“For who?” he sounds pretty annoyed.
“For me.”
“What’s in L.A.?”
“I have a group of friends that need to get there today, Dad. Can you help me?”
“Who, Jay?” His tone indicates this question is not an option.
Sighing, I really don’t want to tell him who. I think he knows just enough about Rhye to be leery, but I’m not lying to him either.
“I’m only going to ask one more time. Who Jay?”
“Rhye and his band.”
“No, absolutely not. First off, you need to stay away from him, and second, I don’t trust him or his buddies in one of my planes.”
“Dad, I’ll hire someone else if you don’t do it. So, if you don’t have any charters available, let me know.” He doesn’t say anything. “Dad, I owe him.”
My father stays quiet a second longer before replying, “Do you know how much the price of the fuel alone would cost?”
“No, and I don’t care.” My dad’s sister left me money years back. “I’m not asking you to do it for free. You know I can afford it.”
“And I’m not asking you to pay. What I’m trying to establish is.., ah hell, Jay. Hold on.”
I hear him speaking to someone in the background. Finally, he comes back on the line. “Okay, here’s the deal. Take it or leave it. The only charter I have left for today is the Hawker 700, which you know is my baby. I have a meeting I can’t miss this evening, and your mother is at the hospital with your grandmother. So the only citation single pilot I have left is Charles. He can’t charter the plane and watch your friends to make sure they don’t destroy the cabin. So, that leaves me only one choice. You are going with them. You fly out with them, and when they are finished tonight, you fly back, making sure that my jet looks the same as when it left. Got it?”
“Yes,” I answer surprised at my dad’s idea. “How early can we fly out? They need to be there this evening.”
“Be here in an hour,” he says in a huff. “And Jay, be careful. Okay?”
“Okay. Love you, Dad.”
“Love you.”
Hanging up, I’m a little excited but dreading calling Kane. After the night at the bar and Rhye’s serenade, he can’t even stand to hear his name. But following last night’s events, it would be nice to get away for a day. I could do some shopping and sight-seeing while waiting on Rhye. Oh, I forgot about Rhye; I need to call him.
He answers on the first ring. “I need some good news.”
“Yes, get everybody together and meet me at the hanger in one hour. We are flying back as soon as it’s over. Is that okay?”
“YES! Awesome. Thanks Jay. I will owe you.”
“Let’s just call us… even,” I say.
He doesn’t say anything at first, but the words come soon enough. “Yeah, I’ll see you in an hour.”
Getting off the phone, I jump in the shower and hurry to get out. I throw on some jeans, a red shirt with matching scarf, and my leather boots. Brushing my hair out, I pull it back and throw on some light makeup. I pack a light bag just in case, tossing in my iPad so that I can catch up on some reading.
Rushing out, I make it with about ten minutes to spare. Rhye and his band mates are not here yet, so I wait. I say hello to the pilot and go over the itinerary. My Dad has already left for his meeting, so I’m spared of him talking more about Rhye. Holding my phone in my hand, I know I need to call Kane, but I’ve already committed to this, and he is going to be pissed. After debating it, I dial his number. I want this relationship to work, and acting like a child will not help anything.
“I was wondering if you would call,” he answers.
“I’m sorry, Kane.” I want to get it out of the way. I wish I would have said it last night so I could have been with him. I’ve wasted too much of my life already.
“Kane?” I question after his silence lasts longer than I expected.
“Give me a second. I wasn’t ready for that. Listen, I’m the one that should be sorry. Pushing you, acting like that, the same as...,” he doesn’t finish, but I know he’s talking about JT.
“No, you’re right. I don’t know if I can do it, but I’ll think about testifying.”
“Jay, can I come over or even better, can you come here?”
I love the sound of his hoarse voice and the scratchy low tone when he says my name. Remembering why I am calling, I need to get this over with. “I can’t. I mean, I can come over, but it might be late.”
Sighing, he says, “Are you going to tell me? I can already tell by the tone of your voice that I’m not going to like it. Am I?”
