Regan turned to see Spring standing in the doorway. “Yes.”
“Nervous?” Spring asked.
“Very.”
“You’ll do fine. Anna will love you. My grandfather probably won’t, but don’t let him scare you. When he growls, growl back.”
Regan wasn’t sure about that tact but tucked it away. Picking up her handbag and a wrap to ward off the evening chill on the ride back, she drew in a calming breath and followed Spring outside.
Her first impression was that Anna was tiny. She wore a gray smock topped by a blue apronlike overdress. Two long braids framed her small brown face. She was holding her father’s hand, and the moment Regan met her dark eyes they immediately dropped shyly to the small brown boots on her feet.
“Anna, I’m Regan Carmichael, and I’m very pleased to meet you.”
She glanced up. “Pleased to meet you, too,” she whispered, holding Regan’s gaze for only a moment.
Regan took in Dr. Lee. He was wearing a gray suit as if this were an important occasion and he looked very handsome. Regan wondered if Anna knew why she’d been invited.
“Shall we go inside?” he asked.
“Yes.”
Spring said to Regan, “I’ll come back for you at sunset.”
Anna said, “You aren’t going to eat with us, Aunt Spring?”
“No, lamb. Not this time.”
“Oh.” It was apparent the child was disappointed.
Dr. Lee said, “I’ll see Miss Carmichael back, Spring.”
Regan was surprised by that but showed no reaction.
“Okay. Have a good time.”
Spring drove off in her wagon and Dr. Lee gestured for Regan to enter the house. Inside, she took in the heavy ornate furniture with its faded velvet and suede upholstering. It was as if someone had stuffed the small parlor with three rooms worth of furnishings, and it made the room terribly crowded. She paused at the sight of the large portrait over the fireplace of a smiling woman in a blue walking ensemble. Beside her were two brown spaniels. Her features were so much like Anna’s, Regan asked, “Is that your mother, Anna?”
“Yes.”
“She’s very pretty. You favor her a great deal.”
“I killed her,” she confessed softly.
Regan froze and stared wide-eyed at the somber little girl and then at her father who appeared equally appalled.
Regan said, “I’m sure no one feels that way, Anna.”
The girl nodded. “Great-Aunt Minnie does. She tells me every time we visit Mama’s grave.”
Before Regan could respond, her father knelt, took his daughter’s small hands in his, and said earnestly, “Anna, you didn’t kill your mother. Minnie is wrong to have told you that.” It was apparent from his voice and manner that this was the first time he’d heard Anna express this and Regan’s heart went out to him.
He added, “And I’ll tell Minnie she’s never to say such a thing to you again. Ever. I promise.”
Anna nodded and he rose to his feet.
A male voice asked, “Is this her?”
Regan turned to see an older gray-haired man whose size and heft reminded her of a grizzly.
Face still showing concern for his daughter, Lee said, “Regan Carmichael, my grandfather, Benjamin Lee.”
“Pleased to meet you, sir.”
He made a grunt that could have passed for a greeting but only to someone hard of hearing. Regan said, “I’m looking forward to us getting acquainted.”
By the terse set of his gray whiskered jaw, it was obvious he wasn’t like-minded, but she didn’t let his attitude bother her. Anna was the person she needed to win over. Grizzly Ben would have to wait his turn.
“Let’s eat,” he grumbled. “Food’s ready.”
The small dining room sported a good-sized table with wood so dull, it apparently hadn’t been polished in years. The chair backs were equally dry. Smiling falsely, she took the seat Lee indicated directly across from him and Anna. She hoped the grandfather could cook.
He couldn’t. Having grown up with her Aunt Eddy’s excellent cooking flavored with spices and the peppers of Mexico, she found the food disappointingly bland. Back home meals had been a time of laughter and conversation. Here? Silence. The family shared the table like strangers.
Attempting to draw Anna out, Regan asked, “Anna, what’s your favorite time of the year? Summer? Spring? Winter?”
