Eli’s mouth dropped open. “Are you serious?” He wouldn’t be able to do it. He would refuse.
“You have to do your job, Eli. You won’t like what happens if you don’t. Trust me,” Trevor said, patting Eli’s back with a very hot hand. “But this is why I’m a paramedic. It makes me feel like I can balance out the things I do. I think you’ll feel that way, too.”
Eli stepped back, glad for the silence and invisibility the Veil offered as he freaked out. “How long have you been like this?”
“Since the late twentieth century. I know what I’m talking about.” He folded his massive, muscular arms over his chest. “I haven’t lost my humanity yet. And I won’t.”
Trevor sounded like he was trying to convince himself, which didn’t make Eli feel better. Right now, the only thing keeping Eli from going straight to Moros and begging to be put down was Galena. He’d lost his soul. He’d lost Cacy. The only thing left was to keep Galena safe. He turned away from Trevor, wanting to get back to his sister, but realized he had no idea how.
Trevor beckoned him back. “Don’t go anywhere yet. You have to wait for your commission.”
A glossy, swirling ring appeared across the street, first tiny, then growing. A Ferry was coming through a portal.
From the shadowy body of the dead old man lying prone on the sidewalk, another old man rose, this one more colorful and solid. This version of Yang Bao-Zhi was alive, and there was no Mark on him.
Eli staggered back as the old man’s soul drew itself up straight and smiled. “I’m sorry,” Eli choked as he stared at his victim. “I shouldn’t have . . . I won’t . . .”
“The Kere serve a purpose,” barked Trevor, stepping in front of Eli and blocking his view. “You serve a purpose. Death isn’t evil. It just is. And we are all part of the process. Cacy is, too,” he added gently.
Eli shut his eyes tight. He didn’t want to think of her, and he didn’t want to know what she thought of him now. She’d told him he was a good man, and now she would realize the truth.
“Leave me alone,” he growled as he backed into the spongy alleyway, breathing hard, the pain in his chest tearing at him, splitting him open. It felt like Moros had replaced his soul with broken glass. He slid down the squishy brick wall of one of the buildings, focusing as hard as he could on being as far away from Trevor as possible.
When he opened his eyes, he was back in his apartment.
He lurched to the bathroom and retched into the toilet. With his back against the wall and his knees bent in front of him, he sat on the cool tile floor until he caught his breath. After rinsing his mouth, he stared at his teeth in the mirror to make sure they looked normal, then checked on Galena. She was sleeping soundly, so he went back to the bathroom to take a shower before the water switched off at four. He was scheduled to work in a few hours, and as much as he dreaded the thought of facing Cacy, he would go. Because if he was going to continue living, if he was going to try not to become a true monster, he at least had to do some good.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Cacy sat in the back of the limousine, staring out at the canal without actually seeing it. She had to be at work in a few hours, but she didn’t want to think about it. Would Eli even show up? And did she want him to?
She’d been obsessing over that last question for the past few hours, and she had yet to come up with an answer. She shivered in the air-conditioned chill of the backseat and wrapped her arms around herself, but it did nothing to mend the gaping gash in her heart. Every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was Eli’s face as he turned away from her at the hospital. It was as if, when Moros took his soul, he had also taken all of Eli’s feelings for her.
She sniffled and tucked her hair behind her ear as the driver pulled up to the Psychopomps Inc. building. This time, when he offered his hand, she took it and let him drag her up. She walked forward unsteadily, realizing she hadn’t slept since the day before. At some point, she would crash. But she had to meet with Rylan now. She had some questions.
Rylan was standing in the lobby when she arrived. He frowned when he saw her and held his arms out. She stepped into them and let him hug her, but she didn’t have the energy to hug back. He held her shoulders and looked down at her. “I’m so sorry, Cacy. About all of this. Word reached me that Eli is a Ker now.”
