I vividly remembered that sunny afternoon, watching him drive off to get ready for our anniversary dinner. I’d waved until I couldn’t see him anymore. Little did I know, that would be the last time I saw him alive.
There were reasons I didn’t want to drive his car. I wanted his parents to keep it, but they insisted it was mine now. Michael had also visited them in their dreams and gave them brief instructions on what to do with his belongings. Even in death, he was still looking out for me. He’d saved my life in more ways than one, then left me with more than I ever expected. More than I deserved.
Maybe one day, I’d be able to drive the car without overwhelming sadness, but today was not that day. I wasn’t ready yet.
After wiping the tears trailing down my cheeks, I rested my forehead against the steering wheel. “I miss you so much. I—I thought it would get easier—the pain, the longing—but it hasn’t. Sometimes it hurts so much it’s hard to breathe, and I know exactly why. Because when you left, you took my heart with you. And I just…” I lifted my head and sniffled. “I love you, Michael. Forever in my heart.”
Just breathe. And live. One day at a time. Those had been the last few words he’d spoken to me, and my heart embraced them. They had become my daily mantra.
Finally, gathering enough strength, I exited the car and shut the door. I was mentally and physically exhausted.
I just wanted to crawl into my warm, comfy bed and relax. Surprisingly enough, once I was curled up in bed, I had no problem closing my eyes and falling into a deep sleep.
I’m sitting in the back seat of a car. It’s dark, and the only illumination is coming from the lights on the dashboard. The driver is the same guy from my past dreams. But this dream is different. I’ve never been inside the car before. I’ve only been a witness from afar.
Country music is playing on the radio, and I watch Crash— that’s the name I’ve given him—reach over to the seat next to him and grab a bottle of water. He takes a long swig, emptying its contents, before tossing it into the back. If I was real, it would have hit me, but it passes right through me and bounces onto the floor.
His hand is shaking, and there is a trail of sweat dripping down the side of his brow. Something is wrong, I can tell by his heavy breathing. His right hand rubs his temple, then presses against the back of his neck, squeezing.
I hear him softly curse, before letting out a loud moan. His body convulses then goes limp, slumping on the steering wheel.
“No!” I scream as his car skids off the road. My body is thrust from the vehicle, hovering above the car as it slams into a guardrail and flips up into the air twice, before coming to a crashing halt against a tree down a ravine.
I am witnessing the accident again, not able to help or do a thing. My body is thrust back into the car.
Crash’s arm twitches, and moans of pain exit his lips. He appears to collect himself to the best of his ability, then grasps the door handle, and kicks the door open before tumbling outside. I feel helpless as I watch his poor battered body slump into a heap on the ground.
With some effort, he pushes himself up and stumbles toward the road. I try to catch a glimpse of his face, but can’t.
Why am I never able to get a damn glimpse of what he looks like?
I shot up in my bed, sweat beading on my forehead. Why had the dream changed? Why was I inside the vehicle this time?
Looking at my cell, it was nearly six in the morning. I decided to get up and double check everything I’d packed. Emily and Tyler would be arriving in a few hours.
It’s only one week, I assured myself. I can survive one week. But I also didn’t know the kind of spirits I’d be dealing with in a big city. California had a lot more deaths than Alaska, so it figured there would be more needy spirits ambling around. Hopefully, there were a lot more mediums too, so I could be off the radar while on vacation. I had to work on my poker face. If I didn’t always look so surprised when we made eye contact, maybe they wouldn’t know I could see them.
Was there a way to cloak myself?
A few hours later, a horn beeped outside, making my stomach roll. They were here.
I threw open the front door and watched as Emily jumped out of the passenger seat and sprinted toward me with her arms wide open. I squealed and dashed toward her. We came together with a crash, hugging, laughing, and falling to the ground. It wasn’t until that point, I realized how much I’d missed her. It was unbelievably good to have her back.
