“Don’t placate me. I don’t belong here at the palace, or anywhere in the southern lands.”
“You belong here as much as anybody else. More so. You’re the girl Kadesh loves.”
“Don’t speak to me of that. After Aliyah made me dance his eyes were so disappointed.” I began to ramble incoherently. “I could see—it all became clear—that he—”
Asher came closer. “You know nothing.”
I jerked away. “It wasn’t difficult to figure out Aliyah is a princess of Sheba. And that she is Kadesh’s betrothed. The nations of Sa’ba and Sariba—already connected by family blood and the frankincense trail—should marry.”
“Who told you Kadesh was betrothed?”
“Does it matter? Once I realized Aliyah is the Queen of Sheba’s sister, it all fell into place. Just please—please leave me alone,” I said with a sigh. “I’ll take my camel and be gone before dawn.”
“You’ll die before you get to the first well.”
“Who will even notice or care?” I knew I was being unreasonable, but I was sick of the deceit, the running, the constant fear. My heart was so numb I wasn’t sure it could still beat properly. “Maybe I should run to the Qara mountains and live there. If I wasn’t here in the city of Sariba perhaps Horeb would give up. I wouldn’t be putting anyone else in danger.”
Asher flung his hand at my suggestion. “Kadesh would care. And so would I.”
I looked down, uncomfortable, not wanting his feelings to be so plainly written on his face. I couldn’t worry about him so much. We were surrounded by too many dangers and I had to keep Leila, as well as the people of Sariba, safe.
He took a step forward. “I want you to listen to me. Just listen because I’m going to tell you something very important.”
My chin jerked up, surprised at his sober tone.
“Tonight, you were a vision of the land of Sariba, Jayden. Your gown reminded us of the green mountains of Qara that bring us life and every good thing. You danced with heart among those girls who just went through a piece of rote choreography. Everybody saw it. The entire room watched, hardly daring to breathe. We all felt your pure love and innocence.” Asher paused, and his eyes met mine. “You are the princess they’ve all been waiting for.”
I was speechless. Tears of remorse and shame filled Asher’s eyes. Embarrassed, he brushed at them and turned away to leave.
I held out my hand to stop him. “Thank you, Asher. That’s one of the loveliest things anybody has ever said to me.”
He lowered himself to his knees before me while a wave of disconsolation washed across his face. “One day I will prove myself to you and Kadesh again. I will make up for all my sins.” His voice strained to speak without breaking down. “I know I’m lucky to be alive.”
There was a noise behind Asher, and when I looked up, Kadesh stood there, his chest heaving. His face held so much hurt it was as though he’d been physically wounded. It was obvious he’d heard our words.
“What is going on here?” he demanded. “Asher, what is this between you two? After all that happened in the Empty Sands—after Laban’s execution—” Kadesh put a fist to his mouth, his own voice breaking.
Asher sagged against one of the beams of the stall. He buried his face in his hands, and then looked up with pleading eyes. “I only ran after Jayden when she disappeared . . . I was worried for her safety.”
I stared at the prince I loved with all my soul, and had nearly died to find. He gazed back at me, waiting for an answer. The silence was horrible, accusatory.
“How can you explain?” Hurt laced my own voice. “No, don’t answer. I can’t do this, not here, not now.”
I brushed past Kadesh, running out the barn doors again to the courtyard gardens, past the fountain still shooting water into the midnight air.
The fog had lifted a bit and I could see the path more clearly now. Lights from the palace illuminated the blossoming fruit trees and hanging willows. Picking up my skirts, I raced toward the palace door I’d sprinted out of earlier.
“Jayden!” The unhappiness in Kadesh’s voice was palpable. If he wanted to explain his life, the betrothal he was obligated to fulfill, he could come to me.
I wouldn’t say good-bye in a barn.
I flung open the side door and ran inside the lush hallway. My hair had come loose from its jeweled clasps, waves of curls crashing over my eyes. A servant woman walked toward me, a tray in her hands. “My bedroom,” I gasped. “Please tell me which hall.”
