The three of us wound our way through the maze of hallways back to the main atrium. Cadence kept Erik engaged in a steady stream of conversation as we joined the line of Operatives waiting for rides back to the Hamilton. I remained silent, lost in my own thoughts. In theory, I understood using the amplification and calming drugs. And maybe to someone that couldn’t read minds, the calming drugs appeared as just that, but there was more to them. After they’d taken effect, the children weren’t just relaxed; they were like zombies. The chemicals made the children dull and listless, almost like they were hypnotized or under strong compulsion. If Toxic could justify the use of such drugs on children, what was to stop them from using them on everyone else? Where were they going to draw the line?
You have no idea what your Agency does to innocent people. The words Crane had spoken to me ran through my head, as they so often did when I had doubts about Toxic’s actions.
When our turn finally came, I crammed into a large SUV with Cadence, Erik, and two other Operatives I didn’t know. Our short ride back to the hotel did nothing to put me at ease. Families huddled together on the sidewalks outside the testing center, waiting for the city buses to carry them away. Mothers wept openly, clinging to their small, well-dressed children. These mothers knew their time with their kids was now limited. In three weeks, their “special” offspring would be ferried to the McDonough School to start their new lives.
I wanted to reassure them that their children would have a more complete life, a more normal existence now that they were to be surrounded by peers with similar abilities. But the more I saw, the more I learned, I wasn’t so sure I believed that.
Other families laughed and joked, secure in the knowledge that they would be returning to their homes with their non-talented kids. I hated the fact that for some of them, their happiness would be short-lived. Once the blood results came back, at least a handful of previously non-talented children would be reclassified and teams of Operatives would be dispensed to retrieve them. I’d never been more ashamed to be a Toxic Operative.
Chapter Nine
At the hotel, Erik and I finally parted ways with Cadence. I hadn’t been paying much attention to their conversation, but whatever the content, she was in a much friendlier mood than she had been earlier. She even went as far as to ask if we wanted to join her for dinner. Thankfully, Erik declined, so I didn’t have to.
“You okay?” Erik asked once we were alone in my room.
“Yeah, it’s just been a long day,” I replied with a tired smile. “How about we order room service for dinner?” The thought of socializing with the other Operatives made we want to gouge my eyes out.
“Actually, I sort of have dinner plans already,” Erik sent. He pulled out a chair from the small table in the corner and sat. He wouldn’t meet my gaze. I pushed on his mind, but didn’t get more than nervous tension in response.
“Plans?” I said, trying to not sound accusatory.
“Yeah.” Erik paused, finding the skin over his knuckles incredibly engaging all of a sudden.
I sat on the edge of the bed and waited, patience waning with each passing second.
“So, you remember how we got your medical records when we had that brain go into the database?” He finally asked.
I nodded even though he still wasn’t looking at me. How could I forget? The file had been enormous and confusing, filled with ridiculously long medical terms with too many vowels. At the time, I’d thought the records would tell me whether there was more to the seizures than Mac and Dr. Thistler were telling me. Unfortunately, all the technical jargon looked like gibberish to my untrained eyes.
“Well, I have a friend stationed at the medical research facility in Bethesda,” Erik continued, now picking at a spot on the back of his hand.
I’d never seen him so uncomfortable. Erik never beat around the bush. Everything he did, he did with purpose. He never showed vulnerability or weakness. The way he kept fidgeting with his hands and shifting in the chair made me dread where this conversation was headed.
“I asked her to take a look at your files and let me know if she finds anything unusual,” Erik was saying.
The words sank in. I jumped off the bed and crossed the room to where Erik sat, simultaneously hoping his friend had found something and praying she hadn’t. “And?”
“She found some irregularities. She wanted to talk about it in person.”
Irregularities? So, there was something more to my condition. It felt like an ice cube was melting in the pit of my stomach, spreading cold dread to every direction. Erik reached for my hands and drew me to him. “I don’t want you to get your hopes up. This might be nothing,” he warned.
