Turning the lamp off, I rolled over to shut my eyes when I heard something that jolted my eyes wide open. I lay there, wondering whether I was going out of my mind. Surely that sound wasn’t… There it goes again. Tapping. What on earth was that tapping sound?
Throwing the sheets off, I turned towards my window and, sure enough, there were tiny stones hitting the glass.
My heart sank, my knees went weak, and my body hummed. I knew exactly who it was without even looking.
I knew I had to walk to the window but, for some reason, my feet couldn’t move. I was rooted to the spot as my heart drummed a million miles an hour.
Taking a deep breath, I managed to put one foot in front of the other. I was scared, excited, angry, and sad. All my emotions seemed to entangle with one another as my adrenaline kicked up another notch.
For some reason, I couldn’t look out the window. Instead, I opened it as high as it could go and stepped as far back as possible. I needed to be near the door just in case I had to bolt. I didn’t know why I was even letting him in. Everything within me was screaming to protect myself, but it wasn’t my life that needed protecting. It was my body, heart, mind, and soul. Everything that Dean always owned of me.
I jumped a little when I heard what sounded like someone climbing up my window.
And then he emerged. He climbed in with ease, just like he used to all those years ago, and stood there by the window, staring at me. The only light in the room was from the moon and the street lights outside, but I could see enough to know it was definitely him. He looked just as stunning in this light as in the cold light of day. Every time I saw him, a little bit more of my breath was taken. No matter how far I ran, I would never escape the way he made me feel. But that didn’t excuse what he did. That didn’t excuse the giant hole in my heart.
“Tyler…”
I couldn’t help but close my eyes at the sound of his voice. That voice of his still haunted me, still played in my mind, and still gave me some of the best orgasms I would probably ever have in my life.
“Lotus…” I couldn’t let him see the real me. I couldn’t let him see that I was just as broken now as I was back then. But, most of all, I couldn’t let him see that no matter how much time had passed, I was just as much in love with him now as I ever was. There was just no denying that fact.
“Please don’t call me by that name.”
My nostrils suddenly flared in anger. “And why not? That was what you called yourself over four years ago.”
“It’s not who I am now. Lotus is dead, Tyler. Dead and gone. Dean is here now.”
Ignoring him, I pointed to my window. “Why did you do that? Why did you climb up to my window?”
Dean sighed. “Because I wanted you to know that your Dean is here. I am here, Tyler, and I want my Rosey back.”
My eyes pooled with tears as his words and the still fresh betrayal ran through my veins. “I am not your Rosey anymore, Dean. She’s dead, too.”
He moved forward a little. “I refuse to believe that.”
I put my hand up. “Believe it. I moved thousands of miles away, changed my identity, and faked my own death to get away from you. Doesn’t that tell you something?”
“Why did you do that?” His voice was pained and it broke my heart all over again.
“Because you’re too dangerous. You’re dangerous to my mind, my body, my heart. Don’t you understand that? Don’t you understand what you did to me? How could I ever move on from something like that?” I started panting. It felt like I was having a small panic attack.
Dean moved forward a little and held the palms of his hands out in front of himself. “I know, Tyler. I know. I’m the worst scum of the universe and I don’t deserve you.”
My eyes widened. “Then why are you here?”
“Because I’m selfish!” His voice was so loud and commanding, it made me jump a little. “Because I’m broken. Because I can’t live without you. I refuse to believe you’ve moved on without me, Tyler. I refuse to believe you don’t want me, and do you know why? Because you’re still wearing that chain around your neck.” On instinct, I placed my hand over the angel wings. “You’re still looking at me like I’m the only man who ever existed. Your body still reacts every time you see me, and your breathing still gets heavy when you stare at me with those beautiful green eyes. You always will be mine, Tyler. From the moment we met when you were six, you were mine. Do you remember that, Tyler? Do you remember that connection so strong, despite the fact that we were so young?”
I heaved a little sob, threatening to reveal my feelings. “Please stop. I don’t want to hear it.”
Dean stepped forward again. “You can’t keep denying it to yourself, Tyler. You can’t keep denying it to my Rosey.”
“Don’t call me that anymore, Dean. You have no right. The boy who used to call me that was sweet, kind, funny, caring, and worshipped the ground I walked on. And do you know how I knew that? Because I felt worshipped. I felt alive whenever he was with me. I felt like the goddamned luckiest bitch in the universe because that Dean always knew how to make me feel so special, I counted every treasured second with him. I waited for him because he was waiting for me. If he had asked, I would have travelled to the ends of the universe with him because that was the way he made me feel.”
“I can be him again.” Not wanting to listen to it, I shook my head. “I am him again. Tyler, please don’t shut me out. Please let me in. I can’t live my life without you in it.”
I dipped my head to the floor. “Please stop,” I whispered.
“Tyler…”
I didn’t want to look up because I knew he was there. I could smell him. That same musky smell I came to love when he visited me in my apartment. My god, I missed that smell. I missed everything about him.
“Tyler…” He touched me then. It was only a slight touch against my arms, but it was enough to make me shudder, enough to make me weak, enough to make my nipples go hard, and more than enough for Dean to notice.
