That was so close to the truth it made me shiver. Up here, we were specks, tiny spits of nothing in a pot full of beauty. Everything that marred the beauty of the world was obliterated up here on the shoulders of mountains. Even the shiny reflections off the top of cars below, weaving their way up the curvy roads, which could make anyone carsick, were just sparkles in the mix. Tiny dots of shiny nothings. It was truly humbling.
“No wonder you know your way around here so well.”
He grinned sheepishly. “I even spent nights here. The days I ran away from home in my wild days, I spent up here hiking, sleeping under the stars, and taking in the sounds of the woods. It’s quite eye opening to be out here, in the wild, alone, defenseless. In the dark, it made me realize that there was still so much life out here, in the blinding black of night. There, I could hear crickets, calls of animals making their way through the night, avoiding their predators. Even the predators themselves were cozying up, or hunting. I couldn’t be sure what they were all doing, but every noise made me feel more alive with the forest as my old life slowly died away.”
“I can see why you like it here so much.”
Saul’s arm slid around me, pulling me closer in the process. His body heat radiated through mine, sending my skin ablaze. I wondered if he knew he did this to me, caused these volatile reactions that wanted out surfaced on my skin and begged for release. I was pretty sure he knew. How could he not? I wanted to do things to this man I’d never allowed anyone to do to me. Here, in the wild, I could let him slip my clothes off and take me, over and over, until the night approached and the air grew too cold to tolerate without a blanket or two.
That wasn’t a bad idea actually. I licked my lips in thought as I stared at his chiseled face. He’d let his stubble grow in and had a beard forming. It was going to be thick, and I imagined running my fingers through it.
My hands were already doing their own thing on his face, stroking the soft stubble and finding their way up into his overgrown locks. They were silky and ran through my hands like soft water. Encircling my fingertips around the back of his head, it was my turn to pull him closer. Our lips met with a fury that demanded payment. The kiss turned into a deep hunger, sending me into the edge of weightlessness.
His warm hands slipped under my shirt and stroked my sides in tiny circles. I loved the sensations he sent through me with tiny movements and lingering touches. How easily he could hype me up as though it took no effort. I did the same with my own fingers, slipping them away from his hair, down his firm chest, and under his shirt. I could feel the soft tufts of hair along his abdomen and up along his chest. He helped me out by spontaneously yanking his shirt right off.
I’d seen him shirtless a few times in the motel, and I’d spent so much time avoiding his glorious torso that the sight of his skin felt new and enticing. Now…now in the broad daylight, I couldn’t avoid taking him in any longer. He was chiseled to perfection, like a Grecian god, hard muscles rippling under his taut skin, defined and smooth. He’d been in the sun now and then, especially when we made it to the beach last week, which gave his skin a perfected golden brown tint. How lucky he was, to own such an enticing body which begged to be gawked at. I was definitely gawking…shamelessly.
The moments passed in a blur as we kissed. Lost in each other, I knew I wanted nothing more than to hold him as close to me as possible. Out there in the cool afternoon breeze, we made love, lost to the world in the soft earth of the Sequoia National Park, hidden from prying eyes by the majestic giants around us. Saul was a skillful lover, gentle, exquisite, and I could tell he knew what part of my body to give extra attention to send me soaring into an orgasmic oblivion. His lips trailed down my stomach and back up again, where he paid my breasts a slow sweet and indulgent audience. Kissing and nipping as he made his way all over every inch he could get to, I was thrust into a decadent bliss I never wanted to end.
His love was definitely a drug I wanted more of. From the moment he started to the end of my time here on earth, I knew he’d never leave my thoughts again.
Chapter Twenty-One
Liv
I ran my nails down his chest, letting the coarse hair tangle in my fingertips. I heard Emilio hiss with pleasure and lift his head to look into my eyes. His shined with a shimmer that equaled the desire in my own. At least, I hoped it did.
