I stand next to Mellis, shivering, as the troll retrieves towels for us. Julia snuggles against Tolan as he rubs her shoulder to keep her warm. That pang returns from the first days when their relationship was new, and I push the envy down. Although I can feel Tharin’s eyes on me, it is obvious he isn’t going to give me the same comfort Tolan is giving Julia. I sigh as I wring out my hair. I still don’t get what his problem is. Ziri is his brother; he should be happy I got him out.
“What’s wrong, Lily,” asks Alorn. Hearing his voice, even in thought, somehow comforts me. I realize I miss having him at my side, always watching, guarding and protecting me in his strong, quiet way.
I sigh before answering. “I don’t understand why Tharin is so mad at me. It’s kind of pissing me off.”
Alorn is quiet. After what seems like a long minute and I think he isn’t going to answer, he finally says, “He’s right to be angry with you, Lily. You disobeyed him, and worse, you did it in front of us.”
“What?” I ask, stunned. Something about that word rubs me the wrong way and I let him know it. “Disobeyed him? I’m not one of his servants, Alorn.”
“None of us are, Lily, but when we are with him on a task, or mission, or anything that calls for him to lead us, we obey his commands without question. We do that because we trust his leadership, we trust he will find a way to get the job done and bring everyone home safe. We trust him because he knows our weaknesses as well as our strengths. We trust him because he is willing to die for us. He is our leader – he has trained all his life to protect his people and those he loves.”
What do I say in response to that? I’m feeling really small right about now. I steal a glance at Tharin. I watch him as he and the others begin to take off their coats and boots.
“I screwed up didn’t I?”
“He would have found a way to get Ziri, together. He’s been doing this a long time, Lily. If it were anyone else, he would have knocked you out and then dealt with you when we got back to Velesi. And, by you ‘disobeying’ his orders in front of us, you undermined his authority.”
Great, add a little salt to that open wound, why don’t you? “Okay, I get it. What should I do? Every time I look at him he looks like he wants to strangle me.”
“You’re probably right,” he replies. “But you’ll have to be the one to go to him. Tharin is very stubborn and his pride sometimes gets in the way.”
“Tell me about it,” I say, to which the warrior elf chuckles. I look at him and he remains stoic as ever.
Mirnuk returns, a frown on his face. “We have a problem.”
He tosses towels our way and then moves to the table at the side wall, pulling it to the middle of the room. As we dry off, he gathers enough chairs for everyone and then heads to his kitchen area to gather cups and plates.
“I have made contact with my brother in Velesi,” he continues. “Usually an easy task, but it took me some time to finally get through. There is something going on in Velesi that has closed every doorway into the realm.”
“What?” asks Tolan, shocked like the rest of us. He takes a step forward. “How is that possible? Nothing can close the doorway except maybe father and Ka.”
The thought comes quickly to all of us after Tolan’s statement. Something has happened to the king.
Tharin steps forward. “Can you get us back, Mirnuk?”
Ziri steps behind him, his face anxious. I remember Mellis telling me of Ziri’s close relationship with their father.
The troll nods as he sets the table. “Yes, but it will take some time. My brother is working on opening a doorway from his end using a bridge only known to us.”
“How long,” pushes Ziri, moving in front of Tharin.
Mirnuk stops what he is doing and stares at Ziri. “A few hours, maybe less. Mirnook is working as fast as he can.”
Tharin places a hand on Ziri’s shoulder to comfort him.
“I am sorry,” says Mirnuk. “It is the best that we can do for now. I will make you something warm to eat while you change into some dry clothes; I have placed them in the spare rooms. There are three in the back, behind the wall, that you can use.”
“Thank you, Mirnuk,” says Tharin as he and the others turn toward the rooms.
I grab hold of Mellis’ arm, stopping him.
“What is it, Lily?”
I glance around to make sure the others are out of the room.
“I have a favor to ask.”
