Nishi’s hand goes limp in mine; the reference to Deke is like a shot to the heart. Blaze pins her with his confident stare, and even now there’s something so fiercely likable about him that it’s hard to picture him on the master’s side. “Change isn’t always accommodating, and that’s why people resist it. But if you trust me, I’ll prove to you why it’s our best choice.”
Corinthe’s reptilian voice plays in my mind—Acceptance of the new only comes with the ousting of the old. Her motto sounds a lot like Deke’s. In the wrong hands, the same philosophy can be dangerous.
Blaze’s shoulders cave inward the tiniest bit, and I flash to Trax’s predatory pose before he pounced on me with his interrogation.
“Run!” I shout. Hands linked together, Nishi and I hurtle blindly through the white fog. Sweat drips down my back as we race away from him, and I’m momentarily relieved when I don’t hear Blaze’s footsteps behind us.
Until I realize that if he’s not following us, we must be doing what he wants.
The cottony clouds grow stringy as we approach the end of the tunnel, and hints of the sandstone wall break through the mist. I slow down to decide whether we should double back, but Nishi keeps going forward at full speed.
I yank her back by the hand. “Wait—”
Her face breaks through the cloud covering for a moment, and something small and metallic whizzes through the air, striking her forehead.
“NO!”
My scream splits the universe, and I reach for my best friend as she falls to the floor, the lines of her face slackening. I catch Nishi by the waist and drop with her, cradling her face on my lap, my tears sprinkling onto her skin as I check her for signs of breath.
“Nishi—please—please, you have to be okay, please wake up—”
“She’s not dead.”
Nishi’s attacker stands over us, her twin-barreled gun trained on the same spot of my forehead. “It’s a Sumber,” says Imogen. “She’s trapped in her subconscious.”
It’s only now I realize how little I trust anyone anymore. I’m not even surprised by Imogen’s betrayal.
“Which pellet?” I ask in an even voice, remembering from Mom’s lessons that Gemini’s signature weapon has two chambers. One barrel releases a pellet that unlocks a person’s innermost dreams, while the other unleashes their deepest nightmares.
“Use your imagination.”
I glare at Imogen with a hatred I didn’t think my heart was capable of producing, and I find myself thinking of the Scarab wrapped around my wrist. If only I could reach under my black glove without tipping her off. But even if I could, I still have no idea how to use it.
She must spy the threat in my eyes because she swings the gun’s nozzle to Nishi’s forehead again. A double dose causes a brain aneurysm that’s instantly fatal.
“Don’t,” I say, hugging Nishi closer and protecting her with my body. “Please.”
“Then get up.”
I hold Nishi to me a moment longer, then I carefully rest her head on the sandstone. Her face betrays no evidence of what she’s going through internally, and I desperately hope she’s dreaming happy things.
Blaze emerges through the haze as I get to my feet. “I’ll give you a choice,” says Imogen, as the Leonine bundles Nishi’s limp limbs in his arms.
“What are you doing?” I demand, reaching out to take Nishi back from Blaze, but Imogen’s gun points at my head again.
“Shut up and come with us willingly,” she says, walking over until the gun’s cold metal nozzle touches my forehead, blocking Blaze and Nishi from view. “Or I’ll drop you into your worst nightmares and drag you with us anyway.”
“Why are you doing this?” I whisper. “I thought you believed in Nishi’s leadership. You said you wanted to unite the Zodiac, that I inspired you—”
“You did,” she says, and behind her, I watch Blaze retreat into the thought tunnel with my best friend in his arms. “You taught me to trust my convictions. You showed me I must be willing give my life for my beliefs, even if others won’t understand at first.”
Without thinking, I shove hard against Imogen’s arm, pointing the Sumber away from myself, and she tumbles to the floor in her spindly heels. Then I run into the mist after Nishi.
“Blaze, stop!” I shout into the white fog, desperately searching for some sign of his silhouette. “Take me instead!”
