Traitorous body.
“I’ve missed you.” Jonas pulled me closer, and I didn’t fight it. It was useless. We both knew where this would lead.
“I didn’t know you were going to be in town today,” I said, trying with all my might to change the atmosphere to stall. I didn’t want to jump into bed right away. I wanted answers to these insane things tormenting me about us, about Emilio. But how was I to get them out of Jonas? Especially without mentioning his brother?
“The hacienda gets very quiet at times.” He let me go and approached the window pane again. Staring out over the city, he looked vulnerable. Did he just admit he was lonely? It was something I’d never peg Jonas to admit to anyone. Would a powerful crime boss ever become lonely?
“How’s Caridad? I miss her cooking. Man, I could use a hot bowl of her tortilla soup right now.”
Jonas turned back to me, his eyes brightening at the mention of his beloved housekeeper. She probably was more of a mother to him and Emilio than anything else. I did miss her fantastic food though. My stomach clenched at the thought of food. I was hungry, but eating this late wasn’t a good idea.
“Yes. She loves to cook for more than one person. I think my sulking about the Hacienda drives her a bit crazy. So I have to get out sometimes, get some air and check the businesses I run. I have one here in Reno, and I have the schedule for your tour and commitments from Emily, so I thought I could stop by tonight and see you.” He inched closer again. I could feel his body heat spill onto mine, making me shiver at this. He was devastatingly handsome, his well-defined features worthy of magazine covers, though I knew the wicked heart beneath could wither my world with one beat. I was a sucker for a looker of a man, especially one who was so close, smelled amazing, and dressed like a boss.
Maybe because he was Emilio’s brother, he was harder to resist than another man would’ve been. I hated myself when I was with Jonas. I had to admit, the pleasures of the flesh when I was with him were too good to not enjoy. No matter how hard my mind fought it and how guilty I felt the day after, I fell for Jonas every time he was near. I let him do what he wanted to me and enjoyed every bit of his body during these sessions.
I despised myself. How could I love what I hated so much?
“It’s always nice to see you,” I whispered, his lips already on my neck. Warm, gentle kisses beckoned me to the beast, and like a tempting ambrosia, I succumbed every time. I let his mouth slide along my jawline, across my cheek to my lips where his kiss deepened. Our mouths were in sync, and we desperately inhaled each other as the night wore on.
“Liv, I crave you. There is no one else I think about when I’m alone, when I’m out there without you.”
His words stung, and I closed my eyes as he lifted me up into his arms and brought me to the immaculate white couch in the center of the sunken living room. The place was upgraded with top notch amenities that I would thoroughly enjoy the next day. A sixty inch flat screen was mounted to the wall with every channel I could imagine. Streamlined expensive furniture with a cohesive design was throughout the room, custom designed. Everything was custom made around Jonas, not one knock off, nothing second hand like the things I owned. He was the opposite of the life I’d lived.
“Jonas…” I felt him unzip my dress, and he tugged it off my slender shoulders. He was impressive with his shirt half buttoned, showing off his well-toned chest. Even his slacks, steam pressed and starched straight, made him look more desirable. I pulled at his shirt, working the buttons open all the way down to his belt. He watched me patiently with a hungry look on his face. His desire fueled mine, and my belly fluttered with tiny sparks as he slid his hands down my body, admiring my curves. I was naked besides my panties, which he made quick work of. The only item of clothes left on were my boots.
I reached down to take them off, but his hands met mine, stopping me before I could yank them off.
“Keep them on. I want to fuck you with them on and nothing else.”
I nodded as he swiftly yanked his shirt off. His broad chest was well built, his waist slender with chiseled muscles that led beyond his beltline. He worked his pants off and stood with his erection at full force, hard and ready just for me.
I took him into my mouth, enjoying his moans as I pleasured him. He was built so well, sex was always amazing. I couldn’t deny he was an extraordinary lover, never failing to fill me with exquisite sensations. He finally pulled away from me, breathing hard, excited and almost orgasming from my mouth alone, when he flipped me around, laying my chest to the sofa before he entered me.
I was ready and slick for him as he pumped harder and harder. We changed positions often, allowing us each opportunity to explore the other. From caressing to digging our nails in until our sweat slid down our bodies, we were lost in each other. Finally, I motioned him to sit on the couch so I could ride him and make him explode.
Sliding down his shaft, I worked my hips until he was completely tense with pleasure, groaning as he held back his orgasm to feel more and more, easing the tension as best he could. I rocked my body, sitting on his thighs, and bounced up and down until his hands gripped my waist, holding on to help me move faster. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to hold off much longer.
“Yes, Liv, do that harder.” His gruff voice, the same I’d heard in the conference room, reminded me of him sending my lover Emilio away, and I fought it as it killed my passion some. I dared not show it. I let my thighs burn with effort as I rode him harder, building up enough sweat to drip down my belly, mixing with his.
Hearing the satisfying sound of his release, I came to a slow stop, sucking in deep breaths, winded from the effort but with my body tingling all over. I leaned down, forehead to forehead, and stared at Jonas. My keeper. My enemy. My lover.