Julia and I take the first room. On a large bed we find pants and long pullover jersey tops, one for each of us. I am assuming the others will find the same.
“Tharin still mad at you?” asks Julia as she begins to strip.
“Yeah.” I throw my wet coat on a chair in the corner. I can’t seem to get out of my drenched clothes fast enough. I am freezing.
“Hmm,” she replies. “Maybe you should talk to him. Tolan says his wound is pretty bad; he thinks you can heal it. Tharin told him about your fingers burning from the cord and how you healed yourself. It might have something to do with the gift Jarhan gave you.”
I nod, getting into the dry, warm clothes. “I don’t understand how the water is so cold when it’s so hot here.”
Julia pulls her top on and looks at me. “You don’t need to change the subject, Lil. If you don’t want to talk about it you don’t have to. But please, let’s not talk about the weather, okay?”
“No, I’m serious, Jules. Look at the goose bumps on my arm – I’m freezing.”
She ignores my arm as she pulls her hair up into a ponytail. “Whatever, but you still need to talk to Tharin.”
“Fine, I’ll go see him now,” I say, giving in. It will happen sooner or later, it might as well be now.
“Oh, by the way,” she says stopping me before I reach the door. “What’s up with you and that bow? Where’d you get it?”
“My mom gave it to me, why?”
“Well, if Ziri’s ass is any indication, you suck at it.”
~ * ~
Chapter Twelve
~ Tharin ~
Tolan helps me lift my jersey carefully, peeling the cloth from the burnt flesh. The pain returned when my stomach muscles tense as I hold my jersey up. Tolan quickly runs his hand just above the wound, soothing the fire that continues to burn.
“I’m going to send Lily in to take a look, Tharin,” he says as he continues to administer his healing. When he finishes, he pokes the center of the wound with his finger and I flinch with pain.
“Damn it, Tolan,” I curse between clenched teeth.
“Hmm,” he says as he studies my stomach, ignoring my pain. “Your own natural defenses and what healing I’ve done are preventing the burn from going any deeper, but that’s not going to last for long.”
He straightens and looks me over. “You know, you don’t have to talk to her, but you do need her to heal you.”
“Tolan, I’m not…”
We are interrupted by a knock at the entrance and we both turn to see Lily standing at the door. The clothes from Mirnuk hang loosely on her. Has she lost weight? Great, now I am going to worry about her eating, too.
“May I come in?” she asks quietly.
Before I can respond, Tolan quickly says, “Yes, come in, Lily. I’m hoping you can help with Tharin’s wound?”
I watch her with my arms up, holding my jersey. When her eyes move to my stomach I turn fully toward her and watch as her face changes from curious to mortified.
“Oh, my God, Tharin,” she cries in shock as she moves toward me. Tolan moves out of her way and catches my eye. He winks and disappears out the door, most likely anxious to reunite with Julia.
“You should have shown me this sooner,” she scolds, annoyed and irritated.
“Lily, my arms are getting tired,” I say, attempting to lift my jersey off. I wince when my abdomen muscles pull again as I try lifting my arms overhead.
“Here, let me help,” she offers.
When she places her hand on my arms
, reaching for my jersey, I almost forget I am still angry with her. I stand still and allow her to take the jersey off me, liking how she has to stand on the tips of her toes causing her to lean into me. I ignore the stitch of pain as she pulls it over my shoulders and tugs at it, stripping it off my arms. She lets it drop to the floor and gently pushes on my chest to regain her balance.
“Step closer to the light, Tharin,” she commands, not looking at me. I do as she says and she follows closely, eyes on my stomach. When she places her hands at my side, I take a sudden breath and she glances up at me.
“Sorry,” she says with an apologetic smile. She doesn’t realize it's her touch that's causing me to wince, not the wound.
