It’s time to face this.
~*~*~*~
“Sweetheart.”
I look up from my packing to see Mom. She’s in the doorway, sitting in her chair staring at me sadly. I try to smile, but it comes out wobbly. I don’t want to leave her; the very idea has my heart clenching. I know I have to, though. I don’t have a choice. She needs me to do this as much as I do.
We can’t live here forever.
“Hey,” I whisper.
She pushes off the doorframe and wheels over, then with a struggle she brings herself up to sit on the bed beside me. She reaches out, taking my hand and holding it firmly in hers.
“You’re doing a brave thing, Katia.”
“Am I?” I whisper. “It seems so much easier to just stay here.”
“That’s not fair, for you or Penny.”
“Or you.”
Her face scrunches in pain. “You shouldn’t have to take care of me forever.”
“Why not, Mom?” I croak. “You’ve taken care of me.”
A tear runs down her cheek. “When this is done, we’ll start again. If it’s back there, or somewhere else, we’ll do it. Pierre has said he’ll pay for my care so you can—”
“Mom, no,” I whisper. “No.”
“It’s okay. Let him help us.”
“No, it’s not okay. It’s me and you; we’ve been in this together from the start. I’m not going to just hand you over . . .”
“You won’t be,” she assures me. “He’ll just be helping us so we can enjoy life instead of struggling through it.”
“I’ll divorce Marcus, sort this out, and we’ll figure something out, okay? Just . . . don’t make any decisions until I come back.”
She nods. “Of course not.”
“I’m going to miss you. I hate that I have to leave you because of him.”
She nods, understanding. “I’m sure if he could have found you, he might have divorced you and we wouldn’t be here.”
Ouch.
“I doubt he looked.”
That’s a stupid statement, considering I know he did. It feels better to just push that down and pretend he never cared that I left.
“No, you’re probably right.”
“I won’t be gone long; a few days at most. I’m so sorry I have to go.”
She cups my cheek. “You’ve given your life for me, Katia. You’ve worked yourself into the ground, always taking care of me. Go and finish this, because it’s about time you got something back.”
Tears run down my cheeks. “I’d do it all over again, Mom. Every second.”
She smiles weakly. “I love you. You make me so proud.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
This isn’t going to be easy.
CHAPTER FOUR
KATIA
The plane ride was long and draining. Penny kept me awake the entire time and my mind was constantly turning because I left Mom. It was hard. I didn’t want to go. The butterflies in my stomach have gotten to the point where they’re making me feel sick. I don’t honestly know how I can face that man. I don’t like it, but I know I have to.
Dusty and Candy are waiting for me when I get off the plane. Tears prick my eyes as I see my long-lost best friends. Candy runs towards me, squealing and crying. She reaches us and throws her arms around Penny and me, catching us in a deep, but soft hug.
“Oh my God, Katia. Look how much Penny has grown.”
“She has,” I choke out.
“I’ve missed you so much.”
“Me too.”
She pulls away and her eyes fall on Penny again. “Hello sweetheart, look at you!”
Penny reaches out, making a grab for her dangling necklace. Candy giggles and pulls her from my arms. I reach out to take her back, but drop my hands quickly. I’m not really used to having anyone else around Penny, except the few people I know. I do know my best friend, though, and I know she would never hurt my daughter.
Dusty walks over, pulling me into his arms. “You made the right choice.”
“I hope so,” I whisper.
“You have.”
We get my small bag and head to Dusty’s car. My father gave me some money, which I can nearly feel burning a hole in my pocket. I feel the need to protect it with my life, being that it’s been so long since I’ve had anything. I’m grateful that he is taking such good care of us. Candy chats happily away as we drive out to my father’s house, and I chat along as best I can. She tells me about her new job and how wonderful and non-assholey her boss is.
“I’m happy for you.” I smile.
She stares at me, and her smile wobbles. “I really, really missed you, Kat.”
I wrap an arm around her. “I’m here now.”
I just don’t know how long I’ll stay.
~*~*~*~
“That’s your brother?” Candy hisses in my ear as we walk through my father’s massive house behind a very gruff, very broody Ford.
“Yep,” I mutter, bouncing Penny on my hip.
“Yum.”
“Candy!”
Ford flinches, which tells me he heard her. She giggles and I roll my eyes. Ford hasn’t changed. He’s still big, handsome and angry. He’d barely grunted my name when we’d arrived. Now he’s leading me to my room, still barely having looked at me.
“How have things been, Ford?” I ask.
“Fine,” he grunts.
“Someone has his knickers in a twist.”
He turns and shoots me an extremely aggressive glare. “I didn’t ask you to be here, but my father seems to think it’s a good idea. I won’t argue, but I do ask that you don’t speak to me and you keep to yourself. We clear?”
“Jesus,” I mutter, moving Penny from one hip to the other.
“Are we clear?”
“Yes, we’re bloody clear.”
He growls and then spins. Dusty and Candy lean in close to me.
“He’s a prick,” Dusty mutters. “But fuck, he’s hot.”
“Dusty!” I say, shoving his shoulder softly.
“It’s the truth.”
“He’s right.” Candy sighs. “Yum.”