We’d lain in bed most of the day, talking about almost everything; what foods we liked, the colors of the sunset piercing across the desert, the way a good steak melted in our mouths at our favorite restaurants. There was nothing I didn’t want to know about him, and it seemed he had the same unquenchable thirst to know every secret I hid inside of me. I knew I should’ve taken it for face value and just enjoyed the moments of pleasure and peace he’d given me, but I wanted it to mean something more. How could a person connect to another so deeply, so uninhibited and completely in every possible way, physically and mentally, and yet it meant nothing? I didn’t think it was possible. Didn’t we all leave pieces of ourselves with everyone we’d ever connected to?
“So…tell me more,” I demanded as Emilio leaned against his folded arm on the pillow, and I shifted to sit my chin on my hands folded on his broad chest. I could feel his heart beating under my fingertips. It was a tiny distraction, but it kept thumping under his rib bones like a relentless drummer, knocking at the door to wake me up.
“What do you want to know?” A rich accent filled the undertones of his voice much like Jonas’ voice did, but Emilio’s was thicker and rumbled under my hands like an earthquake, jerking me into attention.
“I want to know more about you—everything. What do you do all day at your house? Do you like to read? What’s your favorite scent, and why do you work for your brother, Jonas? Can you stop?”
Emilio’s sturdy hands reached out and began to caress the long, messy waves of obsidian crowning my head. The tender motion sent my scalp tingling and shot an exquisite rush of pleasure flaring down my body. It was exciting and relaxing all at one time.
“I read a lot. I taught myself English when we were younger in a rundown Hacienda my father owned. He had so many people living there, it was impossible to get any attention. We were to stay out of the way, even when we needed something. We were on our own really.”
“Where was your mother?”
“She was around but always in a drunken stupor. My father had his girlfriends coming in and out of the hacienda, no matter what hour. She didn’t want to know anything about it, so she drank herself into oblivion, and my father willingly complied, getting her all the alcohol she could ever want. Eventually, she drank herself to death.”
He tilted his head and continued to run his fingers through my curls. I could let him do that forever. It was insanely calming and one of the most sensual, yet lovely gestures anyone had done for me.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Don’t think on it. It was a long time ago. Sometimes tragedy is good. It thickens the skin when it’s too thin and keeps your will to survive even stronger. You can lose everything, but the one thing no one can ever take from you is your spirit, your drive, el gusto.”
I smiled, feeling my cheeks burn. I loved his accent, his Spanglish, and the way his passion surfaced when he didn’t cage himself in the devastatingly tall tower walls made of brick and steel he wore when in warrior mode. This Emilio was the raw flesh hidden inside, soft yet sweet, succulent yet firm. I liked it and didn’t want to see it harden up again.
“As for working for Jonas…well…what can I say? In Mexico, it’s all about the familia. We keep it together, through the rough parts and the good—deal with it all in blood and bullets. There is never another I’d work for. We do not do that in Dos Pistolas.”
“What’s that?”
“Dos Pistolas?” Emilio repeated. I nodded. “It’s the name of our Cartel. We go by many different names and titles, but that is the one that brings the most fear from the people. Even uttered under your breath on the streets of J
uarez and down the coasts, it sends others hiding in their homes. No one dares call us by name, but that is what we’re called.”
“Two guns, right?” I asked, wondering why they would choose such a name.
“Yes.” Emilio’s caresses moved down to the small of my back, and it was now tingling as his fingertips drew circles all down my spine.
“Do you like what you do? I mean…it’s dangerous, right?”
He nodded, staring off into the room, like a memory had resurfaced and danced across his vision.
“Let’s just say our life expectancies don’t tend to be into our golden years unless you’re the boss.”
“Why Jonas? Why’s he the boss? You could be…”
He shifted over, making me sit up to watch as he straightened, legs over the edge of the bed and shirt suddenly in hand. His naked silhouette made the fiery hunger flare back up inside me. Not an ounce of fat lingered on him, and his muscles flexed, extending with ease as he unrolled the shirt and pulled it over his head.