“No, you’re not, but I called anyway because I want us to work. So think about that before you get upset at where I am and what I’m doing. Just know that I coming home to you.”
“Jaaaayyyy,” he says, drawing out my name. “Are you safe, and do your parents know where you are?”
Maybe it was a blessing that my dad said what he did because I honestly answer, “It was my father’s idea.”
“Okay, come home to me tonight.”
“Well, it might be more like morning.”
I hear him breathing, deeper than normal. “Where are you?”
Sighing, I hesitate before saying, “Getting on a jet to Los Angeles.”
“Tell me what I’m supposed to say or do? You make my head spin. I don’t know where I stand with you, Jay.”
“Just don’t give up on me,” I say with meaning.
“You’ve always made it so damn hard to be with, but here I am, still here. Still waiting on you.”
The pilot is motioning me over, so I reply, “Please wait a little longer. Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you when we touchdown in L.A.”
“Call me,” he says disconnecting.
Well, that went a lot better than I expected. Of course, he still doesn’t realize who I’m going with. Walking over to see why I’m needed, I look down at my watch and realize that it’s almost time, and Rhye is still not here.
Minutes before we are supposed to leave, I see Chris’s van pull into the parking lot. The guys get out, opening the back to grab their equipment and bags. Rhye begins walking my way his guitar case in hand. My stomach clenches with need. What the hell? Why does he affect me like this, this instant attraction? There is a reason. I’ve done this. I put him through Hell, and he still stood by me. He does know me like no other, but it’s not forever I want with him, and using him for a “right now” would only destroy us both.
Smiling, I wave at them and say, “Hey guys. We can go ahead and board.” Walking up the steps, I enter the mid-sized jet and slightly duck my head as I step inside the cabin. Once in, I walk towards the back and grab a seat. All the members of Rhye’s band talk to me and thank me for the transportation while settling in themselves. Rhye grabs a seat across from me, looking at me the entire time.
“I can’t believe you pulled this off,” he says shaking his head.
“Well, some things I can give you,” I say looking into his eyes. I want to be straight with him. I finish saying, “and some I never was going to be able to.”
Nodding his head, he looks away and says, “That’s what I was afraid you were going to say.” I see him put his Beats headphones on and turn his music up. He closes his eyes as he leans back into the leather seat.
After take-off, I settle back and grab my iPad to keep me occupied. My eyes keep floating over to Rhye, but he’s either sleeping or ignoring me. Probably both. The other band members talk amongst themselves, not looking back at us. I put in my ear buds, and turn my music on. Florence and The Machine takes my thoughts away.
Half-way through our flight, my neck feels a little stiff so I turn my head to stretch when I see Rhye staring at me. His brown eyes are squinted, looking for something. His headphones rest around his neck while he’s stretched back in his seat, and his hands are folded on his lap.
“You know what I finally realized?”
I hear his question through
the music, but I pull out my ear buds anyway. I look to see his band members sleeping, so I turn back to him and ask, “What?”
“In my head, we work, but in real life we are so damn dysfunctional. You’re like my drug of choice, and like any drug, you’re so fucking bad for me. You mess with my head, but the worst part is that I let you, so I must like it.”
“I’m sorry, Rhye. Everything is so mixed up for me. I’m trying to live this life, but I fall back on old habits. I wish you would move on.”
He lets out a sarcastic little laugh. “Shit, well, if wishes were pennies, Jay.” Still staring at me, he asks, “How did you talk your dad into getting us the free ride? I don’t see anyone else, so it must have been chartered just for us.”
For some reason, I don’t want to answer him, so I look away. Placing everything back into my bag, I busy myself to avoid responding.
Another bitter laugh sounds from his mouth. “Oh, I get it. Is this my going away present? So when you tell me to kiss off, I’ll have to be grateful?”
Not denying his words, I allow my eyes to travel back to his. I chew on my lip, letting my nerves get to me. The truth is that he gets to me too. I want to be committed to Kane, but Rhye sitting in front of me, is almost more than I can bear.