I roll my eyes and we continue following Ford. We reach a door and he flings it open, presenting me with a massive room. It has cream carpet, navy curtains and a massive bed right in the middle. There’s also a large box containing an unmade crib in the corner. Tears sting my eyes; it’s been a long time since I’ve slept somewhere like this. Anger and hurt pang deep in my heart, but I squash them down.
I’m here to end it, finally.
“Your room. It’s got a bathroom. You know where the kitchen is. The laundry is two doors down on the left. Anything else, you can figure out. Wyatt and Landon come and go, but they don’t live here anymore.”
“Fine.”
Ford stares at me, then his eyes flicker to Penny and soften slightly.
“She looks like him.”
With that, he’s gone.
“Ouch,” I whisper.
“Don’t let it get to you, honey,” Candy soothes, squeezing my shoulder.
“I’m trying.”
“You settle in. Let me take Penny for a walk.”
She reaches out and I hesitate. Reaching over, Candy places her hand on my shoulder. “I’d never let anything happen to her,” she whispers.
With a hesitant nod, I hand Penny over. Candy coos to her, bouncing her on her hip before disappearing down the hall. I turn to Dusty, swiping the tears that are leaking from my eyes. He pulls me into his arms. “We’re going to get through this, get that man from your life, and start you and your family again.”
“I hate being here. I hate leaving Mom alone.”
“She’s with your dad; he’ll take care of her.”
“I know, but I’m all she’s got, Dusty.”
He lets me go and cups my face in his hands. “He’ll take care of her.”
I nod, swallowing back my tears. “I should unpack.”
He stares down at my tiny b
ag. “You need anything?”
I shake my head. “I need to get this over with.”
“You want me to come with you when you . . . face him?”
I shake my head again. “No, thank you. I just want to finish this on my own. You stay with Candy, take care of Penny.”
He nods. “We’ll be the best babysitters ever.”
I laugh softly.
I hope so, because God only knows I’m not going to be the best anything after this.
~*~*~*~
“Are you sure?” Candy asks, taking my hands.
“I just need to do this.”
“Call me if you need, any time.”
“Just take care of Penny. I’ve written everything she might need and—”
Candy squeezes my shoulders. “It’s going to be fine. We’ll take good care of her, won’t we, Ford?”
We both turn to Ford, who is sitting on the couch watching a ball game. He grunts, not looking up at us. I lean in close to Candy. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay here?”
She shrugs. “He doesn’t scare me. Besides, Penny and I are going to dress up and get all girly on him.”
Another grunt from Ford.
I smile and hug her. “I love you, Candice.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she croaks. “You too.”
I pull back and stare down at Penny, who is crawling towards Ford. When she reaches him, she pulls herself up and slams her dolly down on his lap. He stares down at her, then gives me a ‘you’ll pay’ glare. There’s something soft in his eyes, though. I think he likes her. She is his niece, after all.
“Be nice to Uncle Ford,” I coo to Penny. She flashes me a killer smile.
Ford shoots me another look, this one slightly confused. Did he think I wouldn’t acknowledge him as her uncle?
“I have to go.”
I lean down, kissing Penny. Then I turn and hug Candy once more. I’m trying to ignore the sick feeling swirling in my stomach. I don’t want to think about seeing Marcus again. I certainly don’t want to see how his life has turned out.
I don’t even know where I’ll find him, but I know where to start.
“Good luck.” Candy smiles as I lift her car keys.
“Thanks for the car,” I say, my voice trembling.
She gives me a sympathetic smile and I turn, heading out the door.
Here goes the worst moment of my life.
The one I’ve been dreading for so long.
CHAPTER FIVE
MARCUS
THEN
“It’s been five fuckin’ months,” I bellow, launching my glass across the wall. It smashes hard and shatters.
“Dude, calm the fuck down,” Mack mutters, pacing the room, arms crossed.
“Calm down? I fucked her up, she’s gone, she’s closed all her accounts, changed everything. She has no money. They have no money. She’s struggling somewhere and I can’t fuckin’ help.”
Mack looks up at me. “Look, bud, I get the guilt you’re feelin’, but your business is slipping farther and farther into the dirt with every second you waste. She’s gone. You fucked up. Now you have to fix it before you lose anything more.”
I glare at the floor. “It ain’t worth shit without her, Mack.”
“Maybe not, but it’s all you got right now. Walter is movin’ in, you got lawyers on your ass. You gotta end this.”
I lift my head. “End him?”
Mack’s eyes flash. “Is he standing in the way of what you want?”
I jerk my head, a nod.
“Then yeah, we fuckin’ end him. That bastard is the reason Katia found out the way she did; the least you can do for her is make him pay for that.”
“She’s not going to know, so what does it matter?” I grunt.
He shrugs and drops his arms to his side. “No, but you’re still goin’ to do it.”
“If I don’t find her,” I say, my voice low and deep. “If I don’t explain . . .”
“Marcus, you gotta let this shit go.”
“I fucked her up. I destroyed her.”
“Yeah.” He sighs. “You did. You’re livin’ with it. Right now, that’s all you can do.”