“Liv?”
“Yes?” I didn’t want to move for fear of breaking this spell. A moment where I didn’t loathe him and the world was just a bit different.
“This. This is what I love. To be with you.”
I moved to sit next to him, and he reached over to pull me closer, stroking my hair as I leaned on his shoulder.
“What are you thinking about, Mi Bonita?”
“How crazy life can be.”
He laughed. “That is a given. It has so many roads we can choose. So many choices. Do we always pick the right ones? Probably not.”
I peered up at his face, and all I saw was a dream filled desire. The same after sex look Emilio gave me.
“What if we picked the wrong ones?”
He shrugged. “Everyone makes mistakes. We pay for them dearly, but we also try to move along and make the right choices in the future. Nothing is predictable, really.”
I listened to him, wondering why he made me feel so conflicted. With Emilio, it was easy to love him. He was no contradiction, and felt natural. He was a fierce love, whilst his brother, Jonas, was a careening high kind of love that was sure to devour me whole. Both were undeniable.
Since Emilio had returned, I’d been so happy. But he’d been gone so long, so very long, my head was now more accustomed to Jonas. Why did everything turn out so complicated for me? Why wasn’t it all clear cut and easier to read?
This love was more like real life—unpredictable, addictive and unforgiving.
“You must be tired. Let’s go lie down. We can get comfortable on the memory foam. It’s absolutely perfection.” Jonas grinned and stood up, his glorious body in full view. He was thicker than Emilio, but just as remarkable. They both had their admirable qualities, and I feared I wouldn’t be able to separate myself from either of them for much longer.
“Okay.”
“Are you alright?” He froze, looking at me curiously, worried.
I nodded. “Yeah…it’s just… there’s a lot going on.”
His fingers ran along my collar bone, sending tiny shivers across my chest. “Anything I can do?”
“I don’t know.” I toyed with his fingers. They were strong and sturdy, soft yet not
fragile. “Audrey’s been on my ass to get stuff done. I don’t respond too well to pressure. This entire tour has been kind of crazy. Sometimes I just want my sister back, the way she supported me no matter what, like before. I want that carefree aspect of it all back, you know?”
I hoped he would take the bait, talk about his relationship with Emilio some, their past… Anything to get the ball rolling, even if I had to give up some of my own vulnerability for it.
“I see.” I could see the wheels moving in his head as he thought about what I said. “Family is never easy. I know Emilio and I fought a lot when we were younger. He was always challenging what our parents told us. I tried to keep him in line, for the sake of not seeing him punished. Our family was…quite strict and traditional.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. Hearing about their childhood was intriguing and only fed my desire to know more.
“When you’re part of such a large faction…the Mexican Cartel is just a part of it…involved in so many different enterprises, there’s little room to move. Our father would have us beaten if we misbehaved. I learned quickly what to avoid doing and what to get done first thing each day. Emilio was not so pliable. He protested chores. He would talk back until he was smacked and lost teeth from it. There was even a time when I watched him get a good whipping, so harsh he ended up passing out.”
I’d wondered about the scars on his back. Though faint, like they happened decades ago, I could still feel the slight imperfections on his skin.
“Why didn’t he just do what he was told?”
Jonas sighed. “He’s wild in spirit. My grandmother used to shelter us as much as she could, telling our parents to be more patient. He used this while he could until she died. Then, it was about boundaries he could push and break. He was worldly and aching to leave the Hacienda back in Mexico. I wanted to help my father out as much as possible.” He sighed and rubbed his face, the memories flooding his eyes as he spoke. “But if you cage up a wild bird, they will not take it lightly. He never was happy. That is…until my father died.”
“How did he die? I mean…if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay.” I bit my lip, afraid I was pushing too much.
“It’s alright. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone what happened after that day. Sometimes the best way to move on is to bury pain so deep inside, and keep shoving it down when it wants to overtake you. Best way to survive the let downs in this business.”
“Sounds rough.”
He laughed. “Yes, quite rough. You do get used to it.” He scratched his stubble, looking pensive and remotely nostalgic. “They died in a plane crash, heading down toward Columbia for business. My mother and my father. We were still teenagers when it happened.”
My eyes widened. “You guys took over the business as teens?”
“Yes,” he confirmed. “It was mostly I who ran the technicalities of the faction, but Emilio changed much after the crash. He was free to go, but he refused to leave me alone to run it without him. He stepped up a lot and became my right hand man. My second. We made sure to let everyone who challenged us know that, even though we were young, we meant serious business.”
“Did they mess with you?”
His grin widened. “They tried. Kill the right people as an example and you gain a fearful control over many people.”
I swallowed. Done with hearing about the murder and mayhem in his past, I figured it was enough for now. He was trusting me a lot more lately, and I hoped it would stay that way until I could find out more about Emilio.
“Let’s get some sleep.” He pulled up the covers of the feather down duvet, sinking softly into the bliss of the specialized mattress. It was definitely like sleeping on a cloud.
“Liv?”
I snuggled into the crook of his arm, trying to shove the train wreck of thoughts out of my head, especially the ones that reminded me of Emilio. I couldn’t think about him when I was in Jonas’ arms.
