“Oh my gosh, I’ll never stop thinking about it.” She pointed to her face. “This frigging smile is permanent now.” She hopped up and kissed me again and my hands ached to drag her against me. “The only way this day could get better is if I get home and a tray of my grandmother’s marshmallow fudge brownies magically appear on my kitchen counter. Thank you for the best day ever, Seth.”
Chapter 14
Noelle
“Grace is out for the evening. If you’re not doing anything, would you like to come over? Just so you know, it took me two glasses of wine and a bowl of ice cream before I worked up the courage press send.” Once my shaky finger hit the green button, I sat back against the couch, feeling a bit sick from the wine and ice cream combination, to wait for a response.
Seth was taking it slow with me, which was exactly what I’d asked for. As much as I appreciated it, I was also starting to feel that maybe I was being too cautious. Maybe what this whole thing needed was for me to be a big girl. Maybe I just needed to rip the bandage off. I’d found this great guy who surprised me and impressed me at every turn. And I was thinking about him a lot. Sometimes those thoughts made me feel excited but nervous. One thing was for sure, being with Seth made me feel alive again, as if I’d pulled at least one foot out of the cocoon. But sometimes, when I thought of Seth, I felt the bitterness of guilt. I was alive and Hayden was dead. My soul mate had been taken from me, and I wasn’t sure if there was a second chance at soul mates. Liking someone else felt like betrayal and when those notions took hold, I found myself convinced I needed to end this with Seth. In those darker moments, I told myself I would be happier with someone who didn’t mean much to me. Someone who was not a replacement for my first soul mate. Someone who could just fill in and keep me from living the rest of my life alone.
My phone beeped, and I froze for a second, not wanting to read his response. I wasn’t sure which would disappoint me more, a yes or a no.
“You have ice cream?”
I laughed. Seth always managed to smooth my nerves and my emotions, even with just a four word text he made me feel better. I texted back. “Will chocolate chip do?”
“Already out the damn door.”
I took a deep breath. He was coming. After the awesome day with the otters, we’d had a quiet dinner where we’d spent more time laughing than eating. Then he’d dropped me off with just a kiss. I’d been busy at work for two days, but when Grace had told me she’d be out with Terry for the night, all I could think was that I wanted to see Seth.
I paced the floor, wringing my hands and wondering when the hell I’d become a nervous ninny. Duke lifted his big head from his pillow and blinked up at me with his shiny black eyes. “Yes, I’m a nutcase, Duke, and thanks for making it so obvious in your expression.”
The dog sighed as he dropped his head back down. Even though I was expecting him, the knock on the glass door startled me. Seth stood there a second flashing that unbelievable smile at me, a tight black t-shirt stretched across his chest and shoulders and his hair standing up in messy spikes all over his head. His smile faded, and he must have sensed from my face that this was different. Tonight was different.
His chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, and I crossed my arms nervously around myself. Even so, he knew. He knew what I wanted. He slid the door open and stepped inside. He shut the door behind him, still with not a word exchanged between us and yet volumes were being spoken. I was silently pouring my heart out to him. And behind it all, he knew I was fucking terrified. Terrified of what I was asking.
His throat moved as he swallowed hard, like me, not able to speak. And then he crossed the floor and pulled me into his arms.
As his strong embrace circled me, I let myself get lost in the feeling of being wrapped in a man’s arms. It had been a long time. It had been forever, and I wasn’t going to let my conscience interfere. I was going to be someone else for tonight. I was a girl attracted to an extremely irresistible guy, who had proven himself a gentleman, a courageous, charming gentleman. And I wanted him.
Seth’s mouth covered mine, and my hands circled his neck. His hands moved slowly over my back and as he kissed me, they drifted to the hem of my shirt. He hesitated.
I lifted up on tiptoes and whispered into his ear. “Touch me, Seth.”
His hands slid beneath my shirt, smoothing over the skin of my back. He moved them back to the hem and peered down at me, waiting for me to protest as he lifted the shirt up. I didn’t protest. I wanted badly to be naked in his arms.