She pointed and gave me quick directions.
The outside door to the gardens opened and closed with a bang behind me. I picked up my skirts and rushed forward.
“Good evening, Prince Kadesh,” I heard the woman say. “May I get something for you and Sir Asher?”
I groaned. They were both chasing after me.
When I found the correct hall, Tijah rose from the chair where she’d been waiting for me. “My lady, what has happened to you? There’s straw in your hair!”
Without answering, I collided into the bedroom door and flung myself inside. Sobs wracked my chest. My head ached, my throat was scratchy, even my skin felt strange, as if I were coming down with a fever. The life I’d dreamed about with Kadesh had vanished this evening. Melting into the peculiar fog of this strange land.
Where would I go? What would become of me or my father? I had no idea what the rules were here. And now Kadesh had turned back into the stranger I’d met a year ago. Did I know enough about him to commit the rest of my life to him? To give him my heart and soul and never regret it?
I staggered to the sofa when Kadesh and Asher burst through the door of the suite.
Tijah gasped at their tall, looming figures filling the room. She and Jasmine scurried out of sight.
Kadesh’s face was aflame. “Jayden, we have to talk tonight.” He turned to Asher. “Leave us. This doesn’t concern you.”
“Stop, both of you!” I held up my hands. “This does concern Asher. You’ve both kept secrets from me. Whether intentionally or not. But clearly, after what happened tonight, you both knew. You knew Aliyah was—is—Kadesh’s betrothed. You knew that she’s sister to the Queen of Sheba. And you both said nothing.”
Kadesh strode toward me, but I stepped out of his reach.
“Tonight it became obvious there is no life for me here.”
The color drained from his face. “No life for you? But I want to give you all my life, all that I have . . .”
Asher circled the room. “I was trying to tell Jayden how untrue her fears are. Just now when you found us. I began to tell her what you should have already confided to her.”
Guilt filled Kadesh’s dark eyes. “I planned to tell you, Jayden. All along. When I was in the northern deserts with your family, my life here felt so far away. I wasn’t prince; I wasn’t beholden to any of my obligations. And, at one point I was a dead man and none of it seemed to matter any longer.”
“What didn’t matter?” I asked.
Kadesh knelt before the couch where I perched, touching the hem of my green gown between his fingers. The silver ankle bracelet bumped against his palm and he held it out where it sparked under the lamp light. “I discovered a new life with you, Jayden. I didn’t want to spoil the little time we had with politics, tribal alliances, and all the worries of my kingdom. Most of this last year we’ve spent torn apart by Horeb, separated. I planned to take you aside tonight. I planned to find a quiet place where there weren’t a hundred listening Edomite ears.” He shot a backward glance at Asher.
“Just tell her, Kadesh,” Asher said. “She deserves to know . . . everything.”
I shook my head. “You both talk in such cryptic terms. Kadesh, why didn’t you come to me earlier, before that horrible dinner party?”
“But I did,” he said. “I came to your rooms this morning but they said you were still sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you after the difficult journey.”
My voice quieted. “Is that the truth?”
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“I swear to you, Jayden.”
“I died a thousand times tonight. My servant girl told me you were betrothed to someone else. Aliyah is the sister to the Queen of Sheba. It wasn’t difficult to figure out.”
Kadesh sank into a chair, holding his head in his hands. “I should have forced them to wake you. Jayden, please forgive me. Even if you leave with the next spice caravan and run far away, please tell me I haven’t lost you forever.”
A well of sorrow rose up. “Why did you bring me to your homeland when you were betrothed to a princess of Sa’ba? I feel like a fool.”
“I brought you here because I plan to make you my wife.”
My throat was thick with horror at what he was insinuating. “I won’t be your second wife, Kadesh. No matter how much I love you.”
Kadesh grabbed my hands in his. I tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let me go. “Aliyah is not my wife. And she will never be my wife.”
“But you’re betrothed to her.”
