CHAPTER IV.
JOHN HENRY GETS A SHOCK.
A few minutes later we went into the general restaurant and foundSignor Petroskinski waiting for us.
His right name was Jeff Mulligan, but Petroskinski sounded moreforeign, and he fell for it.
I introduced Skinski to Bunch, and in five minutes all the businessdetails were settled.
Skinski needed about $900 to pay for a couple of new illusionswhich were being built for him, and Bunch was appointed a committeeto go down to Sixth Avenue and disburse the funds.
"I think we've got the real graft, don't you, Skinski?" I said,after the luncheon had been ordered.
"It's a pipe!" Skinski replied in pure United States, much toBunch's surprise. From the name and the make-up I suppose Bunchexpected Skinski to yelp in Bulgarian or throw out signals inGraeco-Roman.
Skinski was a warm member with the gab thing.
He got his start in life travelling with a medicine wagon in theWest, and what he didn't know about the show business wasn'tnecessary.
"Say, people!" our star went on, "I've a couple of new card tricksup my sleeve that will leave the Reubens gasping for air. And whenI pull my new illusion, entitled, 'Keno, or the Curious Cage,' onthe public it will be a case of counting easy coin. Say! did Iever tell you about that gold mine I won in the West many moonsago?"
"Nix on the dream work, Skinski," I cut in. "We've put up our goodmoney to start you, so let's get down to the programme."
"Oh! very well," said Skinski; "but I was down to see my brokersto-day in Wall Street and there are doings. I've got a plantationfull of gold out near the Blue Hills, and----"
"Please don't smoke, there are ladies present!" admonished Bunch.
"Oh, very well!" said Skinski, and forthwith he launched into adescription of his various tricks.
The waiter had just brought our luncheon when a large blondinedshadow fell across the festive board, and Skinski jumped to hisfeet, followed by Bunch and yours surprisedly.
"Permit me!" Skinski said; "our new backers, Mr. Jefferson and Mr.John Henry! this is Mademoiselle Dodo, the Human Guessworks. She'smy assistant in the mind-reading tests, and she's all to theelegant. Will you feed the face, Dodey?"
"You betcher sweet!" Dodo replied, as she splashed into the chairprovided by the waiter, while I glanced at Bunch sideways and foundhim on the verge of a fainting fit.
"You betcher sweet!"]
"I've told Dodey all about you two glad boys," Skinski went on,"and she's for you, ain't you, Dodey?"
"You betcher sweet!" Dodo chimed in, with a hungry glance at thecooked stuff.
"I told her we had a business meet on here, but if she wanted tosqueeze in she wouldn't be in nobody's way," Skinski continued."Dodey's an awful clever girl, and she wouldn't be in this bizeight hours if that gold mine----"
"Sure, I know!" I interrupted; "possibly Mademoiselle is thirsty--alittle wine, eh?"
"You betcher sweet!" the stout person replied, with a celerity thatmade Bunch sit up and look about the room to see if anyonesuspected him.
"Dodey is always for the suds thing," Skinski chipped in. "Butnever to excess, never to excess. I never see Dodey lit up butonce, and that was in Dayton, Ohio, the night we played to thejanitor of the hall and his four children. When we came to theplace where Dodey is blindfolded and does the decimal fractionsstunt on the blackboard the janitor's oldest child fooled Dodeyinto doing all next week's lessons in arithmetic and Dodey frettedover it, didn't you, Dodey?"
"You betcher sweet!" the leading lady replied, with both eyesfollowing the efforts of the waiter, who was opening a bottle ofPommery.
Bunch was beginning to get uneasy and I had a bad attack of fidgets.
"Say, Dodey!" our bright and shining light went on, "I want you tomake a fuss over these two young gents, because they are the onlynearly silk on the counter. They've put up their good cush to sendme on tour without ever dragging me before a Police Justice toswear that I'm on the level, and if ever that gold mine----"
"Tush!" I interrupted. "I saw you work, Skinski, and you're awonder; that's good enough for my money."
"Yes, but you never once put a sleuth over the back trail to throwthe spot light on my past life," Skinski babbled on. "You're thefirst white man that ever took a chance with me without lashing meto the medicine ball, and I'll make good for you, all right, won'tI, Dodey?"
"You betcher sweet!" she mumbled, with a mouth full of Pommery.
"Say!" said Skinski to me, after we had ordered some breadstuff forthe leading lady, "you're not such a late train with thesleight-of-hand gag yourself, Mr. Manager!"
"Oh! I'm only a piker at it," I replied, modestly. "I can do a fewmoth-eaten tricks with the cards and I've studied out a few of theillusions, enough to know how to do them without breaking an ankle,but I'm not cute enough to be on the stage."
Skinski laughed, and Dodo looked over another glass of Pommery longenough to say, "You betcher sweet!"
