‘My head hurts,’ I decided.
Trying to follow the tale of this site with an open mind was extremely taxing to my logical brain. When I blocked out possibilities as unrealistic, nothing seemed to make sense, but if I just accepted what I was reading, then the pieces of the puzzle fell into place with ease. Needless to say, at this moment my mind felt like it was exploding! Was this why science had failed to explain some of the greater mysteries of the ancient world, because it wouldn’t look beyond the realms of the logical to explain the unexplainable? How could one ever seriously hope to explain the unexplainable employing this method?
‘Mia? I hear you crying. Are you all right?’ Andre asked from outside of the tent.
‘Yes, I’m fine,’ I assured him.
‘May I talk to you?’
I placed the large journals in a suitcase, out of sight, leaving only the normal reference books on my desk. ‘Sure.’ I gave him leave to enter, as I had been quite antisocial since my arrival here.
‘Learning anything interesting?’ He came in and took a seat.
‘I’m making progress.’ I put the kettle on. ‘Tea?’
Andre declined, and I knew he had today’s episode in the cave on his mind. ‘Why do I get the impression that you know more about this excavation than you are telling me?’
I thought to deny his claim, but that would only make Andre suspicious and more curious. ‘Because I do know more than I am saying,’ I confessed. ‘Or rather, I suspect many things that a little more research should clarify. I’m just waiting until I am more confident about my theories before I share…that is all.’
‘Is that your polite way of telling me you plan on locking yourself away again tomorrow?’ Andre smiled; he knew me too well.
I shrugged. ‘That depends on how soon you want your answers?’
Andre cocked an eye at me, thinking me evasive. ‘And Akbar was aiding you with your research?’
He finally arrived at the reason for his visit. ‘Well nobody knows the local history like the locals,’ I said, trying to fob him off lightheartedly, but Andre would not allow it.
‘Did Akbar threaten you?’ He put forward his concern to me plainly.
I considered the question carefully before responding. ‘Quite the other way around, I should think.’
‘I can dismiss him,’ he offered, ‘if he makes you uncomfortable.’
‘He does not,’ I insisted. ‘We just had a misunderstanding.’ Yes, the man had threatened to chop off my head and throw my body off a cliff, so why was I defending him now? Because Akbar knew something; perhaps something I didn’t know. If I had him dismissed I’d never find out. ‘But it’s sorted.’ I shrugged.
Andre nodded as though he didn’t quite believe me. ‘Then, why were you crying just now?’
A good question and the true answer was too bizarre to convey. ‘I was just reading a romantic note that my new man left in one of my books for me to find.’ It was a good lie and it reinforced my boyfriend fabrication. ‘I guess I miss him.’
’Aw,’ Andre sympathised, holding wide his arms. ‘Hug?’ He may as well have just said, ‘Sex?’
‘I told you, Andre, I’m fine,’ I replied, downplaying my emotional state. ‘I’ll be reunited with him soon enough.’ My heart welled to bursting when Albray came to mind, and though I’d known all along that I could not have him, the thought of him as just a pile of bones shattered my sensibilities and I burst into tears once again.
‘Oh, Mia, forgive me, I did not mean to upset you.’ Andre stood and gave me a purely platonic hug and it was nice, but when I noticed Albray watching us, I immediately pulled away. The hurt I saw on Albray’s face was as exciting to me as it was devastating.
‘I shall leave you in peace.’ Andre sensed my wishes. ‘Just call if you need anything.’
I nodded in acceptance, and looked at Albray when Andre departed. ‘What is the matter, Albray? You seem upset.’
I’m not upset, he insisted, straining to lower his thought conveyance to a believable tone. I was just surprised to learn about the man in your life. You have not mentioned him before.
I was amused by the mistake. ‘There’s nothing between myself and Andre. Not from my side anyway.’
I’m not talking about Andre. He rolled his eyes. I refer to this man who had you in tears just now…the one you miss so much? He endeavoured to jog my memory, as I must have appeared stumped.