Erik took hold of my waist and guided me on to his lap. Absently, I rested my head against his shoulder and weighed his words. Would I be discouraged if this proved to be a dead end? Likely. Okay, definitely. But he said she found some irregularities. That wasn’t nothing.
“I want to come,” I told Erik decisively. This was my health we were talking about, after all. Good or bad, I wanted to know.
“I sort of figured you would.” What he didn’t say, but came through loud and clear was, “I don’t want you to.”
I sat up straight. What wasn’t he telling me? I could feel that he was hiding something, and I knew if I tried, I could dig it out of the corner of his mind he’d pushed it into. But I had enough truth-seeking missions on my to-do list. I wanted him to tell me himself.
“Why don’t you want me to go with you? Why are you just now bringing this up?” I demanded, shifting on his lap so I could gauge his reaction.
Erik reached up and stroked my cheek with the back of his hand. I softened slightly at his touch, but my guard was still up. Then a frantic thought occurred to me.
“Oh, my god. You know what’s wrong with me, don’t you? Am I dying?”
Erik cupped my face with both his hands. “It’s nothing like that. Anya didn’t want to talk it over the communicator. She just asked me to meet her tonight.”
“Then why don’t you want me to come?” I asked again, suspicion mounting.
Erik’s hands dropped to his sides as he closed his eyes and sighed resignedly. “Because Anya wasn’t always just a friend,” he began.
At first, I didn’t really process his words. I was too focused on the fact that there was something irregular in my medical file. Although, irregular was sort of relative since there was nothing regular about me to begin with.
“She was a year ahead of me in school,” Erik was saying. “And we sort of hooked up on and off for a couple of years.”
Wait, what? Hooked up? For a couple of years? He wasn’t serious, was he? I shot up and stared down at Erik, not sure what to say. I was too stunned to be mad. I didn’t kid myself that he was a virgin or anything. I wasn’t that naïve. Thinking about Erik’s past just upset me, so I usually tried not to. It was easier that way. No point in torturing myself when I couldn’t rewrite Erik’s story.
“Did you sleep with her?” I found myself asking. Out of all the questions on my mind, that was the one I chose to ask? I needed my head examined.
“Tal,” Erik began.
“Did you sleep with her?” I repeated, crossing my arms over my chest. Why I kept pushing an issue I already knew the answer to was beyond me.
“Yes, I did.”
Even though I expected him to say yes, it still felt as though he’d punched me in the stomach. Knowing Erik had been with some nameless girl before me was one thing, but this girl had a name - Anya. And Erik still talked to her. They were still friends.
“You are still friends with Donavon,” Erik pointed out, getting defensive.
“That’s different. We didn’t sleep together,” I shot back. It was different in my mind. Erik and Anya had shared something that Erik and I hadn’t. She knew him in a way I didn’t. Donavon had never even seen me entirely naked, let alone touched me.
“You’re right. It is different. I never loved Anya. She
was never my girlfriend.” Erik was on his feet now, too, and ready for battle.
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Am I supposed to be relieved that you routinely have sex with people you’re not even dating?” The backs of my eyes prickled and I willed myself not to cry.
Erik’s whole body stiffened. For a brief moment, I worried that I’d gone too far. Said too much. Been too honest. Then Erik placed his hands on my shoulders. “Tal, you knew when we started dating I’d been with other people. Anya isn’t the only girl I’ve slept with. I haven’t been in love with any of the girls I’ve been with. I liked Anya. I cared about her. She understood that our relationship was casual. I never led her to believe any different.”
“Is our relationship casual, too?” I demanded, trying to turn away so he wouldn’t see how upset I was.
