Lazily, confidently, I asked, ‘An’ are ye pleased tae see me?’
His reply was another soft bray. ‘I’ll show you just how pleased I am, tonight! But for now, tea’s in the offing – so we’ve got to get you decently dressed again.’ I began to button up my chemise – then broke off to complain, ‘That’s another suspender that wasn’t even undone before.’
‘Tsk, tsk – they must have been loose. I’d better check all of them, just to make certain. Do you know, I think these long skirts of yours are part of the problem – a fellow can’t see what he’s about. Let’s have them up out of the way, shall we?’ Lifting my behind with one arm he eased my skirt and petticoat up round my waist. ‘There, that’s better. Mm, I can see these are very serviceable, but I think that when we go back to Town we might possibly indulge in something frillier, from Lucile’s. I rather favour oyster satin myself, with a deep band of lace – and matching ribbon bows in all the appropriate places—’
Gosh! But it was nearly tea-time, so I reminded him, ‘You’re supposed tae be fastening ma suspenders.’
‘Ah yes – here we go then. Now, one suspender, two suspender—’ Just like a game. I giggled. ‘Over you go, so I can do the back ones up next.’
As I rolled over I told him, ‘They’re no undone.’
‘They are now.’ He slid his hand up under my serviceable drawers and I felt his palm warm on my bare backside. ‘Mm – this is a very trim little behind I’m about to acquire.’ I turned my head so I could look up at him and complain, ‘You pinched Glad’s behind at Wenlock Court.’
‘Did I indeed? That was rather remiss of me – but I didn’t have one of my own to pinch then, did I?’ He gave me the gentlest of nips. ‘Now, let’s check those suspenders—’ And the stable clock chimed the quarter. ‘Damn! I’ve ordered tea for four on the dot – and that clock’s slow. We really shall have to get these suspenders of yours fastened.’ He did so, briskly and efficiently. ‘Now, over you go again.’ I was rolled back, so that now I lay across his lap, just gazing up at him – smiling. Very gently he laid his finger tip against my cheek, before saying softly, ‘I think you truly are genuinely fond of me – aren’t you, Eve?’
‘Aye, I dae like you – a lot.’
‘Good. You know, it’s an extremely nice idea to think that for the next year, at the very least, I have exclusive rights to these,’ his hands cupped my breasts —
I was slightly miffed that he hadn’t actually said he liked me, too – so I pointed out, ‘What we said was six months – with an option for renewal.’
‘Oh, did we? Is that what you want, Eve Gunn – just six months?’
I said quickly, ‘No, I don’t—’
‘Then there’s not a problem then, is there? Now, what else have I got exclusive rights to? Ah, this belly,’ his touch, warm and gentle, ‘This extremely shapely pair of ankles,’ his fingers encircled them both, ‘And these delightful legs,’ he trailed his hand up the curve of my calves, ‘Two neat little knees,’ he tickled behind them, making me giggle, ‘Now, have I left anything out?’
‘Only the bit in between – that you seem so interested in.’
He brayed – really brayed. ‘Right, and this.’ A firm, strong pressure this time – then he released me, with a shake of his head. ‘I really haven’t got the heart to cover you up, puss cat – you’re going to have to do it yourself.’
So I did.
As I fastened the last button he glanced at his watch and said, ‘Look, about those kisses – I really am not prepared to wait any longer.’
‘You promised not to kiss me.’
‘Then suppose you do the kissing, instead?’
So I knelt down on the sofa beside him, and leant across that satisfyingly huge frame of his and kissed his chin. Then, taking his face in my hands, I kissed both his cheeks. His nose was next – then, ‘Close your eyes.’ Obediently he did so – two butterfly kisses on his eyelids, two more on his rather bushy eyebrows – I kissed his forehead and the place where his hair began – his hair itself, with its intriguing scent of bay rum – Until, taking hold of me, he lifted me right on to his lap. His arms encircled my shoulders, drawing me closer as he said, ‘Yes, you really are fond of me, aren’t you?’ Then, ‘Look, pusscat – Eve – if you play fair with me, I’ll play fair with you – are we agreed on that?’ I was surprised. ‘Of course I’ll play fair with you.’