‘Oh, him.’ My gut fluttered with butterflies as I summoned the courage to tell him the truth. ‘I was talking about you, Albray.’
Now he appeared stumped, but pleased nonetheless. But I have not gone anywhere…why were you crying?
I swallowed hard. Every time I imagined his bones I got teary. ‘I read Lord Hereford’s account of opening the Star-Fire Temple.’
Albray seemed disappointed with my topic of inquiry. I knew it ran contrary to his wishes.
‘I learned that you died here,’ my lips began to quaver under the stress, ‘and that upset me. I don’t know why.’ I couldn’t see the expression on his face, because my eyes had filled with tears. I reached for my tissues. ‘I mean, I know you’re dead, but…’ I bowed my head before confessing that I was falling in love with him all the same. When I could finally see Albray again, his expression was sympathetic, although he was at a loss for what to say.
You know, even if I had survived this place, I would still be dead. He tried to make light of my hurt. I think that a large part of the problem is that you’re exhausted. I should leave you be and let you rest.
I nodded, a little irked that he didn’t even think to question why his death would upset me, or perhaps he knew and wanted to avoid the subject. I waved him to leave and turned away to hide the tears welling anew.
Albray was quiet for a time, but I knew he hadn’t left. Are your feelings the reason you won’t carry the stone with you?
I shot around to face him, a little startled by the accuracy of his claim. ‘It seems you can read my thoughts anyway.’ I brushed the tears from my face quickly. I had made it fairly plain how I felt and if he didn’t feel anything for me, I wasn’t going to make a fool of myself any longer.
Albray seemed to feel a little awkward, as if juggling some weighty decision in his mind. The power of the stone works both ways, you realise.
Not for me, I grumbled, although admittedly I hadn’t really tried to master this psychic skill I was supposed to have.
Only for you, he corrected adamantly, and then he seemed annoyed at himself for pushing the issue. It is not for me to thrust psychic experience upon you, only your will can get you what you want in this world.. . Albray seemed to want to say more, but decided against it. Would you dismiss me for a while? he requested out of the blue.
My first thought was that he wanted to escape this emotional discussion; he had warned Ashlee that when it came to affairs of the heart he was useless. Then it occurred to me that he was still pining for his priestess, who, he’d confessed to Ashlee, was the love of his life. ‘If that is what you wish.’ When he nodded, I retrieved the stone.
You will keep the stone near, in case you need me? he asked rather timidly.
I gave a nod, although I could hardly wear the amulet in case Albray discovered how deep my feelings for him had really become. I dismissed him and immediately placed the stone aside. ‘What is it about humans that makes us want more desperately that which we cannot have?’
I’d had enough soul-searching for one day and my bed beckoned. I turned off my study light. I shoved the stone underneath my pillow, so that it would be close at hand but not actually touching my person as I lay down to sleep.
For someone so tired, my mind was awhirl. Every sound outside my tent now seemed amplified, although there was not much to hear. A few people were still laughing and talking in the mess tent. The moaning sound of camels carried on the breeze from afar and then I heard shuffling footsteps that stopped just outside the tent’s entrance—maybe two or three people.
&nbs
p; I sat up to listen harder. ‘Is someone there?’
‘It is only your faithful servants, goddess,’ came the reply, which shocked me to the core.
Goddess! I moved to the flap and opened it, whereupon Akbar and his two associates bowed low to the ground before me. ‘Please get up,’ I begged them in a whisper, and although slow to comply, they did. ‘Can I help you in some way?’
‘It is we who are here to help you,’ Akbar informed me. ‘You are a daughter of Isis and we are sworn to protect you.’
‘I don’t need protection,’ I emphasised, ‘as you clearly saw this afternoon.’
Akbar disagreed. ‘The very fact that you are in the employ of C & M warrants additional precautions.’
‘Why do you say that?’ I was curious to hear his reason. ‘You are in the same company’s employ.’
‘But I am not a daughter of Isis,’ he argued.
