Jack looks so sexy up there, I fancy him even more and I didn’t think that was possible.
He’s singing into the mic, doing background harmonies, and then the lyrics cut out for an instrumental break and Eve turns around to face him, bouncing on the stage in front of him, while he plays the life out of his electric guitar. He grins at her and a horrible feeling overcomes me.
This is different to last time. Last time they could barely look at each other. Now there is definitely chemistry. Major chemistry. What the hell has happened in the two weeks I’ve been away? So much for not letting a guy get to me. If he isn’t interested in me any more, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I’ll be devastated.
No. No. I am stronger than that.
I force myself to carry on dancing, to not appear bothered as Eve spins around and continues to sing. But I watch them closely over the next couple of songs, and I’m sure that something is up. When they slow things right down, she looks over her shoulder and sings a sad, soulful song to him – and he stares right back at her for a good few seconds – before she faces the crowd again. It makes me feel sick.
I stare up at him, the urge to dance well and truly out of the window. Luckily no one else is dancing now, anyway, as this is a chilled-out track. He looks down at the crowd, his eyes moving left and right, stopping near me. I think he’s seen his dad, because he nods his acknowledgement. Has he seen me? No, probably Johnny. And then his eyes are on mine, and I swear time contracts as he and I stare at each other.
Eve starts to sing to him again, but this time he doesn’t smile at her. He almost looks . . . irritated. As for me, well, I don’t want to be here any more, but I refuse to look like an idiot and leave.
Someone grabs my arm and I turn around to see Agnes.
‘Hey!’ she exclaims. ‘I thought you went back to the UK?’
‘Change of plan!’ I shout back, surprised that she’d want to talk to me. She looks strangely pleased to see me, actually. Her edgy black-haired bob is mussed up and she looks cool in a dark-red top and what I’m guessing is her trademark thick black eyeliner.
‘He was bummed!’ she shouts.
‘What?’
‘Jack!’ she tells me. ‘He was bummed when you left!’
I glance up at the stage, confusion making my head feel fuzzy again. Eve has her arm around Jack’s neck while he plays his guitar.
‘Trust me,’ Agnes shouts in my ear as she sees my face fall. Then she freezes, looking past me. She must’ve seen Johnny. I glance over my shoulder, but it’s not Johnny she’s seen, it’s her dad. He looks torn-up as he stares at her. I turn back in time to see Agnes pushing her way through the crowd.
My heart sinks and I impulsively glance up at Jack. It’s clear from the troubled look on his face that he saw this exchange. He’s shaken, but he doesn’t stop playing. His gaze returns to mine, but I only meet his stare for a few seconds before I force myself to look away.
Jack told me Agnes wasn’t speaking to his dad, and there’s my proof. Their family is just as dysfunctional as mine from the looks of that.
The gig is awesome, and despite my concerns about Jack and Eve, I’m pleased for him.
‘They were good,’ Christian comments afterwards when the band has finally exited the stage after their raucously demanded encore. He seems genuinely impressed. Billy nods, seeming pleased. The club’s music has started up again, but it’s not as loud as the band were.
‘Yeah,’ Johnny agrees.
‘Come get a drink?’ Billy suggests, patting Johnny on the back.
‘I’m only on the soft stuff these days,’ Johnny replies.
‘Ah man, what’s happened to you?’ Billy exclaims. Johnny just shrugs and Billy tuts with mock disgust. ‘This is what happens when you settle down.’
‘You should try it,’ Johnny replies pointedly.
‘Nah.’ Billy brushes him off with a cheeky grin which looks just like Jack’s. ‘Not for me.’ He leads the way back to the bar, but Jack intercepts him.
‘Hey, boy!’ Billy shouts, engulfing him in a hug. Jack awkwardly detaches himself, smiling with embarrassment at Johnny, Christian and me, while Billy heartily shakes him. ‘Johnny, you know my boy, Jack?’
‘Hey, Jack,’ Johnny says in a cool, calm and collected way as they shake hands. Jack looks a bit fazed, but is trying not to be. Johnny introduces Christian and they shake hands, too.
‘You guys were great,’ Christian says with genuine enthusiasm.
