An awkward silence passed.
“Chase,” she said, realizing why he must be in the house. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was time for lunch already.”
“It isn’t,” he said.
“Is something wrong?” she asked, feeling unnerved and not knowing why.
“No.” The look in his eyes was one of tenderness…and fear? Pain? Either way, it made no sense to her.
Without a word, she slipped into his arms, hugging him close. He was tense and held himself stiffly, but she couldn’t fathom why.
Tilting her head, Letty studied him. He glided his thumb over her lips and she captured it between her teeth. “Kiss me,” she said. That was one sure way of comforting him.
He did, kissing her ravenously. Urgently. As if this was the last opportunity they’d have. When he ended the kiss, Letty finally felt him relax, and sighed in relief.
“I need you, Letty,” he murmured.
Chase’s mouth was buried in the hollow of her throat. She burrowed her fingers in his hair, needing to continue touching him.
He kissed her one more time, then drew back. “I want to have you in my arms and in my bed as often as I can before you go,” he whispered, refusing to meet her gaze.
“Before I go?” she repeated in confusion. “I’m not going anywhere—Cricket’s taking the bus home.”
Chase shook his head. “When I married you, I accepted that sooner or later you’d leave,” he said, his voice filled with resignation.
Letty was so stunned, so shocked, that for a second she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Let me see if I understand you,” she said slowly. “I married you, but you seem to think I had no intention of staying in the relationship and that sooner or later I’d fly the coop? Am I understanding you correctly?” It was an effort to disguise her sarcasm.
“You were facing a life-or-death situation. I offered you an alternative because of Cricket.”
Chase spoke as if that explained everything. “I love you, Chase Brown. I loved you when I left Wyoming. I loved you when I came back…. I love you even more now.”
He didn’t look at her. “I never said I felt the same way about you.”
The world seemed to skid to a halt; everything went perfectly still except for her heart, which was ramming loudly against her chest.
“True,” she began when she could find her voice. “You never said you did. But you show me every day how much you love me. I don’t need the words, Chase. You can’t hide what you feel for me.”
He was making his way to the door when he turned back and snorted softly. “Don’t confuse great sex with love, Letty.”
She felt unbelievably hurt and fiercely angry.
“Do you want me to leave, Chase? Is that what you’re saying?”
“I won’t ask you to stay.”
“In…in other words, I’m free to walk out of here anytime?”
He nodded. “You can go now, if that’s what you want.”
“Generous of you,” she snapped.
He didn’t respond.
“I get it,” she cried sharply. “Everything’s falling into place now. Every time I sit down at the piano, I can feel your displeasure. Why did you bring it here if it bothered you so much?”
“It wasn’t my bright idea,” he said curtly. “Joy thought it would help you recuperate. If I’d had my way, it would never have left Lonny’s place.”
“Take it back, then.”
“I will once you’re gone.”
Letty pressed her hand against her forehead. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. I love you, Chase…I don’t ever want to leave you.”
“Whatever you decide is fine, Letty,” he said, and again his voice was resigned. “That decision is yours.” He walked out of the house, letting the back door slam behind him.
For several minutes, Letty did nothing but lean against the living room wall. Chase’s feigned indifference infuriated her. Hadn’t the past few weeks meant anything to him? Obviously that was what he wanted her to think. He was pretending to be so damn smug…so condescending, that it demanded all her restraint not to haul out her suitcases that instant and walk away from him just to prove him right.
His words made a lie of all the happiness she’d found in her marriage. Angry tears scalded her eyes. For some reason she didn’t grasp, Chase wanted her to think he was using her, and he’d paid a steep price for the privilege—he’d married her.
Letty sank down onto the floor and covered her face with her hands, feeling wretched to the marrow of her bones.
Like some romantic fool, she’d held on to the belief that everything between her and Chase was perfect now and would remain that way forever after. It was a blow to discover otherwise.
When she’d first come back to Wyoming, Letty had been afraid her life was nearly over and the only things awaiting her were pain and regret. Instead Chase had given her a glimpse of happiness. With him, she’d experienced an immeasurable sense of satisfaction and joy, an inner peace. She’d seen Chase as her future, seen the two of them as lifelong companions, a man and a woman in love, together for life.
Nearly blinded by her tears, she got up and grabbed her purse from the kitchen table. She had to get away to think, put order to her raging thoughts.
Chase was in the yard when she walked out the door. He paused, and out of the corner of her eye, Letty saw that he moved two steps toward her, then abruptly stopped. Apparently he’d changed his mind about whatever he was going to say or do. Which was just as well, since Letty wasn’t in the mood to talk to him.
His gaze followed her as she walked toward the truck, as if he suspected she was leaving him right then and there.
Perhaps that was exactly what she should do.
Fourteen
L etty had no idea where she was going. All she knew was that she had to get away. She considered driving to town and waiting for Cricket. But it was still a while before the kindergarten class was scheduled to be dismissed. In addition, Cricket was looking forward to riding the bus home; to her, that seemed the height of maturity. Letty didn’t want to ruin that experience for her daughter.