‘I would appreciate it if you would stop calling me that.’ I feared that even our whispered voices would carry far in the silence of the night. Admittedly I was interested to know more, but my brain was already filled to overflowing for today. ‘Please, could we meet and discuss this tomorrow afternoon, perhaps?’
‘Of course,’ Akbar agreed. ‘A good night to you, princess.’ He bowed.
It was an effort not to roll my eyes in frustration. ‘Just call me Dr Montrose if you must persist in addressing me by a formal title,’ I suggested. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
I entered my tent and made for my bed, but when I did not hear the men move off, I stuck my head out the tent flap to see them all seated with their backs to me.
‘Dismissed, guys,’ I added, hoping they’d take the hint.
‘You cannot dismiss us from our duty,’ Akbar said respectfully.
‘Then make like spies, and watch over me from afar.’ I pointed to the horizon.
‘Understood,’ Akbar conceded, and I immediately closed the flap.
Again I heard no movement, and I really started to lose my cool. ‘I said—’ I lifted the flap and to my great amazement, I found them gone. ‘Christ, what a night!’
I threw myself on the bed, and landing on my stomach my hand swept under the pillow to meet with the stone I had hidden there. Where did Albray go when I dismissed him, I wondered? Where did he go when I didn’t dismiss him? All I really knew about his life was where he’d met his end. He seemed to know everything about me and I knew nothing about him. ‘Not a very fair exchange,’ I considered. ‘I don’t even know his last name.’ It seemed Albray made an art of not giving too much away about himself. ‘But why?’ I pondered, unable to resist fiddling with the stone at my fingertips.
I had never before had a dream that I felt so completely involved in. Nor had I ever been so aware of dreaming in full, glorious, technicolour! The vibrancy of the provincial landscape through which I walked engaged me totally. I could smell all the sweet scents of spring flowers in the fields, hear the birds, feel the sun on my skin.
Beyond the fields, I came to a garden with a lovely fountain in the centre. Seated on the surrounds of the water feature was a very beautiful woman. Her robes were scarlet red and her long black hair fell straight to the knees of her long, sleek body. Before her knelt a knight—my heart sank when I realised it was my knight.
I was not close enough to hear their words to each other, but clearly Albray was pouring his heart out to this woman who stroked his hair with comforting gestures.
This is Lillet, I acknowledged, and looking down at my own form I saw that I was still dressed in the dirty jeans and shirt I’d worn today. How could I ever hope to compete with such a goddess?
Clearly my thoughts had resonance here, for Albray looked at me, obviously horrified by my presence. ‘Mia?’ He stood and let go of his confidante’s hands.
I did not wait to be humiliated further. I turned and ran back into the fields beyond the garden. I heard Albray calling after me, but still I did not halt. I just wanted to wake up, but how did I accomplish that wish?
Albray suddenly appeared before me and colliding with him brought me to a halt. ‘Now that you are here, please don’t go,’ he said. ‘I really want to speak with you.’
‘Albray, you’re real!’ I patted his chest and shoulders with my hands, unable to believe it. Needless to say, my sadness vanished in my joy at this revelation. ‘I can touch you.’ I laughed nervously about my dream come true. ‘I am dreaming, aren’t I?’
Albray nodded, amused by my excitement.
‘And are you dreaming too?’ I wondered.
‘No,’ he uttered, easing a hand behind my neck to encourage my face closer to his. ‘I’m living.’
Our lips met and I died with delight.
A crashing sound woke me, and when I saw Andre I moaned in protest at being dragged back to reality. Now I wake up, I thought, noting the irony in my present situation. I then had the horrible realisation that I held Albray’s stone in my hand. I quickly placed it on the table by the bed—my knight had probably perceived my little fantasy about him and I just wanted to die.
‘Sorry. I didn’t want to wake you.’ Andre finished sliding my breakfast tray onto my desk. ‘You sounded like you were having too much fun asleep,’ he chuckled.
I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment. ‘Really? I don’t remember anything erotic.’ This wasn’t a lie—it was just a kiss that I didn’t even get to finish. So why could I not wipe the smile off my face?