“Did I say something wrong?”
Emilio grabbed his boxers and jeans before he turned to throw me a wickedly charming smile.
“No. Let’s leave it where it’s at, okay?” His jeans were now on and zipped up before I could even recognize he was going to leave. I didn’t want him to. I wanted him to stay and hold me some more, to kiss me, love me, and give more of his scorching hot touches he does. There was no way this man was walking out on me.
“You’re leaving already?” Way to go, sounding whining and possessive, Liv, I thought. I wanted to slap my forehead, but I settled for biting my lip instead. “You don’t have to go. Audrey’s gone until tomorrow.”
“Your sister is not what keeps me away.” He leaned over and planted a soft kiss on my forehead before cupping my chin and staring into my eyes with such intensity, I couldn’t rip my gaze away from him. Would I ever be able to again?
“What then?”
He chuckled and ran his hands through his hair. Though it was long and fell over his face and ears, nearly covering his neck, it was stick-straight and didn’t seem to get tangled up. My fingers burned to run them through those locks once more. I wanted him to take me, again and again, to have him quench this burning in my blood that wanted to consume me without his touch.
“I have to go. Unfortunately, Muñequita, I have things I must do when not at the Hacienda. I’d stay if I could, but business is never ending.”
“What sort of business?”
Then I saw what he meant in his dread filled eyes…something I probably didn’t want to know. This thing, he probably didn’t want to show me, but he did let me see it. Because I’d pushed and pushed even more, begging to know everything about him, wanting to jump into the deep end without an air tank, I could now feel a chill crawl up my spine. Some things you shouldn’t know, even when you wanted to.
“The killing business.”
He pulled a holster from the floor where his jeans had sat prior to pulling them back on. Fastening it back to his belt after slipping the leather through the loops and buckling the belt I’d forgotten he had, he pulled the gun from its holster and checked the magazine before reloading it and buttoning the clasp. Now while watching me take in his actions, it was obvious he was trying his best to read me by the curiosity filling his face. Maybe I wasn’t an easily read person either.
I didn’t shimmy away in horror or even screw up my stoic face to giveaway any irrational fear in hopes I wouldn’t give him the wrong impression, but when he said those words, my heart did a strange backflip before it restarted to its constant rhythm again. He did just say the killing business, right? That involved…killing people…right?
“You’re a hit man,” I stated, lost in the meaning of those words.
“If that’s what you want to call it.”
“Does that bother you?”
“What? Killing?” He made a face and shook his head, but his eyes didn’t match his looks. They told me a different tale, a haunted dark one that clung to his bones like sludge. “I do what’s necessary to stay alive. If it means killing those who oppose my family’s reign, so be it.”
“Sounds practiced.”
Emilio thought about what I said, looking disturbed yet not wanting to think much on it. I could see conflict wavering about him like a swirling cloud, ready to suffocate in a moment of weakness.
“We do what we must, when we have to. Like any job, we rot in it until it either kills us or we are worn away, dull and dead inside anyway.”
“That’s why I don’t like real jobs. I’m a nonconformist and like my space, my freedom. Freedom is the only way to live.”
“Freedom is very expensive. What price did you pay for it?”
Was he trying to piss me off? I pressed my lips together and kept the scalding words bleeding on my tongue from escaping. I could say so much, but why should I? He was right in a way. He was more than right; he was damn right on the money. Fuck.
“When will you come back?”
He bent over and pressed his lips against mine with a long hard kiss, draining me of all resolve.
“Sooner than you believe. You’re a drug, a life force I can’t live without. I’ll be back for more. You’ve already addicted me to it.”
With that, he let go of my chin and straightened, smoothing down his shirt as he peered out the window in both directions, then unlocked the latches and checked the outside through the crack in the door. He was a paranoid one, but thorough. It wasn’t until he was damn right satisfied with his inspection that he slipped through the opening and clicked the motel door behind him.
