Jim and I trail after her. It looks to me as if Gaby has got everything in hand and the turkey is starting to smell delicious already.

  ‘I’ll be off then,’ Jim says, kissing my cheek.

  ‘Can you pick up Mum too, Jim?’ Gaby asks.

  ‘Of course,’ he says and disappears out of the door.

  I take a piece of peeled carrot out of the pan and eat it. ‘She is coming then?’

  ‘Yes,’ Gaby says. ‘As far as I’m aware. No cancellation phone call as yet.’ She smiles at me. ‘You know what she’s like. Be nice to her.’

  I sigh. ‘I will. Something made me realise the other day that no matter what her faults, she’s the only mum we’ve got.’

  ‘She might not have been there for us when we needed her,’ Gaby says, ‘but we turned out all right, didn’t we?’

  ‘Thanks to you.’

  ‘One day we’ll want to phone her and she won’t be there.’ My sister busies herself taking packets out of the fridge and freezer. ‘Let’s make the best of her while we can. She does try.’

  ‘No she doesn’t.’

  We both laugh at that.

  ‘You’re right,’ Gaby agrees. ‘She doesn’t. But it’s Christmas, so let’s put all that behind us and have a good day.’ She hands me a packet of ready-made pigs in blankets, which I slice open and arrange on a baking tray. ‘Is everything all right between you and Jim now?’

  ‘Yes,’ I say. ‘I hope so.’

  ‘No regrets?’

  ‘Only that I caused such a mess in the first place.’

  ‘Are you sure that you’re where you want to be now?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I’m glad. I couldn’t have stood for you to leave Jim.’

  ‘As it happens, me neither.’

  ‘And Carter was all right about it?’

  I shrug. ‘He’s going to try to work things out with his wife. I hope he does. I don’t think that I’ll be hearing from him again.’

  ‘Just as well. Make this Christmas a new start.’

  I go and hug my lovely sister. ‘Thanks for putting up with me. I don’t know what I’d do without you. It was something you said that made me see sense.’

  ‘Thank goodness for that!’ she says. ‘I just want you to be happy.’

  ‘I am.’ I sigh contentedly. I’m here with Jim, with my family. What more could I ask for?

  Chapter Eighty-Four

  Jim’s car pulls into the drive. ‘They’re here,’ I say to Gaby who’s currently tasting the gravy.

  ‘Aprons off!’

  I finish peeling the parsnip in my hand and do as I’m told.

  ‘More fizz at the ready.’ Gaby grabs the glasses.

  I don’t point out that our boys are, quite probably, more WKD than Moët & Chandon.

  Jim rings the doorbell and I go to answer. Behind him, Kieran and Andrew are gently helping Mrs Ledbury up the path.

  ‘Your mum wasn’t ready,’ he says, raising an eyebrow. ‘I’ve to go back for her in half an hour.’

  That is so typical of her.

  ‘What lovely boys,’ Mrs Ledbury says. They pause while she tackles the doorstep. ‘They’re so kind.’

  I kiss her on both cheeks. ‘Merry Christmas, Mrs Ledbury. You look really lovely.’

  It’s clear that she’s taken care with her hair and has put on a little bit of make-up. She’s wearing a very festive red twinset with her pearls and a long black velvet skirt. Very stylish.

  ‘Thank you, dearie.’

  ‘This is my sister, Gaby.’

  ‘It’s so very sweet of you to have me in your home.’

  ‘You’re more than welcome,’ Gaby says, taking Mrs Ledbury’s arm and leading her into the living room.

  Then Jim stands aside. ‘You might not recognise these two.’

  The boys stand in the hall, bashful. Jim’s right. I hardly know them at all. ‘Blimey,’ I say. ‘You two scrub up well.’

  Kieran blushes furiously. ‘We went shopping yesterday,’ he says. ‘Rozzer… Andrew… thought we should.’

  They’re both kitted out in new shirts and smart trousers. Their trainers have been scrubbed clean. Both have washed and combed their hair. They’re freshly shaved and their faces shine. It’s clear that they’ve dressed to impress.

  ‘Well, you both look great.’

  ‘We bought them and everything,’ Kieran says earnestly. ‘No nicking.’

  ‘I’m pleased to hear it,’ Jim answers wryly.

  Kieran looks down, admiring his own shirt, stroking the front of it. ‘Rozzer helped me to pick it out.’

  ‘He has excellent taste,’ I assure him.

  ‘We bought some presents too,’ Andrew says, lifting the carrier bag in his hand to show me.

  ‘With the money we got for working for you and Jim.’ Kieran’s eyes shine with excitement.

  ‘It seemed only right,’ Andrew adds.

  ‘We didn’t expect anything,’ I tell them. ‘But it’s very thoughtful of you. How did your first night in your own flat go?’

  ‘Cool,’ they say in unison.

  ‘Vince had organised a quiz in the lounge, so we met a few of the other lads, had a beer together. Just one, Jim. Honest. It was well sick.’

  ‘And Kieran slept right through the night.’

  ‘I did,’ Kieran says proudly.

  I don’t ask him if the teddy helped, but I hope it did. I hug them both to me tightly. ‘Come and meet the rest of the family. Don’t be shy.’

