The fifth fence. I took it at a rush. ‘Oh, I left Wenlock Court before Christmas.’
And failed to see the ditch beyond it until he asked, ‘And why did you do that?’
‘I – er – Mrs Salter and I didna see eye tae eye.’
‘Ah, so you were dismissed.’ Head first into the ditch.
I muttered, ‘Well ye could put it like that.’
He deepened the ditch with a frown before saying, ‘Don’t tell me – I suppose you were found in the wrong bed.’
I gaped at him. ‘But Mrs Salter said she wudna tell Dr Travers about ma sleeping in William’s bed!’
‘To the best of my knowledge, she has not. Now,’ he rapped it out, ‘Who was this William?’
‘The first footman. But, if Mrs Salter didna tell ye, however did ye ken?’
‘I didn’t know, I merely made a reasoned deduction from your previous behaviour – after all, you did spend a night in my bed, didn’t you?’ Which was hardly the same, since William hadn’t been in his at in the time, but the truth is, there was something rather unpleasant about Horseface’s tone now, and I didn’t feel like arguing with him. Instead I took refuge in defiance. ‘Sae what if I did? It’s up tae me tae choose where I sleep.’
‘Quite.’ Not just rather unpleasant now – definitely unpleasant. ‘However, when you are employed in a position of trust in someone’s house it is customary not to keep turning up in places where you clearly shouldn’t be.’
I flushed, because it was true, I had done rather a lot of trespassing at Wenlock Court, but – I snapped back, ‘It’s none o’ your business – I’m not your housemaid!’
He said grimly, ‘And not likely to be, either. My housekeeper does not employ maids who – play games.’
That got me – my voice rose in protest, ‘An’ what were ye doing then? Like that time at the lake – sneaking up on me and taking ma clothes sae I had tae get out o’ the water with nothing on!’ And as I said that he seemed to almost give a shiver, despite the warmth of the room. I pressed home my advantage, ‘After all, it takes two tae play games.’
He looked at me for a moment or two then said, in a much milder tone, ‘Yes, it does, doesn’t it?’ Another brief pause and then, ‘Eve Gunn, shall we play another game, now? Let’s start the afternoon again, and pretend you’ve only just come into the room.’ I moved over to the door. He put his hand up, ‘No, you needn’t open it again – we don’t want to confuse my footman, do we?’ I positioned myself. ‘Now, there’s just one rule—’
‘But—’
‘Every proper game has to have rules – you know that, Eve.’
‘Alright, what’s this one?’
‘That whatever question I ask you, you tell me the truth.’
Now, as you very well know, it is quite possible to tell the truth – and yet not tell it. That sort of truth-telling is often good fun, too. So I said, ‘Oh aye, I’ll dae that.’
He grinned, baring his big, tiger teeth. ‘From the readiness with which you agreed I assume there’s some proviso in your mind – so let’s be clearer. I want your promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.’
Clever Horseface. ‘Alright, I promise – on my herring gutter’s knife.’
‘Good.’ He smiled.
Yes, you’re wondering why I didn’t demand that he play by the same rule. The truth is – yes, I’ll tell you the truth this time without having to promise — the truth is, as I mentioned earlier, that he filled that room and all I could see was his huge body, his prow of a nose, and his tiger’s smile. So I simply waited.
His smile broadened. ‘So, I say, “Well, well – it’s my Scottish hornpipe dancer!” As I did before, and you come towards me, as you did before. But a little closer, I think.’ I came quite a lot closer, until I was standing in front of his chair. Leaning back so he could look directly into my eyes he asked, ‘How many nights did you spend in that young footman’s bed?’
‘But if I’ve just come in you wouldn’t know about that.’
He groaned – but it was a mock groan. ‘You are rather literal, Eve Gunn. Let’s assume then that Mrs Salter did spill the beans. Now, how many nights?’
‘Two.’
‘Ah – only two. And am I correct in assuming that you have parted company with him since your rather precipitate departure from Wenlock Court?
‘Yes – aye, ye’re right.’
‘After which you came directly to London?’ I nodded. ‘So what did you do then?’