He shook his head. ‘There’s no “of course” about it, where women are concerned, but,’ his finger on my lips stopped my protest, ‘But in your case there well might be.’
I chose not to think of the question of my true identity – I’d explain about that when the time was right – and replied instead, ‘And I know ye’ll play fair with me.’ I could hear the confidence in my voice as I said it.
His reply was equally confident. ‘Yes, puss, I will. It won’t always be easy for me – over these past years I’ve acquired some careless habits – but I can drop them again if I want to, I’m quite sure of that. Now, let’s seal our bargain with a kiss, eh?’ He offered his mouth to mine, and I kissed his lips – with my own firmly closed. But his weren’t, and I could feel the gentle probing of his tongue — and remembered.
Drawing back I asked, ‘Have ye got one of those covers with you?’
He blinked. Then, with a smile, ‘Rather more than one, I can assure you.’ And the stable clock struck four.
Lifting me quickly off his lap he sprang to his feet. ‘Quick – downstairs.’ We shot out of the door, tumbled down the stairs – to slow simultaneously at the turn of staircase, where he gestured to the window and said casually, ‘Jolly view from up here, don’t you think, young Eve? Bit different from Scotland.’
‘Aye, verra different – thank ye for showing me, ma lord.’ My voice was not quite as casual as his – but you couldn’t fault the breadth of my accent.
Down in the nursery kitchen Robert was already lifting the second tray from the dumbwaiter. We strolled into the day nursery and seated ourselves either side of the fire – in whose warmth Jack and Span were already basking. Robert brought in the tray and unloaded it on to a low table beside Lord Rothbury’s armchair, after which he was informed, still casually, ‘That’s all, Robert – Eve here can play the parlourmaid for me.’ He gave me the ghost of a wink from behind the footman’s retreating back.
I poured two cups. ‘Mllk, my lord?’
‘Thank you – no sugar.’ I handed his tea to him and went back to my chair with my own. He took a single sip from his cup then set it down on its saucer again. ‘You drink yours.’
‘It’s too hot—’
‘One mouthful won’t hurt you. Right, that’s it,’ jumping up he leapt over the dogs, seized the cup from my hands, banged it down on the table and fell to his knees beside my chair. ‘I want that kiss, now!’
Giggling I bent over him – and saw his mouth already opening – and his tongue. His tongue! I exclaimed, ‘You still haven’t put a cover on it!’
‘What?’ He was so surprised it was obvious he’d forgotten again already.
‘You haven’t put a cover on it. And you promised.’
‘Certainly I promised, but—’
But I was having no ‘buts’. Interrupting I told him firmly, ‘It was only luck you didn’t give me a baby last time – you didn’t use a cover then, did you?’
That really stopped him in his tracks. ‘But puss cat, I’m quite sure I didn’t put you at any risk that night – why, you were on your rags—’
‘That didna stop you kissing me – and you did.’
‘Yes, I certainly remember that – very clearly. But,’ said with a frown, ‘Are you sure you aren’t confusing me with some other fellow?’
‘Of course I’m not.’ But he was being so incredibly slow today I decided to take him through the sequence of events, step by step. ‘Look, that night – you put your tongue in my mouth, didn’t you?’
‘Yes, I did.’
‘And I’m absolutely certai
n you weren’t wearing a cover over it.’
There was a very long silence, then he said, ‘A cover over my tongue – that’s what you’re asking me, is it?’
‘Yes, of course – and you weren’t wearing one, were you?’
‘No, I’m quite sure I wasn’t.’
He’d finally admitted it. I pounced. ‘There you are then – you weren’t wearing one!’ I told him firmly, ‘I wouldn’t ever have let you kiss me like that, if I’d known, only I didn’t, not then. But I know now, so I’m not letting you—’
He interrupted me, this time. ‘Eve, could you just bear with me for a moment? I think I’d like that cup of tea after all.’
Rising to his feet he returned to his chair, retrieved his cup and saucer and picked up the small silver tongs. I said, ‘You told me you didn’t take sugar.’
