He gave a wry smile. “This time, I managed to keep my camel underneath me. And I’ve brought sixty camels for your father just as I promised him long ago. I have them being held by a camel trader I’ve done business with for many years, right here in Tadmur.”
“Sixty! But the original promise was for fifty, which was incredibly generous.”
Kadesh shook his head. “I’m buying another hundred camels as a promise for you. More for when we wed.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “My father has never owned half that in his life.”
“Jayden,” Kadesh said quietly. “You are worth ten times that—and a hundred camels is hardly my life’s fortune.”
The wealth he alluded to was unimaginable. “You are richer than any king!”
He laughed. “My uncle has more than a thousand camels. We run many caravans.”
“So it’s true,” I whispered, still in shock.
“What’s true?”
“The rumors of the wealth of the frankincense lands. The gold and camels and castles!”
Glancing around, Kadesh put a finger to his lips and I dropped my rising voice. “I can’t wait to show it all to you.”
He pulled me out of the chair and into his lap, and his arms were so strong and comforting I felt safe in a way I never had before. I ran my fingers through his long, dark hair, and he kissed me again with such urgency, a strange wonderment that he was mine swept over me.
He finally pulled back, his eyes searching mine. “How soon can you leave?”
“What do you mean, leave?”
“I want to take you to my home, where it’s safe. I want my uncle to meet you.”
His words took my breath away. “Despite all the suffering of the last months,” I said softly, “I’m worried about Leila. I want to make sure she really is safe here at the temple, and that they will take care of her. And Sahmril—” My voice choked as I pictured her with Dinah.
“I want to take you to a place where Horeb can never find you or hurt you again. In the southern lands, we can await word of your father’s return from the desert, and then we can officially marry. Your family is welcome to come with us to my home, and you will never be apart again.”
Hope rose inside me, but I shook my head. “My father will never leave his tribe or clan, despite my uncle Abimelech’s death. In fact, he will be motivated even more to help Judith and see Horeb rise to his rightful place. I’m sure he will take Horeb under his wing as his own son now. My father doesn’t see the bad in others. He never has. But perhaps when he learns of what Horeb did to his father, and to me?”
We fell into a moment of silence.
Kadesh said, “As long as Horeb is out there, I won’t leave you alone.”
I leaned forward and kissed his lips. “As much as I want to, I can’t go with you to your wonderful frankincense lands until I find my sister Sahmril. I need to rescue her first before I can move forward with my own life. Sahmril needs to be with her real family: me, Leila, and my father. I promised my mother on her deathbed that I would watch out for her.”
“Have you had any word since Dinah and Shem parted at the crossroads?”
“Nothing at all. But that day was one of the worst of my life, watching them disappear across the desert toward Mari.”
“Mari?” Kadesh’s face turned bleak as he recalled their destination. “Jayden, have you heard about what’s happening in Mari?”
I shook my head, puzzled at the strange expression on Kadesh’s face.
He hesitated. “The place is in chaos. King Hammurabi of Babylon has invaded, determined to take Mari under his rule. Thousands of soldiers occupy the city. There are curfews, rebellion, fights that break out daily. Very little commerce comes in and out of the city right now, and the tribal people are avoiding it at all costs.”
“No,” I whispered, feeling my hope for finding Sahmril fail me.
“Hammurabi’s plan is to topple the government and take over the city. He wants to rule all of Mesopotamia.”
Misery washed over me. “But Sahmril is there. With Hammurabi’s invasion, Shem’s family might have left. Or—or, if they didn’t escape before the siege, they could all be—”
“Don’t think that. You must stay hopeful.”
A cold chill settled in my belly. Searching for Sahmril in a city under siege was risky. Was any of Shem’s family still alive? Perhaps I was foolish to even consider it.
“But what if I can help her?” I whispered. “How can I live my life not knowing her fate? How can I break the promise I made to my mother? I should have kept Sahmril with me. I should never have let her go.”
