But, when she pressed the intercom button it wasn’t Addison’s voice that came through.
‘It’s me,’ Miles said. ‘I need to talk to you.’
Autumn was flooded with both relief and anxiety. So easily she could picture him outside her flat in the cold and dark, leaning up against the door, coat buttoned up, beanie hat jammed on his head. She felt a surge of affection for him. What was he doing here so late? Especially as she’d been trying to avoid him.
There was only a slight hesitation before she said, ‘Come up.’
She buzzed him in. Then stood fretting, while she waited impatiently for him to make the climb up the stairs to her second-floor apartment. It was unfair of her to be cutting him dead. Of course it was. Far better to explain to him why she needed to keep her distance. But how on earth could she tell him that she’d had to stop their friendship because she was worried that she liked being with him a little bit too much?
She wished she’d thought to rehearse this speech as, before she’d worked out exactly what she wanted to say, he knocked at her door. When she opened it, he stood there in a black jacket, collar up, and beanie hat just as she’d imagined. He was soaked through and his face was damp from the sleet. Her heart was beating in a way that it really shouldn’t.
‘I don’t want to drip on your carpet,’ he said.
She smiled. ‘That’s fine. It can take it. Come on in. You look freezing.’
‘This isn’t a bad time?’
‘No.’
‘You’re alone?’
‘Yes. Quite alone.’ Their eyes met as she said that and she turned away from the intensity of his gaze. ‘I just poured myself a glass of wine. Would you like one?’
He nodded and pulled off his hat. His hair was a terrible mess, more so than usual, but it still made her want to run her fingers through it. He left his sodden coat on the rack.
She went through to the living room and Miles followed. When she poured his glass of wine, she was shaking. They hadn’t ever been alone together until this point. They’d always had Florence and Lewis with them. Without them as a distraction the atmosphere was charged. He was close to her and she was aware how tall, how solid he was in her small room. His presence was comforting, reliable. She knew, instinctively, that Miles was a man that you could depend on.
‘I’m sorry to have turned up like this, out of the blue. I didn’t know what else to do.’ He looked at her bleakly.
‘I’m pleased to see you,’ she admitted. ‘Very pleased.’
‘Then why have you cut us off, Autumn? I’ve been going out of my mind. You’ve not answered my texts or my calls.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Have I done something wrong?’
‘No. Not at all.’ She glugged her wine and poured some more.
‘I thought we were all getting on great.’
‘We were. We are.’
‘Florence has missed you both.’ Colour flushed into his cheeks. ‘I’ve missed you, too.’
‘The difficult thing is, Miles . . .’ Her throat felt constricted. ‘I feel the same.’
‘Then why in heaven’s name are we not seeing each other?’
Looking into his anguished face, Autumn felt that she had to be straight with him. She took a deep breath. ‘You see, even though I’m with someone else and I’m engaged to be married, I have a problem.’
He waited patiently.
‘The problem is that I actually want to see you that little bit too much. When I’m with you, I completely forget that I have a future with someone else. And when I’m not with you, I think about you all the time.’
They stood looking at each other. She could hear Miles’s breathing, as ragged and as uneven as her own.
‘Right,’ he said, risking a smile. ‘That clears that up.’
She nodded. ‘Yes. Good. It does.’
‘So? What do we do now?’
Autumn smiled too. ‘I’m not really sure.’
He put down his glass, then took hers and placed it on the coffee table beside his.
‘What about this?’ Slowly, he moved towards her and took her face tenderly in his hands. His mouth found hers and he kissed her deeply, warmly. She reached up to meet him and her fingers twined in the mop of hair that she’d so been longing to touch. They kissed until her lips were bruised and then held each other tightly, silently.
Autumn wasn’t entirely sure what happened next or who made the first move, but she was unbuttoning his shirt, tugging at his belt. Miles pulled off her jumper, covering her face, her neck with kisses, as he did. She tried to wriggle out of her skirt as she stripped him of his shirt. His bare chest was toned, covered with a fine down of hair the same colour as his head. It only made her want to see more of him. Half-dressed, half-crazy they stumbled, unspeaking, still kissing, still touching, towards her bedroom.
