Neither Robin nor I replied. Stepping out of the prescribed order of things had become frightening.
"Well, what's wrong with that idea? At least it will be something fun to do. Robin?" Teal continued, her voice building with enthusiasm.
"I'd be afraid of getting caught." Robin simply admitted. "We won't get caught. Phoebe?"
"I'm not interested in them."
"Me neither. There couldn't be more
uninteresting people on the face of the earth. It's just something to do, something that we weren't told we have to do," Teal moaned. When neither Robin nor I replied, she said. "Oh. forget it. Eli do it myself. I don't need you."
Robin and I still said nothing. Sometimes. I thought, it was better not to talk, to be like the animals, to listen and see and react only to actions.
Teal realized her threat wasn't getting her anywhere with us and she returned to whining. "Come on. Robin, don't be such a wimp. It's something to do and who knows what we'll see. Maybe we'll learn something. Come on. Do it with me. Please. What's the big deal? We'll peep in a window, that's all, but I'd like to see them with their panties down. I'd like to have something on them. It will make us feel better. You'll see. Please."
Robin looked at me and shrugged. "I guess it might be worth a smile, and if we were very careful about it..."
I shook my head. "It's not worth anything to me."
"We'll sneak out tonight," Teal said excitedly. building on Robin's weak moment. "Okay?"
"Yeah, maybe." Robin told her.
"Good. Come on. Phoebe. One for all and all for one. We came here together." Teal reminded me as if that solidified us for life and we owed each other.
I had to laugh. It seemed years ago when we'd first met in that concrete room. "Yeah, were about as loyal to each other as people in the same chain gang." I laughed again. They laughed. too.
The sound was so rare, it was alien to me for a few moments. Laughter, fun. excitement. How far back had I left them? Was it possible to regain any part of myself or was it all being buried for good out here?
How long had it been since I had done anything that was in the slightest way fun? Parties, boys, pizza, my desire for it all seemed to have gone into hibernation, and that really bothered me. The only thing that made my heart pound now was fear.
"All right" I said. "Maybe."
"Should we tell Mindy and Gia?" Teal asked,
"I don't think so." I said.
Subtly, I had begun to feel the division that had existed when we had first arrived. It had all returned,
"Phoebe's right. They've already done it anyway," Robin reminded us. "It won't be as interesting to them. We'll just have to be very quiet about sneaking out."
"Okay," Teal said. Nothing could discourage her now. She was on a roll.
In fact, she was so cheered by the idea of such an adventure she worked harder, and that night she ate better than she had all week. I thought one of the buddies or Gia would be suspicious and realize something was up, but no one seemed to notice, especially not Mindy, who was spinning someplace deep in her own thoughts. She was doing it mare and more now, sometimes actually talking aloud to herself.
What was happening to her? Was it something Dr. Foreman actually saw or actually caused?
Against this cloud that both Gia and Mindy kept around them was the light of Teal's brightened eyes. It was infectious. Robin looked excited and happier. too.
Perhaps something good had already come of the idea. I thought.
I just hoped nothing bad would.
12
Pajama Party
.
Just above the metal doors that opened an the
stairway down to the basement, there was a slanted roof that looked like it was part of a recent addition to the main section of the hacienda. The roof was different, even though the walls were the same shade of stucco. We didn't go back there much. but I had seen it when I was with Gia and could see it from the cornfield when we worked there. Above the roof was the line of windows that we assumed, from what Gia and Mindy had described, were in the rooms occupied by the buddies, rooms we had once hoped would be ours,
Teal, now emboldened by her excitement, went behind the hacienda right before showering for the night and returned to report what she had seen. We had decided not to ask Gia or Mindy about how they had spied on the buddies. That would tip them off that we were going to do it now. too.
Teal said a metal drum was rolled over in the yard right behind the hacienda. She said we could stand the drum up, then stand on it to boost ourselves onto the short roof.
It was probably the way Gia and Mindy did it," Teal said. "It's easy."