“No, Jayden. Sahmril wouldn’t have lasted another two days with us on the desert. You did what you had to.”
Kadesh’s expression was sober. Gripping his hand, I murmured, “I’ve seen young children—toddlers, even—in the temple orphanage. Children who have lost their parents to war or illness. The little girls remind me of Sahmril. If I don’t find her, she will never know her true family. I know Dinah won’t raise her as her own, that she’ll only keep her as a servant.” My eyes welled up.
Kadesh kissed my hand. “Jayden—”
“Leila always says that memories of Sahmril will kill my heart. That she probably already died from lack of milk on the desert before Shem’s family ever reached Mari. But I have to know for certain, or I will never forgive myself.”
“Jayden, we will find her. And I will protect you with my life and all that I have.”
“But how can we travel together? Not—” I broke off, embarrassed.
“I already have a plan. Since we can’t marry until a contract is arranged between your father and my uncle, we will travel as brother and sister.”
“Can we do this?” I whispered.
Kadesh held me tight, and I closed my eyes against the richness of his cloak, breathing in his smell. “Have faith in me.”
I looked into his eyes and we gazed at each other without speaking. I always thought my faith was steadfast and immovable, but life had become so uncertain and dangerous, I found myself faltering. “I do have faith in you, more than ever,” I said as he tenderly kissed my palms.
Later that night, as I stole along the outer balcony walls, the moon waned, barely lighting the stone stairs. Torches glowed by the doorways, but the sentries had just looped around to the east. Now was my chance.
I crept up the stairs, inserted the key into the apartment door I shared with Leila and the other girls, and slipped behind the floor-length draperies. The large, airy bathing room was quiet. Hours had now gone by and the festival of Ashtoreth with its dancing and banquet and rites was officially over.
My neck felt clammy, my stomach sick as images of the Sacred Marriage Rite continued to race through my mind. I slipped through the sitting room and made my way to Leila’s bedroom, tiptoeing past several sleeping alcoves.
“Leila,” I whispered, touching her arm. She rolled over sleepily and I slid under the sheets, snuggling my face into her silky hair and smelling the familiar musky perfume she usually wore.
On the soft temple bed, we lay side by side, reminding me of so many cold nights on the desert when we bundled up in our blankets under the stars.
“Jayden, what are you doing here?” she whispered. “Can’t you sleep? Sometimes I get a little homesick. Sometimes I dream about Mother.”
“Me too,” I whispered back, biting my tongue at all the things I wanted to say. I wanted to shake her until she cried and abandoned the temple lifestyle. Instead I said, “I miss Father terribly. And the tents, and the camels and our cousins.” My voice broke as memories of home and all that I’d lost living here at the temple the past several weeks rushed over me.
Leila let out a sigh. “I don’t miss any of that, only our parents.”
I watched her in the dark, holding her hand, drinking in her voice, thinking of the dangerous trip to Mari and then to the southern lands with Kadesh, that there was a very real chance I might not see h
er for a long time.
Softly, I told Leila that Kadesh had returned and of our plan to find Sahmril. I could see her dark eyes staring at me, hear her gasps of astonishment as I related our plans of traveling under cover of false pretenses.
“I can’t leave Sahmril in a city that could be destroyed. Especially by enemy tribes and customs.” I paused, then said, “Leila, come with us, please.”
Adamantly, she shook her head. “Never will I cross a desert again. That last trip nearly killed me. This decision is not my choice, Jayden. It is yours. This place”—she glanced around at the lovely rooms of the temple—“is my choice.”
“Leaving you here at the Temple of Ashtoreth isn’t what I want for you, Leila. Please, go back to Father. It would destroy him to know you are living here worshipping the goddess. Let our grandmother take care of you. I keep thinking of our mother and her watching you and that man—”
“Stop trying to make me feel guilty!” Leila said. “I may have been born into a tribal family, but my heart belongs with the women of the temple, the lifestyle of the city, and the work I’ve found here in the orphanage. This is what I want.” She buried her face into my neck. “I’m sorry, Jayden, but this is where I belong now.”