She slips her fingers into my waistband and gently tugs it lower to see the wound fully. Without realizing the effect her touch has on me, she continues to gently prod and poke, causing sensations that have nothing to do with the burn. When she moves her hand around my waist to my back, the coolness of her touch on my heated skin is too much. I take another breath and raise my hands to interlock them behind my head. By doing so, it will prevent me from following my basic urges and forget about the prophecy and its Virgin Queen.
“Tharin, I think you should lie down. It will be easier for me to heal you if I’m above you,” she says, moving aside. The innocence of her words leads my thoughts down a path I struggle to keep at bay.
I move to the bed and carefully lower myself, lying back with my head against the headboard so I can watch her work. With hooded eyes, I watch as she takes a sudden breath when she finally sees me since she entered the room. For a moment, she is frozen, glued to the spot as her eyes roam slowly along the length of my body. I smile inwardly when I see the color rise in her face and find comfort that she is struggling as much as I am for control.
Lily shakes her head as if coming out of a trance and takes another breath. She moves closer to the bed, and with a slight effort, concentrates once again on the wound. She places her hands over me, but unlike Tolan when he administers his healing, Lily actually lays her hands directly on me. The physical contact causes me to hold my breath at her light, cool touch; the soothing effect is instant. I wait for the initial pain that comes with the process, but there is only the soft whispering of Lily’s healing. I close my eyes and let her energy work its way around the burn, putting out the fire. Everything about her energy is clean and pure, and the sensation of being out in a cool breeze slips along my skin, making me feel light, almost weightless.
I open my eyes slowly and realize I’m floating a foot off the bed. Lily still has her hands on my stomach, her eyes closed as she sways in place. A gold light comes off her and I watch in amazement as it pours gently onto me. The next second I drop to the bed and I’m reaching out to catch her before she hits the floor. Lily is out cold. She has used up all of her energy to heal me.
I hold her in one arm and look at my stomach, the skin once again smooth with no scarring. I gently lift Lily onto my lap, cradling her as I stare down at her face. She still hasn't learned to pace herself, to use her energy sparingly and trust our self healing abilities. Her use of her energy and that of the dragon is mercurial at best; she uses too much here and not enough there. So at times she's only exhausted and at other times I find her in my arms out cold.
I move a lock of hair aside and notice for the first time since seeing her today that her ears are pierced. When did this happen? I finger a diamond earring and it almost blinds me with its brilliance...Sidhe diamonds. They will never come off her ears until she passes them on to another in her bloodline; obviously a gift from Senestra.
I softly stroke her cheek, and she moans. Just that small, delicate sound from her moves me deeply, causing checked feelings to let go. I can no longer fight it, and whatever anger I had before will have to wait for another time. I lower my head to her lips and lightly kiss them. Their softness pulls me further away from my honor to the realm and more toward my selfish need to be with her. She breathes in softly, and her eyes flutter open. In them I see what she seems unable to voice. I take her lips again, this time kissing her fully, deeply – and I become lost in the feel of her. I keep my free hand at her waist, afraid to give it freedom to roam. I struggle to keep what little control I have but the kiss pulls me further under. There is nothing more right in my life than this moment…nothing.
Lily shifts on my lap in order to get her arms around my neck, and her response is as desperate as my own. I can feel her searching for something she can’t explain and seeking in me the means to explain it.
Our time at the clearing was a discovery for Lily, and I had control of our passion then. This time...this time I can feel myself letting go of all the restraints placed upon me: honor, respect and, of course, that damn prophecy. That…damn…prophecy. Damn it.
Lily is lost to the heat of our passion as I once again fight to regain control, but she doesn’t make it easy. She fiercely clings to me and I have to pull back, but I find I’m unable to release her lips – not just yet. Another moment longer to feel her, to breathe her, to be as inseparable as we possibly can without going into territories that are forbidden to us, at least for now.
Lily feels the change in my caress as I reluctantly, and painfully, begin to pull away. I catch my breath and slow my breathing. She hugs me tight, breathing hard, “Please, Tharin...”