“It was arranged, just like you and Horeb. Yes, I grew up thinking we would marry, but Aliyah made a horrifying choice and I broke the betrothal.”
I tried to take in what he was saying, but I still felt numb. “When did this happen?”
“Almost two years ago. Long before you found me wounded by raiders.”
Impulsively, I touched the spot on his chest where the scar from the sword wound lay, the spot I’d tended to with frankincense to save his life a year ago. My eyes flickered upward. “What was Aliyah’s horrible decision?”
“She joined the temple of the Sariba Goddess to train as a priestess. A woman who performs the Sacred Marriage Rite with priests of Ba’al can’t be the next queen.”
I was engulfed by fatigue. Horeb had no qualms about that with the High Priestess Armana. But he was only using her to gain access to the wealth of the temple.
“I’m ashamed to think Aliyah was my betrothed. Because—” He took off his crown and slammed it to the table. There was more, but Kadesh couldn’t seem to force the words out.
Asher stood in the doorway of the suite. “Tell her why. Or I will.” He paused. “I know my reckless, stupid decisions in the desert almost caused our deaths, but this—Kadesh, she needs to know to be able to live here.”
“How can there be more? What else is there?”
Kadesh’s face was stricken, as though all of his secrets were trapped inside a nightmare. He fell into one of the cushioned armchairs. He appeared exhausted and haunted.
I closed the hallway door and then kneeled at Kadesh’s feet. I felt broken inside, as if I’d swallowed a plate of thorns. “Please, just tell me. Or your secrets will eat me alive.”
“I was watching you tonight. The most beautiful girl in the room. And I watched you as you recognized Leila—the heartache when you saw that peculiar vacant look in her eyes.”
“She’s here at the Temple of Sariba, but I don’t know why. Not after watching that Egyptian caravan steal her and the other two girls away.”
“I’ve seen a few other Egyptians around the city today. They weren’t here when I left home a year ago. I have meetings set up with my city managers later tonight. I want to know who they are and what their business is.”
“You need sleep, too, Kadesh. Horeb is getting closer.”
“I’ll sleep after the war is over,” he said drily.
“I have a new plan. I could escape to the Qara mountains. Lure Horeb away, and then, when he can’t find me he would leave the city of Sariba alone.”
“You are not running away,” Kadesh said firmly. “We’re going to get rid of the threat of Horeb once and for all.”
I bit at my lip. There would be time to talk strategy for defeating Horeb tomorrow. “You spoke of Leila just now. What are you referring to?”
He glanced down at me where I kneeled on the luxurious rugs. “I’ve seen that hollow expression before.”
“What do you mean?”
“I saw it in my mother’s eyes.”
I reared back, my thoughts flying in every direction. “What does your mother have to do with Aliyah?”
“My mother was ensnared into the temple religion. The rites, the ceremonies, the worship at the feet of the idol Goddess. My father and I watched her disintegrate as the Goddess’s brainwashing methods worked their power on her. She became despondent, prone to nightmares and dizziness. The dizziness turned into seizures, which left her ill for days later. My father and I began to suspect she was being drugged.” Kadesh’s knuckles turned white on the arms of the chair and each word he spoke was slow and tortured.
Coldness spread through me. “What happened, Kadesh?” I asked, placing my hands on his knees. “Why do they drug the girls, the women?”
“The spells and potions, the incantations—it’s the only way to convince a girl she’ll do anything to please her Goddess. Their minds become foggy and childlike. And it numbs them to pain. After the spring Sacred Marriage Rites, there is a sacrificial offering in the summer. An offering of gratitude to the Goddess of Sariba and the God of Ba’al for the bounty of the land. For crops and new children birthed.”
“Someone has to volunteer,” Asher said, turning to me. “A free offering of soul and body.”
I shook my head. “No,” I whispered.
“My mother—the queen of Sariba—took her own life at the altar of the Sariba Goddess. She sacrificed herself. The most powerful offering ever. More powerful when it’s voluntary. More powerful when you thrust the knife into your own heart. And nothing else can surpass the sacrifice when you’re queen of the land.”
