The car now seemed to be passing directly in front of the driveway. I heard not only its engine, but the hiss of its tires and a quiet song from inside, Garth Brooks singing “The Dance.’
I took a peek.
The car was a large convertible with a guy behind the wheel.
False alarm.
Which didn’t mean someone hadn’t called the police. A squad car might be on its way this very moment. If I left my hiding place now, I might be caught out in the open.
I decided to stay put for ten minutes. If no cops came along by then, I could be fairly sure nobody had reported me.
My wristwatch showed 1:10 a.m.
The concrete was tough on my knees, so I turned my back to the car and sat down. And waited.
Ten minutes. Again.
I sat there with my legs crossed and thought about how strange it was that I should be hiding in front of a car in a stranger’s driveway at such an hour. What would Holly think?
I’m here because of you, you filthy bitch. If I get caught by the cops... or killed or something... it’ll be thanks to you.
I hoped she would cringe with guilt for many years.
Fat chance. She doesn’t give a shit what happens to me. Probably never did.
That’s not true, I thought. Be fair to her. She cared.
Only not very much. And not at all once she ran into Jay-Jay the Prick.
May she rot in Hell.
You don’t mean that, I told myself.
Sure I don’t.
Look on the bright side, I thought. If she hadn’t dumped me, I never would’ve gone out wandering last night, never would’ve seen the girl.
I wouldn’t have seen the woman tonight, either.
The bitch did me a favor. I should thank her.
Even while I sat there thinking such things, part of me was appraising Ed Logan... finding him to be melodramatic and bitter and childish ... and half mad.
Had I lost my mind?
Only a crazy person would set his alarm clock, get up in the middle of the night and go searching through town for a complete stranger he’d spent a while stalking the night before. And in the process, sneaking up to a window and spying on a half-naked woman.
All of a sudden, I’d turned into a Peeping Tom.
What next?
What had better be next, I thought, is home. Call the whole thing off. Go back to my apartment and go to bed. Get up in the morning and go to class. Get studious. Get serious with Eileen. Face it, she’s probably better in every way than Holly ever was.
Images filled my mind of Eileen last night. The surprise of finding that she’d taken off her bra in secret. The delight of putting my hand down the front of her jeans, slipping my fingers into her juicy heat. And then how she’d felt gliding down, wet and snug, slowly impaling herself on me.
How can stalking an unknown girl compare to that?
How can peering through a window at a woman in a nightgown, even if one breast is showing, be more tempting than what I’d already seen and done with Eileen?
It’s madness, I thought.
And this is the end of it.
I looked at my wristwatch. Twenty minutes had gone by, so I abandoned my hiding place. At the first comer, I turned right. At the next comer, I turned right again and walked to Franklin Street.
A turn to the left would take me back toward home.
A turn to the right would take me toward her house again.
Naturally, I turned right.
My heart beat faster as I neared the house.
If the light’s still on, I told myself, I won’t go over and look in. I’ll just keep on walking. I won’t look.
The kitchen light was off.
Relieved but disappointed, I walked on.
Chapter Twelve
Is that where she lives? I wondered as I continued northward on Franklin Street. It was almost certainly the house I’d watched her enter last night.
Later, though, I’d seen her several blocks away while Eileen was driving us back from Dandi Donuts. What was the girl doing out on the streets again no more than an hour after sneaking into her house?
Maybe it isn’t her house.
Last night, I’d suspected she might be returning home from a rendezvous with her lover. But what if I had it the wrong way around? Maybe I hadn’t seen her returning home, but sneaking into the house of her lover?
Certainly possible.
If so, who was her lover? The husband of the woman I’d observed in the kitchen? That could explain the drinking.
What if they’re lovers?
My God.
There is no husband? The woman lives alone in the house, and the girl comes to her late at night. That might even explain why the woman had gone into her kitchen at such an hour; to have a few sips while she waited for the girl to show up. Or maybe the girl was late and the woman was worried.
Is she there now?
When I’d passed the house just a few minutes ago, the kitchen light had been off. Maybe the woman had simply decided to quit drinking and go to bed. Or maybe the girl had finally arrived.
I imagined them together in the kitchen. The girl perhaps taking a sip of the tequila. Then kissing the woman on the mouth. Then putting a hand on her bare breast.
It got me pretty excited, thinking about that.
Should I go back to the house?
Are you out of your mind?
Forget about it, I told myself. Especially forget about it if they’re a couple of lesbians; I wouldn’t stand a chance with either one of them.
It’s just as well, I thought. Quit all this nonsense before I end up in trouble.
Go home.
Why not go to Dandi Donuts first?
And eat a couple of those sweet, greasy donuts two nights in a row? Bad idea.
But the place seemed like a safe, peaceful refuge. I didn’t have to eat donuts. Just sit there in the light and have a cup of coffee, rest for the hike back.
What if Eileen’s there?
She won’t be, I told myself.
She might be. It’s a place she might go if she wants to find me.
I almost gave up on going to the donut shop. But I didn’t. For one thing, Eileen wasn’t very likely to be there.
I’ll check before I go in.
