I knew it was the wrong thing to say, but I was angry. I hated that so much work had gone into him finding the one he loved, only to have it ripped away from them both. Again.
Two paramedics came rushing in, carrying a stretcher. I released Dean’s hand and let them get to work. They maneuvered him onto the stretcher and hooked up an IV. They took his blood pressure, which I saw was very low. He had a weak pulse, but at least it was still there.
“We have to get him to the hospital. We have no idea how close his injury is to any main arteries. He’s lost a lot of blood.”
The police officer nodded at the paramedic. “Where are you taking him?”
The paramedics lifted the stretcher and began carrying him out. “Hampton Hospital.”
I recognized the name because it was where Tara worked. Shit. What was I going to tell them back at the house? Tyler must be going out of her fucking mind by now.
A tap on my shoulder made me spin around. It was Officer Shaw. “We need to take your statement.”
I nodded. “I’ll give you everything you need, but I need to get to the hospital and contact Dean’s girlfriend.”
Shaw smiled, nodding, and we all made our way out of the area. I noticed that the ambulance was gone and four of Pinzano’s men were still alive.
Rubbing my face with both hands, I looked up to find Shaw staring at me. “You can follow me. There’s only one place I want to be right now.”
“That’s fine. You’re not under arrest, but we do still need to take your statement.”
I nodded and got inside my car. Before starting it up, I took my phone out of my pocket and brought up Tyler’s number. I stared at it for a moment, unable to move. What was I going to tell her? What could I possibly say to her that would make what happened any easier? Her world was about to come crashing down yet again, and I was going to be one to cause it. I hated giving bad news. I hated being the one to make someone’s heart break in two, but I had to. He wasn’t as invincible as we all thought him to be. Tyler had to know that Dean was very seriously hurt.
And, this time, he might not make it out alive.
Chapter 21
Tyler
When I got that phone call from Jimmy, I thought my world had come to an end. Yes, I had been mad as hell at Dean for bringing the one thing to my door that I had always been running away from. But he made a promise to save Jeremy, and he had kept his promise. And now that I was faced with possibly losing Dean, there was only one thing I could do.
Forgive him.
And I did. I forgave him time and time again because, no matter what, Dean was my weakness. I couldn’t live without him.
After Jimmy’s phone call, I collapsed in Tara’s arms and she held me as the last twelve hours came tumbling out like a whirlwind. Once she comforted me and I dried my eyes, Tara told me to go to the hospital and that she would look after Jeremy. No doubt exhausted, he had fallen asleep not long after we came home. I felt angry at Dean for putting our son through all of this, but when Jeremy looked at me with those big blue eyes of his and said “I found him” just before he fell asleep, I knew. It wasn’t just about me anymore. We were a family, and family makes decisions together. There was no way I could let Dean go now because there was no way Jeremy would let Dean go. He had to hold on. He had to fight. We had to remain a family. That was the only way we could get through all this.
But first, Dean had to live. He had to stay strong. I wish I could tell him as much but, unfortunately, I had been sitting in the hospital for the last three hours, waiting and hoping to find out some news on Dean’s condition. He had been rushed straight into surgery the minute he arrived and I hadn’t heard anything since.
I had Jimmy with me, though. He had been my rock. He had held my hand, asked me if I wanted coffee, talked to me about anything. No wonder Tara loved him so much. I think I was falling in love with him myself. He was definitely part of our family now. Big Uncle Jimmy. The thought made me smile.
“What are you smiling at?”
I looked up to see Jimmy’s tired, but eager face. He wore a smile like me. It was a genuine, but hard smile. A smile that hid what he was truly feeling.
“I was just thinking about your nickname, courtesy of our little rascal.”
Jimmy laughed. “You mean Dean’s mini-me? He looks just like him.” I nodded, and Jimmy came to sit back down next to me. “He’ll get through this. I told him I’d kill him if he didn’t.”
I started laughing. “You two are something else.”