The shock of his words sent me reeling. “Oh, Kadesh.”
He put his hands on my face, holding on to me as though he was about to drown in grief. “Yes, I should have told you long ago, but I was ashamed. And guilty.”
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You did nothing wrong. The temples trap the girls.”
“Before my mother’s death, I’d agreed to fulfill the betrothal contract and marry Aliyah. Our marriage would bring her to the palace to live permanently—which was her intent—even though she spent more time at the temple and less time planning the wedding.”
“I don’t understand.”
“The Queen of Sheba discovered Aliyah had forged letters to my uncle impersonating her to request the marriage ceremony be performed soon. At the time I was only seventeen, younger than most men who marry. The letters encouraged us not to wait for political reasons, despite the fact we were not at war with anyone, and were enjoying a time of peace. Trade was good, the frankincense trees thriving, and our forts along the Red Sea were under construction. The letters said there was no reason to wait, that aligning the two of us in marriage would only strengthen our forts and wealth.”
“Aliyah is a liar and counterfeiter,” I said. “Conniving and completely unashamed.”
“In truth, Aliyah wanted permanent and constant access to the palace, not just the temple.”
“If she wasn’t raised here in Sariba, why was she so interested in becoming a priestess?”
“At first, she wanted to study medicine and become a physician, as some of the women in Egypt have done. The queen sent her to Babylon to live with distant relatives. Aliyah fell in love with the goddess religion, but Aliyah is incapable of true love. She only wants to control others.”
“And,” I said slowly, “marrying you was an easy method to gain legal access to the throne.”
“She lusts for power most of all,” Asher added from the corner.
Leaning close, Kadesh traced his fingers along my jaw, stopping when he reached my lips. He was uncertain of me now, and he dropped his hands, his body turning rigid. “After what the temple did to my mother I would tear it down myself, brick by brick if I could. But the temple has seduced my people. It wields political and economic power over our merchants and farmers. They fear the Goddess’s wrath if they don’t worship her. They live under the threat that without the power of the rites and sacrifices
, the Goddess will collapse the city economically and politically. If that happened any ruler could take over easily. Death to our citizens would naturally follow.”
The glow from the table lamp cast shadows on Asher’s face. “But she has already brought death. The Sariba Goddess has an insatiable appetite. First Kadesh’s mother, and there have been others since.”
I shuddered at his defeated tone. “I suppose when Aliyah came here as your betrothed, your mother followed her to worship at the temple.”
“It was a gesture of friendship and loyalty as the wedding plans began. My mother is—was kindness itself, but she had a weak constitution. She was no match for Aliyah’s passionate personality and her zealous ambition.”
“She has a magnetic personality,” I said. “I can see people following her.”
“It’s even worse than that,” Asher added.
The room was darkening. In the twilight Kadesh looked like a lost boy. I wanted to comfort him, but I remained still. “How could there be more?” I asked.
Kadesh rubbed at his face, quiet for a moment. “My mother was drugged a little at a time by the High Priestess. She dabbles in herbs and medicine, like the magicians of Egypt. She had spell books shipped to her. Concoctions to bring the initiate girls into alignment with her will. She has a way of weakening others’ minds. Drugs that bring about confusion, memory loss, and physical weakness.”
“That’s why Leila and the other dancers moved as if in a dream. It explains why my sister didn’t recognize me or my father.”
“My mother thought she was helping me. That by offering her life to the Goddess my union with Aliyah would be stronger. Our kingdom indomitable. She’d been brainwashed. In actuality, she was slowly going insane.”
The spilling of long-held secrets was taking its toll on Kadesh. He didn’t look well at all. Slowly, I reached out to touch the hair along his forehead, smoothed his brow with my fingertips. “What did your father do after your mother’s death?”
“I watched him turn into a madman next. His grief was horror itself. My mother was everything to him. One morning, I found him in his study, dead by his own sword.”