Nails dig into my coat sleeve, pressing into my scars, and I yelp with pain. Imogen heaves me back with her to the clear air by twisting my arm until it spasms. When she lets go, the aching brings me to my knees.
She presses the icy metal to my forehead again and whispers, “Good night, Rho.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, bracing myself for the shot—
The gun clatters to the floor, and I hear Imogen grunt in pain. When I look again, a hooded Aquarian in an aqua cloak has wrestled the Geminin to the ground, and they’re struggling to overtake each other.
I know I should stay and help, but Nishi is getting farther from me every moment, and I have to go after her. So I dive back into the white smoke, and immediately I hear a woman’s cry that doesn’t sound like Imogen.
I skid to a stop. I can’t let something happen to the Aquarian who saved me. Racing back to where I was, I see Imogen pinning my savior to the ground and holding a bloody knife to her chest.
Before I can think of how to help, the Aquarian rears up and knocks her head into Imogen’s, dazing the Geminin enough to loosen her grip on the knife. The hood falls off the Aquarian’s head as she pries the blade from Imogen’s fingers, and the latter leaps to her feet surprisingly fast.
The Aquarian rises quickly, too. Imogen looks from the knife in her hand, to the Sumber on the floor, and then to me, like she’s deciding whether it’s worth taking us both on empty-handed. Then she dives into the thought tunnel after Blaze.
“You all right?” I ask my savior, sparing her a quick glance before I run after Imogen. My feet are already carrying me into the fog when the Aquarian meets my gaze.
And her blue stare turns me to stone.
26
HER FACIAL FEATURES HAVE BEEN edited—sharper cheekbones, longer nose, straighter hair. But the bottomless blue eyes are exactly as I remember them.
“It’s okay,” she says in an achingly familiar voice that makes me gasp.
The past ten years of my life shrink down within me, until my adolescence feels as fleeting as a vision in the Psy, an illusion of mist and shadow.
“It’s me.”
She barely moves her lips, like she’s afraid to spook me. Like she knows I’m still too small, too weak, too afraid.
“It’s Mom.”
Mom. The word tumbles through my mind, as if my brain is trying to place it.
She takes a single step forward and then winces, like she’s injured. I look down at the gash in her cloak, where blood stains her leg. But even if I wanted to help, I can’t. My body is leaden, like it doesn’t answer to me anymore.
“Rho, we need to go.”
At the sound of my name in her voice, my childhood fantasy comes flying back to me. I see the scene I used to replay of how I’d one day discover Mom on a far-away island looking for her long-lost memories. In my imagination, I was always so happy just to be reunited with her that I’d immediately forgive her for abandoning us.
She starts moving toward me again, her limp growing less pronounced with every step. And when her hand grips my arm, it’s not her memories that come rushing back, but mine.
“DON’T TOUCH ME!”
My scream is inhumanly high, and the words’ jagged edges slice into me on their way out.
The past decade seems to fill the space between us, and she backs away as a wheezing sound starts in my throat, like the air I’m breathing isn’t making it to my lungs. A tar-like substance seems to be filling my heart, cl
ogging my veins and clouding my mind and consuming my oxygen.
“I’m not going anywhere without Nishi,” I say, my voice raspy and unfamiliar. “And especially not with you.”
“Yes, you are,” says a new voice, and I see Hysan emerging from the thought tunnel. “Are you hurt?” he asks, looking me over.
I shake my head. “Blaze and Imogen took Nishi—we have to find her!”
“We will.” He slips the Veil collar around my neck but doesn’t activate it. I grip his arm tightly.
“Hysan, you don’t understand. They’ll torture her, like they did me and Mathias and Pandora. We can’t leave her—”
“Rho.” He stares at me gravely, like I’m unwell. “I assure you she’s too important to the Party. They won’t hurt her. This isn’t the Marad; the Tomorrow Party won’t succeed if they use violence, and they know it.” He rests his hand on mine and presses my fingers. “Your brother, Mathias, and Pandora are already on their way to Equinox, but right now, your mom is right. We need to go before more Party members come looking for you.”