As she drove aimlessly down the country road, Letty attempted to put the disturbing events of the morning in perspective. Leaving Chase, if only for a day or two, would be an overreaction, but she didn’t know how else to deal with this situation. One moment she had everything a woman could want; the next it had all been taken away from her for reasons she couldn’t understand or explain. The safe harbor she’d anchored in—her marriage to Chase—had been unexpectedly invaded by an enemy she couldn’t even identify.
Without realizing where she’d driven, Letty noticed that the hillside where she’d so often sat with Chase was just over the next ridge. With an ironic smile, she stopped the truck. Maybe their hillside would give her the serenity and inner guidance she sought now.
With the autumn sun warm on her back, she strolled over to the crest of the hill and sat down on a soft patch of grass. She saw a few head of cattle resting under the shade of trees near the stream below, and watched them idly while her thoughts churned. How peaceful the animals seemed, how content. Actually, she was a little surprised to see them grazing there, since she’d heard Chase say that he was moving his herd in the opposite direction. But where he chose to let his cattle graze was the least of her worries.
A slow thirty minutes passed. What Letty found so disheartening about the confrontation with Chase was his conviction that she’d leave him and, worse, his acceptance of it. Why was he so certain she’d pack up and move away? Did he trust her so little?
To give up on their love, their marriage and all the happiness their lives together would bring was traumatic enough. For her and, she was convinced, for him. But the fact that he could do so with no more than a twinge of regret was almost more than Letty could bear. Chase’s pride wouldn’t let him tell her he loved her and that he wanted her to stay.
Yet he did love her and
he loved Cricket. Despite his heartless words to the contrary, Letty could never doubt it.
Standing, Letty let her arms hang limply at her sides. She didn’t know what she should do. Perhaps getting away for a day or two wasn’t such a bad plan.
The idea started to gather momentum. It was as she turned to leave that Letty noticed one steer that had separated itself from the others. She paused, then stared at the brand, surprised it wasn’t Chase’s. Before she left Spring Valley she’d let Chase know that old man Wilber’s cattle were on his property.
Chase was nowhere to be seen when Letty got back to the house. That was fine, since she’d be in and out within a matter of minutes. She threw a few things in a suitcase for herself and dragged it into the hallway. Then she rushed upstairs to grab some clothes for Cricket. Letty wasn’t sure what she’d tell her daughter about this unexpected vacation, but she’d think of something later.
Chase was standing in the kitchen when she reached the bottom of the stairs. His eyes were cold and cruel in a way she hadn’t seen since she’d first returned home. He picked up her suitcase and set it by the back door, as if eager for her to leave.
“I see you decided to go now,” he said, leaning indolently against the kitchen counter.
His arms were folded over his chest in a gesture of stubborn indifference. If he’d revealed the least bit of remorse or indecision, Letty might have considered reasoning with him, but it was painfully apparent that he didn’t feel anything except the dire satisfaction of being proven right.
“I thought I’d spend a few days with Lonny.”
“Lonny,” Chase repeated with a short, sarcastic laugh. “I bet he’ll love that.”
“He won’t mind.” A half-truth, but worth it if Chase believed her.
“You’re sure of that?”
It was obvious from Chase’s lack of concern that he wasn’t going to invite her to stay at the ranch so they could resolve their differences—which was what Letty had hoped he’d do.
“If Lonny does object, I’ll simply find someplace in town.”
“Do you have enough money?”
“Yes…” Letty said, striving to sound casual.
“I’ll be happy to provide whatever you need.”
Chase spoke with such a flippant air that it cut her to the quick. “I won’t take any money from you.”
Chase shrugged. “Fine.”
Everything in Letty wanted to shout at him to give her some sign, anything, that would show her he wanted her to stay. It was the whole reason she was staging this. His nonchalant response was so painful, that not breaking down, not weeping, was all Letty could manage.
“Is this what you really want?” she asked in a small voice.
“Like I said before, if you’re set on leaving, I’m not going to stop you.”
Letty reached down for her suitcase, tightening her fingers around the handle. “I’ll get Cricket at school. I’ll think up some excuse to tell her.” She made it all the way to the back door before Chase stopped her.
“Letty…”
She whirled around, her heart ringing with excitement until she saw the look in his eyes.
“Before you go, there’s something I need to ask you,” he said, his face drawn. “Is there any possibility you could be pregnant?”
His question seemed to echo against the walls.
“Letty?”
She met his gaze. Some of his arrogance was gone, replaced with a tenderness that had been far too rare these past few hours. “No,” she whispered, her voice hardly audible.
Chase’s eyes closed, but she didn’t know if he felt regret or relief. The way things had been going, she didn’t want to know.
“I…went to the hillside,” she said in a low voice that wavered slightly despite her effort to control it. She squared her shoulders, then continued. “There were several head of cattle there. The brand is Wilber’s.”
Chase clenched his jaw so tightly that the sides of his face went pale under his tan. “So you know,” he said, his voice husky and filled with dread. His gaze skirted hers, fists at his sides.
Letty was baffled. Chase’s first response to the fact that she’d seen his neighbor’s cattle on his property made no sense. She had no idea why he’d react like that.