I hold her head against my neck, mostly to keep from any attempts at kissing her further.
With difficulty, I say as I relax my hold on her, “I’m sorry, jai’loa.”
She will never know how difficult my next move will be. I gently pull her arms from around me and push her away as she continues to resist, a small cry escapes her.
“Lily, we can’t. I’m sorry, but you know we can’t.” I continue to push her to arm’s length.
The look Lily gives me breaks something inside and it is hard for me to look back at her. Her eyes show an undeniable need, of feelings unfamiliar and unrealized. So strong are her emotions, I can feel the frustration she is experiencing.
Unshed tears are on the brink of falling, as she asks, “You...you don’t want me?”
Immediately I pull her to me again. “Oh, Lily, more than you’ll ever know.”
“Then why did you stop?” I rub her shoulders when a tear falls on my chest.
“Lily, I stopped because we can’t...because of the prophecy. Did you forget?” I lean back, trying to look her in the eye but she hides her face from me.
“Please don’t,” I say against her ear. “Please don’t ever hide from me. You don’t ever have to hide from me.”
She sniffles as she pulls away, her eyes downcast. She covers her face with both hands, shaking her head. Sighing heavily she confesses, “I’m so embarrassed.”
I pull her in again, quietly laughing. “You never have to be embarrassed, my love; never with me.”
She sniffles again, saying resignedly against my chest, “Stupid prophecy.”
This time I laugh out loud as I squeeze her tight, “Yes, stupid prophecy.”
We lay holding each other on the bed not saying a word, enjoying being close and being alone together. It has been almost an hour since Lily first came into the room and we haven’t been interrupted. As much as I value this time with her, I grow anxious at not hearing any news about the doorway. I keep the uneasiness down, hoping all is right at home and that father and Ka are well.
I push such thoughts from my mind and allow the laziness of this room to overtake me. I need rest. With Lily at my side, knowing she is safe as long as she is with me, I breathe easily, calmly and let sleep take me. Just when I am about to doze off, Lily lifts her head and shifts to look at me.
“Yes, Lily?” I ask sleepily without opening my eyes.
“Can we talk about, you know, that night?”
I peer down at her. Taking a deep breath I say, “Okay, but after this, we never talk about it again.”
She nods, agreeing.
“I was drugged.”
“You were what?” she asks, rising on her elbow.
As tired as I am, I know this is important to her. I grab another pillow and stuff it under my head so I can see her face as she looks at me expectantly.
“Tell me what happened. Who drugged you?” she asks, frowning.
Damn she’s beautiful, even when she’s irritated. I pull her to me and place her head on my chest. When she tries to get up again, I hold her still.
“Calm down, Lily. I’ll tell you everything.”
“I only want to know one thing, Tharin,” she sighs, snuggling against me.
“No, I didn’t sleep with Kalis. She told me later that she was drugged, too, but now,” I hesitate before finishing, “…now I don’t know.”
“Why? What happened?” She lets her fingers play lightly across my chest and down my stomach. I catch her hand, giving it a kiss and holding it to my chest – where it can’t cause any further havoc.
“Didn’t you see Kalis during the fight? She was up against Tolan. Julia tackled her down.”
She shakes her head. “Is that who they were talking about? No. I was focused on you.” She pauses and I can see the entire fight scene play in her mind. She is up on her elbow again, “What the hell? She’s with the Ange?”
“Yes, it seems that way. I just didn’t see it…despite what we may think of her now, Kalis was always loyal to the king. By the way, you’re not to use any weapons…ever.”
She ignores my command about weapons, her mind set on Kalis.
“And she was your lover, let’s not forget that,” she says, lying back on my chest.
“I’ll forget it if you do,” I reply.
“No you won’t, Tharin, you can’t. She was a big part of your life. What’s happening now doesn’t have anything to do with the relationship you once shared with her.” I hear her words, but I also feel the reluctance.