"I don't understand." Robin said.
"What?" Teal moaned. "What is it now?"
"I don't see her." I said angrily. "Do you?"
"Huh?" Teal shaded her eyes and looked as well. "Where could she be?"
The knoll slanted down on our left. I thought she might have gone that way and then back around to the other side to lose us and frighten us a bit. so I walked quickly and then ran to the end and went around it. Robin followed.
We both stood there looking for her. "Do you see her?"
"No," I said.
"Maybe the other side or maybe..." Robin looked ahead. "Maybe she reached that hill before you had gotten to the top."
"That's pretty far away. but I hope so." I said. "She's not heading back from what I can see. although I'm not sure if that's back or not anymore,," I added. pointing.
"Well, the sun is going west and it was..."
"Directly overhead. I can't remember. Let's get going. She must be over that far hill just as you say."
We started in that direction and Teal met us in the middle.
"Did you see her? Is that where she went?" she asked, nodding in front of us.
"We think so, but we're not sure." "This is crazy."
"No. It's part of a plan. I'm sure." I said. "They want us to be frightened, to suffer, to cry and to panic."
"Well, I have news for them," Teal said. "We are doing all that so they can stop it. Stop it!" she screamed.
"Keep walking." Robin said. "You're just acting like an idiot."
"I'm acting like an idiot? My feet are burning. These sneakers are too thin and the sand is so hot it's like walking over the top of a stove."
"Maybe we can catch a bus over the next hill," Robin told her. "Funny. Boy, are you funny."
"You're wasting your energy, both of you." I chastised. and I walked harder and faster, leaving them a good twenty or thirty yards behind me, their bickering sounding like a dozen chipmunks. When I reached the far hill, I stood and looked around again, and again I saw no sign of M'Lady Two, Where could she possibly be? The cacti were too narrow for her to be hiding behind one and the bushes were too low, I thought. I would see her.
While I waited for Robin and Teal to catch up, I took my first drink of water, Then I sat on the sand, near some brush. One of Natani's thorny devil lizards peered out at me curiously. I watched it and was amazed at how still it could be. As soon as the other two came up, it pulled itself back into the darker areas of the brush.
"What?" Rabin asked. "She's gone," I said.
"Gone?" Teal said.
"How can she be gone?" Robin wondered, and lowered herself to the ground. She saw I had taken a drink from my canteen and took out her own.
"It's like she just disappeared into thin air." I said.
I stared at the vast stretch of desert sand and brush in all directions. Still, nothing large enough to be M'Lady Two moved. The heat wavered aver the ground, making it all look unreal. Above us, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It seemed all sun, one gigantic ball of fire bearing down and aver us.
I watched another lizard, a chuckwalla, burrow itself deeper into the sand and I nodded,
"What?" Robin asked, seeing a smile on my face. "What's so funny? We're lost in hell."
"I think I know what she did. She had time to bury herself in the sand before we reached the top of that first big hill back there. In our panic and excitement, we might have walked right past her."
"You're crazy," Teal said. "She couldn't do that."
It wouldn't take all that long to do, and who would have expected it? We were looking out there, searching for the sight of someone walking."
"I can't believe it." Teal insisted.
"I can." Rabin said. "I think Phoebe's right."
"Well... well, why would she?" Teal asked, the dread and the fear slipping into her voice.
She waited until we were far enough away and then she came out of the sand and probably walked back to where the van dropped us off." I said, imagining what their plan might have been.
"You mean, they've left us out here?"
"See that. Teal," Robin said. "when you're left to your own, you can think and reach conclusions."
"Very funny. They wouldn't, couldn't do that. Why, look at this?" Teal said, waving her arms at the desert around us. "This is the desert."
"You ran off into it before, didn't you?" Robin said.
"I didn't get half as far as we've already walked. I followed a road that just disappeared on me, but it wasn't like this. There was..."
"What?"
"That road. I thought about going back to it I just got too tired. This is different. This is really the desert."
"You sure made it sound like you almost got away," Robin reminded her. "What are you saying now, you went only a little ways from the ranch before you had to take a rest?"
Teal was silent.
"You probably didn't get half a mile away. How pathetic."
"At least I tried." she whined.
"Can't you two shut up?" I said.
"What do you really think is happening, Phoebe?" Robin asked.
"It all makes sense now... Dr. Foreman ordering Natani to give us desert lessons, giving us these clothes... we're in another one of her tests. I suppose. If we survive, we'll be better for it. Something stupid like that "
"Then she knows where we are?" Teal asked hopefully. "In a very general way, maybe."
"A general way? What if we die out here?"
"So, we tried to run away and we died," Robin said. "Right?" I nodded.
"Well, what should we do?" Teal practically screamed. I stood up and brushed off my leas.
They both looked up at me.
"Yeah." Robin said. "what should we do?"
"Survive." I started to walk again.
"Wait," Robin said. rising.
I paused and looked back. "What?"
"Why are we going in that direction? Shouldn't we tip: to get back to where we were?"
I thought a moment and shrugged. "Can you remember the way back?"