He tries nudging me forward, but my legs are still leaden. “How do you—”
“Your mom and I have been working together for a few weeks now,” he says softly. His green eyes seem to be pleading with me not to be angry, but I shake my head, refusing to hear him.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Rho. It wasn’t safe.”
He glances at Kassandra and notices she’s leaning against the wall to keep her weight off her injured leg. “You’re hurt,” he says with concern, striding over to inspect her wound. “It’s not deep, but you’ll move faster if you lean on me.”
He offers her his shoulder, and when she touches him, I hear myself growl, “Get away from him!”
She instantly pulls back from his arm, and her eyes dart to mine. I spot a familiar darkness rising from their icy blue depths, and she hops a few times as she tries to stand on her own. That limp sure escalated quickly.
Who knows if the pain is real?
Who knows if anything about her is real?
“Rho, I’m going to help her,” insists Hysan, putting his arm around Kassandra and activating our networked Veils so that we’re invisible to any onlookers. She doesn’t resist his aid, but she keeps her gaze on me for a long time, like I’m the mysterious one here.
Rho, where are you? asks a musical voice in my head as we move invisibly through the castle.
I twist my Ring. On my way to Equinox. Are you with Stan and Pandora?
We’re on the ship. Are you with Hysan and Nishi?
Something massive climbs up my throat, and I can’t even think the words in my head, so I don’t answer.
We cross beneath the stained glass constellations, and as we step onto the waterfall plaza, three massive Pegazi land before us on the sand. Their timing is so exact, it’s like they’ve been tracking our movements.
Nishi’s pink horse isn’t among them.
Hysan deactivates our Veils, and when I look up into Candor’s black onyx eyes, she bows. I wish she could come away from here with me.
Hysan helps Kassandra onto the white winged horse and then turns to help me. Ignoring his hand, I hitch up my skirt and climb onto Candor’s back on my own.
“Rho, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you—”
“Candor, please,” I whisper, and immediately the Pegazi rears forward, speeding me away from him. I hug her velvety neck as waterfalls swell from my eyes, her warmth the only thing keeping me alive.
Cold air rakes my curls as she gallops toward the puffs of frosty steam ahead, rising from the invisible ice beneath us. There’s a deafening whoosh as her wings whip outward, and then she leaps off the sand-smothered ledge and into the pink sunset sky.
We soar over a vast vista of trees that gives way to rolling green hills with extravagant estates, and all I can think of is Nishi. The broken look on her face when she learned the truth about the Tomorrow Party. The metal dart from Imogen’s Sumber striking her forehead. Blaze carrying her away from me through the white smoke.
I left her.
I abandoned my best friend.
My sister.
A black hole opens inside me, inhaling my soul into its vortex, and I scream until I have nothing left inside.
“Turn back, Candor! We have to go back to the castle!” The hysterical pitch of my voice scrapes my throat, burning it raw.
“Please! Turn around! NOW! I have to get back to Nishi!”
The Pegazi ignores my desperate pleas, and every flap of her wings takes me farther from Nishi and further from breathing. I shouldn’t have followed Hysan out. I shouldn’t have stayed to make sure my savior was okay. I should have gone after Nishi as soon as I had the chance.
Candor lands on the same grassy field where we first met, only instead of the sparkly, star-shaped Tomorrow Party vessel, there’s the familiar bullet-shaped spaceship that’s become as comforting as a real home. I wipe my face on my jacket sleeve, and Candor bows so I can slide off her back.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper as she straightens, my voice too hoarse to say more, my gaze too heavy to lift from the grass.
She whinnies so softly, it almost sounds like she’s whispering back, and her hot breath blows on my hair. Before I can lift my face to hers, I feel her moist snout press down gently on my forehead.
When I look up in wonder, her heavy hooves are already clopping across the cliff, and then faster than a shooting star, she vanishes into the dusky sky.
• • •
I lag a few steps behind as Hysan helps Kassandra board, and we find Stan, Mathias, and Pandora eagerly awaiting us in the nose.