‘Thanks.’ Jack seems touched.
‘And you know Jessie, of course,’ Johnny says drily.
‘Yeah.’ Jack’s blue-grey eyes meet mine for what seems like an age as those treacherous butterflies sweep through me once more.
‘Have you seen Agnes?’ Jack asks his dad apprehensively.
Billy shifts awkwardly and shrugs. ‘Nah. She took off. She’ll come back.’
‘Jesus Christ, Dad. I told you not to screw it up.’
‘I’m sorry, alright?’
Johnny and Christian exchange a look, and Johnny jerks his head in the direction of the bar, his intention being to leave them to it.
‘Hang on,’ Billy interrupts them, putting his hand on Johnny’s arm. He turns back to Jack. ‘Come on, drink first. We’ll go and find your sister afterwards.’
Jack hesitates, but then he glances at me and seems to change his mind. He nods.
‘Same again?’ Johnny asks me when we near the bar.
‘Yes, thanks.’
I jump with surprise as Jack takes my hand and pulls me a couple of steps away from the others. I look up into his eyes and I’m thrown by the expression on his face.
‘Are you OK?’ I ask hesitantly.
He doesn’t answer immediately. ‘I don’t know,’ is what he replies with, which only baffles me more. ‘It’s good to see you again.’
He might’ve said it’s good, but he doesn’t exactly look pleased.
And then it’s like slow motion, the slim, dark-skinned hands sliding around his waist from behind and I find myself eye-to-eye with Eve as she rests her chin on Jack’s shoulder.
‘I’ve been waiting for you,’ she says to him, but her eyes are unwaveringly on me.
He unclasps her hands from around his waist. ‘I’ll be there in a minute,’ he says steadily.
‘Don’t keep me waiting much longer, baby,’ she says, kissing his cheek and giving me a meaningful look as she sashays off.
Despite what my earlier intuition was telling me, I’m still shocked. Jack stares at me helplessly, and then out of the blue, Johnny appears by my side, his arm draped around my neck and his lips on my temple as he gives me a perfunctory kiss.
‘Time to go,’ he says firmly. He must have seen the exchange and wants to take me away before I get even more hurt. I glance up at him to see that my assumption is correct: Johnny is staring Jack down, anger flashing in his eyes.
‘Give me a moment,’ I plead. I’m not ready to walk away, yet. He nods down at me, then gives Jack one more pointed look, before turning back to Christian.
Jack shakes his head at me, and I sense he’s conflicted.
‘How long have you and Eve been an item?’ I ask outright.
‘We’re not. I mean, we sort of are. On and off,’ he tries to explain, but I don’t think I want to know.
‘Well, good luck with that,’ I say bitterly, turning away.
‘Jessie!’ He grabs my hand and wrenches me back, pulling me to him so that my fist is pressed hard against his chest. Then his eyes narrow. ‘You haven’t been honest with me either, have you?’
I don’t say anything, so he pulls me closer. ‘You’re not the nanny, right?’ he says in my ear. He pulls back only to give me a look, and from my expression, he’ll know he’s guessed right. And then he leans in and says, ‘And I bet you’re older than fifteen, too.’
I pull away, confused. What is he saying? He glances towards Johnny with a dirty look on his face, and then I get it. He thinks I’m with Johnny.
With Johnny.
‘Urgh!’ I shove him in his chest. ‘You moron!’ I shove him again, to his surprise. ‘He’s MY DAD!’
The look on his face is one of pure shock. I don’t care. How dare he think that about me!
‘You stupid dickhead!’ I shout, just to ram it home. I glare at Johnny to see him looking bizarrely impressed, and then I turn and storm out of there, feeling safe in the knowledge that my newly protective dad is close behind.
Chapter 25
My head is reeling that night, and the next morning I don’t want to eat anything. I’m so cross with myself for falling for Jack – and so quickly! But more than anything I feel crushed. I really, really liked him. And I was stupid enough to think that he liked me, too.
‘The press release is going out tomorrow morning,’ Annie tells me around lunchtime. ‘Just in time for the weekend papers. So if you want to tell your friends and family before it breaks, you’d better do it today.’