“Your body never betrays itself,” he whispered, sliding his hand towards my cheek.
I was gone by this stage. Without thinking, I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. I took that moment to let me feel what it was like to finally breathe real oxygen again. It was comforting and soothing. Above all, it was liberating.
I took that moment and cherished it because, even though every cell in my body was screaming for this, it didn’t take away the hurt. It didn’t take away the pain, and it didn’t take away the betrayal.
“I love you, Rosey,” he whispered against my lips as I felt his forehead leaning against my own. His lips gently brushed against mine, sending a million jolts through my body. In the four years I have been with Evan, I never once felt anything close to that. Evan was such a sweet man and he deserved so much better than me.
And that was all it took to make me see. That was all it took to snap me out of Dean’s powerful spell. I may be a lot of things, but a cheater wasn’t one of them. So, despite my whole body pulsing with need, I pushed Dean back, allowing a second to compose myself.
“You can’t just turn up here, four years later, and expect everything to be okay. You can’t just turn up and expect to pick up where we left off over seventeen years ago. It doesn’t work like that.”
Dean nodded. “I know, Tyler. I don’t expect it to. I know I will have to work so fucking hard for us, but you’re worth every agonizing second of it. We’re worth every second of it. I will fight for us. I won’t let anyone come between us. I won’t let anyone stand in my way.”
It was that commanding voice of his that told me everything I needed to know. He knew.
“I’ve moved on. I’m with someone else.”
Dean huffed out a laugh. “You mean ‘khaki man’? He looks like a cross between Ted Bundy and Shaggy from Scooby-Doo.” He laughed a little and I cringed.
“Don’t you fucking mock him. He’s twice the man you’ll ever be. He’s never once hurt me like you d
id, Dean. He’s never once broken my heart. He’s caring and thoughtful and—”
“And what, Tyler? Does he make you scream when he fucks you? Does he make you shudder when he touches you? Does he make you feel worshipped? Do you cherish every second with him?”
I felt the tears come. I didn’t want them to, but Dean brought it all out of me. Why did he come here and turn my life upside down again? Why did he have to speak the words I longed to hear? Why did he have this knack of always bringing me back to when I was child, hopelessly and devastatingly in love with him? No matter how far apart we were, it never seemed to change.
“Don’t make me say things you don’t want to hear, Dean. Don’t push me. You can’t just climb up my fucking window and, poof, every single thing you ever did to me simply disappears. Did you not read that letter I sent? Did the words not sink in? You broke me, Dean. You fucking tore me to shreds and let the devastation scatter all around you. You were not only the love of my life, you were my best friend. Someone I could come to whenever I was feeling low. Someone I could rely on through thick and thin. Someone who would never, ever let me down.”
I wiped my tears and stood there, glaring at him. I was determined to stay strong. I was determined to be focused and not let him back into my heart…no matter how much I wanted him there.
As I stood there, our eyes locked. I could see enough to know that the look in his eyes was just a reflection of my own. He looked as broken as me.
“I can tell you want to fix us, but you can’t fix something that’s shredded into a million pieces. You can’t fix the agonizing pain I feel on a daily basis knowing that the two people who meant the world to me, the only ones who I ever trusted, betrayed me. I wish you could fix us, Dean. By fuck, I wish you could. But you can’t undo what’s been done.”
He shook his head and I saw the agony in his eyes. “I won’t believe I can never heal you, Tyler. I will heal you. I will pick up every single fucking piece and I will put it back together again. I promise you that. I promise that I will never fucking let you down again. I promise to make you feel like the most worshipped woman again because you deserve it all, Tyler. You deserve the fucking world. I will give you anything you ask, but the one thing I can’t agree to is losing you. That is the one thing you can’t ask of me.” He stepped forward and placed a lingering kiss on my head before moving toward the window. “You better tell ‘khaki’ to put his gloves on, Tyler…because he’s in for a damn good fucking fight.”
Just like that, Dean disappeared, and just like that, I was right back where I started.
*****
I didn’t know what to expect in the coming days. I knew Dean was going to make himself known, but I didn’t know how. I found out as much when I went around to visit Evan later on the next day. After receiving a call from Tara, begging me to go out with her, he texted to let me know he was awake and wanted to see me, so I drove around there. Greeting me at the door was Clarissa, his house cleaner, cook, ironer, et cetera. She was basically like his mum because he barely had time to look after himself.
“Jessica, how nice to see you. Come in.” I smiled warmly and walked through the door.
She was a hard worker and a lovely girl. She was originally from China, and was very small with silky, jet black hair and dark brown eyes. Her parents moved to America when she was a little girl. Her father was a nuclear technician of some sort, and was hired by a firm in Washington D.C. She loved it here and, quite frankly, so did I. I could see why my sister had fallen in love with the country.
“How’s your husband?” Last time I spoke with her, she told me he had a bad bout of vomiting and diarrhea.
“He’s fine now. It was one of those twenty-four hour bugs. He was a little weak yesterday, but he’s much better now. Thank you for asking. How is Jeremy?”
I smiled. “He’s a lot better, thanks. He’s with my parents and they’re spoiling him, so he’s in no rush to come home.” I laughed, but I felt that jolt through my stomach. I missed him so much.