“Where’s Nishi?” asks Stan, staring after the Aquarian woman with curiosity but not familiarity.
I don’t answer. I feel the weight of Mathias’s and Pandora’s gazes on me, but I can’t meet them. Hysan helps Kassandra into one of the seats by the control helm, and when he steps back, she ducks her head to check out her leg wound.
Stan’s eyes are on her long, white-blond locks, which obscure the ivory facial features. I’m not sure if he realizes he’s moving closer to her.
When Kassandra lifts her head, my brother falls to his knees in shock. I start to go to him, but I see her stand, and I’m immobilized.
Everyone is silent as she gingerly lowers herself to the floor. My brother stares and stares and stares at her redesigned face, until a voice I’ve never heard before seeps from his lips. “Mom?”
The sound cuts me open.
Cautiously, she leans closer, as if she’s anticipating the same rejection she got from me, and he stretches a hand toward her. When Stan’s fingers touch her cheek, he inhales sharply—and then he does what I couldn’t do.
He wraps his arms around our mother, burying his head in her shoulder. When she hugs him back, Stan’s body begins to shudder with gut-wrenching, cathartic sobs that seem to shake the whole ship.
Like he’s letting go of tears he’s been waiting his whole life to shed.
27
I ESCAPE TO MY USUAL cabin and lock the door behind me.
I’m shivering uncontrollably as I pace up and down the cramped space, trying to fight off the panic eating at my organs. My mind keeps replaying the way Stanton crumpled at her touch. The depth of his suffering makes me hate her more.
It makes her unforgivable.
The ground vibrates beneath me as the ship begins its ascent into the atmosphere, and I secure myself inside the sleeping cocoon. I desperately want to know what’s going on in the nose, but I can’t bring myself to leave this cabin. So I take a few seconds to steady my nerves, and then I twist my Ring.
What’s the plan? I ask Mathias.
We’re setting course for planetoid Alamar. It’s only one orbit over, so we’ll be there in less than a day.
I remember that the Houses divided
the five Piscene planetoids among them and ask, Which Houses have stationed their Zodai on Alamar? All I know is that Libra and Scorpio are working on planetoid Naute.
Sagittarius and Gemini.
No doubt Rubi and Brynda arranged it that way. I wonder if that means they’ll be there. Thinking of Sagittarius brings me right back to Nishi, and my insides grow too shaky to say more.
Do you need anything, Rho?
Nishi. I need Nishi. I can’t hold back the tears anymore, and I’m glad no one can see me.
We’ll get her back, says Mathias, and after a beat, he asks, What happened?
I dry my face on my coat sleeve. She found proof the Tomorrow Party was never planning to invite the Twelfth House to participate. We think they knew about the attack on Pisces ahead of time. Mathias, what if—if they—
They won’t hurt her. The Tomorrow Party wants her allegiance, so they’ll try to woo her. Nishi’s smart; she’ll know how to play the situation.
I abandoned her. I’m a coward.
Rho, please don’t do this to yourself, he says, a tinge of exasperation in his tone. Can I come in and talk to you?
No . . . I want to be alone.
I think the conversation is over, but then I hear his deep, soft voice in the back of my mind. You’re not, though.
There’s a knock on my door, and I sigh as I unzip the sleeping cocoon, letting the bed fall flat again, and get up. “I really don’t want to talk, Mathias,” I say as I unlock the door.
“Well, I do.”
My brother stands in the doorway, his eyes small and puffy, holding a large bowl of dried fruit in his hands. “And you need to eat something.”
I let him in, and we sit on the bed with the bowl of fruit resting between us. “She’s in the healing pod,” he says before I can ask. “She hasn’t said anything about where she’s been. All I know is Hysan found her. For you.”
I shake my head. “I can’t understand how you could welcome her back like that—”
“She’s Mom,” he says, widening his eyes meaningfully. “Rho, whatever happened before, whatever mistakes she’s made, it doesn’t matter anymore.” He looks at me like my behavior is the one that isn’t making sense. “You . . . you weren’t there when Dad died.”