“Oh, I got your letter. Thanks for leaving town so quickly by the way. Why India? Why couldn’t you just hear me out, and listen to what I had to say?”
“Because you would have painted a picture so fantastical I wouldn’t have been able to deny it.”
“Yet, you obviously kept the baby.”
“Again, you would’ve known if you answered my calls.”
“I wasn’t interested in listening to your excuses and pleas for my forgiveness,” he yells, making me jump.
“Please don’t yell at me.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, is there anything else you’d like from me right now?” he sarcastically says.
“Don’t do that, I messed up, but I’m back now…”
“Should I be grateful to you?”
“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m not expecting anything from you. I know I’ve hurt you, I didn’t think we’d pick up where we left off. If you want to talk about the baby…”
“If I want to?” he laughs coldly, walking out of the room and into the kitchen. He flips the light on and I stay where I am in the living room.
My adrenaline is running from seeing him again, but carrying his child is draining me just as fast. It’s been a long day, physically and emotionally and all I want to do is sit down, or better yet, lay down.
“I don’t want to keep fighting with you, I’m tired and we’re going around in circles, I’m going home, we can try talking again tomorrow,” I tell him when he comes back into the room. He holds a bag of ice to his lip and he finally softens.
I can’t fight with him anymore, I grab my keys from the table and prepare to leave.
“Stay,” he pleads, “We don’t need to talk anymore tonight, fuck, I’m not in the right mood and I want to do this right with you. You can sleep upstairs, and I’ll stay on the couch. I can’t let you out of my sight. Not yet.”
With one last glance at me, then my stomach, he leads the way up to his room and it’s the one we shared many times in together.
It’s all been redecorated, but the bed frame is the same wooden frame from before.
“Are the sheets clean?” I ask, half sarcastically, and half seriously.
He rolls his eyes and I yearn to wrap my arms around him and soak in his embrace.
“We’ll talk in the morning.”
He closes the door behind him and leaves me standing in the middle of the room. I braced myself for their hurt, and I braced myself for Leo’s pain. I’ll take it all.
It’s been a shock for him and he needs space to get right with it. I shrug out of my jacket and kick my boots off and climb into his bed. I stop myself from thinking about who’s been in it apart from me and plump the pillows until I can get comfortable.
If there is one thing I was happy about tonight, it was seeing Leo again, even if he was bleeding from above his eye and he reeked of liquor.
Leo
Nothing can sober you up faster than the love of your life showing up still pregnant with your kid after spending months thinking you’d lost them both.
Now, she’s asleep above me in my room that I once hoped would be our room. I can’t sleep knowing she’s here and carrying my daughter. It’s not just a baby now, it’s a girl, my little girl.
Everything I thought I’d lost is back, and I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing down here on the couch.
Throwing the blanket off me, I creep upstairs and open the door to my room. It’s dark and all I can see of her is a round bulge under the covers.
“Is the couch too sticky for you?” she asks, nearly making me jump.
“Can’t you sleep either?”
“Nope.”
She slides the covers back and moves over. I climb in beside her, leaving a gap between us.
It’s time to come clean with her. I don’t want to keep fighting with her, now she’s back, I want us back.
“I lied earlier, I haven’t fucked anyone since you. I couldn’t, and trust me, I tried, just to get you out of my head.”
Fuck, I sound like a pussy, but in front of India, I don’t care.
“Here,” she says, grabbing my hand, she puts it on her stomach like she did back at her house and this time, something is moving under my palm. I yank my hand away, and my eyes dart to her.
Gently, I put my hand back over her and watch in fascination as it moves up and down. For the first time in months, I smile and it’s real.
“She’s strong,” I whisper, through my happiness.
“I’m so sorry, Leo,” she says seriously, staring straight at me.
“What changed your mind?” I ask, I have to know.
She was so adamant she wasn’t going to keep it. Covering my hand with hers, I briefly close my eyes and relish in her touch.
The ache of missing her is beginning to fade, and I’m learning to breathe again.
“I was at my appointment, and I was sat there in the waiting room all alone. When my name was called, I couldn’t move. I didn’t want you hating me forever, and I felt sick at the thought of going through with it. I was trying to be realistic, and logical, but in the end, it didn’t matter. We’ll figure it out.”
Moving my hand from her stomach to her face, I rub my thumb over her cheek. Always so soft.
“You should’ve come home and told me, I’ve spent months trying my hardest to hate you, now I’m just fucking confused.”
“If I came home, I wouldn’t have wanted to go back, and I want to finish college now. I’m doing well, and I wanted to show you all I could manage it.”
“I meant what I said at Christmas, I’ll be by your side, I’ll do my fair share, I’ll be a good dad. If you want to carry on with college, we’ll make it happen.”
She gasps and tilts her head as she tries to work something out in her head.
“You’re talking like you still want to be with me.”
“For someone at college, you’re not good at reading the mood. I tell you I haven’t been able to fuck anyone since you left, and you think now you’re back, we’re not going to make this shit right together?”