They made love with a passion that Autumn never knew she had inside her. She felt abandoned, reckless, loved. Miles held her tightly, and showing considerably more restraint than she was, moved slowly above her as she urged him deeper into her. It was beyond bliss and she had no thought as to whether it was right or wrong. She only wanted his body covering the length of hers and nothing else seemed to matter.
Afterwards, they curled into each other’s arms and snuggled beneath the covers. His touch was strange, yet somehow familiar. She knew it would be like this with him. Miles stroked her hair.
‘Did we really just do that?’ Autumn asked.
He looked into her eyes. ‘I think we did.’
They giggled together like naughty kids.
‘I feel giddy and guilty at the same time,’ Autumn admitted.
‘You don’t regret it?’
‘Not at all. It was wonderful, Miles.’ She blushed. ‘More than that.’
‘I know that you’re with someone else, but I’ve grown very fond of you.’ He laughed. ‘What am I saying? More than fond. You know what I’m trying – very badly – to say.’
‘One of the reasons I haven’t been able to see you is that I felt our closeness was pulling me away from my relationship. I’m engaged to be married and yet, if I’m honest, the thought of it fills me with dread. Recently, I’ve looked forward to spending time with you more than I did with my fiancé.’
‘I don’t want to create any difficulty for you.’ Miles twined her curls round his fingers. ‘This honestly wasn’t what I intended.’
‘I have no regrets,’ she said. ‘This has happened for a reason. I’m a strong believer in fate.’
‘Where does that leave us?’ His thumb grazed her cheek. ‘I’ve missed you so much. I know this is a big decision for you, Autumn, but I don’t want this to be a one-off.’
‘Me neither.’ She let out an unhappy exhalation. ‘I have to speak to Addison. Being here with you, like this, only confirms to me that he and I have come to the end of the road. There’s no future for us.’
‘I hope that there might be one for us.’ Miles toyed with her fingers. ‘I think we could have something really special, Autumn, but it depends whether you’d like to take on a slightly battle-scarred single dad with a bossy three-year-old in tow.’
‘I love her,’ Autumn said. She cupped his face with her hand and looked into his eyes. ‘I think I might love you, too.’
‘You don’t know how happy that makes me,’ Miles said and he kissed her again.
Autumn held onto him tightly. There was no way that she wanted to let this man go. Now all she had to do was face the fallout.
Chapter Sixty-Two
Nadia and Anita were tidying up the shop. They’d decided to reorganise it and move some of the racks, to make it look more streamlined and easier for the customers to walk around.
Perhaps it was due to the festive season and the cheery songs blaring out, but they were both in high spirits this morning. They’d done nothing but laugh together over the rails of clothes as they shuffled them around, reminiscing about happy times from their childhood.
 
; ‘Nadia, remember the hamster you got one Christmas?’
‘Ah, yes. Poor Chocolate Button.’
‘You said it was the best day of your life.’
‘Until he went missing a few hours later.’
‘There were scrabbling noises under the bath for days.’
‘Oh, don’t. I was completely traumatised. My Christmas present had done a runner!’
‘We never did believe it when Mummy and Daddy said they’d managed to get him out.’
‘No. The replacement that suddenly appeared in his cage as soon as the shops opened again. Perhaps they thought I wouldn’t notice that Chocolate Button Mark Two was a completely different size and colour.’
‘He was still very sweet, though.’
‘And he fared much better. We had him for over a year, maybe two.’
‘Perhaps one day we’ll confess to Mummy and Daddy that we didn’t buy their story.’
‘I’d like that,’ Nadia said.
Anita touched her arm. ‘Come to the house, over the Christmas holiday. Perhaps when you’re back from your trip with the girls. They would like to see you, I’m sure.’