  So I take them through and introduce them to Gaby and Ryan. They hand out gifts to everyone – perfectly wrapped packages due to all their practice over the last few weeks. I feel so very proud of them. Gaby and I have both got goodies from Lush, Jim and Ryan have some special Christmas beers, and there’s a Moshi Monster gift pack for George, which I know he’ll adore. For Molly, there’s a perfume-making kit. I wonder how they can have chosen such terrific presents. I kiss them both and they flush furiously.

  Although the teddy bears we gave to both of them and the bits and pieces were the main presents from me and Jim to the boys, I hand them T-shirts. They’re just white, printed with the word FREEDOM, but it makes us all laugh.

  ‘I never want to be buying you one that says BANGED UP on the front,’ Jim says. ‘Don’t make me do it.’

  ‘No, Jim,’ they both promise.

  Then I pick an envelope out of my handbag. ‘An extra present for you, Andrew.’

  He takes it from me, puzzled. I hope it’s what I think it is. When he opens it, his face brightens. ‘It’s from my mum.’

  So he did take the chance to write her a Christmas card when I suggested it. I wasn’t sure that he had, but I’m so glad that he felt able to. Tears threaten to well up. ‘That’s nice.’

  ‘Yeah.’ He passes the card to Kieran. ‘She says she was pleased to hear from me.’

  ‘Nice one, bro,’ Kieran says.

  Andrew takes it back and tucks the card carefully into the back pocket of his jeans.

  It’s a small step but, perhaps in the new year, they can start to mend their relationship. I do hope so.

  Minutes later, any shyness has already been forgotten, and both of the boys are on the floor playing with George and Molly – also getting a pasting at Operation. Jim slips away to get Mum and I add the final touches to the table for Gaby.

  The roast potatoes are just coming out of the oven when Mum finally arrives. Gaby says, ‘She’s here. Jim’s car’s back.’

  I tip the parsnips into a dish, dot some butter onto the carrots and toss them. Gaby takes out the tray of pigs in blankets and the dish of stuffing and we rush them to the table.

  Mum comes into the kitchen as Gaby is plating up the turkey. ‘I’m sorry I’m late,’ she says. ‘I hope I’ve not delayed you.’

  ‘Perfect timing, Mum,’ Gaby says and winks at me. ‘Merry Christmas.’

  ‘Merry Christmas, darling.’

  Mum’s hair is dyed bright red and she’s wearing an emerald-green,
low-cut top and a black skirt. Whereas Mrs Ledbury’s is velvet, my mother has plumped for the leather option. To be honest, it could have been longer too. It doesn’t even reach her knees. Her heels have got to be five inches high and the shoes are covered in studs. She always dresses way too young for her age, but at this moment my heart goes out to her. She’s the only mum we’ve got and we’re all that she’s got.

  My eyes fill with tears and I go to hug her. Mum looks surprised and her face settles into a smile. She feels small, vulnerable in my arms. In a few years she’ll be just like Mrs Ledbury but with more inappropriate clothing. I suddenly feel a surge of overwhelming love for her. She’s my mum – the one and only – and I should care for her more.

  Tears splash onto her shoulder.

  ‘Hey,’ she says. ‘What’s all this?’ She smoothes them from my cheeks with her thumb.

  ‘Nothing. I love you, Mum. I don’t tell you enough.’

  ‘I love you too, silly billy,’ she says. ‘We’re family, of course we love each other.’

  That makes me want to cry even more.

  Mum softly strokes my hair. ‘We don’t get together often enough. Just me, you and Gaby. We never have time for a proper catch-up. I miss both of my girls.’

  ‘We’ll do better next year,’ I promise. ‘We’ll have a girly day out. Soon.’

  ‘I’d like that.’ Perhaps my mum is mellowing too, coming to realise what’s important and what’s not. ‘What do you say, Gaby?’

  My sister joins the group hug. ‘I say, that sounds like a marvellous idea.’ She smiles over Mum’s head at me and I know that things will be better from now on. ‘Come on, grab yourself some fizz, Mother. I’m just about to serve lunch.’

  It’s going to be a bit of a squash round Gaby’s dining room table, but we’ll manage somehow. The room is done out in traditional red and gold and she’s brought out all of her best crockery. Everything sparkles.

  ‘The table looks really nice,’ I tell her. ‘Very festive.’

  ‘Up to Calling Mrs Christmas! standards?’

  ‘Definitely. You might find yourself with another job added to your list next year.’

  ‘I’m up for it if you are,’ she says. Gaby’s been such a great help to me too and I’d like to do something special for her in the new year.

  Despite everything that’s gone on, I would love to carry on this business. It’s just a shame that it’s not Christmas all year round. I hope I can fill the gap but, if I can’t, at least I’ve got the next six months to plan something bigger and better for next year.

  Everyone else comes through and Gaby allocates places.

  ‘Mrs Ledbury, this is my mother, Angela,’ I say.

  ‘Oh my, Angela. I thought you were another sister,’ she says. Which, not surprisingly, ensures that my mother adores her instantly.