I can’t believe it is finally happening! But I don’t have any family to tell, only friends. I’ve never been particularly close to Stu’s parents, and Mum’s parents were equally useless, as grandparents go. The only family I have is Stu and he already knows.
I wonder if Johnny has told his dad. I go outside to find him. He’s sitting on a sunlounger, scribbling on a notepad. He’s wearing dark sunnies and swimming trunks, and his tanned torso is decorated with tattoos that I still don’t know the meaning of. It’s kind of cool that my dad is considered hot by so many women. Although the thought of someone my age fancying him, like Natalie or Em . . . Yuck.
‘Annie says the press release is ready to go out. Have you told your dad?’ I ask him.
‘I called him this morning, actually,’ he reveals.
‘Really? What did he say?’
He stares up at me, but I can’t see his eyes behind his dark glasses. ‘He wasn’t that surprised.’
Oh. ‘Does he . . . Will he . . .’
‘You’ll meet him soon,’ he promises. ‘He wants to come over in September, so you’ll just miss each other, but maybe next time.’
‘Next time?’ I ask hopefully. We still haven’t discussed exactly when that might be or what’s going to happen when I finally go home.
He puts his pad down. ‘You know Stuart really wants you to finish your GCSEs. And he’s right. So get through this year in the UK and then we’ll see, OK? In the meantime, you can come back for holidays if you want.’
‘That would be great!’ Happiness sweeps some of my anguish about Jack away.
He smiles up at me, then takes off his glasses and his green eyes are concerned. ‘You feeling alright today? After last night, I mean.’
I shrug, feeling downcast again. ‘I’ll be fine.’
‘Don’t let him get to you,’ he says seriously, glancing at his notepad.
‘You writing a song?’ I ask.
‘Yeah. Do you write?’
His question catches me off guard. The truth is, I do. I always have. But I’ve never told anyone about it apart from Mum. ‘A little,’ I find myself admitting. ‘Only poetry and stuff, not songs.’
‘Songs are poetry put to music,’ he replies with a smile. ‘If you ever want me to look at anything you’ve written, just give me a shout.’
‘Thanks,’ I say, knowing full well that I never will.
I turn to go back inside. ‘Jess,’ he calls me back. ‘We need to talk about a few more things before you go home. Stuart said he was sure you’d want to stay at the same school?’
I frown. ‘Yes?’ Of course I don’t want to change schools. What’s he going on about?
‘OK, well, I’ve got someone looking into security, which I understand might be a bit weird for you at first, but it’s necessary.’
‘What are you going on about?’ I ask the previously unspoken question.
He looks confused. ‘Obviously you’re going to need a bodyguard.’
I laugh out loud. He’s joking, right? A bodyguard following me to school? Hanging around me all day when I’m at work or going shopping or chilling out with my friends? That’s ridiculous! What would everyone say? I stare at his face. Shit. He doesn’t look like he’s joking. ‘I don’t want a bodyguard,’ I say, as panic rises up inside me.
‘But Jessie,’ he argues. ‘You don’t have a choice. As soon as this news comes out, the paparazzi will be after you. You might even be a kidnap threat. I want you to move to a more secure house, too. I mentioned it to Stuart, although I know he has reservations about me helping financially.’
‘What? You’ve talked to Stuart about moving?’
‘Yeah, and I get that he doesn’t want me waving my wallet around, but that’s tough. I need you safe.’
‘No way,’ I say fervently, backing away from him. ‘No bloody way. I am not moving.’
Johnny looks shocked as he gets to his feet. ‘You can’t stay where you are,’ he says cautiously, taking a step towards me. ‘It’s not safe. Wendel has checked it out and you won’t be secure—’
‘I am not moving!’ I blurt out, my bottom lip wobbling. ‘That was my mum’s house! I grew up there! She’s still there, in every room, and I’m not leaving her!’ I’m practically yelling now. Johnny’s face drains of blood as I run into the house and up to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.
What the hell? I can’t move! I won’t! The little spare room in our house is still full of all of her things: her clothes, her makeup, her jewellery. Neither Stu nor I have had the guts to go through any of it – we just put it all in the room and shut the door. But I go in there sometimes. Sometimes, when I need to be near her. And it smells of her. The room, her clothes, even the house still smells of her! I’m not leaving her behind. No way. No frigging way. I burst into tears and bury my face in my pillow.
