Some other time.
For certain books, your mind has to be in just the right mood.
I put Gatsby back into my book bag and pulled out my volume of Wordsworth. I felt totally incapable of reading that, too.
‘Screw it,’ I muttered.
Then I reached into my bag again and pulled out a rather battered old paperback. The Temple of Gold by William Goldman. I always kept it in my book bag, just in case. It was like an old friend I could trust.
So I opened The Temple of Gold to the bookmark for my current reading of it, and jumped in.
A hand gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze. I looked. It was a girl’s hand. Turning my head further, I found Eileen standing over me. Her left hand was still on my shoulder. Her right arm was busy holding her books and binders against her chest.
‘Finish early?’ I asked.
‘It’s been an hour and fifteen minutes.’
‘Huh?’
‘What’re you reading?’
I held it up so she could see the cover.
She nodded and smiled. ‘What class is that for?’
‘None. I just like it.’
‘All caught up with your assigned stuff?’
‘You’ve gotta be kidding.’
‘Anyway, if you can tear yourself away from it, I’m ready to go.’
‘Let’s go.’
I put the book away, got up and hung a strap of the bag over one shoulder. I walked ahead of Eileen down the narrow aisle toward the staircase, then opened the door for her.
Stepping past me, she patted me on the rear end and whispered, ‘So what’s the handle, Zock?’
‘You’ve read it!’
‘Hasn’t everyone?’
‘It isn’t even in print.’
‘I know. They’ve got nothing in print but The Princess Bride.’
I followed Eileen down the stairs, watching her long hair bounce and sway, thinking that Holly had never read The Temple of Gold and wondering what was wrong with me that I wasn’t in love with Eileen.
Chapter Eighteen
As we walked down the outside steps of the library, she said, ‘So, did you come by for your nightly dose of Eileen’s insanity?’
‘Can’t live without it.’
She smiled at me. At the bottom of the stairs, we just kept walking, no discussion of where we were headed.
‘My pleasure,’ she said. ‘Anything I can do to take your mind off you-know-who.’
‘I’ve got other things on my mind.’
Though we were walking side by side, Eileen seemed to be leading the way. We went in the general direction of her sorority house. Was I simply walking her home?
Many other things were in the same direction.
It doesn’t matter where we’re going, I thought.
After a while, Eileen said, ‘What sort of things are on your mind?’
‘You.’
‘Me?’
‘I wanted to make sure you’re all right.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘You didn’t seem so fine last night. When you left.’
‘Ah, well, that was simply a matter of self-preservation. Preserving my self-esteem. Getting out before I made an even bigger idiot of myself.’
Eileen was on my left and my left arm was free. Her arms were full of books and binders, so I put my hand on her back. She looked at me.
‘You weren’t making even a small idiot of yourself,’ I told her.
‘Yeah, I was. That’s all I can ever do when I’m around you anymore ... go off the deep end.’
‘Nah.’
‘Yeah.’
I caressed her side, feeling her smoothness through the chamois shirt.
Looking straight ahead, Eileen said, ‘I should’ve just stayed away from you. The last thing you need is me messing up your life.’
‘Funny you should mention it,’ I said, my heart suddenly beating hard. ‘Messing up people’s lives. Because you’ve got it turned around. I’m the one messing up your life.’
‘Well, you haven’t made it any easier, but it’s not your fault ...’
‘There’s somebody after you because of me.’
Eileen stopped walking and we faced each other. ‘What’re you talking about?’
‘There’s this guy,’ I said. ‘He saw you in the donut shop when you went out to meet me. I guess he was about to make a move on you, but he backed off because 1 showed up. The thing is, he wants to meet you. He tried to get your name from me.’
‘Did you tell him?’
‘I gave him some fake name. Then he wanted to know where you live. I wouldn’t tell him that, either.’
For a long time, Eileen just stood there looking into my eyes. Then she said, ‘I don’t get it. When did this happen?’
‘Well, Monday night’s when he saw you.’
‘I got that part.’
‘Well, I went back to Dandi last night. That’s the first time I ever saw the guy. He sat down at my table.’
‘You went there last night, too?’
I nodded. ‘After you left, I started to feel pretty lousy. I needed to take a walk.’
‘I wish you’d told me. I was feeling pretty lousy myself. I would’ve gone with you.’
‘Thank God you didn’t.’
‘What possessed you to go out there again?’
‘It was just a place to go. Someplace that’s open.’
‘But it’s so far away. What time did you go?’
‘I don’t know.’ Figuring the truth would make things worse, I said, ‘I studied for a while after you left. So it was maybe around nine-thirty or ten.’
She shook her head. ‘And you went by yourself, I take it.’
I nodded, shrugged.
‘That’s so dangerous, Eddie. Even a nice little town like this ... it’s probably not so nice in the middle of the night. Probably no place is. No place that has people, anyway.’
And places that don’t have people, I thought, probably have other dangerous things roaming the night.
‘Well,’ I said, ‘I don’t plan to go out there anymore. But I’m afraid the damage is already done. This Randy guy ...
‘Is that his name? Randy?’
‘Yeah.’
She cracked a smile.
‘What?’