"Yes." Robin said. "Or we could just follow our steps or look for something familiar,"
"You have to be kidding. Familiar?" Teal said. "It all looks the same."
"We'll look for our steps. We'll get back there to that place. I'm sure," Robin insisted. "And then we could follow whatever road they took, or hopefully whatever is left of the tire tracks."
"Okay," I said "Let's try."
We began to walk back. For a while we did see signs of our steps, but the wind had come up and the sand was beginning to flow like waves in the sea. Soon, it was as if we had dropped a tablespoon of water in the ocean and then tried to find it again. Teal was screaming and complaining constantly, but the wind took her voice off as well.
At a particularly large clump of bushes and near some cacti. I paused to give us a rest, then took a second swig of my canteen. We hovered around each other,
"Art you sure we're not going too far on the right?" Robin asked mt.
"No, I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything anymore."
"What does that mean?" Teal cried. "You don't know where you're going now?"
"I'm not your desert guide, you know. I'm no better at finding my way around here than you are."
"But you're leading us and we're following."
"So you lead," I said.
"I'm so tired." Teal replied instead of arguing. "Can we take a longer rest?"
"We're going to burn up out here," Robin reminded her. "Look at your legs. Look at mine."
I nodded and reached into Natani's healing bag to come out with the ointment he had once used on them. They recognized it immediately and began to smear it on their legs and arms and each other's neck, neither complaining about how it made them look now,
"Do your faces. too," I advised. I took some and put it on my own.
"Why are you doing that? Natani calls you daughter of the sun because you're black, doesn't he?" Teal asked, sounding jealous.
It made me smile. "Yes. I have an advantage out here, but black people do get sunburn and do get skin cancers. My daddy told me that and I never forgot it."
Teal looked skeptical.
"You know..." Robin said, looking around and watching the wind roll dried brush over the sand. It bounced and flew with such ease. "Maybe we should follow Natani's advice about traveling in the desert and wait until the sun goes down."
"What are you talking about?" Teal said sharply. "If we don't get back to the van, they might think we're lost and leave without us or something and then we'll really be lost."
"If they were really worrying about that. Teal, they wouldn't have left us out here like this." I said. "I doubt very much that they're sitting in some hot van waiting to see if we'll make it back. Robin's right. It's harder to travel in the desert now."
"Well, what are we going to do?"
"Have lunch." I said, "and then burrow under the sand and take a nap."
"What? I'm not burrowing under any sand. That's disgusting, and who knows what sort of things will be crawling all over us."
"Suit yourself." I opened one of the nutritional bars.
Robin did the same. Petulantly. Teal followed, She reached for her canteen again, and I held out my hand.
"You're drinking too much too fast." "So?"
"Look around. I don't see any restaurants. If you run out of water way ahead of us, we'll have to give you same of our own and then we'll all suffer more."
Teal looked at Robin, then tightened the cap on her canteen and stuffed it back into her bag.
Using the bag. I began to dig myself a ditch in the sand. Robin did the same, and soon we were low enough to cover ourselves with sand and keep the sun off our exposed legs and arms especially. Teal watched, still stubborn. I put the bag aver my face and closed my eyes. The wind continued to blow around us.
"This is insane!" Teal screamed,
However, it wasn't long before we heard her start to dig, mumbling and complaining all the while.
"You're listening to a crazy old Indian. Maybe this is wrong." she said.
Neither Robin nor I answered.
We heard her scream in frustration and then she was quiet. Soon. I did feel cooler, not cool, but cooler, and it was enough to permit me to close my eyes and seek some rest, Soon I surprised myself and actually fell asleep.
I woke first and not because I was fully rested before Robin and Teal. I felt something on my stomach and then on my chest, When I opened my eyes, the sun was almost completely down behind the mountains in the distance, but it was light enough for me to realize I was looking at the side of the head of a Gila monster, the poisonous lizard. I did not move a muscle. Eyeing me, it didn't move. My heart began to pound so hard. I was sure that would frighten it.
But it was Teal's scream that did that. She had woken and sat up and saw it on me. The creature scurried off and disappeared quickly.
"What was that?" she asked. Robin sat up and wiped her face.
"Gila monster." I said, amazed at how casual I sounded about it. "Okay, we each take another drink of water and then we continue."
As we started walking again, the sun continued to descend. Soon night began to slide over the desert sky and stars popped out brightly. There was no moonlight, but the sky was so clear that the starlight was enough to illuminate the desert. The sand glistened and the silhouetted cacti seemed to look even more like soldiers at attention.
Robin was the first to hear the coyotes. I was too deep in thought and Teal's ears were full of her awn stream of constant moans and complaints, curses and cries.
"Look," Robin shouted, pointing to her right.
We stopped. A pack of coyotes was moving rapidly parallel to us, but not coming at us.
"Oh. my God," Teal said. "Do you think they want to eat us?"
"Probably, but as I understand from what Natani told me, they are cowards." I said.
