Rain sat with her hands over her mouth, and Cade gazed at me with wide eyes. I shifted my focus to the center of the table and stared.
“Hell, he was such a good kid he never told anyone at school or even me for that matter who they were. He’d come home with a black eye or another bruise and always said don’t worry E, I’ll take care of it. He called me E most of the time. Damned kid was thin as a rail, much smaller than uhhm. Much smaller than Cade,” I paused and lifted the beer to my mouth, draining what little was left.
I rested the bottle in my lap and stared at the wall.
“My parents said they couldn’t come to the race. And these kids had been on Ryan pretty hard for the last week. My father had some deal for his work like he always did, so he couldn’t come, and they wouldn’t let Ryan come with me. My father swore to me he’d be fine; just kids being bullies, don’t worry. That’s what he told me. He promised me he’d protect him, and he didn’t,” I paused, inhaled a deep breath, and exhaled as I gazed down at the empty bottle of beer.
“It was a Saturday…”
I felt my eyes beginning to fill with tears. I stood from the table and walked to the window. As I gazed blankly out the window, I glanced up into the sky and wondered if Ryan was out there somewhere listening to what I was saying.
Just talk quick, E. You can do it.
“They uhhm. They beat him to death. They claimed it was an accident, but it wasn’t. It never is.”
I realized I was leaning against the window. I inhaled a shallow breath, hesitated, and exhaled onto the pane of glass. As my breath fogged up the glass, I leaned away and stared at the spot of condensation. As I watched it diminish, I continued.
“Because they were minors, they wouldn’t make their names public. They said because they were minors, they couldn’t try them in court as adults or provide their names. If they were three months older, they’d have tried them as adults. They sentenced them to fifteen months in juvenile protective bullshit, one year beyond their eighteenth birthdays.”
I stared out the window at the cloudy sky, crossed my arms over my chest, and continued.
“So, I was born with a gift. I was a smart kid and real good with computers and stuff. Too good. I hacked into the police computer system, found their names, and waited. I held out from going to college and just kind of lost touch with everything. I’d moved out from my parents, and was working on bikes for cash, saving my money for who knows what. When they released the two kids, I found ‘em pretty quick, together as Ryan always said. I don’t really know what I expected to happen, but it got out of hand pretty quick,” I paused as I remembered the day I found them both in the diner.
“When I stopped, one was crippled, and the other wasn’t doing too good. He was in a coma for some time, they said he was pretty close to death. Sometimes I wish the little bastard would have died. But they uhhm. They charged me with aggravated battery, assault with a deadly weapon, and attempted murder. I did it, I knew I did it, and to be real honest, I was proud I did it. I copped a plea for four years, and went to the joint and did my time. I got out in three with good time. They never caught me for the hacking, so I was pretty happy about that.”
“Anyway. Yeah, Ryan. My little brother. We loved corn enchiladas,” I said as I turned around.
Both Cade and Rain were in tears. I glanced toward Cade. He sat with his head in his hands, softly crying. As my eyes became unfocused, I finished what I wanted to say.
“So, Cade. When you and I met? Yeah. I was uhhm. I was just making sure those little fucks didn’t do to you what they did to Ryan,” I sighed.
I knew no matter what, I could never let anything happen to Cade. He wasn’t gay, but his mannerisms, his way of dressing, and his feminine qualities certainly attracted attention. To be honest, the situation the three of us were in was perfect. It provided me with a comfort I would always be there for him, no matter what.
My former wife’s decision to leave, Cade’s moving in, finding Rain, her love for the two of us, and my acceptance of it all began to make perfect sense. I turned toward the window and peered out into the sky. Now, considering what my life had become, convincing myself everything had happened as a matter of chance was a statistical impossibility. I focused on the clouds as they slowly swept across the sky, and began to believe quite possibly Ryan was out there somewhere, watching down over me.
If so, a higher being began to make a little more sense.
As did Christina’s mother’s statement to Rain.
Everything happens for a reason…
ETHAN
Being forced into a situation you’re uncomfortable with, no matter how awkward it may or may not make you feel, is similar to being pressured into eating a shit sandwich. No matter how graceful or delicate the description is, it will never overcome the fact the end result is something you find repulsive. And two slices of bread hiding a thin layer of feces between them was never something I wanted to eat.
No matter how much sugar was sprinkled on top.
“It’ll be fun,” Cade grinned.
I pulled a beer from the fridge and turned to face him as I twisted off the lid, “Fun for you and Rain. Sorry dude, I don’t do the family thing.”
“Ethan, we’re a team,” Cade sighed.
I nodded my head, “I realize that. I accept it. And I agree with you, we are. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to intentionally put myself in a situation I’m uncomfortable with if there’s no value in it whatsoever. If I don’t go, you two will have a good time, no doubt. If I do go, you’ll have a good time, and I’ll have a shitty time.”
I raised the bottle to my lips and held it loosely, “You want to make me sad, brother?”
Cade shook his head, “No.”
“Okay, I need to stay here then. The only reason you want me to go is to make yourself believe I’m okay with everything. Well, believe this,” I lifted the bottle and took a long slow drink.