‘A guy named Randy with the hots for me.’
‘He’s not very amusing,’ I told her.
‘Is he handsome?’
‘I guess so. In a Ted Bundy sort of way.’
‘This guy sure rubbed you the wrong way.’
‘Yeah, he sure did. You know what he said? I asked him, “You want to go out with her?” Meaning you. And he answered, “No, I wanta go in her.”’
Her smile went away. ‘Oh. swell,’ she muttered.
‘He’s not a nice guy.’
‘Not if he’ll say a thing like that.’
‘It gets worse.’
‘What?’
‘He made me get into his pickup truck. He wanted me to show him where you live.’
‘He what?’
‘He wanted to get his hands on you last night. And he tried to force me to help him.’
She grimaced. ‘You’re kidding me.’
‘I was supposed to bring you out for him.’
‘My God.’
‘I wouldn’t have done it.’
‘I know.’ Gazing into my eyes, she said, ‘You didn’t do it.’
‘I got away from him. He chased me, but I lost him. The thing is, he’s still...’
‘The thing is,’ she interrupted me, ‘thanks.’
We were standing on a lighted section of walkway just north of the quad. Trees were all around us, their branches casting shadows on the pavement and grass. To my right was Donner Hall, one of the freshman dormitories. Just ahead was Division Street. To the left, out of sight below a steep embankment, was the Old Mill Stream.
‘Come with me,’ Eileen said.
I followed her to the left. We walked into the darkness of t
he trees. A couple of park benches were at the edge of the embankment above the stream, but nobody was using them. Eileen set her books and binders and purse on one of them. I put my book bag down beside her purse.
In front of the bench, we turned toward each other. She reached out, took the front of my shirt in both her hands and pulled me against her. She kissed me with her open mouth. As she rubbed herself against me, she let go of my shirt and wrapped her arms around my back.
Why here? I wondered. Did she have to lead me here of all places?
Last spring, more than once, I’d stood in this very place with Holly. Embracing her, kissing her, exploring her body.
I shut my eyes.
She is Holly, I told myself. Holly’s right here with me now in my arms ...
Yeah, sure.
I couldn’t kid myself. The feel was all different, and so was the smell. Eileen was nearly my own size. I kissed her without bending over. Her breasts pushed against my chest, not my stomach, and they were larger than Holly’s. She wasn’t pudgy like Holly, either. She felt firm in places where Holly was soft. And she didn’t use whatever perfume Holly had always worn. Instead of Holly’s sweet, heartbreaking aroma, Eileen simply smelled fresh and clean as if she’d just stepped out of a shower.
Why would I want to pretend she’s Holly? I wondered.
The hell with Holly.
We kept on holding each other, kept on kissing. The feel and smell of her soon pushed all thoughts of Holly out of my mind and there was only Eileen, here and now, and fresh memories of her as she’d been on Monday night when we made love.
Tonight, she wore a bra. I unhooked its back. Then I moved my hands to her front, slipped them beneath the loose cups of her bra and filled them with the warm softness of her breasts.
Her mouth was slippery against mine.
Breathing hard, she used both hands to unfasten my jeans. When they were open, one hand pulled the elastic waistband of my shorts toward her and the other hand went down the front. Her fingers curled around my penis.
I pressed my hand against the crotch of her jeans. The denim felt warm and moist. She squirmed, rubbing herself against my fingers, and started to make quiet whimpery sounds.
Then she gasped, ‘Wait.’
‘What?’
‘Wait. Not here.’ She slid her hand off me, took my wrist and eased my hand away from her jeans. I still had one hand on her breast. ‘We’d better not do it here,’ she whispered.
‘But...’
‘Someone might see us.’
‘Okay.’ I fastened the waist button of my jeans, but didn’t bother to pull up my zipper or buckle my belt.
Eileen didn’t fix her bra, either.
‘We’ll go down there,’ she said, and nodded toward the stream.
We hid our books underneath the bench, but Eileen said, ‘I’d better take this along,’ and hung the strap of her purse over one shoulder. Taking my hand, she led me to the edge of the embankment.
‘Let’s try under the bridge,’ she said. ‘Nobody’ll see us there.’
‘What about the trolls?’ I asked.
‘Trolls my ass.’
I laughed. ‘Okay. Let’s do it.’
Chapter Nineteen
The slope was steep and slippery. On the way down, Eileen let go of my hand and put her arms out for balance. I thought about how her breasts were loose underneath her shirt. Not that I could see much; the heavy trees looming over us blocked out so much light that Eileen was nothing but a vague shape with the purse swinging by her side.
At the bottom of the slope, we walked carefully alongside the stream. Though we remained in darkness, pale light from the streetlamps above the bridge glowed ahead of us. A couple of times, I heard cars go by. I couldn’t see them or even the bridge.
Soon, the bridge came into view through the branches ... the Division Street bridge with its low stone parapet where Holly and I used to linger, staring down at the creek.
Don’t start thinking about Holly, I told myself.
The hell with her.
At least we’d never gone under the bridge together. I’d wanted to. One night, walking Holly back to her sorority, we’d stopped along the bridge the way we nearly always did and I asked, ‘Have you ever been under there?’
