‘That’s a shame.’
‘I rely on them too heavily,’ Autumn admitted. ‘Even at my age, I’m not independent.’ She hadn’t yet shared with Miles the prospect of her buying a business. ‘They still have a hold over me.’
‘None of us is perfect,’ Miles said. ‘My parents are suffocatingly nice. They’re well-meaning and don’t have a nasty bone in their bodies, but they’ll try to kill you with kindness.’
‘There are worse ways to go.’
‘They live for Florence and they’re used to me leaning on them heavily too. But I’m sure we’ll negotiate the inadequacies of our families together.’
‘I hope so.’ She sighed with contentment. ‘I can’t wait for Christmas now. I’m so glad that you and Florence can join us in the Lake District.’
‘That’s something I haven’t broken to my parents yet,’ he confessed. ‘I’m putting it off for as long as I can.’
‘If it’s a problem, we can work round it. Don’t feel obliged to come.’
He hugged her tightly. ‘I wouldn’t miss it for the world. We’re in this together now, Autumn.’
Next year was looking as if it could be amazing. She was finally beginning to let go of Rich, she’d started her search for Willow, Miles and Florence were in her life and there was even a chance that she could be the owner of Chocolate Heaven. The future was definitely looking up.
Chapter Seventy-Seven
I feel like I’m going out of my mind. If I didn’t work in a chocolate shop and café, I really don’t know how I’d be coping. I would have to stockpile Mars bars or Double Deckers or something.
I’ve been calling Crush like a mad thing, but he hasn’t replied at all. All my texts just vanish into the ether.
It’s over between us. There’s no doubt about it.
I have a dark chocolate truffle to soothe my pain. Then another.
Even though it’s very, very nearly Christmas, Aiden Holby has hardened his heart against me. Bugger.
A giggling couple, arms entwined, come to the counter to pay their bill. They’ve been slobbering all over each other while they drank their coffee and ate their chocolate-chip muffins. They were practically having sex on the coffee table. I hate them. I hate them both. Probably her more than him, actually, because she has a lovely, lovely boyfriend who’s just bought her a Christmas reindeer and I have not.
‘That will be twenty-two pounds please.’
They pay up and go out into the snow still giggling and clinging to each other tightly.
Nothing in this world is fair. Nothing.
You take one set of risqué photographs in a hotel room with a total stranger and your relationship goes up in smoke. Pfft.
Most of Crush’s clothes are still at the flat and he hasn’t come back for any of his belongings. So all he has is what he left with. I wonder where he’s staying. Perhaps he’s gone back to an ex-girlfriend and thrown himself onto her mercy and her sofa. That would be Marcus’s first port of call. Then I think that I will not tarnish Crush’s image by thinking of him in the same sentence as Marcus. I’m the one who has let Aiden down, not the other way round.
Autumn comes in and I pin a smile on my face. She looks nearly as happy as the couple who just left, but this time I’m not jealous. My friend is as loved up as loved up can be and I’m pleased for her. It’s about time.
She’s wearing a smart black coat over a well-cut black suit and has her mad mass of auburn curls tamed and pinned in a sophisticated up-do. Autumn – our Autumn – is sporting a briefcase and is wearing stilettos. The boho hippy chick has turned into Anna Wintour. I have clearly slipped into an alternative reality.
‘Blimey,’ I say, mouth gaping. ‘You look like a supermodel who works in the city. I didn’t know you even possessed clothes like that.’
‘I don’t. But my mother does,’ she admits. ‘I raided her wardrobe while she was at work.’ Autumn admires herself in the glass of the counter. ‘Mummy has two dozen suits in there that all look exactly like this. She’ll never miss one.’
‘And the coat?’
‘Same.’ She slips it off and gives me a twirl, so I can get a proper eyeful of the suit.
‘Wow. Well, I’m impressed.’
‘I hope the bank manager will be, too.’
‘No!’
‘Yes! I’ve got an appointment with the bank this morning,’ she adds joyfully. ‘I’m only stopping by for a quick coffee and a pep talk.’