“I’m okay with everything,” I said as I slapped his shoulder with my free hand.
He brushed his hair away from his face with the back of his hand and narrowed his gaze slightly, “You sure?”
“Quite,” I nodded as I turned away, “Just go have fun.”
“I just don’t want…”
“Cade. It’s fine,” I sighed as I walked toward the living room.
Cade followed right behind me, babbling as he walked, “We could go up in the mountains, and there’s lakes and stuff. We could even rent a truck and take your motorcycle with us. You could ride it in the mountains. And my aunt, she’s pretty cool and stuff.”
“Your OCD aunt? Yeah, I’m sure she and I would have a fucking blast. No thanks, brother,” I chuckled.
Standing in front of the couch, Cade sighed heavily. “It just wouldn’t be the same without you.”
“You’re not going to be gone for a lifetime, dude. It’s what three days?” I shrugged.
He nodded his head.
I shrugged my shoulders again and tipped up the bottle of beer. As I drank the remaining beer, I stared at him and wagged my eyebrows.
“It’s all good,” I said as I stood.
“I’ve known you for eight years. I haven’t met your mother or aunt yet,” I said as I walked toward the trash can.
“Now’s a perfect time,” he responded.
I dropped the empty bottle into the trash and turned to face him, “Dude. Enough. Don’t ask again. Fuck.”
“Okay,” he sighed as he stared down at the floor.
“Maybe we’ll take an extra day. Maybe go Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. And we could drive back on Sunday. I have a lot of vacation time, and Rain said Trent’s sister was okay with everything,” he said as he glanced up.
“Well, there you go. See? You two have fun, and I’ll stay here and work. I need the money,” I said as I walked toward my room.
“You never spend money,” Cade said under his breath.
“I know,” I chuckled as I reached down to unlace my boots.
The thought of Cade and Rain going to Denver was comforting to me. The entire time I had known Cade, he had spent all of his time either with me or alone. Even when I was married, if he wasn’t with me, he was at home alone. For him to see there was a life beyond what I offered him would be a good experience for him. Enjoying time on the road with Rain would allow him to get to know her on an entirely different level. Spending time with her while in the presence of his aunt and mother would solidify the relationship in his mind. Although he hadn’t revealed any concerns to me about his acceptance of our odd relationship with Rain, I had my reservations regarding his complete comfort.
“So, you good with going alone?” I asked as I walked into the living room.
He nodded his head, “I suppose so.”
“Just have fun,” I said as I embraced him in a hug.
“Ethan?” he breathed as I patted him on the back.
I leaned away from him and gazed blankly in his direction, “Yeah?”
He stared at me for a few seconds and eventually sighed slightly.
“I love you. Can I say that?” he asked.
I nodded my head and grinned, “Sure can.”
“I love you, too. Just like my brother,” I said as I patted him on the shoulder.
“Ethan?”
“Yeah?” I said over my shoulder as I walked toward the television.
“I know it’s not enough, but I’m sorry about your brother,” he said.
“So am I,” I sighed as I glanced around the television, trying to remember just what it was I intended to do.
Still staring mindlessly at the audio equipment under the television, I spoke over my shoulder.
“Let’s agree not to talk about that any more, okay?” I asked flatly.
“Okay,” he responded.
The sound of the door being unlocked brought me out of the fog I had become lost in. I turned toward the door and waited.
Rain came bouncing into the apartment full of energy, as always. Seeing her brought a smile to my face and warmth to my heart every time I saw her, regardless of the surroundings. Dressed in a pair of Victoria’s Secret Pink sweats, a Pink tee shirt, and flip-flops, she looked like a miniature model for the clothing line. At not much more than five feet tall, she could never be a model for a living, but in my eyes she was one.
“Hey babe,” I said as she skipped into the room.
“Trent said there’s some meteor shower thing tonight. There’s going to be thousands of shooting stars,” she said as she walked past Cade and gave me a hug.
“I didn’t realize it was going to be tonight,” I shrugged.
She turned away from me, walked to where Cade was still standing, and gave him a hug. As she did, she glanced over her shoulder.
“Yep, tonight,” she said.
I nodded my head, “Well, if I’m still up, maybe I’ll take a little of it in.”
She released Cade from her arms and glanced toward the kitchen, “What’s for dinner?”
Cade widened his eyes and lifted his shoulders slightly, “I haven’t cooked anything. I was thinking maybe eating out?”
“Sounds good,” I said.
“Let me use the bathroom and get a different shirt on, then we’ll go,” Cade said as he walked toward his room.
Rain turned toward me and studied me for a moment, smiling slightly as she did. She was truly beautiful in so many more ways than appearance alone. Her ability to see beyond the complications of her childhood, take the incredible journey she chose to take, and take it alone spoke volumes of her ability to persevere in spite of the circumstances in her new life. Through it all, she remained Rain, only fearful of the potential return of her stepfather.