“Yes?”
He waited to continue, stroking my hair quietly in the dead of the early morning hours. It was so relaxing, I felt myself fading from exhaustion. His soft breaths lulled me to dreamland as I tried my best to stay awake, but failed miserably. Right before the night turned into dreams, I heard him whisper words that would swirl in my head and turn the world upside down.
“I love you, Liv.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Audrey
Saul wasn’t here today. He was stuck at the hotel with a severe flu. I hated leaving him, but he’d insisted. I stocked up on Gatorade, saltines, and bland food in case he got hungry, but he waved me on and said he was staying home today to be near the bathroom and listen to a marathon of audiobooks on a fantasy series he was all into right now. We were all worn out, but being around him might get me sick too, so off I went after much protesting, to the office…err the studio.
I hadn’t thought much of it. It wasn’t far from the hotel, and it was always fun to work on new songs. This little break we got from touring every three weeks was a relief. I hated being on the road; though it had its charms, it wore on me fast.
“Good morning!” Random waved me in as he turned the knobs and tweaked a track whilst pulling a drag off his cigarette. The place smelled like a seedy bar, but I tolerated it. I was used to the smokiness of bars. His bad habits didn’t bother me.
“Where’s Liv?”
I dropped my bag and jacket onto one of the chairs lining the room and settled in a swivel office chair next to him.
“She’s on a short two day vacation with Jonas.” I rolled my eyes.
Random grumbled and smashed the cigarette butt into the ashtray with violent force.
“She’s supposed to be here. We only have a week to record.” He paused and looked around the room. “Where’s Saul?”
“He’s sick with the flu.”
“Well, that’s just great.” He blew out a puff of smoke, shaking his head. He was so easy to frustrate, I wanted to laugh out loud.
“No worries. He’s got some flu medicine and tons of fluids. He just needs to rest. Touring isn’t exactly a vacation.”
Random snorted, clearing the phlegm from his throat. “Wow. I get you all to myself today.” He craned his neck toward me. “How did I get so lucky?”
His demeanor immediately changed, and the sour mood plaguing him suddenly melted away.
“You must’ve run over a four leaf clover.” I smirked and spun in the chair. Letting out a long breath, I tried to relax to get into the music mode. “What do we need to do today? Something that doesn’t require two more bodies.”
“I can think of a lot we could do.” His remark made me stop turning, and I peered over to find him staring intently at me.
“Whoa…don’t get all crazy now.” I laughed and shook my head. His flirting was nice, but I wasn’t really expecting it. He never did this before, even with all the hours we’d spent together. What had changed?
“We can get pretty crazy working here.” Random’s smile didn’t reach his eyes, but before I could ask him what was wrong, he turned back to the soundboard. “I need your opinion on this mix for Sweet Death. I tweaked it some after you guys left the last recording session.”
“Okay, go for it.” I leaned forward, eagerly awaiting the new track and a change in mood. His demeanor didn’t make me uncomfortable; it was just surprising. Plus, I was looking forward to listening to this track again. I’d heard it dozens of times the last session, but hearing it once more after a few weeks made it feel brand new again.
The melodic hypno mood it created made me sway and bob my head softly as I listened to Liv’s voice fill the room. It was a haunting song, something that reminded me of love and loss. We both wrote it, contributing lyrics and tweaking it until the entire song belonged to us both. Some songs I wrote completely, some Liv did all herself. Some others were from both of us. I liked those the best.
Her voice filled me up, and I could hear my defined backup singing as it melded with hers so w
ell. It was a perfectly synchronized harmony. I loved how we complimented each other. No matter how different we were, we were one when singing and making music. A true duet.
The song came to an end, and the silence felt even louder than before.
“It’s perfect,” I finally managed to respond. My heart was beating fast, like I’d been under a spell and it was just now lifting. “I loved it.”
Random grinned, looking handsome with his hazel eyes and brown hair framing his face with ease, like his name, randomly falling into his face. Smoking hadn’t had any effect on his skin…yet. It was smooth under the stubble he always appeared to have.
“Right on.” He hit a few switches and started to pull up another track of ours called Coercion. This one I was lead singer on, and when I was front and center with Liv doing backup vocals, it never failed to make me cringe.
“Your voice is amazing,” he said as he flipped some switches and moved some levers up and down.
“Thanks.”
He hit a button and the song sounded a little bit different—not completely, just enhanced.
“Wow, that’s pretty amazing what a few switches will do, but I like how we sound live.”
“Don’t worry, you sound perfect. I just change the instrumentals a tiny bit for recording purposes. Love the songs you guys come up with.” Random sat back and swiveled in the chair to face me. “I listen to your songs all the time, when you guys are on tour and all. They really resonate with me. Helps me find the right direction to mix your songs when you come back.”
The way he said this made my stomach flutter, especially when he was staring at me that way. He eyed me like a lover, filled with a fire burning in his unusual eyes.
“Thank you. We appreciate your work. You make us sound legit.” I winked.
Random smiled, shaking his head before sighing. “Oh, Audrey. Always so humble.”