‘I can give you accounts, spreadsheets, stuff like that to take with you,’ I tell her as I make her coffee.
‘Perfect. I’m sorry I’ve not given you more warning, but I thought I should strike while the iron’s hot. He only had one appointment open today, so I grabbed it with both hands.’
‘Good girl.’
‘Now I’m terrified.’
‘I’m sure they’ll be able to tell instantly that it’s a great business.’
‘It is. But it’s a lot of money, Lucy. A frightening amount. I’m sure I can get more backing from my parents, but I’d rather not if I don’t have to.’
‘I can understand that.’ I hand her drink over the counter. ‘I have to admit that I’m terrified at the amount of debt you’d be taking on.’
‘I know,’ she says. ‘It is quite daunting.’
But, if Autumn doesn’t do this, then what do I do? I can see me ending up working as a temporary secretary again. God forbid. I might even end up back at Targa! Aaargh. Except, of course, that I’ve been banned from working there ever again and I’d have to torture myself by seeing Crush every day. And I’ve been there, done that.
So pretty much everything is resting on Autumn now.
‘Thanks for trying to do this,’ I say. ‘I really mean it. I wish I could come with you.’
‘I’d love you there, too. As the manager, you’d be the best one to put our case to him. It’s just the timing that’s off. You can’t leave this place and we need to strike while the iron’s hot. I’m sure Chocolate Heaven won’t stay on the market for long. As soon as we have approval from the bank, we can put an offer in to Clive and Tristan.’
‘Do you think they’d give us mates’ rates?’
‘It’s their future, Lucy. They’ll need all the money they can get for it. I think I’ll have to be prepared to pay top whack if there are other people in the picture. My hands are tied until I get a yes from the bank.’
‘Just thinking about it makes me feel giddy.’
‘Apart from the money side, I’m excited about it,’ she admits. ‘I really believe that we could do great things together.’
We both have a little jump up and down and a restrained ‘squeeee’.
‘We should call Clive and Tristan.’
‘Already done. I’ve left a dozen messages for them but, as yet, they haven’t called back. I put one on Clive’s phone just a few minutes ago to say that I was hoping to put in an offer.’
I clap my hands, unable to contain my glee.
‘Hold the fort here for me while I run into the office and get some printouts for you.’ So while Autumn takes my side of the counter, I sprint up the stairs and get busy with the computer – dashing off bank statements and sales figures like a thing possessed.
Minutes later, I have a sheaf of paper in my arms for her.
‘Wow,’ she says. ‘Instead of cuddling up on the sofa with Miles last night, I could have done with studying this lot.’
‘How’s it going there?’
‘Great,’ she says. ‘I really like him. A lot.’
We grin goofily at each other.
‘Wedding bells?’
‘Lucy!’ She looks outraged. ‘We’ve barely started dating.’
I stare her down.
‘But yes, maybe.’
‘Hurrah!’ I say. ‘At least someone’s love life is going well. You’re our only hope at the moment.’
‘Still nothing from Crush?’ She looks at me with pity. Stupid Lucy who can’t keep a boyfriend.
&
nbsp; ‘No.’ I shake my head. ‘I’m dead to him.’
‘He’ll come round,’ Autumn assures me. ‘He loves you too much to stay away. It must have been quite a shock for him. Give him a bit of time.’
‘I hope it was worth it.’ I get a flashback of those terrible, revealing photographs and shudder. ‘Do you know if your dastardly plan worked? Has Tarak still been bothering Nadia?’
‘I don’t know. She looked a bit distracted when she picked up Lewis last night but she clearly wasn’t in the mood to talk. Obviously, there’s something on her mind. I’ll try to catch her later for a chat.’
‘I’ll put a box of chocolates together for you to take to the bank manager.’ My future depends on this meeting so I hope he’s not someone who’s allergic to chocolate or on a diet or something ridiculous like that. It would be just my flipping luck. As Autumn already looks terrified enough for the both of us, I decide not to share these fears with her. Instead, I offer, ‘He’ll be putty in your hands.’
