“Don’t ever forget how big my dick is,” he chuckled.
“How could I, after you tickled my brain with it?”
“Let’s not exaggerate,” he laughed, as he pulled me in closer and kissed the top of my head. His chin rested there as his breathing evened out.
This is what it felt like to be loved by Jett Colby. He fucked you like he owned your body, and then he held you as if you were the most precious thing in his life. I could get used to this.
“Jett?”
“Hmm?” he asked into my hair.
“You know, last night, when you said…”
“I love you,” he finished for me.
“Yes, did you mean it?”
“I mean everything I say to you, Goldie, don’t second guess that. I love you. I never thought I would find this feeling, this excitement, when it came to falling in love, but it’s here; it’s so fucking prevalent in my body that I sometimes don’t know what to do with it.”
Swallowing hard, I nodded and said, “Well, um, I just wanted to tell you that I love you, too. I know I didn’t say it last night, but I wanted you to know.”
Pulling me on top of his body, Jett placed both of his hands on my cheeks to look me in the eyes and said, “Thank you, Little One. I’m so sorry for everything I put you through, and I am beyond grateful for your understanding and for your love. I can’t tell you how much it means to me.”
I was about to answer when Jett’s phone that was on the nightstand of my bed started ringing. I looked over for him and saw that it was Kace calling.
“It’s Kace.”
Jett took a deep breath and reluctantly reached over to grab his phone, while still holding onto me; clearly, he didn’t want me going anywhere.
“This better be good,” Jett said, answering the phone.
Jett was silent as his jaw grew tighter and tighter. I could hear Kace’s voice, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. Whatever he was telling Jett, it was not something Jett really wanted to hear, because when he hung up, he tossed his phone to the side and ran his hands over his eyes.
I swear to God, if whatever Kace told Jett was going to once again prolong the moment that I could stay wrapped around Jett, someone was going to be castrated, and since Kace was the man who delivered the information, it wasn’t looking good for him right now.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, just as Jett slipped out from under me, leaving me cold. I pulled the blanket on my bed up around my chest, so I didn’t feel as exposed when Jett spoke to me.
“No,” Jett gruffed out, as he started to dress himself.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
“No, this doesn’t concern you,” Jett said, falling back into his old non-expressive ways.
Grabbing my robe, I threw it over my body, tied the knot, and stood in front of him while he buttoned up his shirt.
“Jett Colby, you better tell me what’s going on, or I will push you out the door and send you on your way; I don’t care how much your dick swallows me. I will not stand by while you once again keep everything from me, do you hear me? This is not a fucking joke.”
Realizing the pattern he was slipping back into, he raked his hand through his hair and then grabbed my hands. He kissed my knuckles and said, “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m just so used to taking care of everything. I’m sorry.”
Well, pinch my nipple right off, the man knew how to realize when he was wrong. I wanted to hang my jaw in surprise, but knew it wasn’t the time; I would gloat by myself later over my small victory.
“Thank you. So, what did Kace tell you?”
Jett took a deep breath and said, “Rex Titan was found dead in his home; he hung himself, what seems to be a few days ago.”
Just like that, everything around me blurred as Jett’s words rang through my head.
Rex Titan was dead.
29
“Run Run Run”
Jett
The car ride to the Lafayette Club fell silent between Goldie and myself. After the phone call from Kace, the jovial mood we’d been experiencing turned sour quickly, and not because of the fact that Rex committed suicide, which was shocking news to find out, but because of Goldie’s reaction.
She cried!
Goldie fucking cried! She was still crying. As the driver took us back to the Lafayette Club, she cried next to me, little sobs escaping her. I wanted to reach over and pull her into my embrace, to tell her it was going to be okay, but the rage that was boiling deep inside of me kept me at a far distance from her.
I tried to control my temper, to realize that she did have a history with Rex and the information came out of nowhere, but the devastation in her eyes was hard to swallow. I couldn’t help but wonder if she would react the same way if something was to ever happen to me. How would she react? I would hope to God she would be more hurt than she was now. Then again, she looked pretty wrecked at the moment.
The car pulled up in the back driveway that connected to the garage and I quickly let myself out of the car, not waiting for my driver to open the door. The crunch of the gravel behind me let me know Goldie was following close behind. I was surprised she was able to pull herself out of the car, since she was so torn apart about what happened.
Shaking my head in disgust, I walked to the back entrance of the club, threw the door open, and then quickly walked up the back steps to the third floor. I avoided all the common areas because I was in no mood to talk to anyone.
Funny how fast the mood could change between two people with one phone call.
“Jett,” Goldie called after me, but I ignored her and found my way to my office, where I quickly poured myself two fingers of bourbon. The warm liquid coated my throat, easing some of the tension that was building up inside of me.
“Jett,” Goldie said again, as she walked through my office and slammed my door shut. “What the hell? Why are you running away from me?” she sniffled.
“I wasn’t running,” I corrected her, as I took a seat in my office chair and turned it to look out the window.