‘No. Have you?’
‘Just once.’
‘How was it?’
‘Nice and private.’
She’d given me a look. ‘Oh, really?’
‘Want to go down and take a look?’
‘Now?’
‘No time like the present.’
‘It’s almost midnight.’
‘No time like almost midnight.’
‘I’m not going down there.’ Smiling, she’d said, ‘Trolls live under bridges.’
‘Not this bridge. This one’s troll-free.’
‘So say you.’
‘I could go down first and take a look around.’
‘Oh, no you don’t. What if they get you? And then I’m left up here all by myself while the trolls have you for a midnight snack. Thanks, but no thanks.’
‘Then come down with me.’
‘No no no no no.’
‘Where’s your sense of adventure?’
‘It doesn’t extend to sneaking under bridges at midnight. I mean, seriously. No telling who might be under there.’
‘Well, okay.’
I’d been disappointed that night, but now I was glad Holly and I hadn’t ventured under the bridge. It was one of the few places where I hadn’t been with her.
But as Eileen and I walked closer to the bridge, I saw the darkness of the area down there.
‘I’m having second thoughts about this,’ I said. ‘It might not be so safe.’
Eileen stopped, half turned, looked back at me and reached out her hand. I took it in mine. She didn’t say anything, just gave my hand a squeeze and kept hold of it as she started walking again.
A car went over on the bridge, tires hissing on the pavement, engine grumbling, radio heavy on the bass and giving out low thump-thump-thumps that I could feel in my chest. I looked up but couldn’t see the car. Its sounds faded.
‘Have you been down here before?’ I asked.
‘Never at night.’
‘Me neither.’
‘Good,’ she said. ‘This’ll be a first for both of us.’
We were about to enter a clear area when Eileen suddenly stopped. Her back stiffened. With her right hand, she pointed up at the bridge.
A girl about halfway across stopped walking and leaned over the parapet. A moment later, a guy showed up beside her. He leaned over the low wall, too. They both gazed down toward the stream... and toward us.
I was fairly sure they couldn’t see us. Not if we stayed put. But they probably would see us if we continued forward.
The girl turned her head toward the boy. He turned his head toward her and put an arm around her. Then they kissed. They kissed for a long time as if nothing else mattered in the world. I knew exactly how it was. It made me sad. Not just for myself, but for them, too.
Eileen and I stood motionless in the dark below them, watching.
A car went by, but it didn’t disturb the two lovers.
Finally, they stopped leaning over the parapet. Standing up straight, they wrapped their arms around each other and resumed kissing.
‘Okay,’ Eileen whispered.
We hurried on.
The stream was about ten feet wide as it flowed toward the darkness under the bridge. On both sides of it were broad areas of dry, rocky ground littered with fallen branches and various items that had probably been thrown off the bridge: beer cans, a hubcap, an old bicycle wheel, a grimy white sneaker, a broken pair of sunglasses.
Eileen looked back at me. ‘This place could use a clean-up,’ she whispered.
‘Yeah.’
‘You okay with this?’ she asked.
‘Fine.’
She squeezed my hand, then faced forward. A few more steps, a
nd we would be under the bridge.
I looked up, but couldn’t see the lovers or anyone else.
‘I’d better go first,’ I said.
‘Be my guest.’
Though she moved aside, she continued to hold my hand as I stepped past her. ‘Maybe you’d better let go,’ I whispered.
She released my hand, then took hold of the back of my shirt and walked behind me into the darkness.
Almost utter darkness.
To our left and right, I could see only black. Straight ahead of us was more black - about thirty feet of it - then a dim gray smudge where the underpass ended and the stream continued on toward the Old Mill a couple of blocks away.
‘Who turned out the lights?’ Eileen whispered.
‘The trolls.’
‘Very funny.’
I walked deeper into the darkness, moving slowly, Eileen still holding onto my shirt.
‘Be careful,’ she said.
Under here, the air seemed to have a moist chill and it smelled of old, wet things.
Rocks tipped and rolled under my shoes, scaping together, softly bumping. But I also stepped on soft objects that made squishy sounds. My shoe hit a can and sent it clattering. A couple of times, I crunched broken glass.
This reminded me of running through the narrow, dark space between the buildings last night, Randy chasing me.
The place where I’d fallen over a shopping cart, tumbled onto a bum.
Eileen tugged my shirt. ‘This is good,’ she whispered.
I started to turn. If I’d turned all the way around, Eileen would’ve had at least a hint of light behind her. But I only turned part of the way before her hands met my chest. I was facing the stream ... and blackness.
‘I didn’t know it’d be so dark in here,’ Eileen whispered.
Though I felt her breath on my lips, I couldn’t see her at all. ‘Do you want to leave?’ I asked.
‘Huh-uh.’
She touched her moist, warm lips against mine and began to unfasten the buttons of my shirt. While she worked on my shirt, I worked on hers. When both were open, we eased our bodies together. I felt the cloth of her rumpled bra up near my collar bones. Below that, her breasts were warm and soft against me, her nipples stiff. Lower, she was warm smooth skin all the way down to the waist of her jeans.