Tyler stood off to the side scratching his head.
“Hey, Tyler,” I said, waving.
He’d changed a lot in three years. His youthful looks had all but disappeared, and there were muscles in places there were none before. His face even had a five o’clock shadow, which made him oddly attractive. Laughing, he held out his arms to help us up.
“Hey, Lizzy. How have you been?” He pulled me into a gentle hug.
“Oh, you know…surviving,” I replied.
Emily slowly circled behind me, then smacked my ass.
“Hey!” I gasped. “No touching the booty.”
“I can’t help it, girl. You’re looking good. Have you been working out?” Laughing, she narrowed her eyes. “There’s something different about you.”
“It’s probably the tan,” I noted.
“Yeah, you don’t look so pasty or sickly anymore.” She gave an appraising eye, then nodded. “I think you might score this week. What do you think, Tyler?” She glanced over to Tyler, whose brow crinkled.
“Em—” I muttered.
“Look, Lizzy. It’s been three years. You’re a gorgeous, smart girl who happens to be twenty-one and single. You shouldn’t be alone. I know you and Michael were soul mates, but I can guarantee he wouldn’t want you to spend the rest of your days miserable and lonely.”
“I’m not miserable,” I blurted.
Emily crossed her arms over her chest, tilted her head, and raised a brow. “I’m not going to give you a lecture right now, because we have to hit the road, but there are many, many miles between California and us. That only works in my favor.”
“I’m so sorry, Lizzy,” Tyler groaned behind her, shaking his head.
Emily turned and smacked him on the arm. Then, she wrapped her arm around me tightly. “It’s okay. No pressure. We’ll just have fun this week. Okay?”
“Okay,” I answered.
“Good, now let’s get this party started.”
I locked up and double checked the burners and lights, making sure they were off, and the house wouldn’t burn down or explode. Tyler loaded my suitcase, while Emily raided my fridge.
“Where’s all your food?” she questioned. “How have you been surviving?”
“Delivery.” I shrugged. “I just cleaned it out the other day, and besides, my mom’s new man loves to cook. They deliver food more than I need.”
I threw my arms around her and squeezed. “Enough chit-chat. Let’s get on with this adventure.”
She giggled. “Then I suggest you shove that ridiculously average-sized butt of yours in my car.”
“Whatever,” I said, smacking her behind.
“Hey, those goods are taken,” Tyler called from by the car.
Em’s eyes shifted to him, and a large grin grew on her face. I was glad to see them happy together.
Since Tyler was driving, I insisted Emily ride shotgun, which was best for everyone. They could sit next to each other and hold hands, while I stretched out with my pillow, taking up the entire back seat.
But even with napping, it was a damn long drive. After many bathroom breaks, restaurants, and rest and photo stops, we finally made it to California. The warm air was a nice change from Alaska’s cold spring winds. Tyler had the music blasting while taking shots of Red Bull to keep from falling asleep. His hands drummed the steering wheel to the beat of the song, another layered attempt to stay awake.
Emily was sound asleep, her head resting on his lap.
I sat up and stretched my sore limbs.
“Want me to drive for a bit?” I asked. The clock on the dash read 9:00 am.
Tyler looked in the rearview mirror and smiled. “Nah, I got this. We’re about ten miles away. You hungry?”
“Not really,” I said, feeling a little queasy from eating a bag of greasy kettle chips. “Do you guys have anything planned today?”
He rolled his eyes. “Emily has an entire color-coded schedule she spent the last week planning. It’s scary, all the things she wants to do with you while you’re here. But don’t let her push you around. I know how exhausting she can be.”
I giggled. “Yeah, but it’s only a week. Besides, I can sleep when I’m dead. Right?”
His eyes looked down to his lap. “If she’ll let you.”
“I’m sure she has a fun-filled week planned, and I promised I wouldn’t be a party pooper. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen in a week?”
“Do you even have to ask?”