Anna cast her father a hasty glance as if seeking permission to speak. He gave her a nod.
“I don’t have one.”
Regan wasn’t deterred. “Personally, I like summer, because after my sister and I did our chores, we could swim in the canyons and ride our horses. We could lie in the grass and read, or look for shapes in the clouds. We’d see lions and eagles. Portia even saw a dragon once. Have you ever lain on your back in the grass and looked for shapes?”
“No, ma’am.”
“How about kite flying?”
“No.”
“Surely you play marbles?”
Anna chuckled. “No.”
“Then we shall have to make an Anna Fun List.” Regan stood, leaned over the table, and stuck out her hand. “Shall we shake on it?”
Anna glanced tentatively at her father and her great-grandfather, then finally reached out and took Regan’s hand. They shook.
“Good. Now, Mr. Ben, may I have more stew, please?”
Regan shot her intended a smile.
For the rest of the meal, Colton watched Regan Carmichael charm his daughter. Anna wasn’t any more outgoing than usual but there was a glow of interest and curiosity in her manner that was new. Regan continued to regale them with tales of catching tadpoles and helping to brand cattle with her neighbor, Mr. Blanchard.
“Anna, did I tell you about the time my sister and I had to jump in Mr. Blanchard’s pond to get away from an angry swarm of hornets?”
The wide-eyed Anna shook her head.
So, the Lee family listened as Regan related the tale of Mr. Blanchard attempting to set fire to a hornet’s nest built under the eaves of his porch. “My sister and I were holding the ladder he used to climb up to the nest, but when those hornets came pouring out of that hive, we dropped the ladder and hightailed it out of there. They chased us all the way to his pond. We jumped in and ducked underwater. When we surfaced, the hornets were gone but Portia and I were soaked from our boots to our braids.”
“Did you get a whipping for getting all wet?”
“No,” Regan said gently. “My Aunt Eddy and Uncle Rhine didn’t mind if we got wet or dirty if we were having fun. They were just glad the hornets didn’t sting us.”
Anna appeared puzzled by that. Having grown up under Minnie’s rigid guidance, Colt understood why. Ben was watching Regan as if unsure what to make of her. Colt felt the same way.
Anna finally asked her, “So if you were my new mama, I could play outdoors and get dirty?”
“Yes, and I’ll probably get dirty with you.”
Her jaw dropped. She stared in amazement at Colt and he couldn’t suppress the smile that curved his lips. Regardless of how he felt about the adventure-loving Regan Carmichael, instinct said she’d be good for his daughter.
For his part, Ben harrumphed, pushed back from the table, and carried his empty bowl into the kitchen.
Colt met Regan’s curious gaze but he didn’t respond.
Regan asked Anna, “So what’s the first thing you want to get dirty doing?”
He could see Anna thinking it over and he found that surprising as well.
She finally replied, “May I think about it?”
“Of course. It’s a big decision. I’d have to think it over, too, if I were you.” Regan turned her attention his way. “Do you think your grandfather will allow me to help clean up?”
“No, at least not today. You’re a guest.”
“I only ask because my sister and I always took care of that back home. Habit, I suppose.”
“I see.” He had no way of knowing if that
was the truth, or if she was trying to worm her way into Ben’s good graces as well. She certainly had Anna in the palm of her hand. He turned to his daughter. “Anna, would you keep Miss Carmichael company for a moment? I want to check on Grandfather.”
“Yes, sir.”
He found Ben outside on the porch smoking his after-dinner cigar and sipping a shot of whiskey.
“Your thoughts?” Colt asked as he came to stand beside him. The mountains glowed red and gold in the setting sun.
“She’s going to bring chaos to this house. That’s for sure.”
Colt agreed. “Anna seems to like her.”
Ben’s face soured. “And if you marry her, Anna’s going to grow up to be as incorrigible as your sister.”
“Only if I try and force her to marry someone she can’t abide.”
Ben skewered him with hard eyes. Colt knew the old man still believed marrying Spring off had been his right, but it precipitated the breach that followed, whether he chose to acknowledge his role or not.