“I hurt you, real bad, I expected you to hate me for longer.”
Getting up, I’m just as sure as I was months ago and open my top drawer. I shove the bundles of socks around until my fingers grasp the small black box. I climb back on the bed and take her hand in mine.
Taking a deep breath, I begin.
“I got this last Christmas, obviously, I didn’t get to give it to you.”
I pass it over and wait for her to open it. She sits up and looks at me.
“Leo, I didn’t expect…”
“Just open it, Indie.”
She does as she’s told and the small gasp that escapes her mouth satisfies me, I know I’m making the right decision.
“I fell in love with you, and I knew it was for life. I’ve lived the last six months trying to convince myself I would make your life hell if you came back, but I wouldn’t have. I love you too much, and I always will.”
She runs her finger over the diamond and pulls it out of the velvet lined box. I take it from her and slide it on her finger.
She can’t say no.
“I was going to ask you to marry me on Christmas Day, then you told me you were pregnant, and I thought all the stars were aligning just for us. For a beat, I thought we could be a family and now I know we can be.”
She looks up at me and I have to finish.
“We still have shit to work through, and I’m still angry, but we’re for keeps. Marry me, India.”
Her mouth opens and then closes, opens again and fucking closes again. This is killing me. Maybe I should’ve done it better.
“Are you sure you don’t hate me?” she asks instead.
“Would I have asked you to be my wife if I did?” I retort, “I love you, and you’re all I need in my life. Without you, I don’t function properly. I need you wearing my ring to make me happy.”
Now I’m done, I wait. She doesn’t leave me hanging for lon
g and a bright smile shines from her.
“Yes.”
I brush my lips across hers and I’m home. In this cabin, with her in my bed, and my kid in her belly, I have it all. I pull her into my arms and she looks up at me.
“How come you live here now?” she asks.
“Because you liked it when we were here. I guess I still had hope for us. I don’t know, I felt closer to you here.”
“And you’re not lying, you didn’t fuck Zara on the couch?” she asks.
I’m going to regret saying that for the rest of my life.
“No, I’m not lying.”
“Okay.”
“You’re the only one I’ve been with here, the only one I’ve been with in a fucking long time. You should move in.”
“What?”
“We’re going to be a family, Indie. This is a good home for a kid, no neighbours, plenty of room to run around, it’s perfect and we like it here.”
“I still have school to think of.”
“How far ahead have you planned for?”
“Regardless of what happened between us, I was planning on taking a year out and then go back.”
“You can still do that, from here, with us being together. Instead of me coming to visit, we can both come and see you. This will work, whatever you need, it’ll work,” I promise her.
“Okay,” she smiles, “It makes sense.”
“Don’t do it because it makes sense, do it because you can’t bear to be away from me any longer.”
“Yeah, that too,” she chuckles and then yawns.
Scooting around the bed, I get us both comfortable and I stroke her hair and she lays in my arms.
“I love you, Leo, I really do, and I’m so sorry for everything.”
“You’re home now, go to sleep and in the morning, everything will sort itself out.”
They will, because I’m going to make sure they will.
India
They say everything will look better in the morning. It’s true, until you remember you have to face the music and your parents.
“Who knows you brought this ring?” I ask him, as I lay in his arms.
Neither of us have had much sleep and I know I will feel it later.
“Nobody.”
“You’ve had it all this time?”
“Yeah.”
He melts my heart. Kicking the sheets off me, I stretch as much as I can and heave myself to the edge of the bed.
“Where are you going?”
“I have to talk to my parents, if I leave it any longer, my dad will come looking and I’m guessing this will be the first place he looks.”
Leo’s jaw is a darker shade of purple in the early morning light and he has a cut above his eyebrow.
I want to know everything about him, but I don’t think I want to know about last night. The thought of my dad’s disappointment was bad enough, thinking of him putting hands on Leo is worse.
“I should come with you, we’re in this together now.”
“No,” I sigh, “I’ll talk to them, there will be less blood this way, and I owe them an explanation at least.”
“Are you sure? I can take your dad’s pussy punches.”
“And that’s why I should go alone,” I chuckle.
“Call me as soon as you’re done and pack your stuff up, I’ll get a prospect to come and pick it all up.”
“I don’t have much really, and most of it is still boxed from college.”
“Even better.”
We dress in silence and we find ourselves standing on the porch. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me against him.
“Can you see yourself living out here?” he asks, his voice deep and husky.
“I can, can you see us being happy here?”
“Fuck yeah.”
I don’t want to leave but I have to get this over with. If I leave it any longer, I wouldn’t put it past my dad to show up here and drag me home.
Before I can move, Leo is squeezing me tighter and kissing the top of my head.
“Please drive carefully,” he tells me, and it dawns on me that he left his bike at my parent’s house last night.
“How will you get back into town?”
“I’ll call JJ, he’ll come pick me up.”
After one last kiss, he walks me over to my car and opens the door for me.