His stare goes to my bottom lip as I worry it with my teeth, and he utters, “Fuck me. Can you please quit doing that?” Placing his head into his hands, he rubs them over his hair and blows out. “Why do your eyes lie, Jay? They promise me pleasure, but they only ever bring me pain,” he says, standing up in the aisle and walking to the lavatory.
This is crazy. How can I keep hurting the two guys in my life that have done nothing but care about me? It’s like I can’t stop, and I can’t stay away. I thought I was helping Rhye today by setting this up, but he’s right. It was guilt from me knowing I can’t give him what he wants. It’s the same thing I want, but I can’t have. It would cost me Kane. There. That’s the truth. I want them both, but I want Kane more. Rhye is right though; even if Kane wasn’t in my life, we would still be bad for each other. We’d burn each other out with lust and then have nothing at all.
The door to the bathroom opens, and Rhye comes out. Walking back, his eyes never leave mine, and I can’t tear mine from his. Sitting back down, he looks weary and hurt.
“It’s crazy when we’re not together how much you stay with me, and how much it hurts me when I’m finally with you.” Looking at me with a tear in his eye, he says, “I don’t want to hate you. I don’t know if I even can. You’re under my skin, in my blood, and your pain cemented that.”
His words break me, tearing at my soul, and I’m not sure what to say. Tears spring to my eyes, and I don’t hold them back. A part of me wants him to know the effect he has on me. Leaning forward in his seat, he reaches over and wipes the tears from my face.
“Do you love him? Is he what you need, Jay?”
Through my tears, I softly answer, “Yes.”
With one final look, he nods his head and sits back in his chair. Placing his headset back on, he turns his head away from me and never looks back.
As the plane descends into L.A., you can feel excitement come over the band. I listen as they talk about the importance of their performance. Rhye still hasn’t spoken to me, but he converses with everyone else. Once we land, I see him texting someone. The pilot comes back, pulling me away to tell me that my dad thought ahead and has a limo waiting for us. I hadn’t thought about transportation once we arrived. I thank him.
“Excuse me guys,” I say as the band turns to me. “I just found out that my dad has arranged a car. I can drop you guys off where ever you need to.”
They all look at Rhye, waiting for his response.
Rhye finally looks at me and answers, “I just texted a friend. He is going to try and come meet us.”
Chris looks at him, saying, “Dude, he could be hours getting here. We need to get there and get set up. Let’s just go with Jay.”
Rhye doesn’t look happy, but nods his head, “Yeah, hell.” He looks frustrated. “If you can drop us off, that would be great.”
I nod my head, but my heart is completely shredded. The guys grab their equipment, and I follow behind as we disembark from the plane. As we load into the waiting Hummer limo, I make a mental note to send my dad a text of thanks. Secretly glancing towards Rhye, I can’t help but notice that I sit on one end, and he is on the other. He’s pushing me away, and I need to let it happen.
When we arrive, the guys exit the limo. Looking at Rhye, I say, “Text me when you’re finished, and the car will be waiting out front.”
“Where are you going?”
“Sight-seeing and shopping.” I try to keep my voice light, freeing it of emotion.
Sighing, he looks over his shoulder out the door and back again, asking, “Why don’t you come back around seven when we go on stage? I’ll leave your name at the door.”
Can I watch him play without it tearing my soul out? I don’t think so, so I answer while looking down at my feet. “That’s okay. I’ll just send the car back when you’re ready.”
“Look at me, Jay. Please be here to watch us play. It would be nice for the guys to know someone is supporting us.”
He doesn’t mention that he wants me there, but the look on his face does.
“Ok, I’ll come back.”
He nods, grabs his guitar case, and closes the door behind him when he gets out. Bringing my fingers to my head, I rub my temples, trying to ease the onset of a headache. I direct the driver to take me somewhere to shop and sit back. Grabbing my phone, I call Kane. It rings several times before going to voicemail. Hanging up without leaving a message, I send him a text.