Fucker is right.
That’s all I’ve got left.
~*~*~*~
KATIA
The drive towards where Marcus used to live is awful. It’s slow. It’s painful, and I pull over four times dry-retching because I’m sure I’m going to vomit. I don’t, but my stomach coils so tightly the feeling never quite disappears. When I reach the long driveway, I struggle to catch my breath. I’m sure he doesn’t live here anymore, since he lost his business, but I’m hoping whoever does live here will know where I can find him.
I drive down and find a park, and then I get out of the car. It’s late afternoon and the sun is just beginning to set. I stare up at the old house and my knees shake. So many memories flood my mind. I stare at the driveway and I remember the moment I ran to him after he’d been away for weeks. I also remember how he turned me away. How blind I was. Tears prick my eyes and anger swirls in my chest. It was all a big, fat, ugly lie.
I move my eyes towards the part where the business used to be, and gasp. I have to blink and rub my eyes twice, but the words are as clear as they were the day I left. Tandem Holdings is big, bold and still in the same spot it was all those years ago. Did he just sell the business? Walter probably took over and just never changed the name. I’m sure it’s that simple.
I just figured Marcus would want it out of his house.
Maybe it’s not his house. Maybe that’s Walter’s, too.
I clutch my purse to my side and march up to the front door. I have to be strong, professional and brave. No emotion. No feelings. Just business.
I push the front doors open and see the office hasn’t changed. Everything is as it was. There’s a young blond girl sitting at the reception desk. Taking a deep, trembling breath, I walk up to her.
“Hi, how can I help?” she asks.
“I was just . . .” I swallow. “I was just wondering if Marcus Tandem still worked here?”
She blinks at me. “Of course. He owns it.”
My knees want to go out from beneath me. He still owns it? I don’t understand. Everything he did was to keep his business, but losing me would have taken it. He should have lost it. He should have paid. How the hell can he still own it? I steady myself and in a weak voice I whisper, “He owns it? Are you sure? I thought . . . Walter owned it.”
“Walter passed,” she says.
That filthy, scheming son-of-a-bitch. He would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. Nothing. Not even murder, because that’s the only way Walter would have ‘passed’. I suddenly feel sick, and my hands wrap around my stomach as pain radiates through my body, lodging into my heart.
I fell in love with a cold-hearted monster.
“Are you okay, ma’am?”
I nod, closing my eyes angrily.
“Can I get you some water?”
I lift my head. “Where is he?” I croak.
“Marcus?”
“Yes.”
“He’s at a benefit.”
“Where?” I demand.
She narrows her eyes. “I’m not able to give that kind of information out, and—”
“Do you know who I am?” I bark, suddenly filled with rage.
All the years of pain and hurt have finally swarmed together to create a terrifying rage that I have no control over. He took my life. He ruined me. He lost nothing when I lost everything. All this time I’ve been suffering, and he’s been living as if nothing ever fucked up in his world.
“I don’t,” she whispers, and I see her hand heading towards the panic button.
“I’m Katia Tandem.”
She flinches.
“His wife?” she squeaks.
So he’s spoken of me.
“Yes, his wife. Now, I’ll ask you again. Where is he?”
She rattles off an address. I nod sharply and turn, rushing b
ack out. Rage is consuming me, my hands are shaking, and my entire body feels numb—even my skull is tingling with fury. Marcus Tandem destroyed my life. Destroyed it. Now he’s enjoying his.
Not anymore.
My determination is renewed.
~*~*~*~
I arrive at the benefit in record time. I’m not thinking. I feel nothing—nothing but pure, unadulterated wrath. There are people everywhere when my shaking legs get me out of the car. All of the partygoers are dressed to perfection, long dresses and tuxedos. All of them happy. All of them smiling. None of them struggling.
None of them understand pain or agony.
They have everything.
With my legs still trembling, I walk towards the group of people, my eyes scanning the crowd for one person and one person only. I shove through people, most of them giving me a horrified look. It’s not surprising. My dark hair is tied atop my head in a messy bun, I’m wearing jeans, a tank, and a pair of Converse that are old and worn.
“Are you lost, Miss?”
I turn to see an older man in a suit. He looks friendly enough. I open my mouth to speak, to answer him, but my words become strangled in my throat. Everything in my world comes to a screeching halt when my eyes fall on him. My husband. The man beside me is speaking, but I hear nothing. The people flitter around me, but they no longer exist.
Only he does.
He’s standing at the end of a red carpet, his arm draped around a gorgeous blond woman. He’s smiling for a camera. A fucking camera. He hasn’t changed a bit. He’s still as devastatingly gorgeous as he was the day I left. The only difference is his hair is slightly longer, a little messier. He’s wearing a black suit, with a dark blue tie.
I wonder what happened to the red one?
Anger swirls with heartbreak, making my entire body go numb. Seeing him with a woman is tearing my heart into tiny pieces. I don’t want him. I hate him, but he’s not meant to be happy. He’s not meant to be living as though I never existed. A tear escapes and flows down my cheek and I struggle to keep from turning into a sobbing, crazy mess.
It burns.
It’s like a fire ripping through my soul.