‘I do hope so.’
I get a gift box and fill it with a dozen of our very best chocolates. If that doesn’t work, then nothing will.
Autumn knocks back the last of her coffee. ‘I’d better get a move on. Wish me luck.’
I give her the biggest hug I can manage. ‘Here. Take emergency chocolate for yourself, too.’ I press a bar of single plantation Madagascar into her hand along with her gift box for the bank manager. These are the best chocolates we have, the most expensive. This is what the occasion warrants. She puts them into her briefcase along with the papers.
Hugging her again for good measure, I say, ‘Autumn Fielding, businesswoman extraordinaire, go and knock them dead.’
I brush down her suit which, for once, isn’t only not made of cheesecloth, but looks suspiciously like Armani. Proper Armani! I help her on with her coat.
‘I’ll do my best.’ Then, in her finest Terminator voice, she says, ‘I’ll be back.’
Watching her go out into the cold and snow with only a posh coat and a designer suit for protection, my heart is in my mouth.
Chapter Seventy-Eight
Nadia stood in the kitchen, her fingers shaking. She held a cheque in her hands and it was for an astonishing amount of money. Finally, the insurance had paid out for her claim after Toby’s death. Thank God that they had eventually deemed it to be an accident and not suicide.
With this amount of money, she could pay off the mortgage, move to somewhere smarter, somewhere that didn’t hold such terribly painful memories. If they lived in a nicer area, then she could get Lewis into a better school. They could go to a place where they could breathe clean, fresh air rather than the London fog of fumes and pollution. It opened a whole world of possibilities to her that had previously been closed. It was making her dizzy to think about it.
At the table, Lewis was eating his supper, unaware that something life-changing had happened. He ate his spaghetti bolognese, humming happily and chattering half to himself. She loved him more than life itself and she wanted him to have the most wonderful childhood. This money made sure that she would be able to provide it. What she did now would shape his future.
Autumn would be devastated if they moved away from London, though. Lewis was like a nephew to her – more than that – and she saw him virtually every day. Could Nadia do that to her dearest friend? Would she want Lewis separated from Autumn? She was a very big part of her son’s life. Nadia thought that she’d have to consider all this very carefully. It was the first time in her life that she was free, and financially able, to do exactly as she wanted.
She could look for another job, too. Nadia enjoyed her job at TD Fashions and working with her sister, but she’d been foolish to think that she could carry on working there after what had happened. There was simply too much unspoken tension between her and Tarak and, instead of looking forward to going to work, she now dreaded it. Her day was spent feeling as if she was walking on a tightrope. The new year would bring change on many fronts.
The doorbell rang and she went to answer it. These days she always looked through the security spy hole in case it was another unexpected visit from her brother-in-law. This time it was Jacob standing at the other side of the door, which filled her both with relief and trepidation.
‘Hey,’ he said when she opened the door. ‘Is this a good time?’
‘Of course. Come on in.’
‘I’ve only popped by to say hello.’
He followed her through to the kitchen and Lewis had, thankfully, just finished his supper as he immediately jumped down from the table to clamber up Jacob for a hug.
‘Hiya, champ,’ Jacob said. ‘What have you been up to today?’
Nadia smiled as her son launched into an elaborate description of his day’s activities, giving Jacob more than he bargained for.
‘Leave Jacob alone,’ she said eventually. ‘You can go and play for an hour before bedtime.’
‘Can Jacob play too?’
‘In a minute. If he wants to. Mummy needs to talk to him.’
Jacob lowered Lewis to the floor and he scampered upstairs. She fought the urge to shout ‘Don’t run!’ after him.
‘Sounds serious,’ Jacob said.
‘I’ve been meaning to talk to you.’ This seemed as good a time as any. She sat down at the kitchen table and, without her needing to ask him, he pulled out a chair and sat down opposite her. ‘Chantal has hired a cottage in the Lake District for Christmas.’
‘Sounds great.’
