me to stay here and “rest,” I started to freak out. I needed to get back to Sinjin, to let him know I was okay. “I can’t stay here,” I protested. “Sinjin …” But at the expression on Rand’s face at the mention of my vampire, the words died right on my tongue.
Rand swallowed hard. “Jolie, you will come to realize that Sinjin is not the person you believe him to be.”
I shook my head, not wanting to listen to Rand’s words, refusing to believe there was any truth to them. He just didn’t understand the connection between Sinjin and me—Sinjin was my protector, my teacher. “He has no idea I’m here.”
Rand took a deep breath. “No, he does not.”
Even though there was something within me that had let Rand in, and allowed him to come to my aid while I sat wasting away in front of Bella, I couldn’t say that I trusted him. Not while my heart still belonged to Sinjin. Not while I still believed in Sinjin.
“I know this is a lot for you to take in,” Rand started.
“I don’t trust you. I don’t believe that everything you say is true.”
Rand was quiet for a second or two, and then I heard his voice in my head.
I don’t know how I can prove anything to you, Jolie. But what I can tell you is that you and I have a long, shared history.
If that’s true, I thought back, tell me something about myself that you shouldn’t know.
He was quiet for a second or two and then smiled victoriously. Your father is dead and you were never close to your mother. You once told me that she just didn’t understand you—she never had, perhaps because she was too involved in religion to understand the fact that you could see things that didn’t make sense. And you have been able to see auras since you were a small child.
I took a deep breath but said nothing, stunned by his statement. Everything he’d just said was true. The only other person who knew any of it was Christa. True, he could have somehow bewitched Christa into spilling the beans, but I somehow doubted it. He just seemed so genuine.
“Please, Jolie, just trust me, this will all make sense to you shortly,” he said. “For now, I need you to rest and regain your strength.”
I was incredibly worried, especially as I thought about Sinjin waking to find me gone and not knowing where to even begin looking for me. Rand’s words must have acted as some sort of magical command, though, because I felt myself suddenly relaxing, lying back on the bed. He helped me get comfortable, fluffing the pillow before I dropped my head on it. I took a deep breath, realizing I could breathe much more easily now. The headache had vanished. Even though I still felt tired, it wasn’t the same sort of aching exhaustion I felt before with Bella. “What was wrong with me?” I asked, my voice already heavy with sleep.
“We do not know for certain, although we believe it was Lurker magic,” Mathilda responded.
“Lurker,” I repeated, starting to sit up as realization dawned on me. Rand immediately pushed me back down again.
“You need to rest, Jolie,” he said softly.
“Lurkers … That was the word that kept going through my head during those dreams,” I said as I battled with my heavy eyelids. “They are rallying, building their numbers. They’re going to attack us.”
“Dreams?” Rand repeated and glanced up at Mathilda, a question in his eyes. “That’s how they must have attacked her.”
“In exactly the same fashion they did the first time,” Mathilda added.
“What first time?” I started just as I felt myself drop off only to wake up with a start a second later. “What are you talking about?”
“Jolie, tell me about this dream you had,” Rand said. Then he added, “Awake unless I tell you otherwise.”
The exhaustion that was relentlessly trying to claim me instantly vanished. I took a deep breath, thinking about the dream images, feeling fear begin to bubble up within me once again. “There was a battlefield with dead soldiers; and others who were still alive, in combat. None of them was human—they were witches, vampires, and the fae, I think. Then I saw a throne with a crown and a scepter. Both the scepter and the crown later melted into the throne.” I glanced at Rand with an expression that said I was at a loss as to the rest of the images.
“I see,” Rand said softly and smiled at me.
“What did you mean by the ‘first time’ I had this dream?” I asked, turning to face Mathilda.
She glanced at Rand as if seeking his approval to answer, but he shook his head. “We will explain everything in time, Jolie, but for now, I just want you to sleep.”
Before I fell back into unconsciousness, I caught an expression of worry that passed over Rand’s face as he eyed Mathilda and Odran.
“The dreams were one and the same” were Mathilda’s last words before I lost the struggle and drifted to sweet sleep.
* * *
When I woke up, it was dark. I opened my eyes and saw the same thatched ceiling. Sitting up, I yawned with relief as I realized I felt completely healthy again. The intense sickness I’d experienced was now just a distant memory. Discovering I’d been left unattended, I stood up and stretched my arms over my head, wondering if the feelings of dizziness would return. But they didn’t. Encouraged, I took a few steps, still testing my body. But I was fine. One hundred percent restored to my former self.
Glancing around, I took in my strange accommodations—there was a stone fireplace in one corner, with a little wooden stool placed before it, somehow welcoming in its austerity. Looking up from the fireplace, I noticed a circular window, complete with muslin drapes on either side. Outside the circular window were flowers of a species I’d never before seen. They were lemon yellow and as tall as me. I continued scanning the room, taking in the dirt floor, which was covered by a large rug that looked to have been woven of straw. The furniture in the room, including a bed and a table with two small chairs, was completely constructed of hand-hewn logs.