Ben returned his attention to the mountains and grumbled, “She was supposed to do what I told her to.”
Colt refused to argue. “Miss Carmichael and I will set a date.” Not needing a response, he walked back inside.
“Will she be all right?” Regan asked as they rode towards Spring’s cabin. They were both mounted. Anna had been left behind with Ben.
“Yes,” Lee replied. “Ben’s not much of a companion for a six-year-old but he’ll watch out for her and make sure she’s safe. When I’m away in the evenings, he usually cares for her.”
Regan didn’t think Grizzly Bear Ben qualified as a companion for anyone under the age of eighty, but kept that to herself. “I enjoyed meeting her. Do you think she enjoyed my visit?”
“I believe so. She’s seldom as curious as she was tonight. Both Minnie and Ben feel children should be seen and not heard.”
“And your feelings on that?”
“My mother encouraged us to have opinions, our father didn’t. Spring and I lost him during Lincoln’s War and our mother in seventy-one. Ben moved in in sixty-eight when she first got sick.”
“How old were you?”
“I was thirteen when our father died in sixty-four and Spring was eleven.”
“Portia was twelve and I was ten when my mother sent us to live with our Aunt Eddy and Uncle Rhine.”
“Was your mother ill?”
Regan responded with a short bitter chuckle. “No. She didn’t want us anymore, so she shipped us off like a crate of oranges and we haven’t heard from her since.”
He stopped his horse.
Regan added, “Portia grieved the loss but I didn’t. If she didn’t want us, I didn’t want her.”
“Something else not in your letters.”
“True, nor did I reveal that she was a prostitute.” He visibly tensed, studying her in the fading light, so she said, “If you wish to cancel our agreement due to my mother, you are free to do so, but you should know the truth.”
“Forgive me for asking what might be a rude question but have you ever been with a man?”
“I gave my virginity to someone I cared deeply for. He was the only one though.”
He raised his eyes to the heavens as if seeking strength or patience or both. “You’re making this very difficult.”
“Would you rather I lied?”
He studied her again and shook his head. “No. Anything else I should know?”
“Not that I can think of.” Regan wished she knew him well enough to tell what might be going through his head. She’d always been forthright because she found truth to be a better road than lying.
“A man prefers his wife to be virgin.”
“I know that but men can visit women like my mother, and have mistresses with no repercussions from society. I’m not a whore, Dr. Lee. I don’t plan to have relations outside my marriage, and I don’t expect my husband to seek solace with someone else either.”
“So, you’ll accept my needs in the marriage bed without complaint?”
“As long as you extend me the same courtesy.”
“Good women don’t have needs.”
She scoffed, “And you call yourself a doctor. Let’s get to Spring’s before it’s full dark, shall we?”
He looked stunned. She thought he was about to say more. Instead, his mouth clamped shut and they resumed the ride.
They completed the rest of the short journey in silence, and it made Regan wonder again if she’d overplayed her hand by being so truthful.
When they reached Spring’s cabin, she dismounted. “Thank you for the use of the mare. And I did enjoy meeting your daughter. So, where do we stand now?”
“Anna likes you, so we can have the sheriff marry us tomorrow if that’s fine with you.”
“It is.”
“So, there’ll be no misunderstanding, I’m marrying you because Anna needs a mother. I will be faithful to my vows. I will protect you to the best of my ability. But this isn’t or ever will be a love match. I buried my heart when I buried Adele.”
His bluntness hurt, but she shook it off, or at least tried to and replied, “Understood. I will do my best not to embarrass you in any way and raise Anna to the best of my ability.”
“Then we’ll do well together.”
Her chin high, Regan nodded in agreement. “What time tomorrow?”
“Afternoon. Evening. Your choice.”
“How about afternoon, at four? I’d like Spring and Anna to stand up with me.”
“That’s fine.”
“I’ll ride over with Spring.”