We stared at each other in the dark as we lay on the soft pillows, and Leila didn’t say another word. No explanation about what I’d seen her do with that strange man after the ceremony. No regrets. But I saw her eyes glisten as she swallowed hard. “I’m not alone. I have the other girls. Please don’t worry about me. I’m safe here and have everything I need. But I’ll see you soon, won’t I? You’ll return to the tribe with Sahmril, right?”
I gulped back all my fears for Leila. “The time is getting close to return to the winter lands. I won’t make it back from Mari in time. And—and you know I can never go back. Not until Horeb—” I stopped, not wanting to say how much I wanted to see him dead. Unable to tell her the truth.
“What about Horeb?”
“Whatever happens, Leila, please do not tell him where I am. He is not who he appears to be. I’ve broken the marriage contract by coming here. And now I’m running away with another man. Even if that man is helping me find Sahmril. Horeb and the rest of the tribe will see it otherwise, and I can’t risk it. If we ever meet again, he will kill me.”
My sister’s eyes widened. “What are you saying?”
“He branded me, remember? He thinks he owns me.”
Leila shuddered, tracing the more than dozen small, white scars that ran along my chest and arms. “I’m so sorry, Jayden. I promise you my silence.”
I took in the beautiful, graceful room. How surreal that I’d actually lived here for a time. I gazed at the ringlets in Leila’s hair, the beaded combs and silver jewelry spread across her dressing table. The brushes and pots of rouge and kohl. The silk dresses hanging over every chair, stuffed into drawers and chests.
“Sometimes a person’s path in life is hidden,” I said softly. “Every day I wake up, it’s as though I can only see a few feet in front of me. I must do what is right for this moment.”
Leila embraced me, her tears on my cheeks. “Please survive this journey, Jayden. I can’t lose you either!”
I nodded, choking back a flood of fresh tears. “I must go. Kadesh waits for me out in the hills with the camels.”
After Leila fell asleep, the moon set, leaving cold, brilliant stars in a charcoal sky. I shivered as I slid out from under the linen and crossed the bedroom for the last time.
The scent of musk stirred the air as I opened the wooden chest next to Leila’s bed. I lifted dresses and veils, and finally spotted my mother’s beautiful alabaster box. I snatched it up as a wave of homesickness washed over me.
Quietly, I lifted the lid and studied the statue of the dancing woman with her long, carved hair, arms reaching for the heavens. The figure reminded me of my mother, her gentle beauty and faith as she taught me to dance.
Now I understood why Leila treasured the figurine and carefully hid it in our mother’s wedding box. When I returned it to the chest, I knew that I may never see my mother’s prized possession again either.
Pausing at the doors to the balcony, I hid behind the curtains to see if guards were still making their sentry rounds. I should have told Armana I was leaving. I should have officially asked for permission to leave after partaking of their generous hospitality, but there would be arguments and I didn’t have time or heart for that.
Peering around the temple walls, I thankfully saw no one. Even the torches were almost burned out. Clutching my old, worn cloak, I ran down the cold, stone steps of the temple and raced across the dark paths toward the distant hills.
23
I met Kadesh near the city gates of Tadmur as dawn crept along the horizon. He was waiting for me with four camels: two to ride and two already packed with water and food supplies. The journey east to Mari on the Euphrates River was less than two weeks’ time.
As he and I rode in the opposite direction of the oasis, swells of dust billowed like puffs of smoke behind us. It appeared as though my tribe was on the move to follow the rains over the desert. It was hard to believe that we’d left the winter desert almost eight months ago now.
My head was filled with memories of home, my clan, and my cousins. I wondered if my father had survived the raids, and what his emotions were when he returned to an empty tent.
“What are you thinking about, quiet Jayden?” Kadesh asked when we stopped for a brief midday meal. He smiled as he pulled me next to him.
I chewed my bread in small bites. “Wondering where Horeb is right now. Hoping he is still west of here in Damascus, thinking that’s where you are.”