"Cowards in a pack create their own courage," Robin said wisely, "but as long as we look strong, they'll keep their distance. I'm sure."
"I'm glad you're sure. How do we show them we're strong and unafraid of them?" Teal asked.
We all thought a moment.
"Let's start singing," I said. "what do we all know?"
"Singing? Are you crazy?"
"No, she's right," Robin said. "How about the national anthem?
We all know that. We've heard it enough at school."
"The anthem? You're kidding," Teal said.
"No, no. look. See how the cacti are already standing at attention."
"Huh?"
"Good idea." I said.
We started walking again and Robin began to sing as loudly as she could.
"Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light..."
Teal reluctantly joined in and soon our voices carried over the desert. None of us could reach the high notes and our sad attempts brought some laughter.
"Let's play ball," Robin shouted when we finished. We walked on and soon lost sight of the coyotes. "See, it worked," I told Teal.
They weren't afraid of us. They just couldn't stand our singing." she said.
We laughed again, and then, when we reached the top of a knoll, I decided we should rest and eat another nutritional bar,
"It's time for dinner," I declared, and folded my legs. They did the same.
"Wait. wait," Teal cried, holding her hand out. "No one eats without thanking everyone else and saying I'm sorry."
"Exactly," Robin said, and did it. I did the same and then Teal did and we laughed again.
"Do you think Mindy and Gia are sick with worry over us by now?" Teal asked.
"No. I think they're sick about having to do all the dishes and clean the table and whatever else we did together." Robin told her.
"I didn't mind the work so much. I just mind someone telling me I have to do it or I don't get to eat," Teal said.
"Come on." I said. "You minded the work. When did you ever really work? You told us about your maids and your servants."
"Well... okay, I hated the work."
"I can't understand you." Robin said. "You had so much. Why did you get yourself into so much trouble all the time?"
"I had a big house and my family has lots of money, but I just didn't feel like I belonged. It's hard to describe."
"No, it's not." I said. ''Blood doesn't make family."
"What does?" Teal asked me.
I shook my head. "I don't know."
"Love," Robin said. "As corny as it sounds, real love, someone who cares about you as much as, if not more than, he or she cares about himself. That's what a mother's supposed to be." she said bitterly.
"But." she added after chewing some of her bar. "I guess she was brought up without love so she didn't know how to give it to me, Anyway, I'm tired of hating her. Hate is exhausting."
We were all quiet. Her words seemed to settle the same way in us all.
"I don't think there was anything I wanted more than my mother and father and my brother to love me," Teal said.
"Why is it that the one thing we all need more than anything, we all have a hard time giving to each other?" Robin asked.
I had no answer.
I finished my bar and lay back with my head an my hands and looked up at the sky blazing with stars.
"If you lie back like this," I said. "and concentrate on the stars, you can feel like you're falling into them and not looking up. Try it."
They did and agreed.
I told them about Natani and the shell. I had told Teal but she had mocked it back on the ranch. Now she listened as attentively as Robin did.
"I guess you have to be out here to understand what he meant," Teal admitted.
"It gives you same power, some control over yourself, something they can't take from you," I told them.
"I'd like to learn more about that," Robin said. "Maybe we are, right now," Teal commented, and again we were all silent.
It was funny, I thought, but out he
re, with our lives really still in some great danger, we had suddenly grown closer to each other than we had back at the ranch where we suffered so many of the same fears and punishments. Here, at least for a little while, we were unable to be too selfish. What happened to one of us happened to all of us.
"We're going to make it out of here," I suddenly declared.
"Yes," Robin agreed. "Wewill."
"We will," Teal repeated.
"Everyone ready?"
"Aye, aye. Captain." Robin said. saluting. Teal started to struggle with her surely painful ankle, and Robin reached out to help her.
"Thanks," she said.
We stood up, fixed our packs, and started to walk again.
"We need a new song," Robin declared, "I've got one. It's one of my mother's, one she wrote herself. She'd never believe I remember it and would sing it, because I used to make so much fun of it. but here I go.
My heart is a prison and you've got the key,
But darlin' there's no prison where I'd rather be.
So build up those walls and chains to your heart,
For darlin, oh darlin', we can never be apart.
"That's corny," Teal screamed. "But I like it. Keep singing, It'll keep the vultures away."
I laughed.
Robin continued to sing. She had a good voice and she put real feeling into the words. too. I thought, and then suddenly I was jealous.
She was reaching back, thinking of her mother, connecting with her, even this far away.
That was something at least.
I wished I had a song in my heart. I wished for it more than I even wished to get out of this desert trap.
For I knew, if I had a song like that, there wasn't a desert hot enough or long enough to defeat me.
We walked on.
The stars following us.
The night circling with all the creatures that had fled the heat emerging and I'm sure wondering who we were.
It was a question on our own lips. Who are we?
Would we ever really know?
Perhaps if we do get out of here. I thought, perhaps then, we would.
With every step I took, with the heat fleeing and the cold descending. I longed for the comfort of Natani's drum. for I knew in my heart dangers were lurking in the patches of new darkness around and in front of us.