Pretending to go sleep was hard. Now that I had committed to the spying. I was filled with anxiety that made me feel as if I had swallowed a dozen live butterflies. They were flapping their silky wings against the inside of my stomach. I couldn't stay in the same position on my cot for more than a minute or so. and I was afraid my tossing and turning would stir Mindy's or Gia's curiosity.
Neither she nor Mindy said anything to indicate they heard or were still awake, but I still thought Teal was getting up too early. She squatted and tapped Robin on her shoulder. I watched them, and for a moment I seriously considered not going along. They hesitated and beckoned. I took a deep breath, glanced at Mindy and Gia, who looked dead to the world, and then I rose, picked up my shoes, and carried them as I walked as softly as I could over the straw. We said nothing to each other. At the door. Teal smiled. She looked as excited as a young girl on her birthday.
Maybe she had gone nuts. I thought. Maybe I was letting a crazy person lead me into disaster. If I had any real weakness, it was not thinking things out carefully and long enough before doing them. Look how easily I had been led to the slaughter back at Stone Mountain when I lived with my uncle and aunt. If I had been more cautious and skeptical. I wouldn't be here now.
Or would I?
Was this my inevitable fate, a destiny I could prevent as much as I could prevent the sun from coming up every morning?
Teal opened the door softly and slipped out. Robin and I looked at each other to see who would go out next. It was on the tip of my tongue to say, "Let's just go back to bed. Robin," but I didn't and I feared that I would later regret it.
She went out and I followed,
For a long moment, the three of us just stood there in the darkness listening and waiting to see if anyone was outside watching us. It was quiet. Not even a coyote was howling tonight. Teal nodded at the house and we made our way through a tunnel of shadows, winding from the barn toward the rear of the hacienda. Once there, we looked up and saw the lights were on in one of the buddies' rooms, We could hear music leaking out from under an opened window. Silhouetted behind a sheer curtain, figures moved like in a puppet show and there were short rolls of laughter, happy thunder.
For a while we stood looking up at the window, none of us speaking. Maybe they, like me, were trying to remember when they had had as good a time,
"What could they possibly be doing that's so much fun here in this disgusting place?" Teal asked, now gazing up with both jealousy and anger.
"Pajama party?" Robin offered, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"I'm sure whatever it is, it's not going to be worth our coming out here and risking getting in trouble for," I said, hoping Robin would agree at last.
"Let's find out." Teal insisted. and led us to the overturned barrel.
We rolled it close to the house, then stood it up. Because of the slant of the roof. only another three feet or so remained to the edge of it.
"See? This will work." Teal said. and climbed up on it.
She began by getting most of her arms over the roof and then jumping up and pushing. I was surprised she had the strength to lift herself and swing her leg over the edge of the roof so easily. She looked so thin and fragile to me these days, but she was determined and hoisted herself completely onto the roof. She sat in a pool of self-satisfact
ion and smiled down at us.
"See? Piece of cake. If I can do it, you two can do it," she challenged.
Rabin was next. Teal helped pull her along and they were bath up there. I hesitated and looked around, half expecting Dr. Foreman herself to step out of a shadow from which she had been observing.
"C'mon already," Teal whispered.
I got up on the barrel. For me it shook, probably because of my nervousness and hesitation, and that panicked me. I caught hold of the edge of the roof and the two of them grabbed my arms, but when I lifted my feet, the barrel toppled and I dangled there.
"Great!" Teal moaned. She and Robin then struggled to pull me up.
Finally, scraping my left forearm. I got most of my body up and over the edge. I swung my feet around and lay there. panting.
"How are we going to get off now?" Robin moaned, looking at the barrel on its side.
"We'll just lower ourselves slowly and jump. We're not that high up," Teal said, refusing to be discouraged, "Ready?"
Robin nodded and the three of us, kneeling to stay low and out of the light that poured from the window of the hacienda, walked slowly over the roof toward the illuminated window. As we drew closer, we heard both the music and the laughter get louder.
We hesitated.