I turned my chair away from her so she would get the hint that I didn’t want to talk to her, but I had a feeling that wasn’t going to matter. She was a stubborn girl, and if she wanted to talk to me, I could only imagine she would result to climbing over my chair, if need be, to get me to open my mouth.
Yes, I was resorting to my old ways of shutting her out; I knew exactly what I was doing, but right now, it was because if I told her how I felt, I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold back.
The top of my chair was gripped by a small hand and I was forcefully turned away from my window; I was greeted by a very red-eyed and very mad Goldie, who had her arms crossed over her chest and was looking down at me, ready to unleash.
“You have two fucking seconds to tell me why you are acting like a dick right now or I am taking off. You can’t keep resorting to shutting me out. I am not fucking kidding, Jett. I will not stand for this.”
Running my hands over my face to give me a second to think, I took a deep breath and said, “I would love to have this little heart-to-heart with you, but I’m afraid you’re not going to like what I have to say.”
“What? Do you think you can only tell me things I like to hear? That’s not reality, Jett; probably fifty percent of the crap that comes out of your mouth is something I won’t like…”
“Fifty percent?” I asked with a questioning look. “That number seems absurdly high.”
“Don’t, don’t distract me from what’s going on here. Tell me why the hell you’re acting cold towards me.”
“You really want to know?” I asked, as I got out of my chair and started pacing my office.
“Yeah, I really want to know,” Goldie said in a mocking voice, trying to impersonate me. The woman knew how to press my buttons, and she was doing a damn fine job of it right now.
“Fine, I can’t stand the fact that you’re crying over Rex’s death. The thought of you being sad over
him makes me physically nauseous. Seeing you weep over a man who did nothing but try to separate me from you is like a fucking knife to my stomach. Right now, I don’t even want you near me.”
“You can’t be serious,” Goldie responded, shocked.
“I don’t fuck around, Goldie,” I said, getting in her face. “You should know that by now.”
She stood her ground as I hovered over her, trying to startle her out of my office before I said something more damaging.
“You want me to leave?”
“Yes, I want you to leave,” I said without blinking an eye.
She crossed her arms over her chest again and said, “Well, too fucking bad; I’m not going anywhere.”
Frustrated, I blew out a long breath and went over to my bourbon to fill up my glass.
“Resorting to your bourbon again…you’re becoming a real lush, aren’t you? Can’t face reality, you have to hide behind a glass of amber liquid. I guess it’s your upbringing, push everything behind a fake wall so you don’t have to deal with it, then drink yourself into oblivion. Maybe you’re more like your father…”
I slammed the glass of bourbon into the wall as I turned toward her and said, “Don’t you ever fucking compare me to that monster, do you hear me?”
My rash actions startled her, as she kept her mouth shut and nodded her head. I could see that she started to visibly shake from the anger pouring off of me.
“Leave, you need to leave,” I commanded, pleading in my mind for her to listen to me, for once.
With a quick nod, she started for the door, but when her hand reached the knob, she stopped in her tracks and glanced in my direction. A lone tear streaked down her face as her eyes connected with mine. Right then and there, my fucking heart was ripped out of my chest and thrown on the floor. No matter how much I was mad at her for feeling for Rex, I still couldn’t take the hurt look in her eyes.
Pressing my hand to my forehead and trying to massage the aggravation that was trying to consume me, I said, “I can’t stand the fact that you have feelings for him.”
“I don’t have feelings for him,” she said, as more tears fell down her face.
“If you don’t have feelings, then why the hell are you crying? Why does it seem like you lost the love of your fucking life?”
A crease formed between her eyes as she processed what I was saying. She let go of the doorknob she was holding onto and walked toward me, never taking her eyes off of mine.
“You really think this is the way I would react if I lost the love of my life? You’re sadly mistaken because, first of all, Rex was nothing to me…”
“Then why are you fucking crying?” I shouted, entirely frustrated with the situation.
“Because it was a shock to me,” she shouted back. “I would have cried if you told me your milk man died. For fuck’s sake Jett, I have a heart. I don’t walk around all dark and moody like you and Kace; things affect me. I can’t help it. I cry during that stupid Budweiser commercial with the dog; it’s who I am. Why does it bother you so much?”
“Because…because…”
“Because why?!” Goldie spat at me.
“Because he stole Natasha from me, which turned me black, but when I found out he took you,” I shook my head and said, “When I thought he took you, my soul died. I thought I was hurting when Natasha left me, but I didn’t know what pain was until you left me, Goldie. I had no fucking clue what misery was until the day you took off. You can’t imagine the flashbacks I went through, the gut-wrenching agony I had to deal with by you taking off, trying to save the day.”
“I was trying to make things better for us.”
“By you ‘making things better’,” I quoted her, “You made them exceedingly worse.”
“Because I asked you to trust me? Because I wanted you to try to have faith in me?”
“Because you abandoned me,” I choked out.
Feeling vulnerable, I turned around so Goldie didn’t see the open wound in my chest that was starting to pour out. I didn’t do fucking feelings, this was why, because I wasn’t able to control them.