‘I think I’m going to need it this afternoon.’ He dropped in two lumps, stirred vigorously and reached for a sandwich.
Oh well – I fetched a plate for myself, loaded it, and picked up my own cup. But he needn’t think he was going to play at diversions – after all, he was the one who’d been at fault back in the autumn.
To be fair, he was also the one who raised the matter again. ‘Now, Eve – you said a few minutes ago, if I remember correctly, that you wouldn’t have allowed me to kiss you with my tongue that night at Wenlock Court – “if you’d known, then”. Could you tell me, please, what exactly it was you didn’t know that night – and do, er – know – now?’
‘How a man gives a woman a baby.’ I explained, ‘Having carnal knowledge – I suppose I should have guessed from the Bible – I mean, I know ‘carnal’ means fleshly – and tongues are very fleshly,’ I paused a moment to let him get over his choking fit – crumb down the wrong way, I suppose, then continued, ‘I just didna realise until Glad an’ Flo told me.’
He reached for the teapot before asking, ‘And who was this glad Flo?’
Gosh, he really had slowed down since tea-time. ‘Glad and Flo. Glad was Third Housemaid at Wenlock Court, and Flo was in the stillroom – you must know, you danced with them both at the ball.’
‘I obviously made quite a night of it – but not as much of a night of it as you did, I’m now finally beginning to realise.’ He leant forward. ‘Eve, explain to me carefully, what precisely did Glad and Flo tell you?’
He sounded as if he really did want to know. So I said, ‘Well, I heard them say that this girl they knew, called Trixie, had had a baby – and she wasna wed!’
He nodded. ‘It does happen.’
‘Then I do think ye might have told me. You see, I thought it couldna happen unless ye got wed. That a woman – changed – and then it happened. But Glad and Flo said – well, first of all they said I shouldna’ve been listening—’
‘I’m very much inclined to agree with them on that score.’
‘But then they asked about when you’d kissed me.’
‘Just out of interest,’ he said, ‘How did they know I’d kissed you? I didn’t see either of them lurking on the terrace.’
I blushed and said hastily, ‘I didna tell them about spending the night with you. ‘I suppose I must be grateful for small discretions. Carry on.’
‘And they asked if you’d put your tongue in my mouth, and when I said you had Glad told me I’d be having a baby in July.’
‘Oh, by Jove!’ At least he was taking it seriously now.
I said, ‘I was awfu’ shocked, too – only then Flo said hadn’t I been on my rags since, and I had, so Glad said I’d been lucky – and I wasn’t going to have a baby this time. But obviously I dinna want tae take any more chances.’
Lord Rothbury didn’t answer for a moment, then he began, ‘Eve, that footman you shared a bed with in the autumn…’
I shook my head. ‘I didna share his bed – the only man I’ve ever shared a bed with is you. I wouldna’ve wanted to with William, even if he’d asked me. He pinched my behind, once.’ I was still somewhat aggrieved about that.
‘Only once?’
I stamped on his foot, really hard.
‘So why, if you’d previously repelled his advances, were you in his bed?’
I said, ‘Because of Norah.’
‘And who is Norah?’
‘The second housemaid at Wenlock Court – you do know her because you…’
He finished for me, ‘Danced with her at the servants’ ball.’
‘Aye, that’s the one. Well, she snores – much louder than you.’
‘Let’s leave my sleeping habits out of it – and you tell me what the snores of Norah had to do with the episode of the footman’s bed.’
That was easy. I said, ‘They were why I was in it. When Glad left they made me Third Housemaid, so then I had to share a room with Norah.’
‘Who snores more loudly than I do.’
‘Much more – anyway, you only did it when you were lying on your back, so I’m sure I’ll get used to it.’
He shook his head. ‘Regretfully, Eve, I don’t think you will. Carry on.’
‘So when William had to go home because his mother was taken poorly…’
‘Don’t tell me her name.’
‘I can’t, I dinna ken it. So, as he was away I went down and slept in his bed – I admit, I didna change the sheets, but I don’t think I caught anything off them, so ye needna worry about ma giving ye impetigo—’
He had another problem with crumbs while assuring me, ‘As it happens, I wasn’t. Continue.’