He pulled my shirt off, and I stood in front of his hungry gaze. I reached up and unhooked my bra, and it fell to the ground. My nipples hardened in anticipation as he lifted his hand to my breasts. And then it flickered beneath the ceiling lights. It was always there, always with me. I had never taken it off. Seth stared down at the dog tags hanging between my breasts. This should have been it, the splash of cold water to stop me. But I needed this. I needed to know I could still feel something when I was with a man. Seth had awakened something in me. I wasn’t ready to lose that. With shaky fingers I picked up the chain and lifted it off over my head. I squeezed the metal tags between my fingers and fought back the ache in my throat that came every time I touched them. I walked over and placed the necklace gently on the counter, where it would be safe until I put it back on. And I would put it back on.
Seth waited. He waited without prodding or words as I stretched it out neatly, lovingly. Then I walked back and stood in front of him. Heat swirled between us as if a fire had been lit at our feet.
“God, Noelle, there is no end to your perfection,” he said quietly, a rough hitch in his tone as if he was using every ounce of his self-control to hold back. It was an urgent tone that sent heat through me and moisture surged between my legs. It had been so damn long, and the man in front of me was dripping with sensuality. My head was spinning with the thought of him touching me. I desperately wanted to touch him, to feel his hard, tight muscles beneath my fingertips.
I reached forward and slid his shirt up. He finished my quest by yanking it off over his head. He dropped it to the ground. His chest moved with each deep breath as I trailed my fingers over the naked skin of his chest. I leaned forward and kissed the base of his throat. His Adam’s apple moved up and down as my mouth traveled along his shoulder. Then I returned to his mouth. His hands grabbed my waist, and he pulled me against him as he kissed me.
His erection pressed against my thigh, and the feel of it, hard and massive, straining against the front of his jeans, made my knees weaken. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my taut nipples rubbed against his bare chest. The feel of my naked skin against his, coaxed a soft moan from my throat. The sound made him tighten his hold on me.
“I want you so badly, Noelle,” he groaned against my mouth. “Tell me you want me. Tell me you want this. I need to know that this is all right.”
With the hours of mind debate I’d been having since I met him, it took me no time at all to answer. “Yes, I want this, Seth . . .” Once I’d confessed it out loud, an urgency took hold of us both. It had been so long that I was nearly delirious with the thought of making love to a man. Before I even knew it was happening, he had my shorts and panties pooled around my ankles.
He lifted me up out of them and into his arms. He carried me to the hallway, and I pointed out the direction to my room. He kicked open the door and walked me over to the bed. He went to lower me down onto my quilt, but I tightened my hold on his neck.
“No,” I said softly against his ear. “I want you to hold me in your arms just a few more minutes. It’s been so long, and I want to feel that security again, that security that I’ve missed so much.”
Seth turned around and sat back on the bed with me cradled naked in his arms, tucked securely against his bare chest. My throat tightened and tears streamed down my cheeks, but I wasn’t sad. I was experiencing something that I thought I’d lost forever, that elated, delirious feeling that comes over me when I’m comple
tely content.
I reached up and wrapped a hand around his neck to bring his mouth back to mine.
As he kissed me, his hand moved along my belly until he cupped my breast in his palm. He rubbed his thumb over my nipple, and I pushed against the pressure of his calloused fingers. As his hand traveled down to my thighs, my legs fell open, inviting him to touch me, begging him to touch me. His fingers slid between the moist folds, and I groaned weakly against his shoulder. His thumb stroked my clit, and I clutched at his hard arms waiting for more. He slid his fingers inside of me and I pressed my face against his chest and moaned in pleasure. It was an intimacy I’d missed horribly, but I hadn’t craved it until now. I’d stepped out of my old life for these few blissful moments to lose myself in Seth’s arms.
“I want you inside of me,” I said between breaths.
My head felt heavy on my neck as I lifted it from his shoulder. I reached down to his fly and unbuttoned it. Reluctantly, he pulled his hand from between my legs. I ached with need, and as I fumbled with his fly, my hands shook. He slid me off onto the bed and stood, staring down at me with eyes that had darkened to a deep blue. His long lashes drifted down as he fished his wallet from his pocket. He pulled out a condom.