“We know how we want our future to be, everything that has happened can stay in the past. Sort shit out with your mom and dad and come home to me.”
He closes the door and I start the car. He steps back and shoves his hands in his pockets. He is stepping up for me and I wish I would’ve listened to him all those months ago. The engagement ring on my fourth finger weighs heavily and throws light around under the early morning sun.
I’m excited to be marrying Leo and I can’t help but smile all the way home, even though I know no one is going to be happy for us. I think about whether to take the ring off, break it to them gently after we’ve spoken about the baby. But, they have to get used to it, I’m not changing my mind and Leo is going to be a part of my life.
His bike is on its side when I pull onto the drive and parts are hanging off, and some are scattered across the front lawn. It could’ve been dad or Zach, but whoever it was went to town on it. Wow, he is going to be pissed. He loves his bike.
Walking inside, I hear soft hushes coming from the kitchen. Dad, Mom, and Zach are sat around the table and while dad’s eyes stare intently at the back door, Zach kicks out a chair for me to sit.
“Why did you hide the pregnancy from us, India?”
I sit down and obviously don’t answer fast enough, dad finally looks at me as he slams his fist on the table.
“Answer your mom,” he roars.
“I was scared of this reaction,” I say, jumping at his tone, “And I wanted to prove to you both I could finish the year and handle being pregnant.”
“What’s the plan after summer break? I mean, you’re close to dropping, aren’t you? What are you going to do with a screaming kid when you’re trying to study?” Zach asks all at once.
I take a deep breath and ready myself for their reaction after I’ve told them our plans.
“We’ve decided I’ll take a year out and then go back next year, Leo is going to be there and share responsibilities.”
“All this has been decided since last night?” Dad says, finally speaking to me.
“Yes, this will work, dad.”
He looks at me and disappointment pours from him. I hold back the tears and save them for later. Right now, I need him to see I can do this and handle it.
“So, you’re going to study, raise a kiddie, and hope Leo doesn’t tire of playing daddy?”
“He won’t,” I argue back, “I…I was going to have an abortion, he’s always wanted her, I mean, I didn’t know she was a she then…”
“At least we know what the extra money was for now, fucking hospital bills,” he cuts me off.
I rub my stomach, instinctively trying to shield the little one from the yelling, and mom shrieks, jumping off her chair.
“What is that on your finger? I know it wasn’t there last night.”
Both dad and Zach jump to their feet and Zach reaches across the table and grabs my left hand.
“You’re not marrying Leo fucking Jackson, he’s no good for you, you’re too young to be treated like a throw away piece of shit.”
“Zach! He isn’t like that, he loves me…”
“He loves you?” he barks out in a laugh cruelly, “Leo loves himself, don’t kid yourself, little sister.”
“You’re just jealous because my child will know its real dad,” I spit out and instantly regret it.
He drops my hand like I’ve physically burned him.
“India!” mom gasps, and dad’s eyes water.
“I didn’t mean that, I’m so sorry, Zach. But, Leo wants the same as I do and we’re going to get married and we’re going to do this our way.”
“He’s going to let you down,” Dad says, more softly, “He’s a good kid sometimes, but he’s like his dad used to be, he’s not ready for this level of commitment. Mark my words, India McCarthy, he will let you down and you’ll be stuck on your own and a college drop-out.”
“You don’t know him like I do.”
“I’ve known that boy all his life, just last night, he was all over one of the club girls. How is that commitment to you?”
“Up till last night, Leo didn’t know I was pregnant, he thought I had an abortion and we were over. He was free to do what he wanted to do.”
Even though I know he hasn’t been with anyone since me, and yes, I do believe him. He wouldn’t be afraid to tell me the truth.
There’s a knock at the front door and no one moves. All eyes are on me and their gazes are pretty heavy.
“I wanted so much more for you,” dad murmurs, walking out the room.
I sit back down and wipe away the tears that have fallen without me knowing. It seems everyone else is free to make their own decisions apart from me.
“You’re brave, Cas. I’m not in the mood today,” we hear dad say and my heart races away with itself.
“You’re brave talking to me like I impregnated her myself…”
“Hey, we’re not here to fight. We’re going to sort this out like the family we are.”
I sigh knowing Alannah is here.
Leo’s mom is cool.
It goes quiet and I wipe my face again. Straightening myself up, they join us in the kitchen and the room becomes very small.
Cas barely looks at me, but Alannah stands closest to me and offers me a kind smile.
“How are you feeling, India?” she asks.
“How do you fucking think, look at her,” Dad spits out.
“I am looking at her, and she’s clearly upset while carrying our granddaughter.”
“She’s fine, Alannah, don’t you dare come into my house and accuse us of…”
“I’m not accusing you of anything, I just asked how she was feeling. Whether you like it or not, and obviously you don’t, she’s blood to us now and we will have our say.”
Alannah starts to lose her patience, but mom lost hers last night. This isn’t going to be good.