“Look at me,” Erik ordered in a low voice that was neither gentle nor reassuring. I glanced up and saw the hurt and betrayal clouding his eyes. “How could you ask that? I love you. I would do anything for you. I thought you knew that.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Erik was right. I did know that he loved me. Not just because he said the words, either. I saw it every time he looked at me, felt it every time he kissed me. “I do. Thinking about you with another girl just makes it hard for me to think straight,” I admitted. “You’re right. I did know that you’d been with other girls, but that doesn’t mean I like it. Everything we do means something to me. It’s special for me because I haven’t done these things with anyone else. It kills me that it isn’t the same for you.”
Erik let me ramble, get out every insecurity I had in our relationship. It felt good to tell him the truth. I normally told him everything, even the mundane like what I ate for breakfast. But I’d never admitted how much I worried that what happened between us wasn’t as important to him as it was to me. I barely admitted it to myself.
“It’s special to me, too, Tal. I’ve never felt this way before. Being with you is a new experience for me. And when we have sex, it will mean just as much to me as it does to you. I’m sorry you won’t be my first, but I hope you’ll be my last. I hate that McDonough was the first person you told you loved and your first kiss and your first a lot of things. Every time I see him, I want to break his hands because I know he touched you with them.”
Erik’s hands slid down my arms and around my waist. He pulled me against his chest and rested his chin on top of my head. We stayed like that for several minutes. Erik rubbed my back while I sniffled into his shirt. “You do trust me, don’t you?” He sounded sad, like he’d just learned some truth he wished he hadn’t.
“Of course I trust you,” I told him and I meant it, too. The last twenty-four hours with Cadence aside, I’d never doubted that Erik was faithful. And it wasn’t even like I genuinely believed that he was sneaking around with Cadence behind my back or anything. I blamed stress for my erratic mood swings and jealously.
“I hope so. Since you came into my life, you are all I think about. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I might not have the greatest track record with monogamy, but I don’t lie and I don’t cheat. If I still wanted to be with Anya, I would be. If I wanted to sleep with other girls, I would never have told you I love or that I wanted to be with you. Okay?”
If Anya were just a friend, why didn’t he want me to meet her? Erik must have been in my head because he responded to my unspoken question before I could ask. “I knew you wouldn’t understand the relationship I had with her. I knew you would get upset when you found out. I didn’t think meeting her would make you feel any better about the situation. I wouldn’t have even asked for her help if I thought there was another option.”
I sighed. I couldn’t be mad at him when he said stuff like, “I hope you’ll be my last” and “You are all I think about.”
“I just wished you’d told me earlier,” I said.
“Next time I ask a girl I’ve hooked up with to help us do something risky, I will run it by you first.” He tried to sound serious, but failed horribly. “Are we okay, Tals? I meant what I said. Everything between us is special to me. I don’t take any of it for granted.” Erik was solemn now.
“Yeah, Erik, we’re good,” I told him. “I want to go with you, though. I want to know what Anya found.”
Erik didn’t miss a beat when he said, “Of course. Get changed and we’ll leave in ten.”
He gently pushed me back and leaned down, placing a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. “You’re cute when you’re jealous.”
Erik left to change into street clothes after that. I tried to keep my excitement in check as I pulled on loose fitting jeans and a white tank top. The irregularities Anya found might prove to be nothing. She might tell me the same thing Dr. Thistler told me, that the chemical injection I’d received in Nevada was an unidentified compound and the best I could hope for was that in time, the Agency’s medical research team would find a cure. She might tell me the blood transfusion was what was making me sick.
While I waited for Erik to return, I debated whether to call Mac. He would notice my absence at dinner, but if I called and told him I was going out, he might say no. I decided to take my chances. Maybe he would be too busy with his Director duties. One could hope. At least this way, I would have time to prepare a better excuse than, “I think you’ve been lying to me for the past year, so my boyfriend went behind your back and had someone else analyze my medical records.”
Chapter Ten
Erik was anxious when he knocked on my door ten minutes after leaving. “Ready?” he asked.
“Definitely,” I replied with more confidence than I felt.
As much as I was itching to learn the truth, now that I might, I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t stop scratching. Was I just going to end up with a giant festering wound that could never heal?