I leaned forward and finished unbuttoning his pants. I couldn’t stop myself from kissing his muscular abdomen, my tongue running along the dark line of hair that bisected it before disappearing below his pants. I slid his jeans and underwear down. His cock sprung free. I kissed the moist, salty tip, and he groaned as I traced my tongue around it.
I peered up at him and he watched me from beneath heavy lids. “Speaking of perfection,” I said softly.
Seth stepped out of his pants and put on the condom. He took hold of my arms and lifted me farther back onto the bed, kissing me as I rested back against the quilt. All the while, I could feel the restraint in his muscles, in his movements. He was holding back. I spread my legs, nearly breathless in anticipation.
Seth leaned down between my thighs. He gazed down at me, and while he didn’t say a word, I knew what he was asking.
“I want this, Seth. If you stop now, I swear I will fall into a million shuddering pieces.”
He smiled. “I know the feeling.” He lowered his face to mine and kissed me as one hand slid beneath my bottom. He pushed my waiting pussy higher, and slowly, with that same iron self-control he’d been practicing all along, he slid inside of me. I clutched at the comforter on my bed taking in each delicious inch of him and wanting all of it. I wanted all of him.
Seth pressed his free hand against my face and gazed down at me as he rocked against me. He knew exactly what I needed, gentle slowness. He seemed to worry that I might still change my mind or resist suddenly. But that wasn’t going to happen. My body reacted to his slow, measured movements. He watched my face with each thrust. Each time he filled me deeper and with a sweet, intensity that made me mewl in pleasure. My physical self had been awakened again.
“Fuck, baby,” he growled in a low voice, “I had no idea it could be like this. I can’t take my eyes off of you.” He pulled out and sat back. I let out a small whimper of disappointment. Then he reached down and took hold of my hand. He pulled me to sitting, and instinctively, I climbed over his lap. He kissed my breasts and my neck as I slid down over his long, hard erection. I wrapped my arms around his head and held his face against my breasts as I lifted and dropped down over him, impaling myself harder and deeper with each movement.
“God, Seth, I can’t get enough of you.” I ground my pussy over him until my body quivered with need. He held my ass tightly, and his mouth devoured my breasts as I moved over him, rubbing my clit against him, all the while clenching my wet pussy around him.
“Yes, please, yes,” I cried and my fingers grabbed his hair. My entire body tightened against the onslaught. The fierce waves of ecstasy started in between my legs and surged deep inside of me.
“Yeah, baby, that’s it. I want to feel you come around my cock.”
I held his head tightly against my breasts and my body, thighs and pussy trembled as he laid me back down. He pushed between my legs again, and I wrapped my thighs around his waist to take in even more of him. He kissed me hard and pushed inside of me. I grabbed hold of his arms as he thrust against me, faster and deeper with each motion. A low groan rumbled from his throat, and he held me tightly as he came.
Seth rolled down next to me and pulled me into his arms. We said nothing at first. It seemed a long while before our breathing returned to normal. I couldn’t seem to snuggle close enough, and he tightened his arms more. I finally broke the silence. “Somehow, I pictured you being more talkative after sex.” I kissed his chin and expected a smile in response to my comment.
He looked at me. “I am, usually. But you’ve knocked the wind out of me, Noelle. I mean it. I’m speechless and happy and a little fucking terrified to be honest. I’ve been having sex. Up until now, I’ve just been having sex. I had no fucking idea what I’d been missing.”
“That’s a good thing, right?” I asked.
Now he smiled. He kissed my forehead. “It’s a good thing. I think.”
It was a step back into reality for me. I was still unsure of everything, my feelings for Seth, my feelings about being with another man, a man who wasn’t Hayden. It would take some getting used to. It would take a lot of mental coaxing to assure myself that it was all right to feel this. But one thing I was sure about. I’d picked the right man to help bring me back into the world.