But it might not be so bad if Eileen is there. She cares about me. She’ll drive me home. We’ll go up to my rooms and so what if she isn’t Holly ... so what if I’m not in love with her?
To avoid walking by the thrift shop’s window, I stayed on Franklin and didn’t cut over until I was past Dandi. I walked west on Dale, the sidestreet on which Eileen had parked her car last night.
Tonight, her car wasn’t there.
I looked in Dandi’s windows, anyway. Two customers were there, sitting far apart. Both were men. So I entered. As I walked toward the counter, my eyes slid over to the display case. Half a dozen glazed old-fashioneds were there, crusty and golden and glistening.
They looked luscious.
No way, I thought. I’ll turn into a fat slob.
The clerk came up to the counter.
‘What can I get you?’
‘A medium coffee and two glazed old-fashioneds.’
So what if I turn into a fat slob?
Holly gonna stop loving me?
‘For here or to go?’ the clerk asked.
‘For here.’
I wondered if he remembered me from last night. And if he did, was he curious about Eileen and why I’d come here without her tonight?
He must get all kinds, I thought.
I paid him, then turned around with my coffee and donuts. And wondered where to sit. I wanted to stay away from the two strangers. Neither of them, however, was sitting near the table I’d shared with Eileen last night.
Nor near the table where Holly and I had sat together the night we’d come here last spring.
I’ll never leave you. You’ll leave me.
The table would be haunted by her. The gh
ost of my lost love who wasn’t dead but gone just the same.
Fuck up my appetite.
I went to a table at the opposite end of the room from where I’d sat with Holly ... one table away from last night’s table, which was straight in front of me. That was okay, though. The memories of last night didn’t hurt.
In fact, they were pretty good.
I lifted my styrofoam cup of coffee, gently blew the steam away, and raised it to my mouth. My nose and eyes felt the heat. When I took a sip, the coffee was too hot on my lips and tongue. I set it down.
Somebody stepped past me.
I looked up. The man stopped, turned around and smiled down at me. He wasn’t one of the customers I’d already seen. Must’ve come in after I did.
‘I could use a cup of coffee,’ he said. ‘Can you spare a buck?’
Clean and well groomed, he didn’t look like a bum. Women would probably consider him handsome. With his golden hair and chiseled features, he might’ve stepped off the cover of a romance novel. He wore a blue chambray shirt that was partly unbuttoned, tucked into a pair of tight blue jeans.
Nothing at all threatening about him ... except his request.
And maybe his eyes and smile. His eyes seemed too intense and his smile was too big, a little lopsided and twitchy. He had clean, straight teeth, but I felt as if I could see too many of them.
I suddenly wanted to get the hell away. But what about my coffee and donuts?
And what if this guy follows me outside?
‘Sure,’ I answered. Though he’d only asked for one dollar, I took a five out of my wallet. ‘Have some donuts, too.’ My hand trembled as I reached out and handed the money to him.
‘Thanks, pal.’
He went over to the counter.
It’s only five bucks, I thought. I can afford it.
In fact, my parents were fairly well off. Money had never been a concern of mine, but I didn’t like being asked for it. People had no right to ask strangers for money. It was almost like a hold-up ... using an implied threat instead of a gun or knife.
The man came back and sat across the table from me.
Shit!
With my money, he’d bought a cup of coffee, a jelly donut and a maple bar.
‘What’s your name?’ he asked.
‘Ed.’
‘Thanks for the loan, Ed.’
Loan, my ass.
‘You’re welcome.’
Though his purchases hadn’t cost more than two or three dollars, he didn’t return my change. And I didn’t dare ask him for it.
He raised his cup of coffee, squinting slightly as the steam got in his eyes. Then he took a few sips and set the cup down. ‘You mind me sitting here?’ he asked.
‘No,’ I lied.
‘Glad to hear it. I like you, Ed.’
‘Thanks.’
‘My kind of guy.’
‘Ah.’
Oh, shit. He’s gay. He’s putting moves on me.
There was nothing effeminate about him. If anything, he seemed perhaps too masculine.
Some of them are like that, I thought.
He was certainly fit. Not bulked up, but trim. A lot of them are like that, too.
‘I’m Randy,’ he said.
‘Hi, Randy.’
He reached across the table to shake hands. I didn’t want to offend him by refusing, so I shook his hand. It was bigger than mine. He squeezed hard. Hard enough to hurt.
Real nice, I thought.
After letting go, he asked, ‘You live around here?’
He wants to go home with me?
‘Not really.’
‘Aren’t you going to eat?’
Nodding, I took a bite of donut. The outside crunched. The donut probably tasted spectacular if I could taste it.
He took a bite of his jelly donut.
I drank some coffee.
‘Thought maybe you lived around here someplace,’ Randy said.
‘Oh?’
‘I’ve seen you the past couple of nights.’
‘Really?’
What had he seen?
‘It’s the donuts,’ I said, and took another bite. ‘I’ve been coming out here for donuts the past couple of nights.’
‘If you say so,’ Randy said.
Oh, God! Why is he saying this stuff? What does he know? Has he been following me?