Erik and I didn’t talk much as we left the hotel and boarded a bus that ran to the outskirts of the city limits. Thanks to the summer’s extended daylight, the sun was still high in the sky and the air was warm if not muggy. A check of my communicator on the way out let me know we had two hours before curfew. Not much time. I hoped there wasn’t a lot of traffic.
We were meeting Anya at a mall food court in Cleveland Park. My prayers to the traffic gods were answered. Few cars traveled the city streets, making the trip across town a short one. Barely any of the city’s residents gave us a second glance in our civilian clothing, for which I was grateful. After witnessing the way citizens were acting towards Agency members, I didn’t want people realizing I was Talented or an Operative.
When the bus finally reached our stop, Erik grabbed my hand and led me through the thick crowds of people clogging the sidewalks. The mall took up an entire city block. We joined the throng of teenagers making their way through the main entrance. A group of girls no older than fourteen openly gawked at Erik. At first, I worried that they were staring because they knew he was Talented. A quick swipe of their emotions told me his Talented status had nothing to do with their giggling and pointing. I gave the girls a smug smile and held on to Erik a little tighter.
The food court was to the immediate right of the entrance. Fast food restaurants selling everything from fried chicken to raw fish ringed a cafeteria-style seating area. The atmosphere was laid back and happy. I felt myself relaxing amidst the groups of carefree people.
Most of the tables were already occupied by teenagers with brightly colored hair and extravagant clothing. Mine and Erik’s attempt at going unnoticed by dressing in comfortable jeans and plain colored shirts only made us stand out more. A few families were interspersed with the teens. Several adults gave us dirty looks while their children hungrily devoured large ice creams and dipped fries in ketchup. Erik either didn’t notice or didn’t care, but it bothered me. During my handful of previous trips to the city, I’d never felt the divide between the Talented and the non-Talented. Today, I felt it. Things certainly were different now.
I followed Erik as he navigat
ed the crowd, finally stopping in front of a square metal table with four metal chairs. A girl with a sheet of blue-black hair hanging straight down her back was the table’s sole occupant. I stiffened the moment I laid eyes on Anya.
Attractive was too simple a word to describe such breathtaking beauty. Her olive skin was several shades darker than mine and unmarred by freckles or blemishes. I swiped my nose as if I could brush off my own sun kisses. Even the fluorescent lighting seemed to flatter the girl’s irritatingly straight tresses, highlighting the blues and giving her a preternatural appearance. My guard shot up like a jack-in-the-box.
The girl looked up from her salad as if sensing our presence. Emerald colored eyes glittered like the gems they resembled when she saw Erik. Long eyelashes, heavy with mascara, batted feverishly. A thin coating of gloss drew my attention to her full lips. She wore very little other makeup; she didn’t need to.
My stomach dropped to the floor. I was marginally jealous of Cadence Choi, but those feelings paled in comparison to the monster that reared its ugly head when the girl stood and threw her thin arms around Erik’s neck. When he released my fingers to return her embrace, I was reluctant to let his hand go.
“Erik, it’s so good to see you!” she exclaimed. “You look great, as always,” she added, pulling back to study his appearance.
“Thanks, Anya,” Erik replied, glancing at me out of the corner of one turquoise eye. After my earlier melt down, he was worried how I’d react to this girl. I mustered the best smile I could manage, even as images of clawing out her jewel-like eyes danced through my head. “Anya, this is Talia,” Erik said, placing his hand in the small of my back, in what I was pretty sure was supposed to be a warning gesture. “My girlfriend.”
“Girlfriend?” Anya repeated the word like it was foreign on her tongue and she was saying it for the first time. Her eyes grew to globe-like proportions. She staggered several paces back, resting one thin hand on the table to regain her balance. Her mind projected disbelief and understanding in a tangle of emotions. Desire to slap her now flushed face made my hand twitch at my side. I wasn’t proud of my reaction, but I didn’t know how to quash it, either.