‘I will,’ Nadia said. If there was any chance of reconciliation with her parents she should take it. They had given her and Nadia a good and happy childhood and still part of her didn’t understand how they’d come to this. She’d been pig-headed in her determination to marry Toby, but she’d been young, foolish. That was all behind them now. Nadia had always thought that, eventually, they would come round to her way of thinking, but it seemed as if she’d pushed them too far. She had underestimated her parents’ ability to harbour a grudge. But surely they couldn’t still hold her mistakes against her? Hadn’t she been punished enough by now? Perhaps if she held out an olive branch, then they’d be willing to respond. Nadia felt as if she’d been out of the fold for too long and nothing that her sleazy brother-in-law could do would ever drive her away from her family again.
When Tarak arrived an hour later, she and Nadia were still giggling away over some silly shared story. ‘You ladies seem to be having a lovely time.’
‘Just reminiscing, Husband,’ Anita said. ‘My sister and I did have some fun times when we were girls.’
‘Too much, our parents would have said,’ Nadia added.
They chuckled again.
‘Anita,’ Tarak said. ‘I have some letters to post, recorded delivery. They must be handed over at the counter. Can you go to the Post Office for me?’
‘Yes, of course. Shall I do it on my way home?’
‘Now is a good time,’ he said.
She shrugged. ‘I’ll get my coat. I could be a while. The queues are terrible at this time of year with everyone posting parcels and what-not.’
‘I’m sure Nadia will hold the fort for you,’ he said and glanced over at her. His eyes held the promise of trouble.
‘I could go to the Post Office for you,’ Nadia shouted after her sister. There was no way she wanted to be left by herself with him.
‘Anita doesn’t mind,’ Tarak countered.
Even a sleazy look from him made her blood run cold. Her brother-in-law seemed to be contriving more and more reasons for Anita to be dispatched on errands while he spent time alone in the shop with her.
A few minutes later Anita appeared from the back of the shop, all swaddled in her coat against the winter cold. She gave a mock shudder. ‘It looks freezing out there.’
Her sister had always preferred the warmer weather.
‘I could go,’ Nadia reiterated. ‘I don’t mind.’
‘I’m booted and suited now. You wanted to rearrange the Christmas jumpers. If you make a start on that, then I can help you when I get back. I hope I won’t be long,’ she said as she took the bundle of letters from Tarak.
Nadia hoped so too. She watched her sister as she swung out of the door and walked briskly along Brick Lane, joining the throng of other pedestrians who all scuttled along, heads down, huddled into their coats.
Sure enough, the minute that Anita was out of sight, Tarak sidled up to her again, as she knew he would. This was going beyond annoying and was becoming decidedly disturbing.
‘Did you think any more about meeting me at a hotel?’ he asked, as he fiddled with the till, avoiding her eyes. ‘I’m discreet, Nadia. No one would need to know.’
She had to admire him for his persistence, if nothing else.
‘Not even Anita?’
‘Especially not Anita,’ he confirmed, failing to recognise her barbed tone.
Nadia sighed. She didn’t know what sort of plan Lucy had in mind, but anything was better than this. If she simply resigned, Anita would wonder why she was leaving when they were enjoying being together so much. Unless she had another job to go to, she wouldn’t believe her excuses. Plus, Nadia wanted to give Tarak a jolt. Something that would make him change his ways. One he wouldn’t forget in a hurry. She didn’t want to see her sister tied to a cheating scumbag.
‘OK,’ she said. ‘Let’s organise it.’
He looked as if he couldn’t quite believe his luck.
Tarak went to snake an arm round her waist, but she side-stepped him. Creep. ‘Not here,’ she said. ‘Someone might come in.’
Her brother-in-law moved away from her. Good job, otherwise she might have been tempted to slap him.
‘Where were you thinking of?’ Nadia asked, trying to keep her voice under control. She wanted to rant and rage at him, tell him exactly what she thought of him.
‘I like the Soho Strand Hotel.’