‘Only the second night Mr Taylor came back to check on his stupid silver spoons and found me in William’s bed, and he told Mrs Salter – the housekeeper,’ I paused to let him finish.
‘Whom I danced with at the ball in October.’
I grinned. ‘That’s right. So I was dismissed.’ I added, ‘They’ve got these stupid rules, you see.’
Lord Rothbury commented, ‘It seems rather hard to dismiss you, even so—’
‘It wasna just that – they said I wouldn’t be going tae Richmond at Christmas, so then I told them what I thought of their stupid rules.’
‘Ah—’
‘But anyway, I was bored with being a housemaid, so I went to London.’
‘And offered to become my mistress.’
I nodded, ‘Aye – I thought I’d find it more interesting.’
He sort of coughed, then, ‘Indeed – I certainly think you would have done. Rather more than interesting – surprising, even.’ I reassured him, ‘That’s alright – I like surprises.’ But now that the explanations were over I became brisk, ‘So, if we’re going to get started, why don’t you go and get one of those covers now, and put it on?’
‘On my tongue?’
‘Aye, o’ course.’ I added, ‘Please.’
‘Well, one always tries to oblige a female, but,’ he snorted – he was actually managing to snort and bray simultaneously, ‘But – it might be rather difficult to – oh my God – to get one – over my tongue, and – I—’ he was almost choking on his snorts and brays by now, ‘As it happens, it’s not actually necessary for the purpose you,’ more strangulated braying snorts, ‘The purpose you – you’re speaking of – Oh my God, and you agreed to spend the night with me! You offered to be my mistress – twice – and you didn’t even – you thought—!’ He was laughing so much he slid right off his chair and lay braying on the hearthrug.
Jack jumped to his feet and sniffed him. Horseface reached up and put his arm around Jack’s neck. ‘Jack, old man – if only I could explain to you – you of all creatures would really appreciate this joke. Oh my God!’ He as off, braying again.
A black hatred of Glad and Flo was welling up in me. I said coldly, ‘They were gulling me, weren’t they – that’s not how you do it?’
He raised himself up on his elbows, ‘Well, it’s certainly not how I – do it – Oh, I can’t believe it!’ He collapsed again.
I said furiously, ‘You’re laughing at me!’
‘No, I’m—’
/>
‘Yes you jolly well are!’
‘At myself too. To think I spent all night with a girl without ever realising that she didn’t know the most elementary—’ Another paroxysm prevented him from finishing his sentence.
I told him curtly, ‘Only the ill-mannered jeer at ignorance.’
‘I’m not jeering, I—’ He wiped his eyes, and I sat there glaring at him as he heaved himself up from the hearthrug and back into his chair. ‘I suppose it wasn’t such an improbable idea if you didn’t know – but it must have been rather worrying for you. Presumably you’ve been keeping your lips firmly closed whenever a chap’s kissed you since!’
I said huffily, ‘Nobody has ever kissed me since – or before, except for Mr Parton that time – and that wasn’t on the lips.’
And finally he did stop laughing. ‘You mean, I’m the only fellow you’ve ever even kissed?’
‘I’ve had others try, of course – but I wouldn’t let them.’
He said, ‘Then I have been honoured, haven’t I? Thank you puss. But – if you’ve never kissed a man before – how on earth did you know what to do?’
‘That was easy – I just copied you.’
He sounded awed. ‘Great Scott – you did, didn’t you? In everything – tongue, corset, vest – different types of kisses—’ Then, ‘I must say, puss cat, you appear to have a natural talent for kissing, and the other – er – skills, that go with it.’
Once he said that I felt a whole lot better. So I asked him the obvious question. ‘But if you don’t put the cover on your tongue, where do you put it?’ He did not reply. I shrugged, ‘Oh well, I suppose I’ll find out tonight, in any case.’
‘Tonight?’
‘When I become your mistress.’
He looked at me in amazement. ‘I must say this for you, young Eve, your nerve is breath-taking. Still, I suppose that’s only to be expected from the girl I watched climb down the Gob of Helspie. But let me make one thing one thing absolutely crystal clear…’