Then he was bending over her. Her gaze met his. A faint smile lifted her lips. “You think . . . won?”
Yes, he fucking did. His hands closed around the stake.
“Did you . . . give her a . . . choice?”
Ryder’s eyes narrowed. He heard the faint rustle of steps behind him. Felt Sabine standing at his back.
Julia’s gaze wasn’t on him. It was on Sabine. “Did you . . . ask to be . . . like this?”
Grayson had come from his position behind the bar. He stood on Julia’s right side. Not touching her. Just staring at her with a mix of pity and fury in his eyes.
“Did . . . you?” Julia pressed as her chest heaved.
“I asked to live,” Sabine said, her voice soft.
“But you didn’t know . . .” Julia’s lips curved in a faint smile. “The price he’d . . . make you pay.”
Ryder stiffened.
“I . . . didn’t . . . know . . . I didn’t . . . ask . . .”
“Is that why you sent me to Genesis? Because you and the others hadn’t asked to be vampires?” Ryder asked, voice rough. “I didn’t turn you, I didn’t—”
“You . . . started it. You turned . . . him. Made us all.”
Him. Malcolm.
“Some things . . . shouldn’t be made.”
His fingers were curled around the chunk of wood in her chest. One twist of his hand, and she would be dead. “And here I thought it was all about you wanting to be free of me. Because I controlled you all.”
“They wanted . . . said you couldn’t control them.”
They? Would that be the dead vamps on the floor?
“I wanted . . . free . . . in different way.”
“She didn’t want to be a vampire,” Sabine said, sadness tingeing her words. “She just wanted to be normal.”
“Normal’s overrated,” Grayson muttered.
“There’s no going back,” Ryder said. Surely Julia realized that. “You can’t be human once you’ve changed.”
“I know . . .”
Ryder stared at the wood in her chest. She’d been in on the plan to take him out. Not the leader, he sensed that, so maybe one of the broken vamps behind him had planned everything. But Julia . . . she’d known.
And she wasn’t fighting death.
It would be so easy to take her out.
But Sabine was touching the back of his shoulder. Gentle fingertips. Sabine . . . who also hadn’t known exactly what she was getting into when she became a vampire.
Ryder hadn’t been given a choice.
He’d just woken to bloodlust. A new life.
Julia . . . he remembered her story. She’d been attacked by a vampire. Raped. Bled nearly dry. But then that vamp had transformed her.
That vamp . . .
“I killed him,” Ryder said as his fingers slid away from the wood. “I killed the vampire who made you.” And she’d still come after him?
Julia laughed. The wood shifted deeper. Blood trickled from her lips. “Judge . . . jury . . . executioner. You’re the vampire . . . l-law.”
He tried to be. They needed law. They needed—
“Why didn’t you . . . stop him . . . sooner? Why didn’t . . . you . . . save me?”
And that was it. That was fucking it. She blamed him for not killing Moses, the vamp who’d attacked her and four other coeds in Mississippi.
Shame hit him then. Yes, he could see what she meant. Every vampire . . . they all come back to me. If he’d never bit Malcolm, never learned to spread this fucking curse, then monsters like Moses wouldn’t have preyed on the humans.
Julia would still be human.
Ryder rocked back, stood, and stepped away from her.
Hundreds, thousands of others would still be alive.
If I’d just died.
“I’m . . . gonna be free . . .” Julia whispered. Her gaze came back to Ryder. “You . . . won’t be . . . Retribution . . . coming.”
Then her fingers lifted.
Too late, Ryder realized what she was doing.
He reached for her.
But Julia had already shoved the wood deep into her heart.
She died with a smile on her face.
Ryder’s fingers were around hers. He yanked the wood free from her chest. Tossed it aside.
Then his fist slammed into the floor near her body. Again and again and again, he beat the floor.
All because of me. Everything. All the death and pain. “My fucking fault,” he snarled, and Ryder leapt back to his feet.
He grabbed the nearest table. Smashed it. Hurled chairs. Threw glasses.
So many deaths. On him.
Every fucking one. It all went back to him.
“Someone needs some chill time.” Grayson’s tense voice.
He’d made Grayson into a monster. Found him on a battlefield. Moments away from death. A hero’s death.
He’d turned the guy into a killer instead.
Ryder whirled and grabbed Grayson by the throat. “You didn’t want this life.”
Grayson’s eyes widened. “You . . . don’t see me . . . complaining, do you?” He gasped out the words.
“Ryder, stop!” Sabine.
Sounding more furious than he’d ever heard her before.
He dropped Grayson.
“Definite chill time,” the guy muttered as he began to edge toward the back door.
Ryder turned away from him. Faced Sabine. She had her hand at her throat. Over the damn bite the bastard had given her.
Ryder took a step toward her. Almost slipped and fell in the blood. So much blood.
And she saw me do this? No wonder she’s afraid. She’ll always be afraid of me.
And he’d always need her. Would never be able to let her go.
He laughed. Wasn’t that just a bitch? He really was the monster. Sabine had been right about him from the beginning. He’d always thought Malcolm was the one with no control. The one who’d brought hell, but all along . . .
It was me.