“Okay, you have a point. But I haven’t had any scary premonitions about this trip, so that’s at least something.”
“I’ll take it as a good sign. I promised Michael I’d look after you. Although, these days it’s a bit hard being thousands of miles away. Em tries to keep me up to date on things, whether I like it or not.”
“She’s a good friend.”
Emily yawned loudly. “I’m the best damn friend you have on this planet,” she corrected.
Tyler chuckled, and I said, “Can’t argue with that.”
She sat up and gave me a grin. “Today, we’re going to get you settled, then I’ll take you for a quick tour around the campus. We need a good walk to get the blood flowing. Then tonight, there’s a party on the beach. Think the three B’s: booze, bonfires, and boys. Although—and don’t be jealous about this—I’ve got the cutest boy on campus.
Tyler kissed her quickly on the lips, and announced, “We’re here.”
Their place wasn’t a small apartment like I’d pictured. It was a beautiful three-story townhouse, adjoined to another. I should have known. Both of their parents were made of money.
Tyler took my bag from the trunk, while Emily led me inside. It looked new, and the furnishings inside were just as I’d imagined Emily’s home to be. Clean and modern, like her bedroom back in Alaska.
“You really scored,” I said, checking out the bottom floor. To the left was a living room area, with couches and a flat screen television. To the right were the kitchen and dining areas. All of the appliances were stainless steel.
Straight ahead was a staircase which led to the upper floors.
“Yeah, we really lucked out. They were finishing these before we moved down, so my dad made some calls and put us on the list. We got the first choice, and this one has the best view. You’ll see what I mean when you go upstairs. Your room is on the third floor. It has its own bed and bath.”
“How many rooms does this have?”
“Three,” she answered. “Tyler and I share a room on the second floor and a second bedroom that we use as a study. The third floor is the guest room, which has been waiting for you.”
“Aww, thanks. I’m so glad I finally made it down here,” I said.
Tyler walked past us, carrying my suitcase up the stairs with ease. “I’m gonna set this on your bed.”
“That’s perfect. Thanks.”
Emily linked her arm around mine and tugged me into the kitchen. “Come on. Let’s get us some real food.”
Over turkey subs, we caught up on all the time and events we’d missed. Emily had entered the nursing program, while Tyler was studying Psychology. After everything he’d gone through, he wanted to do something positive to help other people.
“Are all of these townhouses rented by students?” I questioned.
“Yes. There are apartments on campus, but these are so much nicer. I like the extra space and its minutes from the beach.
“Who lives next door?” I asked.
“Three students who are splitting the rent.” She leaned forward and whispered. “They’re all super-hot. Two of them are brothers, and the third one is their friend. He’s weird, though. Kind of an asshole. But, oh my God, he looks a lot like…”
“Who?”
“I’m sure you’ll get to witness it for yourself. They all should be at the beach party tonight. I’ll introduce you to the brothers. They’re friends with Tyler.”
“Em,” I huffed.
“Oh stop, I’m not hooking you up. Just introducing. That’s it.” She took a bite of her sandwich and shrugged. “It’s all for fun, I swear.”
“Fine,” I sighed. I didn’t want to seem like a stiff, nor did I want to embarrass my friends by acting like a stuck-up asshat. “I’m all for having some fun.”
“Good,” she said, gently pushing my shoulder. “I knew you’d come around. There’s a pretty walking trail not too far from here, bordering the water and trees. Tyler and I try and walk around it daily. You want to go?”
“Sure,” I agreed. After riding in the car for a couple of days, a walk sounded refreshing.
“I’m going to go get changed and get some walking shoes on. You should too. Just let me know when you’re ready.”
After a quick clean up, she disappeared into her room, and I made my way up to the third floor. Opening the door, I walked into a bright, beach-themed room, the total opposite of my bedroom at home. The walls were a light sand color, as was the carpet. The queen bed had a fluffy white comforter, accessorized with throw pillows in shades of pastel greens and blues. White gossamer curtains danced in the gentle breeze.