Ten minutes later there’s a knock at my door. It’s Johnny.
‘Hey, chick,’ he says wearily. ‘Can I come in?’
I don’t respond, but I know he’s there. The bed dips at the end as he sits down. He sighs heavily and I risk a glance at him. He’s facing away from me, hunched over in a defeated sort of pose.
‘I need to talk to you,’ he says in a voice thick with emotion. I sniff my response and he looks over his shoulder to see that I’ve emerged from underneath my tear-sodden pillow. He looks concerned. He looks exhausted.
‘Are you ready for this?’ he asks.
‘Ready for what?’
‘Ready to be my daughter?’
My heart jumps. Does he want me to forget about him? Has he had enough of me? Doesn’t he want me to be a part of his life any more? Am I too much trouble? All of these thoughts rush through my head at once.
‘What are you saying?’ I ask waveringly. ‘Don’t you want me to be here any more?’
His face falls. ‘Of course I do!’ he exclaims. ‘This . . .’ He motions to the two of us. ‘You and me, we’re good, right? Nothing is going to change that. I’m talking about them,’ he points out the window, ‘out there. Are you ready for everyone else to know that you’re my daughter?’
I bite my lip, tears springing into my eyes again. ‘I don’t know,’ I admit. I thought I was, but I don’t think I’ve actually considered the reality of how much my life – and even Stu’s – will change.
‘Because we don’t have to do this. We don’t have to put out that press release. That’s the reason we’ve been holding off. We wanted to give you time to get used to the idea of not being who you are any more. But I don’t know if you’re ready.’
So he has been keeping the truth about me quiet for my benefit, not his. What else did he just say? Not being who you are any more. It sounds strange, but I think I understand what he means. I was just little Jessie Pickerill before. A nobody. But soon the world will think of me as Jessie Jefferson, and I’ll be considered a whole different person.
‘But I’ve already told some people. I’ve told Jack.’ It hurts to say his name out loud. ‘And what about my friends back home?’ I wanted t
hem to read about me in the papers. Wanted to prove them wrong in the biggest and brightest way possible. It sounds petty, but it’s true.
‘You can still confide in them,’ Johnny says. ‘If you trust them,’ he adds. ‘And despite him acting like a little prick last night, I’m sure Jack Mitchell can be trusted with a secret or two. He’s certainly had to deal with a bit, with his dad,’ Johnny says drily, but my heart flutters at his words. I don’t want to think about why. I don’t want to still care about him, not after seeing him with Eve. I try to put him out of my mind and focus on the immediate conversation.
‘What I would like to do,’ he says, ‘what I’ve just been talking to Meg and Annie about . . .’ I sit more upright and give him my full attention. ‘ . . .is put out a press release telling everyone that I have a daughter, but that she’d like to remain anonymous because she’s still at school. That way you can stay at your school, in your house. We’ll have to put it out quick – I’m thinking now, today – because pictures of you and me at the bar last night could spring up at any point and then there’s no clawing back the story. There are already rumours online,’ he says with disgust. Urgh, God! Do other people think the same as Jack? That I’m his bit on the side? That’s revolting!
‘No one has posted any pictures on the internet yet. Luckily we have Wendel on the case, and because of your age, because of your request for anonymity, if we send out the release now, we should be able to stop anything going to print if there are photos from last night out there. The press owe me a few favours, anyway.’ I try to take all of this in. ‘You can still come clean to your friends,’ he continues. ‘If you trust them,’ he adds again, flashing me a significant look. ‘But everyone else will be ignorant, including – hopefully – anyone who might be a threat to your security. No one would expect my daughter to be living where you are, so it’s a pretty good smokescreen. Even if someone recognises your face from a blurry internet shot, it’s unlikely they’ll put two and two together. Sorry,’ he says, seeing the defiant look on my face from what he said about my home. ‘But it’s true,’ he says gently. ‘I still don’t like it, but I understand. I know you’re not ready to leave yet. When you are, we’ll talk again.’