Teal indicated we should lower our bodies to keep out of sight. Practically on our stomachs, we inched toward the window. A loud peal of laughter from all three buddies stopped us for a moment. My heart was thumping. My forearm burned where I had scraped it, and I felt so weak in my stomach. I thought I might lose my balance and go rolling down and over the edge of the roof.
Teal wiggled like a snake under the window to the other side. She beckoned to Robin, who rose a bit and pressed her back to the wall. Moving on only her heels, she drew closer to the window, then they both waited for me. Another loud roar of laughter came from the buddies and the sound of someone clapping.
Robin reached dawn for my hand. I clasped hers and crawled closer to the window. Then Robin leaned in small increments until she was looking into the roam. What she saw made her jaw drop. She looked at Teal, who peered in and then pulled back quickly, her head against the wall.
Stepping back to make room for me. Robin tugged at my hand and I rose to look through the window,
M'Lady Three wore a pair of jeans and a bra. She had her thick arms around M'Lady Two, who was in her uniform, and they were dancing. M'Lady One was on the bed to the right, dressed only in her bra and panties, smoking what looked like a joint and laughing as the two danced.
M'Lady Three had no rhythm. She was like a tree trunk. unmoving. M'Lady Two turned out and moved well to the beat. Then M'Lady Three let ao of her hand and reached for the joint M'Lady One was smoking. She lay beside M'Lady One. M'Lady Two kept dancing while the other two shared their joint, watched, and laughed.
How could they do this without Dr. Foreman knowing and approving? Was it some way of rewarding them? Or were they just confident she wouldn't hear them or bother with them?
Suddenly. M'Lady One clapped her hands and cried. "Take it off, take it off." at M'Lady Two, who was still dancing. She laughed and turned to them and began a striptease.
Robin leaned in to look over my shoulder. and Teal lowered herself and peered in now through the opening in the window. We watched in awe as they cheered on M'Lady Two, She dropped her jacket and undid her blouse, turning and swaying to the music as she disrobed. When she stepped out of her skirt, the other two stopped cheering and watched with fascination.
"This is stupid and disgusting." Teal whispered. Robin shook her head and put her finger to her lips.
The striptease continued. M'Lady Two unfastened her bra and held it up and then flung it at them. They laughed and sat up watching as M'Lady Two slowly took off her panties. Then she bent over and wagged her rear end at them and they laughed. When she turned and straightened up, she looked toward the window and we didn't get our faces back fast enough. That was clear from the expression on hers.
Teal scampered on all fours under the window and we rushed to return to the place where we had boosted ourselves up on the roof. We could hear the window being opened wider.
"Who's out there?" M'Lady Three cried.
The three of us stopped and dropped on our stomachs, hoping we weren't seen. We held our breath, but our hearts were pounding like three jungle drums.
"I see them." I heard.
"Let's get them!"
Teal rushed to get to the edge of the roof, lost her grip, and rolled over with a short scream. I heard her hit the barrel below.
Robin and I swung our legs over the roof and, as gracefully and carefully as we could, lowered ourselves and dropped. We fell on our rumps, but neither of us got hurt. Teal was squirming on the ground, holding her ankle and crying.
"I smashed it against the barrel,- she moaned. "It feels like it's bleeding!"
-No time to look," Robin said.
Without delay, we got her up and had her put her arms around our shoulders. Then we moved as quickly as we could, staying within the darkest shadows. Teal limping along. We were practically carrying her most of the way. When we heard a door close behind us, we tried to go faster. Teal moaned and nearly fell, even with us doing most of the work, Neither Robin nor I looked back.
When we reached the barn, we opened the door and hurried in. setting Teal on her cot.
"My ankle feels like it's on fire."
"You'll have to put up with it and keep quiet. Teal," I said I helped her get her shoes off and then we got her under her blanket and made it to our cots and under our blankets just as the door was opened. Incredibly, neither Gia nor Mindy had awaken, or if they had, they pretended to be asleep.
I thought the buddies would put on the lights and start screaming at us, but it was quiet. I had my back to the door and looked at Robin, who had hers to the door as well, Finally, I did hear footsteps over the straw and, moments later, jumped when a stiff forefinger was poked sharply into my side.