Cacy bit her lip to hold the sob inside. She nodded. Rylan crushed her to his chest again, so hard she could barely breathe. “I’ve arranged for a meeting with the Keepers of the Afterlife,” he said, his deep bass voice vibrating in her ear. “Moros is going to be punished for what he’s done. It’s time for the Keepers to put him down. They should have done it millennia ago, and I got the sense they’re eager for any excuse to do it now. And we’re going to be the ones to make it happen, Cacy.”
“Moros didn’t Mark Eli.”
Though she’d mumbled the words against his chest, Rylan heard her loud and clear. He tensed and tipped her chin up. “Who told you that?”
“He did.”
Rylan stepped back quickly. “You talked to him again?”
“When I went to guide Eli’s soul, he was there. He said there’s a rogue Ker on the loose, and he plans to find out who.”
Rylan’s face flushed. “And you believed him?”
Cacy looked away, her eyes sliding over the vacant reception desk. Pictures of Shauna with her parents and friends still lined its surface. “He told me he planned to let Galena live.”
Rylan coughed out a bitter laugh. “You’re very gullible, little sister. We have ample evidence against him. Look what he did to Eli. For all we know, he’s responsible for Father’s death. So I wouldn’t be surprised if he got to Shauna.”
Cacy walked forward and picked up one of the picture frames. She stared at the bright, innocent smile of the round-faced young woman. “What could have made her want to hurt Eli?”
Rylan sighed. “She confided in me about a month ago. She’s been secretly dating a Ker. It would have enraged her parents.” He joined Cacy at the desk and picked up a graduation picture. Shauna beamed at the camera, her arms wrapped around her mother and father. “Maybe the Ker she was dating was just following orders, or maybe he was rogue. Either way, there’s a good possibility that he convinced her to do it. To get to me. To us.” He frowned at the happy young girl in the photo. “She could have done it all, Cacy. She could have bribed someone to delete the video of the attack on Father. She was good friends with Chad—she could have asked him to stop the car by the Common and could have paid someone for the killing. She knew where Debra and Peter were and could have worked with her boyfriend to Mark and guide them to the Afterlife without anyone knowing it.”
Cacy wasn’t sure Shauna was capable of such serious masterminding. She took the picture from Rylan. “Did Shauna say anything when you escorted her soul?”
Rylan’s lips became a tight white line as he shook his head.
Cacy swallowed hard over the lump in her throat. “Did she end up in Heaven?”
Rylan looked at the floor and shook his head again.
The picture frame fell from Cacy’s numb hands and hit the floor with a clatter. “Do her parents know?”
“I couldn’t lie to them,” said Rylan solemnly. “They had to know why I would take the life of one of the Ferrys, why I would do something so extreme and permanent. It hasn’t happened in decades.” The Charon was the only one who could discipline the Ferrys, and the only one who could execute one of them if they wore the Raven Mark on their skin. If he wielded the weapon, the wounds wouldn’t heal.
Rylan touched his Scope. “Aislin is particularly furious. She doesn’t believe Shauna committed this crime, even though you and I both saw it with our own eyes.”
Cacy looked down at the frame, the digital image of Shauna’s smiling face now flickering with static. Could Aislin have convinced Shauna to kill for her? Had Aisli
n given her the gun? “Are the police investigating?”
“Of course,” said Rylan, kneeling to pick up the picture. He leaned over and dropped it into a wastebasket. “They said I wouldn’t be charged. It was obviously a justifiable homicide.”
Cacy put a hand to her stomach, which was feeling distinctly rebellious. “I’m sorry, Rylan. I don’t think I could bear to kill someone and then send them to Hell.”
He shrugged. “It was necessary. Now. How are you? I felt awful when I heard about Eli. Making Eli a Ker was just about the most evil thing Moros could have done.”
Cacy nodded, but she was surprised at how wrong it felt. She knew she should be horrified, but every time she tried to summon up that feeling, all that was waiting for her was relief that Eli was still on Earth. Still existing where she could see him, where she could touch him—not that he’d let her. But no matter what he had done, and no matter what he did now, she couldn’t make herself wish he was gone.
