“You’ll put it in the wrong way and my head will explode.”
“Please let me try.”
His light turns off, then on, then off again so I give him a shake, not wanting him to go. “Back,” he says with lips of flickering white. “But not for long.”
I shove on my silver boots, putting the battery and Mr. Goldfish in my pocket one last time before racing downstairs.
“Where are you going?” Jack asks at once. He’s curled up on the sofa with Mum, their legs entwined in a knot. I am lucky to have them, still together, still happy after all they’ve been through.
“Out. There’s something I need to do.”
“What kind of something? How long will it take? If Isabel’s coming by later, don’t you think you should do a bit of work on the subjects you missed at school today?”
“Jack.” Mum nudges him with her big toe. “This is precisely what we’ve just been talking about.”
“Right.” He waves cheerily. “Okay then, Tess. Off you go. Be back whenever. Next week, if you like. There’s no rush. No need to do your homework this evening. I’m totally relaxed. It’s your life.”
“Ha-ha,” Mum says, but they’re laughing for real by the time I close the door.
It’s dark now, inky, like Mrs. Austin’s fountain pen has leaked over the sky, releasing the words. I’m free of them at last. I take my time, enjoying the walk with Mr. Goldfish. Sometimes he wafts in front of me, the faintest smudge of orange; mostly he sits in my pocket, too weak to move. Stars begin to appear, one by one. Pluto’s out there somewhere, but I’m glad to be here. In Manchester. My home city.
The man with the henlike face is behind the register in the Texaco station, staring at his phone. The aisles are quiet, the squeak of my silver boots the only sound as I pass the bottles of de-icer and stop at a shelf of plastic goldfish.
“Some hot lady-flashlights for me to lie with for the rest of eternity.” Mr. Goldfish grins. “I approve, Tess. I approve wholeheartedly.”
I stroke his fins, his tail, his golden face that seems paler now, waning before my eyes.
“I’m going to miss you. Who else is going to give me advice? Get on my back? Tell me I’m deluded and naive and generally pigheaded?”
Mr. Goldfish chuckles. “You are. Because it was you all along.” His light shines brighter for a second then disappears to almost nothing. “I don’t exist, remember?” he whispers, and then he fades to black.
I change his battery quickly then flick his switch. A dazzling ray of light beams out of his mouth.
“Good-bye,” I say—out loud this time.
There’s no reply.
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Acknowledgments
The book in your hands is the culmination of the hard work and expertise of many people. Thanks to all at Orion; Little, Brown; and the Hachette Children’s Group who have played their part. I know how lucky I am to work with such stellar teams on both sides of the Atlantic. In particular, I am indebted to Fiona Kennedy and Pam Garfinkel (my wise and wonderful editors), Nina Douglas (publicist extraordinaire), Catherine Clarke (uberagent), and the rest of the crew at Felicity Bryan Associates.
I have the utmost gratitude for the bloggers, tweeters, reviewers, librarians, teachers, and booksellers who continue to support my career. Without you, no one would read my books. Thank you.
A big shout-out to Jane Handley, who took the time to explain the ins and outs of speech therapy and mutism in young people. Thank you! Any errors in the novel are mine, not hers.
A woof of thanks to my dog, Inca, for greeting me happily when I got up in the middle of the night to write. Her wagging tail almost made the early starts worth it. Thanks for keeping my toes warm while I typed.
A million thanks to my incredible mum, Shelagh Leech, for helping me out with my son. I decided to scrap thousands of words and restart this book a few months into maternity leave, and it was only possible because of the support of the world’s best grandma. Thanks, too, to my family and friends, for listening patiently, cheering me on, and generally just being the loveliest group of people to hang out with. Sorry for the times I had to say, “No, I can’t. I need to work,” over the past couple of years.
Above all, I would like to thank Steve Pitcher—super-husband, super-dad, and my best friend in all the world. Managing two busy careers, a beautiful baby, and a crazy dog in the past eighteen months has been a spectacular juggling act for both of us. You’ve never once dropped a ball. Thank you for being the very best person that I know. I love you and our son so much, and I can’t wait for our new arrival.
Annabel Pitcher
West Yorkshire
April 2015
ALSO BY ANNABEL PITCHER
My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece
Yours Truly
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Welcome
Dedication
One Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Two Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Three Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Four Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Acknowledgments
Also by Annabel Pitcher
Copyright
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Copyright © 2015 by Annabel Pitcher
Images of goldfish © Andrey Armyagov/Shutterstock
Speech bubbles © Baranovska Oksana/Shutterstock
Jacket design by Maggie Edkins
Jacket © 2016 Hachette Book Group, Inc.
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at permission
[email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
Little, Brown and Company
Hachette Book Group
1290 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10104
lb-teens.com
Little, Brown and Company is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The Little, Brown name and logo are tra
demarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.
The web address for the Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority is correct as of May 2016.
First ebook edition: May 2016
Originally published in Great Britain in 2015 by Orion Publishing Group
ISBN 978-0-316-37074-5
E3-20160409-JV-PC
Annabel Pitcher, Silence Is Goldfish
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