It came from his lips too easily, too slickly and Nadia wondered whether this was his regular haunt for illicit assignations.
‘I don’t know it.’
‘It’s secluded,’ Tarak said. ‘High class. We could have dinner sent to the room.’
‘No need for that,’ Nadia said. There was no way she wanted a reason to linger. Whatever this meeting threw up, she wanted it to be a short, sharp shock. ‘I’ll meet you there.’
‘When?’
‘The sooner the better.’
Tarak brightened considerably. ‘This weekend? Saturday night. Meet me at seven thirty.’
‘Fine. I’ll organise a babysitter and book the room.’ Or Lucy will, Nadia thought.
‘I can’t stay the whole night, obviously,’ he said.
‘Obviously.’ She had no idea how she was managing to stay so cool when she felt like committing bloody murder. How could he behave like this towards Anita when she’d done nothing but be a good wife to him?
He caught her eye and did his very best to look sincere. ‘You won’t regret this,’ he said.
Possibly not. But, depending on how good Lucy’s plan was, she very much hoped that he would.
Chapter Sixty-Three
It was a bright and beautiful winter morning. If you were wrapped up against the cold, of course. The sky was ice blue, the sun a milky disc, the wind sharp. Chantal had brought Lana for a trip to Kensington Gardens as she was in the mood to get out and enjoy the morning while promenading up and down the wide pathways with her baby snuggled down in her buggy.
Ted was spending the day with Stacey and Elsie. She’d nearly suggested that they all have a day out together. Now that Stacey was her friend, it felt odd for them to be having time alone without her. It was fair to say that her nose felt a little pushed out of joint. Yet neither Stacey nor Ted had suggested she join them.
Plus Ted had been rather cool with her since her last attempted conversation about their Christmas arrangements, when he’d stormed out of the department store. He’d mentioned nothing more and she hadn’t felt able to broach the subject either – though it was a discussion that they needed to have as time was running out. He’d made no further mention of his job offer in the States and she wondered if it was just posturing on his part. She’d thought about going through his emails, but felt that would be a step too far. Ted would have to tell her in his own good time.
At one point, she’d felt that t
hey were becoming closer again, but the gulf between them seemed to have opened up once more. Were all relationships this exhausting? At best, it was two steps forward, three steps back. She wanted to spend all her time on Lana, not treading on eggshells with the person who was supposed to be supporting her through this.
Chantal had a fur-lined hat pulled down over her ears and her warm UGG boots on. Lana was cocooned in her buggy with an extra blanket over her, only her long eyelashes and tiny pink nose visible. They’d had a good, long walk in the bracing air – also part of her resolution to finally start shifting some of her baby weight. Coming up to Christmas probably wasn’t the best time to start on a fitness plan, but it might as well be now as never.
The statue of Peter Pan had still been tinged with frost when they’d arrived, but now the weak but willing sun was doing its level best to bring some warmth to the day. She’d skirted past the Italian gardens, had headed up Budges Walk to Round Pond and was now turning into the Broad Walk.
There were relatively few people out in the park today. Most were probably finishing off their Christmas shopping in Oxford or Regent Street – a reminder that she still had much to do herself. She had been surfing the internet for places to stay at Christmas and – a miracle at such short notice – had found somewhere that looked wonderful. They’d had a last-minute cancellation and the cottage seemed plenty big enough to accommodate all comers. Chantal hadn’t even discussed it with Ted before she’d booked it – something she’d have to address before too long and certainly before the credit card bill came in. A place so big over the Christmas period certainly hadn’t come cheap. But she felt that they needed this, to get away, have a change of scenery. She wanted to make Lana’s first Christmas memorable – not that her darling daughter would appreciate her efforts. The place looked amazing and she couldn’t wait to tell the girls.
Lost in thought, she didn’t see the man jogging towards her until the last minute. He had his head down, earphones in, and was speeding along. Clearly he hadn’t seen her either as it was only as they were about to collide that they both pulled up short.