The resistance encountered determines the amount of energy required to overcome it. The resistance in Rain’s life was great, and overcoming it required tremendous energy on her part. Her strength was definitely a large part of her beauty. Simply seeing her now, and knowing where she came from brought a level of joy to my heart I had never known to exist. As I stood and took her presence into my heart, she slowly walked my direction.
As she stepped directly in front of me, she opened her arms and grinned.
“Hug,” she said as she wrapped her arms around me.
As I held her in my arms, her chest pressed against me, I closed my eyes and exhaled. Although I was incapable of mentally plotting my future to include Cade and Rain in it forever, attempting to comprehend living life without either of them seemed impossible. My decision to live in today, and continuing to live in my today’s of the future was working for me, and I intended to continue that mindset for as long as I needed to.
“I like thinking about our future,” Rain breathed into my chest.
I raked my fingers through her hair and gazed down at the side of her face as she pressed her mouth into my chest, breathing her warm breath into my shirt playfully.
“Funny you said that,” I responded as I flipped her hair over her ear.
“Why’s that,” she mumbled into my shirt.
“I was just thinking the same thing,” I sighed, “Well, kind of. Thinking about it or trying to make a mental plan exhausts me. I can’t seem to wrap my arms around it, you know, big picture.”
She leaned away from me and gazed down at my feet. As she glanced up, she raised her index finger into the air as if she intended to make a valid point and began to speak, “Right now, the future is just one minute away. So, when you think about it, every minute in front of us is an opportunity to change our future. Each minute offers us an opportunity to identify concerns, and make changes for the better. All we have to do is be willing to take the risk. So my future? It’s not miles away, it’s a minute from now.”
I grinned at her explanation and nodded my head, “I like that.”
“People complain about their lives, wanting to see change, but they’re unwilling to take risk. Every minute that passes is an opportunity. It gets down to being comfortable taking the risk,” she shrugged.
“Makes perfect sense,” I said as I reached for her shoulder.
“You’re beautiful,” I sighed as I studied her from head to toe, “I really like your little outfit.”
“Thanks, Cade took me to the mall. I used that gift card. It was fun, because it was kind of free,” she giggled.
“Well, you’re beautiful,” I grinned.
She rested her palms against her waist and cocked her hip to the side. “Do you love me just because you think I’m beautiful?” she asked playfully.
I coughed a laugh, and shook my head from side to side, “I think attraction and affection are often mistaken for love. For most people, recognizing true love is difficult. Realizing it exists within us, however, is quite simple.”
She narrowed her gaze slightly, “How so?”
“All we have to do is walk away,” I shrugged, “True love tugs at our heart until we return.”
“Is there a tug at your heart when you’re away?” she asked as she lowered her hands.
Realizing I’d never actually been away from Rain for any period of time, I nodded my head anyway, assuring her I knew I loved her. In considering her and Cade were leaving for four days, I had no doubt my heart would be attached to a string, with Rain clearly holding other end.
I gazed down at her, shook my head at my inability to fully understand her natural beauty, and breathed the words.
“There sure is.”
As Cade emerged from his room, grinning from ear to ear no doubt about the shirt he had selected, I realized in a week I’d know just how sharp that tug would be.
ETHAN
Love isn’t blind, people are blind. Recognizing beauty is as simple as opening your eyes and realizing just what it is that stands before you. Although I must admit to having clouded vision in the past, I now was able to see everything distinctly and without effort on my part. Rain explained my vision had become unobstructed, and I believed her.
With a level of clarity I had not
previously known to exist, I stared out at the stars and waited.
“There went one,” Rain whispered as she tapped me on the shoulder.
I glanced in the direction she pointed, too late to catch a glimpse of the shooting star. I grinned, kissed her cheek, and tilted my head rearward, gazing straight up into the sky. After a few seconds, a meteor shower of about ten stars shot across my line of sight and disappeared into the otherwise dark sky.
Wow.
Just fucking wow.
I gazed out into the sky, knowing I was one of the more intelligent men to ever grace the earth. In the past, my understanding of my intelligence was my main reason for questioning the existence of God. Standing beside Rain now, and staring into the sky above - only to be treated to something as wonderful as a three hour long meteor shower, caused me to question my previous belief regarding the absence of a higher power.
“Question,” I said under my breath as I continued to stare upward.
“Answer,” Rain responded, her voice seeming distant.
I laughed and glanced to my side. Rain had moved several feet away from me, closer to the edge of the roof. I shook my head as I attempted to arrange the words in my mind. As complex as it had always seemed to me in the past, the question came in the typical five words most everyone who asked the question before me chose to use.
“Do you believe in God?” I asked.
“Yep,” she snapped back.
I turned my head from facing her and faced the sky once again. As soon as I did, several shooting stars shot past. I grinned, still feeling slightly filled with wonder.
“I’m beginning to,” I said under my breath.
“Good,” she breathed, “Let’s fuck.”
“Excuse me?” I coughed, shocked by what she had said.
“Well, Cade left an hour ago, the other people from the third floor are gone, and we’re out here on the roof all alone. It’s got to be what? Like three o’clock? And you’re wearing jeans and a wife beater. I warned you about that,” she shrugged.