Then it struck her. “You sold those acres to Mr. Wilber, didn’t you? Why?” That land had been in Chase’s family for over three generations. Letty couldn’t figure out what would be important enough for him to relinquish those acres. Not once in all the weeks they’d been married or before had he given her any indication that he was financially strapped.
“I don’t understand,” she said—and suddenly she did. “There wasn’t any insurance money for my surgery, was there, Chase?”
She’d been so unsuspecting, so confident when he’d told her everything had been taken care of. She should’ve known—in fact, did know—that an insurance company wouldn’t cover a preexisting condition without a lengthy waiting period.
“Chase?” She held his eyes with her own. Incredulous, shocked, she set the suitcase down and took one small step toward her husband. “Why did you lie to me about the insurance?”
He tunneled his fingers through his hair.
“Why would you do something like that? It doesn’t make any sense.” Very little of this day had. “Didn’t you realize the state had already agreed to cover all the expenses?”
“You hated being a charity case. I saw the look in your eyes when I found your welfare check. It was killing you to accept that money.”
“Of course I hated it, but I managed to swallow my pride. It was necessary. But what you did wasn’t. Why would you sell your land? I just can’t believe it.” Chase loved every square inch of Spring Valley. Parting with a single acre would be painful, let alone the prime land near the creek. It would be akin to his cutting off one of his fingers.
Chase turned away from her and walked over to the sink. His shoulders jerked in a hard shrug as he braced his hands on the edge. “All right, if you must know. I did it because I wanted you to marry me.”
“But you said the marriage was for Cricket’s sake…in case anything happened to me…. Then you could raise her.”
“That was an excuse.” The words seemed to be wrenched from him. After a long pause, he added, “I love you, Letty.” It was all the explanation he gave her.
“I love you, too…I always have,” she whispered, awed by what he’d done and, more importantly, the reason behind it. “I told you only three hours ago how I felt about you, but you practically threw it back in my face. If you love me so much,” she murmured, “why couldn’t you let me know it? Would that have been so wrong?”
“I didn’t want you to feel trapped.”
“Trapped?” How could Chase possibly view their marriage in such a light? He made it sound as if he’d taken her hostage!
“Sooner or later I realized you’d want to return to California. I knew that when I asked you to marry me. I accepted it.”
“That’s ridiculous!” Letty cried. “I don’t ever want to go back. There’s nothing for me there. Everything that’s ever been good in my life is right here with you.”
Chase turned to face her. “What about the fight you and Lonny had about your mother? You said—”
“I realized how wrong I was about Mom,” she interrupted, gesturing with her hands. “My mother was a wonderful woman, but more significant than that, she was fulfilled as a person. I’m not going to say she had an easy life—we both know differently. But she loved the challenge here. She loved her art, too, and found ways to express her talent. I was just too blind to recognize it. I was so caught up in striving toward my dreams, I failed to see that my happiness was right here in Red Springs with you. The biggest mistake I ever made was leaving you. Do you honestly believe I’d do it again?”
A look of hope crept into Chase’s eyes.
“Telling me I’m free to walk away from you is one thing,” Letty said softly. “But you mad
e it sound as if you wanted me gone—as if you couldn’t wait to get me out of your life. You weren’t even willing to give us a chance. That hurt more than anything.”
“I was afraid to,” he admitted, his voice low.
“Over and over again, you kept saying that you wouldn’t stop me from leaving. It was almost as if you’d been waiting for it to happen because I’d been such a disappointment to you.”
“Letty, no, I swear that isn’t true.”
“Then why are you standing way over there—and I’m way over here?”
“Oh, Letty.” He covered the space between them in three giant strides, wrapping his arms around her. When he lifted his head, their eyes melted together. “I love you, Letty, more than I thought it was possible to care about anyone. I haven’t told you that, and I was wrong. You deserve to hear the words.”
“Chase, you didn’t need to say them for me to know how you feel. That’s what was so confusing. I couldn’t doubt you loved me, yet you made my leaving sound like some long-anticipated event.”
“I couldn’t let you know how much I was hurting.”
“But I was hurting, too.”
“I know, my love, I know.”
He rained hot, urgent kisses down upon her face. She directed his mouth to hers, and his kiss intensified. Letty threaded her fingers through his hair, glorying in the closeness they shared. She was humbled by the sacrifice he’d made for her. He could have given her no greater proof of his love.
“Chase.” His name was a broken cry on her lips. “The land…you sold…I can’t bear to think of you losing it.”
He caressed her face. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. I have the option of buying it back at a future date, and I will.”
“But—”
He silenced her with his mouth, kissing away her objections and concerns. Then he tore his mouth from hers and brought it to the hollow of her throat, kissing her there. “I would gladly have sold all of Spring Valley if it had been necessary.”
Letty felt tears gather in her eyes. Tears of gratitude and joy and need.
“You’ve given me so much,” he whispered. “My life was so empty until you came back and brought Cricket with you. I love her, Letty, as if she were our own. I want to adopt her and give her my name.”