“Agreed. Keep the mare until we get you a better mount. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He touched his hat, turned his big bay stallion, and rode off.
As the echoes of his horse’s hooves faded into the darkness, Regan thoughts went back to her sister’s recent wedding. There’d been musicians, tables groaning with food, cakes galore, and hours of laughter and celebration. Regan’s own wedding would probably lack that joyfulness. She’d seen horses change hands with potentially more pomp and circumstance.
I buried my heart with Adele.
His words haunted her as she led the mare to the barn. In spite of her longings to be in a marriage that held as much love as her aunt and uncle shared, she realized hers might not. She also realized how silly she’d been to think of being a mail-order bride as an adventure. Her sister, Portia, warned her that marriage was more than that.
After bedding the mare down for the night, she walked to the cabin to let Spring know she’d returned. Her thoughts then strayed to Anna’s heartbreaking belief that she’d killed her mother, and Regan was angry all over again. How dare the aunt place such a heavy burden on the shoulders of a child. It was undoubtedly difficult enough growing up motherless, but being led to believe she was responsible? Regan wanted to shake Minnie until her teeth rattled loose. There was a lot to sort out going forward and she again pointed an accusatory finger at herself for being so naïve in thinking this mail-order bride business would be a cakewalk, but she was determined all would be well in the end.
Colt found his daughter awake and lying in bed with her drawing paper and pencils. She liked sketching. Upon seeing him, she set everything aside.
“Everything okay with you, Anna?”
She nodded.
“What are you drawing?”
“Me and Miss Carmichael.”
He walked in and sat down on the edge of her bed. “May I see it?” On the paper were two stick figures, one tall, one short. They were holding hands. He smiled. “Miss Carmichael said she enjoyed dinner.”
“I did, too. She’s pretty.”
“You think so?”
“Yes. Even prettier than Felicity’s mama. Do you think she’s pretty?”
“I do.” Which was true. She outshone Colleen like the sun to a candle.
“Is she really going to be my new mama?”
“If you want her to be.”
“I do, but Aunt
Minnie’s going to say no.”
He thought back on his encounter with Minnie in his office. “Minnie doesn’t get a say. Just you.”
Anna searched his face with eyes filled with hope. “Truly?”
“Truly.”
She quieted as if thinking on that.
“And honey, Minnie should never have said you caused your mother’s death.”
“But I did.”
“No, you didn’t and had I known about it before tonight I would’ve told her to never say that to you ever again. Your mother wouldn’t want you to carry that in your heart about yourself.”
He couldn’t tell if she believed him or not but he’d be having a talk with Minnie about this. Soon. “I know it might be hard to unbelieve something but I want you to try real hard to not think of yourself that way. Will you try?”
She nodded. “The next time I go visit Mama at her grave, can I go with you and not Aunt Minnie?”
“Sure can. In fact, once Miss Carmichael and I marry, we’ll only see Minnie when she comes to visit. Miss Carmichael will be looking after you whenever I’m gone from now on.” The guilt he felt inside from knowing how awful Anna must feel was tearing his heart apart. He’d put his child in Minnie’s hands not knowing how much she was suffering. He doubted Anna’s thinking would change overnight but he hoped their talking about it now would be a start.
“What do you think I should put on my list for Miss Regan?” she asked.
“What list?”
“My getting dirty list.”
He chuckled and inwardly thanked God for the adventure-loving Miss Carmichael. “I’m not sure.”
“Do you care if I get dirty, Papa?”
“No, honey.”
“Granpa Ben might.”
“True, but he doesn’t get a say in this either.”
“Then I’ll keep thinking.”
He caressed her hair. “You do that.” He gave her a kiss on her brow. “You can draw a little longer then go to sleep. Oh, and Miss Carmichael and I are getting married tomorrow, here. She wants you to stand up with her.”
He could tell by her confusion she had no idea what that meant, so he explained. Once he finished, she beamed. “I don’t think Felicity has ever stood up with anybody.”
“Then you’ll be one up on her.”