"Well," said Skinski, leading a bevy of French-fried potatoes up tohis moustache, "you'll know enough about it after I rehearse you togo on and do the show when we hit a fried-egg burg, where there'sonly a Mr. and Mrs. Audience to greet our earnest endeavors. Say,boys, you'll get a lot of fricasseed experience trailing with thistroupe, believe me!"
"I'm only going to be with you for a few days," I answered. "Mr.Jefferson will be your permanent manager."
"The hell I will!" spluttered Bunch. Then he got red in the face,glared at Dodo, and grouched out a "beg pardon!"
"You betcher sweet!" she replied, patting the Pommery.
"Say, John! you know well enough I can't leave New York for morethan two or three days just at this time without having a goodexcuse to give Alice," Bunch growled, while Skinski and theCircassian lady put the knives to the chicken livers _en brochette_.
"How about me!" I snapped back. "I can't go out of town at all,except in the day-time. I'll have to duck back to Ruraldene afterthe show every evening or lose my card in the Happy Husbands'Union. It's different with you, Bunch; you're not married yet."
"It isn't different at all," Bunch whipsawed me. "And you haven'tany business to expect me to hike over the country with this outfitwhile you stay at home and read Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress."
"I won't read that at all," I countered; "I'll read nothing but theship news to see if you are stranded."
"Well, I won't do it!" snorted Bunch.
"You'll have to do it if you want to win out that wedding money," Iretorted. "Is this the way you thank me for what I've done foryou?"
"Done for me, nothing!" Bunch bit back. "I put up as much coin asyou did, and now you want me to do all the work!"
"Work!" I echoed; "what work is it to count money, eh, Skinski?"
"Counting money is a hot pastime, isn't it, Dodey?" he answered.
"You betcher sweet!" responded the fair lady, gazing dreamily atthe empty flagon of Pommery.
"Well, take my word for it," snarled Bunch, "I don't hanker forthat sort of amusement. If there's any train-hopping to be done,it's up to you, John. It's your game, not mine."
"Say, are you going to welsh on me now that we've passed over ourcontract to Skinski?" I asked hotly.
"No, I'm not going to welsh," Bunch came right back, "but I'm onlya silent partner in this concern, so you for the Bad Lands to dothe barking for the show."
"Why didn't you flash this stingy talk on me before we gotstarted?" I wanted to know. "It's a shine play to wait till youget me all tied up with these artists here!"
Skinski and Dodo both took a bow.
"I didn't," Bunch cackled, "You framed up the whole thing, and nowyou're sore because I won't leave home and friends to plug yourgame."
"It's as much your game as mine!"
"It isn't!"
"It is!"
"Rats!"
"Make it twice on the Rats!"
In two seconds more I suppose we would have come to blows, but justthen a well-kn
own voice behind us gurgled, "Hayo, John! why, Ihadn't any idea you were here! And Bunch, too! I'm so glad to seeyou!"
It was Peaches, and behind her, smiling sweet approval, stood AuntMartha.
Heart failure for mine as I stumbled to my feet and caught theinterested expressions on the faces of Skinski and Dodo.
"Aunt Martha and I have been shopping, and we dropped in here forluncheon," my wife rattled on, while I was slowly recovering.
"Of course we don't wish to be _de trop_," she added, glancingcuriously at the famous Skinski and his assistant in themind-reading tests.
"No, no, Peaches; certainly not!" I spluttered; "hadn't thefaintest idea you were coming in town to-day. Let me presentBunch's Uncle Cornelius McGowan and his Aunt Flora fromSpringfield--my wife and my mother-in-law!"
Skinski and Dodo were wise in a minute, and they never batted aneye, but Bunch took the full count.
Of course he couldn't deny the relationship without giving himselfaway, so he simply stood there and looked foolish.
"Have you been in the city very long?" my wife said most pleasantlyto Signor Petroskinski,
"No, Madam," he answered, with a most courtier-like bow; "we onlybroke away from the cars this morning, and we bumped into nephewquite by chance, didn't we, nephew?"
Bunch growled something that wouldn't sound well on the graphophone.
"Do you like New York?" Aunt Martha asked the other half of thesketch in an effort to be pleasant.
"You betcher sweet!" said Dodo, whereupon Aunt Martha fell back twopaces to the rear and looked pityingly at Bunch.
"If you'll excuse us, Uncle Cornelius and Aunt Flora, I'll take mywife and her mother to the train," I said nervously.
"Not at all, not at all," piped Skinski. "Dodey--I mean Flo--and Idon't mind a bit, do we, Flo?"
"You betcher sweet!" she answered, and I saw Peaches glancequestioningly at Bunch, who was giving a brilliant imitation of thelast rose of summer.
"But, John, I'm so hungry," Peaches pleaded.
"I know, my dear, but you see Bunch has an awful lot of familyhappenings to discuss with his relatives," I said; "and we mustgive him a chance to get acquainted with Uncle Cornelius and AuntFlora."
Whereupon I grabbed my hat and ducked for another eat shop withoutever glancing at Bunch.