I heard the door open and turned to face my visitor, tension riding up my neck. When I realized it was Rand, the tension disappeared, replaced by relief. Well, that was until I remembered Sinjin had no idea where I was and that I was basically being held hostage. Yet something within me still didn’t believe it—it felt as if I were right where I was meant to be. “You have a lot to explain,” I said simply.
“Are you feeling better then?” he asked as he handed me a wooden mug of what appeared to be water. I accepted it but didn’t bring it to my mouth, just swirled the contents around in the cup.
“I feel like I’m back to my old self,” I announced and glanced up at him with a slight smile of thanks. I couldn’t deny that I had a lot to thank this man for—namely for restoring my health.
Yeah, but you also have to think about the fact that you are now Rand’s pawn, that he has you right where he wants you and Sinjin has no idea where you are, I reminded myself.
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I dropped my gaze to the mug in my hands and studied the contents, wondering what he’d brought me.
“It’s water,” Rand said softly.
Suddenly feeling parched, I held the wooden mug to my lips and drank. It tasted strange—almost like well water, as if it hadn’t been treated by any sort of plant, which I guess made sense since we were out in the boonies otherwise known as fae.
“I do want to explain everything to you, Jolie,” Rand continued. “Are you feeling well enough to listen?”
I nodded and sat down on my bed, as if to prove that I was ready and willing to hear his side of things. I needed to understand what sort of threat the Lurkers were and what my dream signified. Rand took a seat beside me and smiled. It was strange, but I could suddenly feel the heat radiating from him, heat that was such a contrast with the coldness of Sinjin’s skin. I had to swallow down the sudden urge to feel Rand’s warmth on my skin, to taste him and experience for myself what it meant to be with someone supernatural who shared my own temperature.
“I can explain everything to you or I can do you one better,” he started.
“What do you mean?” I asked as I eyed him suspiciously.
He chuckled at my expression and shook his head, never taking his eyes from mine. “With the help of fae magic, I can restore all your true memories to you, Jolie. Things can be as they were always meant to be.” He paused. “Or as close as possible, given the circumstances.”
“My true memories?” I started, already lost. “What true memories?”
He nodded and took a deep breath, as if realizing he needed to go back to the beginning. “Everything that you know is not how it really was,” he started.
“You’ve said that before. I don’t understand what you mean.”
He nodded and was quiet as he apparently searched for the right words. “Jolie, Sinjin broke the rules—he altered history. He was never supposed to walk into your store that day. It was supposed to be me.” Rand’s gaze never left mine. “Jolie, I met you before Sinjin did.”
I shook my head. He’d told me this before too. “But that isn’t the truth!” I took a deep breath, trying to understand what he was telling me, and make sense of it somehow. “How? Explain to me how?” I insisted.
“Because Sinjin sent himself back in time to ensure that he would meet you first.”
“How is that even possible?”
“I have learned to stop asking myself that question. We are creatures of magic, Jolie.” He paused for a second or two and offered me an apologetic smile. “Anything is possible.”
I took another deep breath. “So just playing devil’s advocate here for a second, let’s suppose that I believe you about Sinjin wanting to go back in time and meeting me before you ever got the chance to …” Was I really even considering this craziness? “What would be the reason? Why would he even bother in the first place? I mean, I can’t imagine time traveling is as easy as getting on a bus or something?”
Rand shook his head. “You just don’t get it, Jolie.”
“Get what?” I asked and sighed. “What is there to get?”
He took each of my hands and stared at me. As much as I felt like maybe I should pull away, I couldn’t. “Jolie, you are incredibly powerful. So powerful that all sorts of creatures want to control you or at least have you on their side.”
I swallowed hard, anger and pain assaulting me at the same time. I tried to figure out where Rand was going with all this. “So you’re saying Sinjin wanted to control me too?”
Rand frowned and dropped his gaze, as if he didn’t want to witness the pain that I’m sure was building in my eyes. “I think so, yes.”
If everything Rand had just said was true, it suddenly cast my relationship with Sinjin in a new light. It made me feel as if I might be sick. Why? Because it made total sense. I’d always wondered what Sinjin saw in me—the girl next door who definitely didn’t stand out in a crowd. And he was so regal and handsome, so dashing and completely out of my league.
Or, on the other hand, this could be Rand’s way of getting me on his side—weaving doubt about the truth of Sinjin’s affections for me. Maybe I was playing right into Rand’s hands by doubting the person who was my true protector, the person who had come into my life for the express purpose of keeping me safe.
I exhaled a pent-up breath of pain and frustration as I felt tears stinging my eyes. Which was it? Was Sinjin just using me or was Rand hoping to take his place?
“Sinjin was never good enough for you. He never deserved you,” Rand said and placed his hand on mine, squeezing it reassuringly. Then he sighed. “I once promised myself that I would do everything in my power to ensure that Sinjin never hurt you, and I’m afraid I failed.”