The room fell silent as I waited for her to say something, but instead of her coming back at me with a smart remark, I heard her feet pad across the floor until she stood directly behind me. Her arms wrapped around my waist and her head pressed against my back as she hugged me tightly.
“I’m sorry, Jett. I didn’t even think about how my leaving might affect you; I didn’t know it would hurt you so much.”
“Goldie, you were there. You saw the pleading look on my face when you said you were going to leave; you heard me beg for you to stay. How can you say it wouldn’t have affected me?”
She turned me around so I was forced to face her. Her hand went up to my face, where she caressed my jaw and said, “How was I supposed to know how you really felt, Jett? You never told me; you barely showed me. For all I knew, you moved on without me here, hired a new Jett Girl, which you did.”
“Because I thought you’d moved on. You were with Rex, Goldie. Rex, the one person who made it his mission to destroy me every chance he got. He was one of the main reasons, besides my dad, why we couldn’t be together.”
“And how did I find that out? Oh yeah, from Diego, not from you, the person who was supposed to be my boyfriend.”
Completely frustrated, Goldie let go of me and pulled away. I could see the tension radiating off of her. Did I really want to dig deep into our issues? Not really, but they were out now. They had to be resolved once and for all.
“How come you can’t just trust me?” Goldie asked, aggravated.
“Because I don’t trust anyone except for Kace. Everyone in my life has either left me or treated me more as an accessory than a human. Trust doesn’t come easy to me.”
“Have I done anything for you not to trust me?”
Valid point, she hadn’t. She’d actually been extremely loyal, but because I’m a fucked-up bastard, I can’t readily admit to her being welcomed into my inner circle.
“No,” I admitted.
“So then, why are you treating me like everyone else? Why are you clumping me in with all the other people who’ve hurt you? It’s not fair, Jett, for you to pre-judge me like that.”
I didn’t know what to say; I didn’t think she would understand.
“Jett, talk to me,” she practically begged. “Tell me why.”
Wanting this to be over, I finally said, “Because you’re the one person who could annihilate me, Goldie. I’ve never in my life felt so strongly about a person before, and it terrifies me because with one sentence, with one wave of your wrist, you could take everything away from me. You literally hold all the power. You’re the definition of gold. You think you’re just a small girl who came from Bourbon Street, but you are so wrong. You’re so much more than that. You hold the colors in the palm of your hand.”
“Colors?” Goldie asked, confused.
I walked over to her and opened up her palm. With my finger, I traced a J, F and P on her palm.
“Purple is for justice, something you were able to accomplish while staying at the Lafayette Club. Green is for faith, even though it might not seem like it, I have more faith in you than anyone. And finally, gold, for power. The colors of the city are yours, Goldie, the colors I live by, and fuck if you didn’t just come into my life and take them all away.”
“I just wanted to be a part of your life, Jett. I still do; I love you.”
Needing her close, I pulled her into my chest and kissed the top of her head.
“I love you, Goldie. Fuck, do I love you. Three words I never thought would come out of my mouth, but the moment I saw you drawing my mother’s gravestone, I knew I was in trouble. I knew, at that moment, my mom was trying to bring us together, it just took me a little longer to accept the help she was sending me.”
“Why is this so hard?” she asked innocently.
“Because I’m fucked up and have trust issues. I have Daddy issues. I have lit
tle rich boy issues…”
“Little rich boy issues for sure,” she giggled into my chest.
“I’m sorry, Goldie. I want to be better. I just need you to understand that when you thought you were doing something for us, you were really destroying me. I don’t do well with being left behind. I was left behind my whole life. It’s hard for me to see something I care about so much leave me. I can’t fucking take it.”
“I understand,” she said softly, while rubbing my back, erasing all the stress out of my body. “Can I ask you to do something for me?”
“Anything,” I said, almost in desperation.
She looked up at me and patted my heart with her hand. “This right here, this heart belongs to me, and I need you to open it up, to let me fully in and to be vulnerable, to be scared, to drop the alpha mask when you’re with me and just be. I will not judge you and I will not leave you; I’m here and I’m not leaving. Do you understand that? I’m not leaving, Jett, it’s time you accept that and help us move on with our relationship.”
She was right, I needed to stop pushing her away and finally let her all the way in, throw my balls to the wall and dive in headfirst to the unknown. Fuck was I scared, but with Goldie by my side, I knew it was going to be alright. It had to be alright, my mom brought us together for a reason. My mom knew Goldie was the one for me; it was about time I started living my life and stopped living in fear.
“I can do that,” I whispered, as I carefully brought my lips down to hers.
She sighed in my embrace and let my lips take control of hers. With my tongue, I pried her mouth open and tasted her beautiful self. She was intoxicating, debilitating, and so fucking mind altering that at times, I forgot who I was.
Needing to prove to her that I was fully in this relationship, I pulled away, eliciting a cry from her, but then grasped her hand.
“I need to show you something.”
“Okay…” she drawled out. “But before you do that, can we address one thing?”
“Sure.”