“She was wrong,” Sabine whispered. Her hand dropped. The wounds were still on her throat. Seeing them just made his fury deepen.
His hands clenched into fists. He wanted to rip this whole fucking place down. “Get out.” He backed away from her.
She blinked. “Ryder?”
“I don’t want . . . to . . . hurt you.” Because he was too wild. Too uncontrolled.
Too much of a killer.
The evidence was all around him.
But Sabine didn’t walk away. She walked toward him. Grabbed his arms and shook him. “Look at me.”
He didn’t want to see the fear in her eyes.
“She was wrong, Ryder. Do you hear me? Wrong. Yes, she was pissed and hurt, and she got a terrible, terrible hand dealt to her in this life . . . but what happened to her, the change, it wasn’t your fault.”
“I started it all. I made—”
“That is such a load of crap,” Sabine’s annoyed voice snapped. “No matter what you might like to think, you aren’t God.”
He blinked. His gaze met hers.
“You can’t control everyone or everything.”
He could actually control a pretty good number—
“If the guy who attacked Julia hadn’t been a vamp, did you ever think that maybe he’d just be a straight-up killer? That he was screwed to begin with? Humans have plenty of freak tendencies, that’s why there are so many serial killers out there. If that guy hadn’t been a vamp, he could still have killed her. Could still have tortured and raped because the sad fact is . . . evil is real. It comes in all kinds of forms.”
The form of a vampire. The form of a human.
Her hand lifted. Her fingers touched his cheek. “You aren’t responsible for every evil that walks the earth. We all have choices.”
The room reeked of death because of the choices he’d made. She’d seen all that he could do. And she still touched him. Looked at him like there was someone good inside of him.
He turne
d his head and pressed a quick kiss to her fingertips. He’d thought she was his weakness.
Maybe . . . maybe she was his strength.
The fury began to fade. His lashes lowered as he sucked in a deep breath. He needed to get her out of there. Had to wash the blood from her skin. Get her clean and safe. “Sabine—” His lashes lifted. He stared right at her.
There was so much fear in her eyes that he lost his breath. She touched him, comforted him, calmed him, but Sabine was so afraid of him that she was shaking.
“He . . . bit me,” she whispered. Her hand pulled from his. She touched the wound at her throat again. “Ryder, I’m sorry.”
He shook his head, not understanding.
“Julia . . . she didn’t want to live the way she was . . . II understand. I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want—”
He stiffened as understanding dawned. The fuck no.
“I don’t want to be like them. Please, help me now.” She straightened her shoulders. “Kill me.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“Never,” Ryder barked, his response instant. Now he was the one to grab her and hold on tight.
“If I change, if I’m like them—” She shuddered. “It just takes one bite to get infected by them, doesn’t it? Just one. He bit me, so that means that I’m going to become primal.”
“You’re not changing. You’re already a vampire.” Mostly. “You can’t change.” He sure as hell hoped not.
But fear was whispering through him. Sabine wasn’t like him, not like the others. With her, what if—
No. It had taken three exchanges just for her to become a vampire in the first place, and he was still seeing signs that her phoenix side wasn’t gone.
“If I do change, then promise me that you won’t let me—”
He pressed his lips to hers. Kissed her hard and deep. Drank the gasp from her mouth. Gave her his breath. I’d give her my life. “I promise that I’ll always protect you.” That was all she’d get from him.
And he’d protect her any way that he could. Every way.
Glass crunched. The scent of gasoline hit him.
Keeping a steady hold on Sabine, Ryder turned his head and saw that Grayson was back. And carrying gasoline containers in both hands.
“Since we don’t keep a lot of alcohol here, I planned ahead,” Grayson said, lifting the containers. “Don’t want to leave any messes behind.” He started pouring the gasoline on the bodies. On the walls. Everywhere.
Sabine shuddered. “More fire.”
When you needed to wipe away the scene of a mass attack, yeah, fire could do the trick.
“Go,” Grayson said, jerking up his chin. “I got this.”
Ryder hesitated. Grayson had always been there for him. Steadfast. True. But he had to ask, “Do you wish I’d left you on that field?”
Grayson hesitated. “Some days.”
Because Grayson never pulled his punches, Ryder felt that hit right to his gut.
“But most days, I’m glad to be alive. Glad to see the sky, glad to screw pretty women, glad to do all the damn things that I want.” Grayson bared his fangs. “Julia made her choice. We all make our choices. And I choose to keep living.”
Ryder’s breath eased out as some of the tension left his shoulders.
“Now get your lady out of here.” There was concern in Grayson’s gaze as his eyes dropped to Sabine’s throat. “Take care of her.”
He thought . . . Grayson thought that she was going to change.
The hell she was.
Ryder laced his fingers with hers. Led her away from the blood- and gasoline-soaked scene.
Before he left the bar, he glanced back, just once, to see the clock.
Two hours before midnight.
Two hours . . .
“Sabine just ignited Bran’s Castle,” Keith said as he shoved his cell phone back into his pocket. “The place is burning, with flames reaching up to the sky.” Now why the hell had she burned her lover’s place?
Cassandra frowned. “You’re sure she was behind the attack?”