Jimmy raised his eyebrow. “He called me a pansy just before he fell unconscious.”
I started laughing harder. “Even under those circumstances, you two are still calling each other names.”
Jimmy shrugged. “I think I got a bit too in touch with my feelings. He was trying to make me come back to earth. I think calling me a pansy was the only way he knew how.” He winced a little, like there was more to the story than what he was telling me. I didn’t want to know. Whatever Dean had to say, he could tell me himself once he got through this. He had to get through this.
“Man, I fucking hate hospitals.” Jimmy stood up again and started pacing a little before sitting back down.
I felt bad for him. “Why don’t you go back home to Tara? I’ll call if there’s any news.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want to leave you alone. Besides, I want to know the minute he gets out of surgery.”
I nodded, not saying anything else. If that was what he wanted, I wasn’t going to sit here arguing with him.
“Last time I was waiting around in a hospital was when my girlfriend died.”
The room was so silent, you could have cut the tension with a knife. Jimmy was leaning back in his seat, staring up at the ceiling with tears in his eyes. It was so strange to see, considering he always looked so tough. He was just a big teddy bear underneath.
“I’m sorry to hear that. How old was she?”
Jimmy sighed and looked at me. “Twenty-two. She wanted to be a midwife.” He laughed. “Go figure, ha? I guess I can’t keep away from a girl in uniform.” He laughed again, then looked back at the ceiling for a moment. “She always loved babies. I would have given her twenty of them if she wanted. I only wanted to make her happy, but then we got into this huge fight and I let her leave to cool off. Worse mistake of my life. That’s why I was determined to help Dean fight for you. I didn’t want either of you to end up like me.”
Jimmy went on to tell me more about Grace and what happened. At the end, he sighed, closing his eyes. I placed my hand on his and gave it a squeeze. His eyes opened and he stared back at me with a smile.
“I’m glad Tara’s got you.”
Jimmy smiled. “I love her.”
I nodded. “I know you do. I also know she loves you, too.”
The smile on his face lit up all his features. He was in love and not afraid who knew it. I had to smile back because it was hard not to.
“You and Dean… You have so much history together. He told me all about you when you were kids. He said he was waiting for you so that you could be together. Knowing everything I know now, it’s like reading from a tragic love story. You should write a book about it.”
I started laughing. “Our story is a little out of the ordinary.”
Jimmy straightened his posture. “Ah, but where would the fun be if it wasn’t?” He winked at me, making me laugh.
“I can’t have it end now, Jimmy. Not now that we’ve finally found each other again. Not now that he’s in my life again.” I felt the tears brim as Jimmy squeezed my hand.
“I know, Tyler. There’s no way we can close your book now. The story hasn’t ended for you two. It has only just begun.”
I sighed, feeling the tears run. “I really hope that’s true, Jimmy. I’ve known what it’s like to live without him and it sucks. I couldn’t do it again.”
Jimmy saw the obvious pain in my eyes and winced. “I loved Grace with a passion and she will always hold a spec
ial place in my heart. But I have Tara now and I feel like I can live again. I understand that now. I’m not saying this to try and make you see there is life after Dean because I know, with you two, it stops here. That’s why he has to fight one last time. He has to fight for his family.”
I smiled and nodded, but his last comment made me remember. “His uncle… Shouldn’t we tell him?”
Jimmy cursed and got up. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll go give him a call.”
I nodded and watched Jimmy as he walked outside the room. It was in that moment, sitting by myself, that I knew Jimmy was right about him being here with me. In just those few minutes he was using the phone, I felt so lonely. In his absence, it gave me time to think about everything that had happened, and the uncertain future before us.
In a moment of weakness, I hunched over as an overwhelming pain seared through my gut. Tears began falling as visions of a possible life without Dean raced through my head.
Would life be this cruel to me? Could I really be given this chance, only to have it ripped away from me once again?