“Jessica, you look amazing.”
Evan came down the stairs, wearing his khaki’s again. It was wicked of me, but I couldn’t help but smile.
I looked down at my navy capris and raised my eyebrow. “Seriously? In this old thing?”
Evan shook his head and came in for a kiss. “You’d look good in anything.”
“I’ll leave you two alone,” Clarissa said, smiling. The phone rang, so she went running to answer.
“How are you feeling today? I missed you when I came home this morning. I wanted to come over and finish what we started yesterday, but I didn’t want to wake you.” He kissed my hand and I smiled at him. It was so strange being with Evan after my encounter with Dean last night. I couldn’t seem to get him out of my head.
“I’m fine, Evan. I was safe and sound, tucked up in bed. I slept like a baby.”
Evan closed his eyes and silently hummed. “I’m sorry I missed that.”
Clarissa came rushing back in. “Erm, sorry to disturb you, Dr. Connor, but a Mr. Bundy from the hospital rang. He said you needed to come down ASAP. Something to do with some meddling kids.” She frowned. After the initial shock, it took everything in my willpower not to laugh. No doubt Dean was following me again and knew I was here. I didn’t think he would allow me alone with Evan ever again now.
Evan looked at me, a confused expression on his face. “I have no idea what this is about, so I better go check it out. Are you free this evening? I want to talk to you. I thought we could go out for dinner.”
I shook my head. “I can’t tonight. I’m going out with Tara.” I smiled, but Evan looked disappointed.
“What about tomorrow night then? I’ll book us a table at Loretto’s.”
“Sounds good. I love Loretto’s.”
Evan smiled and kissed me. “I know you do. I’ll miss you until then. Can you come over for a little before you go out?”
I shook my head. “I’m a little busy today. Sorry.” It was a total lie but, for some reason, I didn’t want to be alone with Evan as much as Dean didn’t want me to be.
Evan sighed and almost pouted. “Okay. I guess I’ll just have to save it all for tomorrow night.” He gave me a mischievous grin and kissed me again. “Walk out to the car with me?”
I nodded. “Sure.” I turned around briefly and shouted, “‘Bye, Clarissa!” Then we made our way to the door. I didn’t see her, but I heard her shout back.
We walked out into the hot sun, which hit us straight away. It looked as though summer was going to be a bitch this year.
I turned to Evan, kissed him goodbye, and got into my car and drove off. As I was driving, I noticed a black BMW with tinted windows following a couple of cars behind me. I could swear I saw that car on the way to Evan’s, too.
Once I parked in my driveway, I saw the same car a little bit further down the street. I could have kissed him and punched him at the same time. I needed him to know how pissed off I was.
So, not wasting any time, I walked towards the car and saw the window come down. Sure enough, it was Dean.
“Why are you following me?” I put my hands on my hips for good measure.
In turn, Dean leisurely looked me up and down with a smile. “You’re looking good, Rosey. That color suits you. Although, I have to warn you, I wouldn’t stand like that much longer. You don’t realize what it’s doing to me.”
Keeping my hands on my hips, I pointed at him. “I know what you did, Dean. It was damn right nasty.”
Dean smiled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I huffed. “You do know. Guess who’s going to work right now when he didn’t need to?”
Dean gave me an innocent look and shrugged. “You never stopped him, though, did you? I told you I was going to fight for you, Tyler. This is just the beginning.”
Heat radiated between my legs. His words, coupled with the way he looked in that white polo shirt, weren’t helping. You could see his muscles practically bulgi
ng to get out.
“I’m so fucking mad at you!”
Dean slowly opened the car door and stepped out. Every part of me hummed and stood at attention the second he closed it. I didn’t know what he was going to do, but the minute he started stepping towards me, I hurriedly started stepping back. “What are you doing?”
Dean hungrily looked at me. “I told you not to stand like that. I did warn you.”
I shook my head as the blood started rushing through my veins. “No, you don’t, Dean. Don’t you dare!”
Dean smiled his cheeky signature grin. “I fucking love it when you shout at me, Tyler. Don’t you know what buttons you press? Come on… Give me something else. Just give me one more fucking excuse.”
I kept on walking and shook my head. “Don’t you dare touch me.”
He cocked his eyebrow and gave me that smirk that always told me I was about to get into deep trouble.
I turned and ran. It was useless, though. Dean caught me by the wrist, swung me around, and scooped me up in his arms for spellbinding kiss. The moment he pressed his lips to mine, I was gone. The feel of him, the heat of him, the smell of him was way too much to take. His tongue tasted delicious as it danced with mine. I had never felt as turned on as I did right now.
Pulling away, we were both breathless. “Let me in, Tyler.”
I shook my head. “No.”
Dean pressed his groin into mine, making me moan. “Tyler, let me in.”
“No,” I breathed against his lips. I couldn’t let him in because I knew what would happen next, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
“Tyler, if you don’t let me in, I swear I’ll break the fucking door down with you still in my arms. I’m not letting you go.” He kissed me so seductively and so slowly that I swear I fainted for a moment. Everything about him made me weak.