I limbered up for this one – it wasn’t an experience I’d forgotten, ‘Ye see, I’d left my Bible box in ma trunk, and I keep ma savings in there, and they put the trunk on the wrong train at Shrewsbury, so when I got to Euston—’
He raised his hand, ‘Spare me the details! The trunk turned up, I assume?’ Another nod. ‘So, what did you do then?’
‘I found a hotel and went looking for a job.’
‘What kind of a job?’
‘On the stage. I went to the Frivolity because ye said that about ma legs,’ and he became very still. ‘An’ I sang and danced for this Mr Barker,’ Lord Rothbury leant forward, his eyes fixed on my face. ‘And he said he reckoned I’d got what the Guv’nor was looking for, and to come back tomorrow. Only—’
I paused there, not quite sure how to explain, and quickly Horseface prompted me, ‘Only—?’
I said in a rush, ‘Only I talked to two girls who worked there and they said if you were a Friv Showgirl you had to choose a masher and go all the way with him, so I didna go back – I got a job in a steam laundry instead.’
And Lord Rothbury leant back in his chair again before saying, ‘I’m relieved to hear that, Eve Gunn – especially relieved, since it was a careless remark of mine that sent you to a theatre of that type.’ He smiled, ‘And even more relieved to hear that your native good sense discovered the situation before any harm was done. Carry on.’ I was rather pleased at his comment about my good sense so I gave him the full details of the Edith Street steam laundry and my role within it in providing creasefree shirts for the denizens of Kensington. He even asked a question or two about the machine – our discussion became quite technical at one point – then he glanced at the clock and said, ‘How time flies when you’re enjoying yourself!’ Before smiling at me and commenting, ‘But it sounds a rather repetitive operation.’
My agreement was fervent. ‘Aye, it is – once ye’ve got the hang of it it’s gey boring.’
His smile broadened. ‘Unlike being a housemaid, which offered all kinds of exciting distractions!’
‘Only when you were there – afterwards that was boring, too.’
Lord Rothbury raised his eyebrows. ‘So that footman was not sufficiently amusing?’ My response was prompt – William had occasionally made jokes, but they were pretty heavy-handed ones. So I said firmly, ‘No, definitely not. Not amusing at all.’
‘Hence the short stay in his bed.’ The two points were scarcely connected, since William had been away at the time – but if people make you swear to tell the truth you aren’t going to offer them any extra, are you? So I did not reply. Especially as he reached almost casually for my hand, and drew me closer to his chair. On my arrival beside it he put my hand down on his knee, and covered it with his own.
It was a bony knee, but big and satisfying. I curled my fingers round it. He caressed my hand with his own large, warm, palm before saying, ‘So, we have on the one hand,’ a squeeze for mine, ‘A bored former housemaid, present laundry worker in search of amusement. And on the other,’ he waited for my answering pressure on his fingers before continuing, ‘A rather bored peer – that Saturday afternoon feeling, you know – who is also in search of amusement.’ I felt my hand being guided up on to his thigh, where I could feel the full strength of his muscles under my palm. ‘And that rather bored peer has a distinctly soft spot for pretty redheads – especially pretty redheads with freckles.’ I glowed. ‘And even more especially for pretty redheads who smile at m
e like that. Although,’ his hand lifted mine, and drew it further up his thigh, ‘Perhaps soft spot is not quite the right word, eh?’ He neighed. I smiled back – as long as he had some kind of spot for me, I wasn’t concerned about its consistency.
‘So,’ my hand was drawn another inch up, ‘Since you and I appear to have, shall we say, complementary needs, perhaps we should see if we can fit the two – er – pieces together, eh?’
I grinned down at him. ‘Like in a jig-saw puzzle, you mean?’
He smiled back up at me. ‘An apt metaphor, that one, Eve Gunn – since some jig-saw pieces fit together much better than others, don’t they? And I rather feel you and I could be in that category. Nicely interlocking pieces, don’t you think?’
My hand was moved another inch up. Then he said, ‘And, of course, the nature of jig-saws is that they are – temporary – structures. One makes a pleasing picture, then one—’ He shrugged.