‘He’s a lucky man, this new boyfriend of yours.’ Andre clearly didn’t believe my drawing-a-blank routine. ‘What did you say his name was?’
‘Albray,’ I informed, as I searched for a second name to give him. ‘Devere.’ That would do.
‘Albray Devere?’ He sounded most surprised. ‘That is a legendary name in France.’
‘Really? Why?’
‘Albray Devere was a famous thirteenth-century knight who came to the aid of the Cathars at the besieged fort of Montsègur.’
‘Did he die there?’ I asked. If he did, it certainly wasn’t my Albray…anyway, the name was just a fabrication.
‘Apparently not.’ Andre was enjoying filling me in for a change. ‘It is said that he aided two women to escape from the fortress the night before it was to be handed over to the crusaders who fought for the church. It is said that the women were carrying holy relics, which they speedily delivered to places of safekeeping.’
‘What kind of relics?’
Andre shrugged. ‘Some say they carried the genealogical charts of the Royal House of Judah, which had been stolen from the Roman authorities before they had the chance to destroy them. Other accounts say it was the Holy Grail, or the Ark of the Covenant, that was whisked away from Montsègur that night.’
Why was it that every intrigue in history seemed to lead back to the Holy Grail? ‘Well, obviously I am not dating that Albray Devere,’ I posed in jest. ‘Thanks for the tale nonetheless. I guess I’d better hit the books.’ I stood and scratched my head.
‘I’m off to Sharm el-Sheikh to meet up with our delivery of mysterious powder,’ Andre advised, and I snapped out of my daze. ‘I’ll be back early tomorrow. Do you need anything from civilisation?’
I shook my head. ‘I came well prepared, but thanks all the same, and have fun.’ I gave him a wave as he departed.
‘And if you have any trouble—’
‘I won’t have any trouble with Akbar,’ I assured, waving him to go and stop worrying. ‘I’ll be just fine…believe me.’
I was very excited to be returning to Ashlee’s world today—I could study and be with Albray at the same time.
Yes, I was obsessed, and even more so since my dream last night. His presence hung over me—a sweet blessing that made me smile each time I acknowledged its existence. ‘If only it had been real.’ I found myself drifting back into Albray’s enfolding arms, instead of finding my place in the text. ‘If I can at least touch him in my dreams I must be content with that, for it is far better than not at all.’ However
, it was not truly Albray in my dreams, just my ideal of him and what I’d like him to say or do. ‘But I have never had so fine a dream before,’ I argued with myself, and then panicked. ‘What if it never happens again?’
I reached for my tea. The argument was too distressing, so I gave up on it. ‘Now,’ I inhaled deeply and out again, ‘where was I?’
I had come to the end of Susan Devere’s account of the incident at the Arsenal Library, and the tale resumed with Ashlee fleeing Paris.
LESSON 12
PROMISES
FROM THE TRAVEL JOURNALS OF MRS ASHLEE DEVERE
I had no idea what my plan was. Travelling as I was, a noble lady, made me too damned easy to track, although I had enough money to pay the coach to take us all the way to the Mediterranean.
‘Our guise is betraying us.’ I finally voiced my concerns to Nanny, who’d been silent beside me whilst I thought through our best route to the Sinai.
What did I tell you in the beginning? Albray appeared on the seat opposite me; I had not dismissed him, nor would I unless he specifically requested it.
‘What does your spirit friend say about our situation?’ Nanny asked, without so much as glancing up from her knitting.
Albray and myself were stunned. ‘Do you see him, Nanny?’
Nanny shook her head. ‘I’ve heard you speaking with someone from time to time.’ She glanced around the carriage. ‘I didn’t realise it was a he, however,’ she said in a tone of disapproval. ‘Still, I don’t suppose he can do you too much harm, such as he is.’
I laughed, as did Albray. ‘Dear Nanny.’ I kissed her cheek and then sat back to answer her question. ‘Albray thinks we should travel a bit more incognito.’