“You know another phoenix in the city?” Keith demanded. It wasn’t like their kind was heavy on the ground. “The flames are burning, it’s a vamp bar, hell, just connect the dots.”
“Do you think she killed Ryder?”
If she had, their plans were about to be screwed. “The local cops aren’t even at the scene yet. There’s no way to tell if anyone was inside when the blaze started.” The tip he’d just received from one of his watchers had been fast and frightened.
The guy had been hauling ass away from the fire, not trying to get close and see if any victims were burning.
Keith looked at his watch. “She’ll come.” She had to come. Sabine was his key.
“And if she doesn’t?” Cassandra asked. There was sympathy in her green eyes. “Then you’ll need to prepare yourself for what must be done.”
Killing his own son?
No, he wasn’t prepared to take that step. Not yet.
Sabine’s father had been ready to do anything to “cure” his little girl. Keith was ready and willing to do the same thing.
Anything.
She wanted him.
Sabine was afraid and furious and ripping apart on the inside.
Don’t want to change. Don’t want to change.
Her neck had finally stopped throbbing, but she felt like a ticking time bomb was inside her, just waiting to explode and destroy her. She didn’t want to change. Didn’t want to become one of the primals.
They didn’t seem to have any emotions. Only basic needs.
The need to kill.
Ryder was running with her. They were rushing down an alley. Dark. Away from the scent of fire.
Away, away, away . . .
“Stop!” Sabine cried.
Ryder whirled to face her just as the dark clouds over them erupted. Rain fell down on them, beating hard, pounding in a fury.
Maybe the rain would stop the fire at the bar. Maybe the rain would wash away all the pain swirling inside of her.
The rain fell and the blood washed from her hands. Now for the pain, please.
Her hair clung to her neck. She lifted her fingers and wrapped them around his shoulders. “I want you.”
Ryder blinked. Desire flared instantly in his eyes, but he shook his head. “Sabine, you need to be safe, you need—”
To feel alive. The way he’d always made her feel, even as he brought her death.
She stepped toward him. The rain kept hailing down on them. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Angry. Threatening.
Kind of the way she felt.
All she’d known before Genesis . . . that life was gone.
All she had left . . . the way I feel for him.
Sabine kissed him. She tasted the rain on his lips. The richer flavor that was his alone.
He went still beneath her touch.
“I don’t have a lot of control right now,” Ryder whispered.
She let a smile lift her lips, even though she knew the smile wouldn’t be reflected in her eyes. “Good. Because I don’t want control.” She didn’t want a safe lover.
She wanted him.
The most dangerous man she’d ever met.
The only man who made her feel safe.
Maybe she was screwed up. Maybe she was broken inside because of everything that had happened to her at Genesis.
She didn’t care.
Sabine kissed him again. This time, he broke.
His arms locked around her. His tongue thrust into her mouth. Her hands pushed between them. Desire was desperate, a greedy bitch swamping her. Sabine wanted to touch him. Needed to feel his cock push deep, so deep inside of her.
But Ryder grabbed her hands. Two steps, and he had her against the brick wall. He locked her wrists above her head, pinning them there with his right hand.
His mouth kept kissing hers.
She could hear voices. Laughter. The crowd was close. She didn’t care. r />
Someone could walk into the alleyway. Someone could see her and Ryder.
I don’t care.
His left hand had opened her jeans. Pushed between her legs. She hadn’t put on underwear. No, Ryder had grabbed it and tossed it somewhere before they’d left the cabin.
So his fingers touched her sex.
“Wet.”
And she knew he wasn’t talking about the rain that kept falling.
The rain was making the humans scatter. That was where the voices and laughter were coming from. The humans were running in the rain.
She and Ryder . . . they weren’t running.
Two of his fingers pushed into her.
She rose onto her toes. Tried to yank her hands down so she could touch him, but Ryder wasn’t letting her go.
His fingers thrust into her, again and again, as his thumb worked over her clit. She twisted her hips in an attempt to demand more of his touch.
He gave her more.
His mouth stayed on hers, his kisses deep and drugging as the rain fell, and his fingers kept stroking her. Light and easy then deep, demanding. Pushing and taking until her sex was clamping eagerly around him and then—
She came.
A release that shook her body and had her hips thrusting hard against his hand. A release that sent pleasure spilling through her and driving deep the realization that—
I’m alive. I can feel. I can want. I can need.
I can love.
He still had her hands pinned. His fingers stroked her, softly now, as the aftershocks of pleasure hit her.
His jaw was locked. His eyes blazing. His control was still there, hanging by a thread.
He’d held on to that control, for her. But she didn’t want that control. She wanted all of him.
His fingers slid out of her. Gave her one last caress. He started to lift her jeans back into place.
“No.”
Now she did pull her hands from his hold. Because he let her. “Ryder, I want you.”
“I’m . . . trying to be stronger.”
She put her hands on his chest. “You don’t always have to be strong with me.” Her whisper. “With me, you can break.”
He wanted to. She could see the struggle on his face.
So she made it easier on him.
She spun around. Slapped her hands against the wall and kicked away her jeans. Sabine lifted her hips, arching so that her ass—