I spun around.
M'Lady One was kneeling at my cot. In the moonlight that poured through the barn windows. I could see her dropping her cold smile over me, "Been flying about. Phoebe bird? You and your new friends?"
I started to shake my head. but M'Lady Two pulled the blanket off Teal, who screamed. M'Lady Three approached her. Mindy and Gia finally turned and sat up.
"What's going on?" Mindy asked,
"We're doing a bed check. Shut up and go to sleep," M'Lady Three ordered.
Mindy lay back and practically pulled her blanket over her head. Gia remained sitting up and stared silently.
"Get up," M'Lady Three ordered Teal. She looked at me helplessly and struggled to her feet, swallowing as much of her pain as she could.
M'Lady Three saw the blood leaking through Teals white sock. "Hurt yourself running about, did you?" she asked in a mock sweet voice.
Teal nodded. need to go to a doctor. I need an X ray. I might have broken my ankle."
"Oh, sure. We'll just bring the limousine right up and get you into it. Move!" M'Lady Three ordered, pushing her toward the door.
Teal started to cry. "I can't walk on it!" she moaned.
"Move," M'Lady Three repeated, poking her sharply in the ribs.
Teal limped toward the door. "What do you want? Why do I have to go outside? It's late." she pleaded.
"I want you to enjoy the cool evening air."
I started to get up to protest. but M'Lady One put her forefinger between my breasts and pushed so hard. I lay back down.
She hovered over me. "Just relax. girl. You're not going anywhere."
''Leave her alone. She's really hurt," I pleaded.
She smiled. "Suddenly, you care about each other? How sweet."
I looked at Robin who was back on her side, shivering in fear that she would be next. I was sire.
"If you don't bring Teal back in here...," I started to threaten,
"You'll do what. Phoebe bird? Huh?"
"I want to see Dr. Foreman," I said, starting to sit up again.
"Oh, you'll be seeing her. Don't worry about that. You want to spend some time in the Ice Room first?"
"You're disgusting. You're all disgusting."
M'Lady Two drew closer. "You better shut your mouth, or we'll shut it for you for good."
She had as mad and as wild a look on her face as I had ever seen on anyone. I swallowed hard and looked at Gia, who was staring at me without any feeling, any expression, not even slight interest.
I folded my arms under my breasts and lay back again.
The two buddies turned and followed Teal and M'Lady Three out of the barn, closing the door behind her.
"What are they going to do to her?" Robin wailed,
"What did you do, spy on them?" Gia asked us, speaking as if she were in a dream,
"Yes," Robin said. "Teal remembered your telling us about it, about their partying."
You went up on the roof and looked in their windows?"
"We did and we saw worse than you saw. They weren't just listening to music and smoking pot. They were dancing and striping for each other. They're sick and disgusting. Wait until we tell Dr. Foreman what we saw. Right. Phoebe?"
I didn't respond.
Her words died like hollow threats in the dark. Gia went back to sleep and Robin turned on her side. but I sat up for awhile and listened for Teal. I heard nothing, not a cry, not a loud voice. nothing. Finally. I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and lay back.
Teal wasn't there in the morning. The first thing I did after my eyes opened was sit up and look for her, but her cot was empty. Gia and Mindy were dressing silently. Robin was still asleep. I woke her.
They never brought Teal back," I said. I wondered why they had chosen her out of the three of us. Why hadn't they taken Robin and me, too?
Robin looked worried, but said nothing. We dressed and stepped outside and the buddies were there as usual, waiting to hear us recite our prayer.
"Where's Teal?" I demanded.
The prayer," M'Lady One said, stepping up to me. We did it and then I asked after Teal again.
"That girl," M'Lady Two said, shaking her head. "keeps getting hurt. She shouldn't have walked so much on that injured ankle. but we couldn't stop her from going around and around. Now she's in the infirmary again, but she'll pay for it. As you know there are no excuses for not doing your work, Dr. Foreman will give her five demerits far this."