Me – Hey...arrived safe and sound. Call me later. :)
Why do I do this to myself and the people I care about? Constantly putting myself into positions where someone or everyone gets hurt seems to be a trend. I think I must love the pain that it brings. Is it something that is broken inside me? It doesn’t seem fair that, here I am years later, still hurting and suffering.
The driver drops me off somewhere along Rodeo Drive. As I glance up and down the street, my phone rings. I answer it without looking to see who it is, “Hello.”
“Believe it or not, before I met you, I was carefree. I didn’t let things get to me, especially women, but Jay, you’re not like any woman I’ve met before. I’m trying to remember that as I sit here, thinking yet again, why do I put up with this shit?”
He knows who I am with, I can tell by the tone of his voice.
“Who told you?”
“Not you,” he says angrily.
He has every right to be upset. Eventually, he is going to stop putting up with my bullshit. Hopefully today is not that day.
“I knew I could help him out. I was feeling guilty for leading him on, knowing that it was you that I wanted from the beginning. It’s not what you think, and he knows, now, that you are the only one I want in my life.”
“Oh, so NOW he knows. Well, we’ve been here before. What does that mean, Jay?”
People walk past me on the sidewalk, so I move to the side and into the shade of one of the shops. “Kane, I want you, and here I go again, messing things up in my life by coming here without thinking it over.”
Sighing, he says, “Text me before you leave, and I’ll be waiting when you get back.”
Sighing, I say, “Yeah, okay. Bye.”
“Come home tonight, Jay. Bye.”
Shaking my head as we hang up, I can only speculate how that reunion is going to go. Happy Valentine’s Day to me. Deciding to drown my sorrows in retail therapy, I hit the first shop I come to, Agent Provocateur. I pick up some sexy panties and matching demi bras. Moving onto Bebe, I find the perfect silver sequined shift dress with a round neck and short sleeves. My personal shopper is able to find an anklet pump that coordinates perfectly. Changing in the back, I don my new outfit and slip into my new lingerie for Kane later. I let my hair down and apply light ma
keup.
I call the driver to pick me up, and we head back to the music showcase venue. Giving my name at the front, I skip the lines and head into the large room. The walls are draped in black fabric, and tables are scattered throughout. A large stage sits at the front, laden with equipment. People are starting to file in, so I grab a seat and wait. I converse only with the waitress when she takes my drink order.
Once the room seems full, a young girl takes the stage with a guitar and sings a couple songs. Her voice is soothing as she covers songs from popular genres. I watch several people in front of me talk amongst themselves and take notes. After she finishes, she receives some applause before another artist takes her place.
Several acts go on before The Mavs are introduced. When Rhye steps out onto the stage, he commands it. His charisma shines through, and when he smiles, his presence is felt around the room. He introduces his band as they begin to play several of their original songs. Gripping the edge of the table with nervous energy, my heart beats harder and faster, and butterflies swarm my stomach. I want him to play wonderfully, so he can have this future. We both have so much to look forward to.
For the last song, he covers John Mayer’s “Edge of Desire,” and my heart weeps from the words. I know deep down within that he is singing every verse to me and letting his heart bleed out onstage for us. Every chord that they strum and every beat the drummer plays grabs my soul and the souls of those around me. The enrapt faces that surround me attest to that.
When they finish, the entire room stands in ovation, including myself. This boy and his band are about to go somewhere because they just wrung hearts and captured them with their music. I notice a guy up front signal for someone on the side of stage as he speaks in hushed tones.
I sit through a couple more bands and individual artists before I get a text message from Rhye to meet him out front. Taking one last sip of my soda, I stand and make my way out. As I walk to the exit, I see him standing at the door, by himself. His hands are in his jean pockets, and his button up plaid shirt covers his black t-shirt. His dark soulful eyes look at me, and they are filled with happiness. My heart lights up when I actually see a smile appear.