I walked over to the window and gasped. Only a half mile away was the vast, dark blue ocean. Mesmerized, I watched the sunlight refract off the surface of the water, which appeared like shattered glass.
Hints of saltiness floated on the breeze, and I could hear the shrill intermittent cries of seagulls and the sounds of waves crashing against the shore. I couldn’t wait until I could sink my toes into the velvet sand.
I’d been to a beach once before, sort of. Michael had taken me there, in one of my dreams. At the time, it was real to me. A vision of one of his past vacations to Maui. God, I wished he could be here with me to experience this. But I guess he was, because I carried his memory inside of me, wherever I went.
“Lizzy?” Emily knocked on the door. “Are you naked?”
“Maybe.” I laughed.
She opened the door and walked over to me. “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” I breathed.
“Wait until sunset, then you’ll understand why I’ve always wanted to live on the beach. The sound of the waves rolling onto the shore is so calming, especially after a long day of studies.
“How are you handling nursing classes?”
“It’s been tough,” she sighed. “But I’ve been doing a lot of hands-on in a local clinic, which has been cool, except for giving kids shots. That freaking stresses me out. I can’t handle those sad faces and tears. They make me feel bad, every single time.”
“I’m sure after some time, your heart will harden, and giving shots will be like breathing.”
“When I graduate, I won’t be applying at a pediatric office, let’s just say that.” She nudged me. “Hurry up and get ready. We can hit the trail, then come back and prepare for the party tonight.”
“I’ll be down in five.”
The trail wasn’t more than half a mile away, and Tyler decided to stay back and take a nap. He deserved it after that crazy drive to and from Alaska.
The campus was beautiful and well groomed. A gravel path led around a lagoon, with trees lining the opposite side. The breeze was warm, and the birds were singing happily. Emily introduced me to a few passersby along the way, other students who seemed excited about the beach party this afternoon.
On the way back, a motorcycle pulled into one of the stalls next door, and I could only assume it was one of the neighbors. The guy was wearing a black helmet, black leather jacket, blue jeans, and black boots. He kick
ed the kickstand down and pulled off his helmet as we walked past. Short dark brown hair was a disheveled mess. But when he turned, I had to do a double-take. He looked so much like Michael. His face was well defined, strong and handsome, and had just enough stubble to make the butterflies in my tummy tumble.
“Hi, Mason,” Emily said, waving. She turned to me and winked.
The guy on the bike looked back and gave a simple nod of his head. When his brown eyes met mine, he paused, his brow furrowing and releasing, almost as if he recognized me. In a split second, his demeanor changed. He hopped off his bike, and walked away.
Emily turned back to me and shrugged as Mason unlocked the door and stepped inside, shutting the door without turning back.
“So, I guess that’s the not-so-friendly friend?” I observed.
“Mm-hmm,” she hummed. “Now tell me…doesn’t he look a lot like—”
“Michael,” I breathed. “I had to look twice. I thought my heart stopped there for a second.”
“If it did, I know CPR, so I could bring you back to life.”
“Thanks, Nurse Emily,” I smirked.
“Yeah, doesn’t Mason make you just want to run over and give him a warm hug?”
“Nope.”
We both laughed, but I wondered what was up with him. He looked like someone who had some major issues. Not to mention, the way he looked at me, like he knew me.
“Hey, make yourself at home, Lizzy. Mi casa es su casa. I’m going to jump in the shower, take a power nap, and get ready for the party.”
“You’re full of good ideas. I think I’m going to do the same.”
Emily gave me a quick hug, then bounded up the stairs. I followed at a much slower pace.
After my shower, I evicted all the cute pillows off of the bed and flopped down. I felt like I could sleep for days. Looking toward the window, I watched the curtains flutter in the wind. And for the first time, my mind didn’t focus on Michael; it strayed to Mason.