It’s funny how moments like this made you question things. I felt selfish because all I could think about was how this affected me, and how I could even possibly begin to think I could live without him. I wanted to shout from the rooftops about how cruel the universe was for giving me just a taste. That’s all I had. A taste of a life with Dean. All I had was a mere morsel of him, and I felt cheated. I felt the injustice of being allowed to love someone I may never be able to see again.
It was while I was in my despair, clutching my stomach, that I sensed a presence in the room. Someone was watching me.
Snapping my head up, I saw a pair of eyes searching mine, his hand reaching towards me. Knowing he had been caught, Evan snapped his hand back. I noticed he was still in his scrubs, which only meant one thing to me.
I felt the terror rise and I had this instinct to cover my ears and close my eyes, shutting the world out so I didn’t have to hear it. But I had to be strong. I had to know.
“Is he…?” I couldn’t get the word out. It felt too alien on my tongue. It was almost as if saying the word meant it was real.
“No.”
Hearing that word would never normally make me happy. No was a negative word. No normally didn’t get you the things you wanted. But, right now, no was the most beautiful word on earth. It meant Dean was still alive. He was still breathing. He was still mine.
Releasing the breath I didn’t know I was holding, I looked at Evan. He looked conflicted. It was almost as if he was struggling to either maintain a doctor/family member relationship, or just simply be my friend. Right now, I needed both. I needed the information and I needed the comfort. I needed him to tell me everything was going to be okay.
“You…you operated on him?”
Evan nodded. “The ice pick was very close to the major coronary artery. I needed to be there for the removal. He had some other injuries, including some cracked ribs, a broken nose, and some second-degree burns, but the main cause for concern was the wound to his chest. He also had internal bleeding. His lungs filled with blood and we had to put a chest tube in. At one point, his blood pressure fell dangerously and we had to revive him. He’s strong and he did make it through, but the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours will be critical.”
I nodded, feeling somewhat relieved, then noticed Jimmy standing in the doorway. “Did you get that?” He nodded and I looked back at Evan. “Thank you for saving his life.” I wanted to ask if it was hard for him, considering our past, but I didn’t think it was appropriate. How ironic is it that my ex-boyfriend ended up saving my long-lost love?
Evan smiled timidly. “I was just doing my job.”
I suppose I had my answer right there. He was just doing his job. That was definitely Evan. He was always totally committed to his job, no matter what. I admired him for that.
“When can I see him?”
Evan sighed a little. “He has been taken to ICU. I normally wouldn’t allow friends to visit patients in the ICU, but I know you and will make an exception.”
I nodded with a smile. “Thank you, Evan. I can vouch for Jimmy, too. He is like family.” I smiled over at Jimmy and saw him beaming back. Was that pride I saw in his smile?
Evan suddenly looked toward Jimmy, then back at me. It was almost as if he wanted to say something to me, but didn’t want to with Jimmy in the room.
Jimmy sensed it and pointed to the door. “Erm, I’ll wait outside.”
I nodded and turned to Evan. “You look tired, Jessica. When was the last time you slept or ate anything?”
I had to smile. Evan was always thinking of others. “I think I can safely say that today has been the worst day of my life…and, believe me, I’ve had quite a few in my lifetime.” I laughed a little.
“How’s Jeremy?”
My smile vanished and I immediately felt the tears well. “He’s okay,” I croaked.
Evan put his arms out to me. “Come here.”
I walked into his embrace. I felt him sigh as I snuggled my head into his chest. Evan was always good at comforting. I had no doubt he would make a fantastic husband to someone. Maybe in another lifetime, I could have loved Evan with the passion he needed. It was just never going to happen with Dean in my life.
“There are so many things I want to say that I have no right to say to you anymore, but it hurts me to see you suffering like this. I wish I could be the one to take it all away. I wish… I don’t know. I just wish.” I felt him sigh again.
I looked up at him as the tears fell. “I’m so sorry, Evan.”