Breaks it up. Or rather, he would. This time I resisted his pressure to draw my hand yet another inch up. He stopped tugging, but didn’t let it go. I said, ‘I’m no a toy tae be picked up and played with, and then put back in the cupboard.’
‘Ah.’ Then, ‘Another question, Eve. Why did you call on me this afternoon?’
‘I wanted to see you. And I thought maybe ye’d give me a cup o’ tea.’
‘Did you, indeed.’ He was half-smiling. ‘And when you did see me, what did you think then?’ I wriggled. ‘Truth, Eve,’ he reminded.
I said, slowly,’I’m no trying tae mislead ye, it’s just – it’s just, I’m not sure what I thought.’ Then, in a rush, ‘I know what I remembered, though.’
‘And what was that?’
‘I remembered being in bed with you.’ I haven’t admitted that yet, have I?
I hadn’t admitted it to myself, either, until then. But it’s true. And this time I let him take my hand and ease it a little further up his broad thigh.
He smiled, ‘We seem so close to an agreement, Eve – yet – you see, I do play with toys, and then put them back in the cupboard.’
‘Women, ye mean, not toys.’
‘Yes. But only women who know the score, of course.’
I hadn’t wasted my time in the bazaars of Almora. I drew my hand back down his leg and said, ‘Well, now I know the score, I’d best be off, then.’ But my fingers squeezed his knee. I didn’t learn that in Almora – it just happened.
He gave a soft groan. Then, ‘Alright, Eve Gunn – what’s your suggestion?’
I hadn’t got one. When I didn’t reply he said, ‘I want to go to bed with you, you want to come to bed with me. The world would not approve – but, damn the world. Let’s set our minds to achieving this highly desirable end in a mutually acceptable way. I’ve put my cards on the table, now you lay down yours.’ He repeated, ‘So, what’s your suggestion?’
And that remark of his about the world not approving reminded me of what Glad had said – and gave me my idea. ‘I suggest that you make me your mistress, with a flat’n all.’
‘A flat!’ He removed his hand from mine and with a slight frown said, ‘You appear to have had this all planned out.’
‘Nae I haven’t.’
‘The truth Eve – you promised.’
‘I’ve only just thought of it. Gladys, at Wenlock Court, she said as how that Duke had a mistress.’
‘What!’
‘With a flat and a servant. And you’re a marquis, which H.H. – Doris – said was nearly as good as a duke – if you believe in titles, which personally I don’t—’
‘I certainly believe you’re telling the truth there.’
I exclaimed indignantly, ‘I’ve been telling the truth ever since I promised to!’
‘Sorry, Eve – that was unfair of me.’
‘So that’s what I’m suggesting. Only I wouldna want a servant, Mistress McNiven taught me tae cook, sae I’ll cook for you myself.’
‘Breakfast, you mean, presumably.’
‘Anything,’ I said, smiling down at him,’You can have anything you want.’
He didn’t reply for a moment, then he lifted my hand off his thigh, gave it a quick squeeze and let go. ‘Look, I need to keep a clear head on this one. Go and pull yourself up a chair while I light a cigarette.’
I sat down opposite him, waiting – and watching as he drew on his cigarette, blew a smoke ring, and squinted at it until it dissolved. Then he told me, ‘It is not, and never has been, my practice to make arrangements of this nature long-term.’ I was thrown, but tried not to show it. Again, Glad’s invaluable information came to my aid. I asked him, ‘Are ye saying – ye prefer proper tarts?’
He smiled slightly. ‘I think you mean improper tarts. It is not a question necessarily of preference – but I believe that short-term liaisons with women of that – type, are far less prone to lead to complications – simpler, I mean.’
I said, ‘I’m no simple – but I wouldna cause complications for ye.’
‘I will do you the credit, Eve Gunn, of saying that I believe you would create complications for me. But the question I have to ask myself is, are those complications worth the game? And I’m really not sure.’
And I could see him moving away from me, so I offered quickly, ‘D’ye want tae say just a year, then? Or maybe six months’d suit both of us better?’
And all at once he laughed, and raising a single eyebrow asked me, ‘You think you might be bored by then, do you?’