“We can only hope,” Kadesh said as we shared a bowl of milk.
We fell silent as I wondered where Sahmril was and what she looked like after all this time. “I’m also thinking about how Timnath and Falail are doing—and my grandmother. I worry about her in her old age. I think about Hakak’s happiness and if she is with child now. How many camels my father brought back from the raid. If he despises me or thinks I’m dead.”
Kadesh held my hand in both of his. “I worry, too, but there’s nothing you can do to help them. The journey to Mari isn’t a hard one. We’ll be there in ten or eleven days if we ride hard.”
I tried to smile. “I had no idea the Euphrates was so close. I’ve never gone this far east. My tribe stays more to the west, along the range of mountains north of the Red Sea.”
“Once we cross through the crevice of those hills up ahead, we’ll be in the river valley.”
I nodded and paused. “I worry we could be in danger from warring foreign tribes in this region. Or if Horeb is actually ahead of us, searching for us in Mari. Constantly, I wonder what he’s doing, what he’s thinking, and what he’s planning.”
“There’s no reason for him to believe we’ve gone to Mari. He doesn’t know our information about Sahmril. I’m sure he’s far to the west.”
A shiver came over me as we sat in the warm sun on a bed of flat rocks at the mouth of the mountain trailhead. The riverbed was bone dry after the hot summer. Soon the winter rains would come and this ravine would trickle with water.
I turned back. “Kadesh, I know deep in my soul that Horeb is looking for me. If he’s back with my tribe, and I’m not there . . . He would quickly learn from Judith or Falail that I’ve been living at the temple. If Horeb were to discover that I’m with you in Mari . . . He could have me executed, and everyone in the tribe would stand by him.”
“But you know the truth about Abimelech’s killer.”
“Nobody will believe me because I have every reason to lie about it. They all know I want to be with you. I’m a shamed woman. Horeb looks like a hero, marrying his poor, misguided betrothed, despite the way he ruined my reputation. The people of my tribe will hail him as a kind and most forgiving man.”
Kadesh came closer, but didn’t touch me, even as he kept one eye on the valley for other travelers in
the distance. “You must put him out of your mind, Jayden. I promise you’ll never have to see him or deal with him again.”
Tears burned my eyes and I brushed a hand across my face. “You don’t understand. I don’t think Horeb will try to hurt me. He’s going to try to kill you. That is the one thing that will confirm his heroics before the tribe. He’ll be hailed for helping to restore my good name. Please be careful. Please stay alive. I couldn’t bear to live in this world without you.”
We stood there, so close, and I could see the muscles in his jaw clenching with the effort to keep his distance. Finally I broke away and hurried to the camels, untying them quickly before I lost my mind with the longing to throw myself against him.
Kadesh ran after me, catching the reins as I climbed onto the camel’s back. “Jayden,” he said. Before I could stop his impulsiveness, he gripped my hand. “I promise I will stay alive. I promise you that one day you will be with me at my home in the frankincense lands. Do you still have the nuggets I gave you all those months ago?”
I nodded, keenly aware of the secret bundle hidden beneath my dress.
“Then let’s get to Mari as quickly as possible and find Sahmril. Focus on that, because there’s nothing you can do for Leila or your father anymore.”
Kadesh swung up onto his camel, double-checking our leather bags of water. He kicked at his camel as we headed for the narrow, rocky trail, and his dark brown eyes met mine. “Our future together cannot come fast enough, my lovely Jayden.”
A strange, tender joy filled my heart as his camel took off, and I urged my own animal into a gallop to catch up.
Our pace soon slowed as the hills grew steeper. When we stopped after sunset that night, we built a small campfire and ate quickly.
I headed straight to my blanket, staring up at the never-ending stars in the black bowl of sky, focusing my thoughts on finding Sahmril.
After a week we progressed through the mountains, and then days of desert sands and saltbush later, we galloped down the final slopes into the plains of Mari.