There were no goodbyes, no gestures or waving. But with a man like Emilio, maybe goodbye meant something else, something more permanent that a person couldn’t take back or change their mind on. Nope…a man like him would never say goodbye because those words were usually a very permanent thing for him. Just like it was very permanent for me.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Audrey
“Hold on.” I tugged on Saul’s arm as we made it to the car. He had a tiny leaf stuck at the edge of his hairline by his neck, and I swiped it off. He stood perfectly still, letting me dust his back off and tidy his shirt. The way he let me touch him and run my hands down his body to get the grit off wasn’t just allowing me a courtesy of a stranger helping another. No…this was intimate and personal to let me do what I wanted to him. I could leave the debris and mess of dirt clinging slightly to the creases in the back of his shirt, but I wouldn’t. I realized most people wouldn’t care, but I did. I wanted to feel his body under my fingers, even if it was to tidy him up so he looked fabulous as always. It was something that came with intimacy; this realization the other person was okay with anything you did to them.
I gulped down the emotions spilling into my chest, threatening to make me tear up. I’d never felt that with anyone. Most men I’d slept with didn’t want intimacy. Those relationships were always so temporary, so fleeting. How could I have fallen for so many wrong men in my life? It was truly tragic.
“There, all handsome again.” I patted his back and forced the smile onto my lips, even without an audience for it. Saul’s face lit up as he reached out and cupped my cheek.
“Thank you, Audrey. I’m glad you don’t let me walk around like I just rolled around in the grass with a beautiful woman, having mad sex and the time of my life.” He winked.
I snorted as he made his way around the car and got in. “You’re welcome.”
Pausing, I took a good long hard look around at the beauty of nature, inhaling every scent and memorizing every tree, leaf, and grass. This place would forever be engraved in my memory as a happy one. I hoped I’d have a lot more of them with Saul. That was a definite.
After sliding into the seat, I slid my fingers onto the steering wheel and let my thoughts drift to my sister again. Liv should be home now. I hoped she was okay. I had a sudden urge to call her, but I stifled it the best I could, stuffing a blanket into that hole
as I cranked the engine. These compulsions would have to be dealt with. I had to let Liv go and do her thing, good or bad, with or without consequences. I couldn’t be there for her forever, so she better get used to this new Audrey who had more time for herself and a personal life.
But, I wasn’t sure how Liv would take it. She was used to being catered to by me at every whim. Regardless, I was going to change our habits, even if it killed either one of us to get used to it. It had to be done, or neither one of us would ever be able to truly live.
“Ready?” I asked. Saul nodded, and I turned away from his enchanting face and peered around, making sure no other cars were in our way. “Alright, back to civilization it is then…
***
The parking lot was darker than the bowels of a deep, dank cave. The sunset had come and passed, leaving the sky streaked in purple and blue cotton. The street lamps hadn’t turned on yet, and the light of day was dimming faster and faster as the weeks went by. I’d miss the summer, but it would stay warm for a while longer before winter set in.
Heading toward our room at the motel we’d paid for a week’s worth of rent, I knocked on the door to warn Liv if she had any gentlemen about, and then proceeded to swipe my key card. The tiny light flashed green on the lock, so I shoved at the heavy door. Inside, the lamp of the nightstand was on, and Liv was sitting in a pair of shorts and a tank top, hunched over her guitar. She lifted her head up and threw me a weak smile. She looked tired, weary, or sick; I wasn’t sure.
“Hey, Sis.” She waved me over, and I met her open arms with my own. “Have a nice trip?” She waggled her eyebrows at me, making my complexion turn a brilliant red. I was glad it was dim in there as she turned to face Saul, who waved at her sheepishly after closing and locking the door behind him.
“Missed you. We had a nice trip. Remember the sequoias we saw when we were…what? Eighteen? Went there. It was majestic, as always.”