He was teasing me. Giggling with relief I told him, ‘I dinna ken – I’ve never been a mistress before!’
And he exclaimed, ‘You’re on, Eve Gunn. Sixth months, with an option for renewal at the end of that term.’ And now we were both laughing. I jumped up to run over to him, but he fended me off, still laughing. ‘No, Eve – not yet, there’s still some matters to be settled. And I want to keep a clear head. Back you go.’ He ushered me back to my chair, ‘Settle that,’ a quick, firm pat on my behind, ‘Down on there,’ he patted the seat, ‘While you and I discuss the detail.’
He went back to his own chair and in a businesslike voice said, ‘The first point is that I insist on having an exclusive claim to your services – there must be no hopping into any other fellow’s bed.’
I was most put out. ‘I wudna dream o’ doing that!’ Then, remembering those improper tarts, I told him firmly, ‘And I’ll expect the same from you.’
There was a moment’s pause, then he said, ‘As it happens, that is what I had in mind.’
As it happens, indeed! With indignation still in my voice I told him, ‘I should think so – what’s sauce for the goose has tae be sauce for the gander, too.’
He smiled, then watching my face he crossed one long leg over the other before saying, in a very deliberate voice, ‘I think you’ll find the supply of – sauce – is more than ample.’
I was so completely puzzled by his remark I could only bluff. ‘I will, will I?’
To which he replied, ‘Mm – yes. I’m pretty highly charged, you know.’
And sat watching me, his eyes narrowed against the smoke of his cigarette, as he waited for my response.
I said firmly, ‘Good.’
And he burst out laughing. ‘I think you and I really will suit each other, young Eve.’
I was pretty pleased with myself – back on course, heading down the straight for the finishing line – and then I saw it, right in front of me – the water jump.
Oh no – I’d completely forgotten! I exclaimed, ‘But I dinna want tae have a wean yet!’
I was relieved to see by his expression that he took my worry seriously. ‘And I certainly don’t want you to – so I intend to do all in my power to prevent that eventuality.’
But I was taking no chances this time. Bluntly I asked him, ‘How?’
Both eyebrows went up – clearly I’d been rather blunter than he’d expected. But his own reply was (fortunately – or unfortunately?) somewhat less than blunt, since he told me, ‘My usual practice is to –
er – cover, the – er – relevant appendage.’
Thanks to Glad, this made perfect sense to me; though I was extremely puzzled as to why he hadn’t put a cover over his tongue that night at Wenlock Court – still, perhaps he’d forgotten to bring them with him … By then, his next point was puzzling me too. ‘I will also arrange for you to be examined by a suitably qualified medical practitioner.’
‘Whatever for?’
‘To ensure that you haven’t either been caught by, or caught anything from, that young footman.’ Ah, I could see what he was getting at there. I hadn’t bothered to change the sheets, and it was just possible William had had impetigo or something. I nodded my agreement and he continued, ‘And if that examination is satisfactory, I can dispense with the need for covers.’
That did make me jump. ‘But—!’
He silenced me with a gesture of reassurance. ‘There are other methods of achieving the same end – one being a device which a female can fit into the appropriate portion of her anatomy. You understand my meaning?’ Well obviously I did, it would have to go down my throat, wouldn’t it? Though why on earth he hadn’t just said so – He added, ‘Since our association is to last for some time I would prefer you to use one of those.’
But my experiences at Wenlock Court had instilled in me some slight degree of caution where he was concerned, so I said to him, ‘Well, if ye’re sure it works as well as the other—’
This time he was blunt. ‘No method can be guaranteed – you must realise that. But obviously, if there should be a – mishap, I would not leave you and the resulting child unsupported.’
Relieved I said, ‘Oh, so if I did fall for a wean, ye’d marry me, then.’
And all at once he was on his feet, towering over me. ‘If you’re ever tempted to play that little trick on me, young woman – just remind yourself that I am a married man!’
I sat staring up at him as if he’d grown a pair of horns and a forked tail.
I was so stunned, I had to grope for my Scots accent. ‘Ye mean – ye’re married? Ye’ve got a wife?’
‘Yes.’