Chapter 15
Seth
The first sounds of day streamed through the open bedroom window, birds starting their morning calls and the hardcore joggers and bikers rolling along the path for their dawn workout. Noelle’s long, shiny hair was splayed out across her pillow. Her dark lashes fluttered slightly as she slept. I’d teased Luke and Gage mercilessly when they’d both been what I’d jokingly referred to as gobsmacked by a girl. For Luke there was Angel, and only Angel, and my brother had risked his life to keep her in his world. And Gage, fucking Gage, the brother who I’d never expected to settle down with anyone. But Summer strolled into his life, and, for him, there was no looking back. I’d remained the one Barringer brother left to carry on the legacy of extreme player, and I had run with the title. Now I’d met this girl, the one who was stretched naked and sweet beneath the white sheet, and somehow she’d already managed to reach in and grab hold of my heart. This was what gobsmacked felt like.
A soft sound floated from Noelle’s lips as she turned onto her side. The sheet fell away, exposing her smooth tan back and the top of her perfectly round ass. My cock hardened instantly. I knew how fragile this whole thing was. I was competing with someone who was only a memory, but a memory that was etched permanently into her heart. I wasn’t ever going to replace him. I needed to carve my own space in her heart, not over her husband’s memory but next to it. I only hoped she’d make room for it, for me.
I scooted next to her, and she mewled appreciatively as I pressed my chest against her back and wrapped my arms around her. She wriggled her naked ass against my erection, now fully aware of my intentions. I waited for a moment to see if she’d change her mind. She’d asked me to stay the night with her, but I worried that all of this would hit her suddenly and she’d pull away. But she hadn’t, and we’d both slept soundly in each other’s arms. The thought of walking out on her, a trick I’d pulled on way too many girls, never crossed my mind. Never. I was here for as long as she would keep me.
I trailed my hand over her breast and teased her nipple. She responded by pushing her ass harder against my cock. She arched her breasts out toward my hand, and as I teased her nipples, I kissed her neck and shoulders. “You taste so sweet,” I muttered against her skin. “I need more of you.” I lifted my mouth to her ear. “I want to taste all of you.”
She moaned luxuriously at the suggestion. I sat up and she rolled onto her back, lifting her arms up and giving me full view, full access to her naked body. The pink
ish grays of a coastal dawn cast shadows through the room. Rose colored nipples tightened as I leaned down to run my tongue over them. Long black lashes fluttered down as she closed her eyes and her mouth parted slightly, as she lost herself in my touch.
I trailed my mouth over her taut belly, and down to the soft dark curls of her pussy. I moved down between her legs, pressed down on my stomach and pushed one hand beneath her ass, lifting it so that the wet folds of her pussy were exposed. She stretched her arms out to the side and grasped the bed sheet in her hand, groaning softly as I spread the lips of her pussy wide open. I flicked my tongue across her clit and she cried out in pleasure. The soft, erotic sounds coming from her lush lips and the taste of her pussy on my tongue made my cock hard as steel.
I lifted her higher to my mouth. My tongue plunged inside of her and then back to her clit, devouring every delicious inch of her. She was slick with cream as I pushed two fingers inside of her, stroking her deeply while my tongue traced rough circles around her clit. She gasped as I found the spot inside that seemed to make her crazy with need. Her hands released the sheets, and she wrapped her fingers in my hair, pulling my face harder against her.
“Seth, please don’t stop,” she pleaded.
I lifted her ass high, holding her firmly against my mouth, wanting to taste all of her. I pushed a third finger inside and her thighs squeezed against me. Her fingers pulled at my hair and she pumped her hips to feel the pressure of my mouth and hand.
“Seth,” she cried out as she came. The sound of her voice and the feel of her pussy clenching around my mouth made me nuts with wanting her. As she relaxed and I pulled my fingers and mouth from her, I reached urgently for my pants on the floor. She watched with slight amusement as I fumbled to unwrap the condom. Then I pulled her almost roughly beneath me.
I stared down at her. “I’ve never wanted anything so fucking badly,” I grunted before plunging inside of her. She pulled in a long, sensuous breath as I buried myself deeply, again and again, already so close to coming that I had to hold back. I wasn’t ready for it to end yet. “My god, Noelle, what the hell have you done to me? My cock is ready to explode, like it’s my first damn time.”