And I was. I was sorry I couldn’t give him what he needed from me. I was sorry I couldn’t accept his comfort and offer him mine in return. I was sorry I couldn’t be the woman he so desperately wanted. And I was so, so damn sorry I couldn’t love him the way he obviously loved me.
I really did want to love him in the beginning. When it got to that stage in our relationship, there was nothing more I wanted than to accept Evan into my heart. But Dean was always determined to make himself be the only man in my life. That one little wink when I was six was what did it for me. Just one little tiny wink and my life was set in stone. No other man could ever come close to Dean…and he made damn sure of it.
“You don’t have to be sorry, Jessica. I understand. I don’t like it, I must admit, but I do understand.” I nodded and he frowned a little. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
Evan looked away as if feeling discomfort. He eventually managed to calm himself and looked back at me. “Does…does this change anything? I mean, with what’s happened now?”
I was fairly certain I knew what he was talking about. I suppose it should change things, but since Dean found me all those weeks ago, it had only sealed it for me. He was it, pure and simple.
“I suppose it should change things, but it doesn’t. I can’t… I won’t…” My god, it was hard. How do I tell Evan, without hurting him, that I loved Dean so much?
Evan smiled and saved me. “I know. I wish it wasn’t so, but I know.” He averted his eyes and stepped away from our embrace. “I…I’d better get back to work.” He motioned to the door and smiled. He was hesitating, but I knew why. I think he knew that he shouldn’t stay. It was just harder on the both of us.
“I know. You have other lives to save.” I smiled brightly and watched as he walked to the door. “Goodbye, Evan.” With his hand on the door, Evan abruptly stopped. I watched as he hung his head before sharply inhaling a breath. With one tug of the door, he was gone.
I hated being the one to break his heart. I hated standing here and ripping the Band-Aid off him with a violent tear. It had to be done, though, for both our sakes.
Once he was out the door, Jimmy timidly opened it with a smile. “Are you ready?”
I sighed. “As I’ll ever be.”
I walked out past him, but Jimmy touched my shoulder. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
&n
bsp; I shook my head. “No. Evan could never hurt me. We just both said some things that needed saying.”
Jimmy sighed and looked conflicted. “I don’t want you thinking I’m asking because of Dean. I guess I’m just…”
“Looking out for me?” I finished for him.
He smiled brightly. “Yes, exactly.”
I held out my hand. “Come on, Jimmy. Let’s go see our pain in the ass.”
He laughed, but took my hand. “I’ll second that.” We started walking, then he looked at me with an amused glint in his eyes. “It’s good to see you using humor again. I was starting to worry about you.”
I sighed. “If I don’t laugh, I’ll fall apart. I can’t be doing that. Not now. I need to be strong for Jeremy, and I need to be strong for Dean.”
“What are you going to tell Jeremy?”
I sighed again. “He knows who Dean is now. I just haven’t had the chance to talk to him properly about it. I’m worried about his reaction to finding out about Dean being here but, at the same time, I can’t lie to him, Jimmy. I think I’ve done enough of that. I need to start being a parent and accept the fact that I have the responsibility to do what’s right for our son.”
We got to the ICU and Jimmy squeezed my hand. “I understand.”
It was there that I gripped my eyes shut. The last time I visited an ICU unit was when I lost someone I considered a brother to me. I had to admit that I was scared shitless. I didn’t want this to be happening a second time. It was too much before, but this would be unbearable for me now.
As if sensing my anguish, Jimmy placed his hand on my shoulder. “You can do this. I know you can.”
Hearing Jimmy say those words made me smile. It wasn’t enough to take away my fear, but was enough for me to carry on. Enough for me to force myself to see Dean.
Luckily for me, I looked in the window and saw a nurse I was familiar with, but whose name escaped me. She looked up and smiled as I waved at her.
She walked over and opened the door. “Jessica, hi. Evan told me you would be coming.”
“He did? That’s good.” I saw her look Jimmy up and down. It wasn’t an obvious leer, but a leer nonetheless. “This is Jimmy, a very close friend.”