I swallowed hard, trying to fight the need to believe him, but somehow I couldn’t. It was as if there was a crack in the foundation of my feelings for Sinjin and that crack was spreading, turning into a valley of doubt. I looked up at Rand, all the while aware that he was watching me. “How do we get my memories back?”
An hour or so later, I was standing in the middle of my cottage room surrounded by people—well, by the fae. Mathilda had instructed Rand that the spell would only work if there was enough magic.
I was nervous as I listened to the hushed voices of the twenty or so as they assembled in the room. It sounded like a hive of bees all nervously buzzing about. I felt an arm around my shoulders and glanced up to find Rand smiling down at me. I wasn’t sure why but this time-traveling thing was beginning to grow on me. Maybe there was something to it. Maybe Rand had been telling the truth all along.
Well, whatever the outcome, all I knew was that I was fed up with all the second-guessing—of Sinjin, of Rand, even of myself. Maybe that was the reason I’d agreed to this so-called memory spell—I needed to know the truth, whatever it was.
“So what happens if this doesn’t work?” I asked, feeling both agitated and frightened.
Rand shrugged. “Then I suppose it just doesn’t work.”
“This spell won’t take my current memories away?”
He shook his head. “No, everything you know now will remain the same. All this is intended to do is return to you everything you knew before—all your experiences, your feelings, your memories.”
I watched Mathilda enter the room and all the voices around us became silent as she parted the sea of fairies and proceeded toward Rand and me. I wasn’t sure why, but at the sight of her, my heart raced. She reached for my hand and I willingly offered it to her. Then she smiled at me so serenely, I felt any nervous energy fade away.
“This should not take long, child,” she said in her soft cadence. “And when it is done, you will understand everything … It will all be clear.”
I nodded at her and thought how wonderful that sounded—how I wanted now, more than ever before, to no longer feel as if I were always the last to know, as if I’d been completely left out in the dark.
Mathilda turned to face everyone in the room and smiled broadly. “I thank you all for coming and for doing so on such short notice. I understand that many of you have traveled from Britain, as did our generous and kind King.” Then she glanced at Odran and bowed. I looked at Rand and mouthed, “How did they get here so fast?” I mean, last time I checked, a flight from the UK to California took at least ten hours.
He just smiled at me and said—in my head, I might add—Fairy magic—they can travel much more quickly than humans can.
Oh, I thought in return and faced Mathilda again. I could feel Rand’s gaze as it lingered on me. When I turned back to him, he just smiled in that handsome way of his.
“Please join hands,” Mathilda said. Those in the room formed a circle around the three of us, each of them taking the hand of the person on either side of them. “This is one of the most difficult charms to perform,” she continued. “It will require your absolute focus and strength. Please close your eyes.”
Mathilda reached for my hand and Rand’s at the sa
me time that Rand reached for my other hand. I felt his familiar electricity course up my arm but it didn’t cause me any discomfort. No, now I felt as if I was on the brink of something wonderful, of coming home again, as crazy as that sounds.
“Focus on sending all your magic, your power, into Jolie,” Mathilda instructed, closing her eyes and tightening her hold on my hand. “Rand, I need your concentration the most,” she whispered.
“Of course,” he responded.
“Focus on your feelings toward her, on everything you have shared together, everything you have experienced. Think of emotions as well as actual events.”
He just nodded. Mathilda opened her eyes, facing me. “You must open yourself, child, open yourself and accept all the power that is offered to you. Embrace it and make it your own.”
I didn’t know what that meant but nodded anyway, figuring I could just do my best. Mathilda closed her eyes again and started chanting something indecipherable, her mouth twitching with the effort. I looked at Rand and found that he too had his eyes closed tightly.
That was when it hit me. And it hit me like a truck. I suddenly felt as if my entire body were being swept up in a typhoon, my feelings and emotions battling one another, only to sink into my subconscious. It was like puzzle pieces circling before me in a great wind, some falling down to find their place in the puzzle that was beginning to take shape—the puzzle that reflected my life—a life that I had no clue ever existed.
As strange as it sounds, I felt like I was filling up. It was as if there were a void within me that was now growing solid. And while there was no pain, there was tremendous pressure on my very being, on my soul. Little by little, I began to fill up from the inside out. Thoughts and emotions ran through me that I didn’t understand as experiences I had no familiarity with began to build within me.
I clenched my eyes tightly as images came, one after another. I watched Rand walk into my store that fateful day, just as he’d said. Then that memory was whisked away, to be replaced with Rand teaching me how to take the shape of the beast—but I was only able to assume the shape of a fox. Another vision dropped in front of that one, this one of Rand dressed in nineteenth-century garb—from a time when I’d traveled back to 1878 and fallen in love with him all over again. Memories continued to pummel me, images of Rand on the battlefield of Culloden in Scotland when we’d gone up against Bella’s forces, Rand in the drawing room of my home in Scotland, Kinloch Kirk, where we’d planned my future as Queen, and Rand inside me when we’d first bonded …