‘I’d really like it if you’d come with us. Lewis adores you and he’d love to have you there.’ She paused and took a deep breath before she said, ‘I’d like it, too.’
‘I can hear a hesitation there.’
Nadia sighed. ‘I’m not sure what we are to each other. I’ve been thinking long and hard about what I want from my future . . .’
‘Does it include me?’
‘I suppose . . . I need to know what I mean to you.’
Jacob frowned. ‘What’s brought this on? Have I done something wrong?’ he asked. ‘Have I upset you?’
‘No.’ This was so much more awkward than she’d imagined. Yet she was the one who’d shaken up this particular can of worms and had prised it open. ‘You’ve always been kind, sweet, supportive. In short, you’ve been wonderful.’
‘I like you, Nadia,’ he said. ‘And Lewis is a great kid. I thought you needed a friend.’
‘I did. I still do.’ Nadia cleared her throat. ‘This is very hard for me to say. If we went to the Lake District for Christmas, would we go as friends or would it be more than that?’
Jacob hung his head. ‘To tell you the truth, Nadia, I don’t know.’
Looking across the table at him, she dearly wished that she could take the troubled look out of his eyes. At that moment, she fully realised that she cared for him more than she liked to admit. She could so easily love Jacob and life would be much simpler if he felt he could love her in return. He would be a great father figure for Lewis, but it was no good letting herself fall deeply for someone who didn’t reciprocate her feelings.
Jacob put his finger on the toy car that Lewis had left on the table. He moved it slowly, thoughtfully, avoiding her eyes. ‘There’s someone else. You know that. You must do.’
They both knew that they were talking about Chantal and they both refused to say it out loud.
He looked so sad; she hated to hurt him, and she was hurting herself. But surely it was better to nip this in the bud now rather than give herself false hope. She was in no doubt about that. Of course, he’d always loved Chantal. They had something very special between them and Nadia couldn’t hope to compete with that.
‘I’ve never promised you anything, Nadia. I’ve just tried to be here for you.’
‘I know.’
‘I thought this . . . situation . . . suited us both.’
‘It does. Absolutely. And I hope we can carry on exactly as we have been. I’d still like you to be in our lives. Nothi
ng needs to change.’
‘You’re a great woman, Nadia. The best. In different circumstances . . .’
They were strained, stilted with each other now. He was slipping away from her. She felt her cheeks burn.
‘I can’t help it,’ he said. ‘God knows, if I could move on I would. She’s with another man while I’m on the outside. But there it is. We can’t choose who we love.’ He stood up. ‘I should leave.’
‘Don’t walk out,’ she implored. ‘We’ll pretend that this conversation never happened. Stay. Go upstairs and play with Lewis for a short while. He’d love it. You know that. We can carry on exactly as we were. Except that we both know where we stand now.’
She stood up and hugged him. For the first time, there was tension, a resistance in his body. This could be the last time she could hold him. Her eyes filled with tears. If she could take back what she’d said at this minute, she would. Then she could still have pretended, hoped, that she and Jacob could be together one day.
Instead, she forced herself to drop her arms and move away from him. She steered the charged conversation back to the banal. ‘Have you had dinner?’
He shook his head.
‘I can heat up some chicken curry?’
‘You know, Nadia, I’m not that hungry.’ He flicked a thumb towards the door. ‘I’ll go up and spend a few minutes with Lewis and then I’ll be on my way. There are things I should be doing.’
‘Of course.’
With a sad smile, he left the room. Nadia wrapped her arms around herself and stared at the ceiling. It felt like a break-up, even though they’d never truly been together. She could have loved Jacob. Perhaps she already did. But he loved someone else. Life could really be rubbish sometimes. Only when she heard Jacob slowly climbing the stairs to Lewis’s room did she allow herself to cry.
Chapter Seventy-Nine
It’s late afternoon, near closing time, when Autumn comes back into Chocolate Heaven. If I hadn’t been so busy, I’d have been going mad with worry, as she didn’t ring me after her bank appointment to let me know how she’d fared.