  ‘Come and sit together,’ I say and usher the two ladies into comfy chairs rather than the hard ones that have been drafted in from the outer reaches of the house.

  Kieran and Andrew are talking football with Ryan and it’s clear that the children are besotted with them both already. It’s nice to see how easily they’ve slotted into our lives.

  Jim slips his arm round my waist. ‘They’re doing good.’

  ‘They’re doing great.’

  So we all sit down to lunch and, credit to my sister, the food is excellent. The wine and the laughter flows. This is one day that I don’t count the calories but I do, however, take the time to count my blessings.

  After lunch we all muck in to clear up and I make coffee for everyone. Gaby has bought SingStar for the PlayStation especially for Christmas and we fire it up. We all have a go, even Mrs Ledbury who surprises us with moving renditions of Dolly Parton hits in a lovely clear voice. I give it my best shot with Shania Twain and Jim sticks to the Kaiser Chief’s ‘Ruby’, which he belts out at full volume. The children – with help from us all – sing Paul McCartney’s frog song, ‘We All Stand Together’.

  The boys are in the throes of a raucous and rather tuneless version of the Proclaimers’ song, ‘500 miles’. They’re holding nothing back either and it’s wonderful to see. Tears of laughter are streaming down my cheeks when the doorbell rings.

  ‘I’ll get it,’ I say to Gaby. It’s the least I can do as she’s been up and down all day. I dance and sing my way into the hall and to the door. Out of the window, I can see that it’s snowing again. So this is Christmas, I think with a smile on my face. We’ve made it.

  When I fling open the door, Carter is standing there.

  Chapter Eighty-Five

  My heart leaps to my mouth and prevents any words from getting out.

  ‘Hi.’ His face is incredibly sad and he shuffles uncomfortably in the falling snow. ‘I know that I shouldn’t really be here, but I couldn’t stay away.’ He turns back towards his car. ‘Max and Eve are with me. They wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and they’ve got a gift for you.’

  ‘Oh, Carter.’

  ‘Tamara’s got a migraine and has gone to lie down. I thought we’d slip out for an hour.’

  Jim appears in the hall. ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘Nothing,’ I assure him. ‘Carter’s brought the children to wish me a Happy Christmas. They’re in the car.’

  ‘I’m not here to cause trouble.’ Carter holds up his hands. ‘The kids wanted to see Cassie. And I had something I wanted to talk to you about. Both of you. I just —’ He shrugs. ‘This is very awkward. I should go.’

  ‘You’d better come in,’ Jim says gruffly. ‘It’s Christmas. I’ll close the door to no one on Christmas Day.’

  ‘If you’re sure.’ Carter looks to me for confirmation.

  ‘You’d better be prepared to do a turn on SingStar,’ I say and, somehow, that relaxes the mood.

  So Carter goes to get Max and Eve and, as soon as they’re out of the car, they run into my arms and I hug them to me tightly.

  ‘We’ve brought you a present,’ Eve says and hands me a beautifully wrapped package.

  ‘Take off your coats and boots and let’s go inside.’

  In the hall, the children take off their outdoor clothes and Carter strips off his jacket. I get a flashback to all the dressing and undressing of thermal gear that we did in Lapland and push it to the back of my mind. They all follow me through to the living room.

  This should be interesting. I take a deep breath before I say, ‘This is Carter.’

  It’s fair to say that Gaby looks shocked. She looks from me, to Jim, to Carter and back again. I can offer no explanation at this point. Jim shrugs his acceptance.

  ‘These are his children, Max and Eve.’

  ‘You’d better sit down,’ my sister finally manages. ‘I’m Gaby. This is my husband, Ryan.’ Carter shakes his hand. ‘Our mother, Angela. Mrs Ledbury. Andrew and Kieran.’

  ‘Ah, the gentlemen who’ve been making such a good job of my Christmas decorations.’

  The boys flush with pride.

  ‘These are my two,’ Gaby adds. ‘George and Molly.’

  ‘Nice to meet you all,’ Carter says politely.

  ‘If you’re staying,’ again she shoots a look at me, ‘would you like a drink?’

  Carter takes in the mess of cups and edges onto the corner of the sofa next to Mrs Ledbury. ‘Tea would be fine.’

  Gaby heads towards the kitchen, indicating with her eyes that I should follow, but I don’t. I stay rooted where I am. I can’t face an inquisition right now.

  Eve has gone shy and she clings to Carter’s side when she says, ‘Open your present now, Cassie.’

  I do as I’m told and fumble with the paper. I don’t know how I’m feeling. My heart is pounding in my chest, that’s for sure. Inside there’s a fabulous knitted scarf in dove-grey cashmere. ‘Thank you. It’s gorgeous.’

  They both grin at me. ‘Daddy gave us your presents. They were lovely too. Weren’t they, Max?’ She digs her brother in the ribs.

  ‘Yes, thank you,’ he pipes up.


  ‘I would have saved them,’ I say. ‘But I didn’t expect to see you.’ Even saying that brings tears to my eyes.

  ‘You can share our toys.’ Molly steps in boldly. ‘We’ve got lots. More than we need. Would you like to sing a song with us?’