“I’ll take care of this, Cacy. I’m going to ask the Keepers to fold the Kere into the Psychopomps empire. To put them under my supervision. I swear to you, I’ll root out the evil ones, and if you want me to, I’ll have Eli sent away. I’ll fix all of this for you.”
Cacy took a step back from her older brother, her heart constricting. “I have to get to work.” She didn’t want Eli anywhere but next to her, but there was no way she was going to argue with Rylan now.
Rylan took her by the shoulders again, his dark eyes boring into hers. “Don’t worry about this. But stay away from Eli. The Kere are devious and sadistic—even before Moros takes their souls. Eli is obviously not the man you thought he was. Don’t let him hurt you. Please.” He chuckled drily. “You haven’t been listening to me lately, but do this for me. His loyalty is to Moros now, not to you or the Ferrys. He’s dangerous.”
Cacy nodded, if only to escape the laser beam of his gaze. “Don’t worry. I know.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Eli walked into the garage slowly, focused entirely on staying calm. He’d called the Lord of the Kere before leaving home and made sure someone Moros trusted was watching over the apartment and the lab, guarding Galena from anyone who would try to hurt her. Eli would have done it himself, but the past few hours had been hell on earth, and he felt like a brick of C-4, ready to explode at the slightest trigger. He’d been yanked into the Veil once more as soon as he’d left home, names appearing on his arm like someone had carved them there, faces appearing in his mind like they’d been stamped on his brain. And the only way to make it stop was to touch the people whose faces he’d seen. He was drawn to them, almost magnetically, and found himself stepping in and out of the Veil with only a thought, with just the push of an instinct that was now buried deeply within him.
He’d walked behind the young couple for nearly an hour, unable to stomach causing the deaths of these two innocent people. But the names and faces of Karen Pitts and Daniel Bateman were burrowing a hole right through him as he watched them stroll obliviously down the street, window-shopping, holding hands, and leaning in to kiss every so often. To Eli, it was beyond painful, for so many reasons. They were young. Karen had stylishly spiky brown hair and was wearing a green dress that could barely contain her voluptuous body. She carried a matching beaded purse that glittered under the streetlights as she walked. Daniel was stocky and fit, his reddish hair buzzed close to his head. Eli wondered if he was in the military.
Unlike the old man, this pair hadn’t yet had a chance to live their lives. It seemed so unfair. And it reminded him too much of what he’d lost. He could picture walking with Cacy like that, holding her hand, pulling her close every few blocks to taste her lips and inhale her spicy scent. It was all too easy to imagine, and it cut through him like a scalpel, bringing with it fresh jabs of agony that added to the very real, gut-wrenching pain he was now feeling. Because every moment he held back and refused to Mark the couple, the pain became sharper, hotter, until it felt like someone had set his insides on fire.
Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. Biting down hard on the inside of his cheek, he ran forward and pushed the couple, laying his hands on their shoulders and bursting between them like a levee break. Ignoring the girl’s surprised cries and the guy’s shouted threats, Eli kept sprinting like something was chasing him until he stumbled over his own feet and went flying. But instead of hitting the ground, he hit his own bedroom floor, where he lay, stunned and panting, for less than a minute before bolting for the toilet to heave. Fortunately, Galena had already gone back to her lab for the night and hadn’t had to witness her brother falling apart.
As he rode the bus to Chinatown, he wondered what had happened to the couple, if they had succumbed to heart attacks like the old man. That wouldn’t really make sense, but all the same, Eli hoped Karen and Daniel had a few more hours together, maybe had a chance to make love one more time. He prayed that when the end did come, it was quick, taking them both at once so neither had to endure the knowledge that the other was lost.
Rig 436 was parked in its usual spot, and when Eli saw Cacy’s bowed head through one of the small side windows, his breath caught. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and there were circles beneath them. Her beautiful face was pale and drawn, like she’d lived a decade in the last twenty-four hours. She looked like how he felt.
It didn’t make him want her any less.