‘Is there a problem?’ I asked.
I don’t like Peeping Toms, I expected him to say.
‘No problem. I just want to talk.’
‘Okay.’
‘About that gal,’ he said.
Oh, my God.
‘What about her?’
‘She your girlfriend?’
Is who my girlfriend? What gal? Is he trying to find out if I’m straight?
‘Maybe,’ I said.
‘She’s a real fox.’
I nodded slightly. Maybe Randy wasn’t gay after all.
‘She’s got a real nice rack on her.’
Was he talking about Eileen? Sounded that way.
Leaning toward me, he stared into my eyes. His pale-blue eyes looked eager. ‘Does she put out for you?’ he asked.
Maybe they look that way, I thought, because of some medical condition.
Yeah. Lunacy.
I was not about to tell a stranger that Eileen had ‘put out’ for me. On the other hand, I didn’t have the guts to tell him to mind his own business.
‘No,’ I said.
‘You’ve got one of those platonic relationships?’
‘Guess so.’
‘Don’t you want her?’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘A great-looking gal. And those tits. Terrific tits.’
‘You don’t have to talk about her that way. She’s a nice person.’
‘If she’s so nice, how come you’re not putting it to her? Bet she’s really hot. Hot and juicy.’
‘I wouldn’t know.’
I’d hardly touched my coffee and donuts, but I would’ve gladly abandoned them to get away from this man. I didn’t move, though. Par better to deal with him in Dandi Donuts than out on the empty streets.
‘What’s her name?’ he asked.
‘Sarah.’
‘Sarah? Nice name. Suits her. What’s her last name?’
‘Lee’ almost popped out of my mouth. I got as far as the L, so I finished up with, ‘LaFarge.’
‘Sarah LaFarge?’
I nodded.
‘A very euphonious name.’
‘Guess so,’ I said. For some reason, this guy using the word euphonious bothered me.
‘Why isn’t Sarah LaFarge with you tonight?’ he asked.
‘She had other things to do. We’re just friends. We don’t ... go together or anything like that.’
‘Not your girlfriend, and yet she spent almost an hour in here last night waiting for you. Sitting over there all alone.’
‘I didn’t know it was that long,’ I said.
He nodded. ‘Then you had to show up and ruin my plans.’
Another sick feeling rushed through me. ‘Plans?’
‘You know.’
I shook my head.
‘My plans for her. For Sarah.’
‘Ah.’
‘I had special plans for her. You ruined them last night, but now you’re back. And so are my plans.’
‘I see.’
‘Do you?’
‘You want to ... go out with her?’
‘Wanta go in her, Ed.’
‘Hey, look...’
His smile spread, showing me his rows of straight white teeth. ‘She’ll love it. They all do. So where does she live?’
No harm in giving him a wrong address. So I said, ‘I guess I can write it down for you.’
‘I have a better idea. Why don’t you take me there?’
Chapter Thirteen
‘I don’t have a car.’
‘I do,’ Randy said.
Apparently, he could afford a car but not coffe
e and donuts.
‘Even if I took you there ... she lives in a secure building. You wouldn’t be able to just go in and get her.’
‘She’ll come out for you, won’t she?’
‘It’s ...’ I looked at my watch. ‘Two-fifteen.’
‘She’ll come out for you.’
Nodding, I said, ‘Maybe.’
‘Let’s finish up our coffee and donuts.’
I resumed eating. So did Randy. He kept smiling at me as he chewed.
As I chewed, I tried to think. Mostly, I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. Or to Eileen, for that matter.
I can’t let this guy get her.
I took a deep breath and said, ‘I’m not so sure it’s a good idea to go over there, Randy.’
‘Sounds like a good idea to me.’
‘Not at this hour. Maybe you should give me your phone number. I can pass it on to her tomorrow, and ...’
‘I don’t have a phone, Ed.’
‘Well, maybe we can arrange for her to meet you someplace.’
‘Do you think she’d do that?’
‘Sure. I mean, probably. Maybe the three of us could get together for a lunch.’
He narrowed his eyes and nodded. ‘Maybe, maybe. But I don’t think so. What I really think, Eddie, is that you want to keep her for yourself. There won’t be any lunch. You don’t want me laying a finger on her. Isn’t that right?’
‘No. If she wants to have lunch with you, it’s fine with me. She’s not my girlfriend.’
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
‘Let’s go to her place.’
I looked at him.
‘Right now.’
‘But I told you—’
‘I know what you told me. Let’s go.’
I looked around the donut shop. Aside from me and Randy, only one customer remained. He had his back to us. The clerk wasn’t behind the counter, either, he must’ve gone into the back room.
‘Come on,’ Randy said quietly.
I nodded. ‘Okay. But I need to use the bathroom first.’
‘Fine. I’ll go in with you. We can compare sizes.’
I got to my feet. ‘Let’s just leave,’ I said. ‘I’ll try to hold it.’
‘Fine.’
He gestured for me to lead the way. I walked toward the door. The clerk was still in back. The customer didn’t look around. I opened the door and walked out into the night.