Someone bumped into him from behind, and Eli swung around with an instinctive growl.
Len smiled his ugly smile and held up a bottle of Powderkleen. “My rig needs a spit shine, Sergeant. Since you and your partner injured me in an unprovoked attack, it’s the least you can do.”
Eli was certain he felt his fingernails elongating and sharpening. “I’m busy. Sorry.” He made it two steps before the night supervisor’s broad hand closed over his shoulder and spun him around. Len’s eyes widened as he stared at Eli’s face, but Eli couldn’t make himself care. He drew back his fist—
“Stop!” shouted Cacy as she shoved Eli, breaking his laser focus on tearing Len apart. She whirled to face Len. “Clean your own fucking rig,” she barked. “Ask my partner to do your dirty work one more time and I will hurt you in a permanent way.”
Len tried to sneer, but he’d gone pale. His mud-colored eyes darted back and forth between Eli and Cacy. “You two fucking deserve each other,” he said hoarsely, then turned and stalked away, still clutching the bottle of Powderkleen.
Eli’s gaze was fixed on the floor as he drew deep breaths through his nose, determined not to let Cacy see how close he was to ripping the arms off that asshole’s gorilla-like body. He knew that his eyes were glowing red and if he lifted his head, she’d see him for the monster he was now. He couldn’t bear it if she looked at him the way Len just had.
The screech of the wireless alert jerked Eli’s head up, and to his relief, the world wasn’t stained red. He sprinted for the rig, Cacy right next to him. Their shift had begun.
Over the next several hours, they went on five calls, never looking at each other, never speaking apart from their communication over patients. A badly broken leg. A nasty bolt-gun injury. A heart attack. A car accident. A near electrocution. Each time they pulled into the hospital bay with a live patient, Eli breathed a sigh of relief.
But on their sixth call of the night, what he saw on the videowall caused his stomach to drop. Twisted metal jutted up from the sidewalk in jagged spires, and people were gathered around it, shaking their heads and screaming. “One unit to the corner of Oak and Ash. Construction-site accident. Two reported casualties. Fire crews on scene.”
“Eli.” Cacy’s voice cut him like a whip. “Get your ass in gear. We’re up again.” She ran for the ambulance.
Just as Cacy fired up the engine, he swung himself into the passenger seat and fastened his seat belt. She stomped on the gas, and the ambulance lurched forward, its sirens wailing.
It was the firs
t time he’d really looked at her since the shift started, and now he was unable to tear his eyes away. Her hair was in a high ponytail, cascading down her neck in thick waves. He remembered what it felt like to bury his fingers in those silky locks. He remembered it brushing over his chest as she crawled up his body.
Then he remembered that he’d never feel those things again, and that gave him the strength to look away.
The streets of Chinatown streaked by, the residents walking the sidewalks like life was normal, like it could go on that way forever, like the messengers of death didn’t walk among them. He had forgotten how that felt; even when he was human, he’d carried an awareness of death with him every day.
Cacy glanced at him from out of the corner of her eye. “I was surprised you came in today. I figured you’d want to watch over Galena now that you know—”
“Now that I know someone’s trying to kill her? Moros has one of his personal guards watching her while I’m at work.”
Her knuckles were white on the steering wheel. “And you trust him?”
Eli sighed. “I don’t think he would have gone to the trouble of making me a Ker and keeping me around if he wanted to kill Galena.” He stared down at his hands, squinting at them in the glare and flash of the street signs and headlights, wondering if he was imagining the shadows of razor-like claws cast across the dash. He crossed his arms and tucked his hands against his sides.
“This one looks bad. Are you up for it?” she asked, showing she knew him well enough to understand he was close to the edge. Her voice was even, but he knew her well enough now to understand she was working hard to keep it that way.
“I’ll be fine,” he answered as casually as possible. “I’m the s . . .” The words died on his lips. He wasn’t the same, and they both knew it. “I’ll be fine.”
Cacy blinked rapidly and nodded. “Good. Get your gloves on and get ready.”